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reenkaeveryone always talks about the huge separation between canon!draco and fanon!draco. there's all this disdain for fanon!draco, and all this disdain for canon!draco (from different camps). usually, the people who like canon!draco like his honesty about his nastiness and patheticness (that is, he just can't help being a twerp, even though it'd be in his own best interests), and the people who like fanon!draco... um. honestly, i don't know. i think they like sexgods and silver hair and passionate icyness. i mean, fanon!draco is cool as a cucumber, collected as a london debutante, intelligent as a human razor, and aware of his many dastardly virtues. he is the ultimate symbol of everything most people around the ages of 14-16 either think they want or want to be.
reading the first half of the first chapter of `kisses sweeter than wine', i realized the major problem with this (and why it offends me that anyone thinks if i like lots of fanfic with lots of draco in it, i like -that- draco in it) isn't that it's not realistic -draco-. it's not realistic for -anyone-. i don't see what's so interesting about a sexgod. i mean-- `sexgods' is there on my list of interests because i read the georgia nicolson books by louise rennison, and adored them. georgia is a hoot. and anyway, it's plenty obvious that the "sexgod" is merely a joke, and not meant to be set up as "true love".
it's the sort of thing you -think- is true love when you're 16. you think if he's "cool" and "happening", he must be the ultimate dream boy. he's beautiful, he's blond-- he'll break your heart. oh yah, i've got enough familiarity with teen-dream romances to know "the type". he's the boy you'll never get. you're too gawky, too silly, too ungainly (hello, harry sue) for a DreamBoat like that. oh yes.
it offends me somewhat, that this has become the posterboy for fanfic draco. true, this is the draco that is the stand in for all the teen girls' fervent ideals of Mr Blond-God Jock. but honestly, it's rather insulting to be assumed to want that. i mean-- that's tantamount to calling all fanon a plebe-fest. which it might be, to a large degree, but it's not -totally-.
in `kisses sweeter than wine', this is definitely "the draco". harry wants him because he's so cool. who in the hell buys this? my god.
it occurred to me to wonder, what -i- thought of (in the beginning, and now too, i guess) as "the draco", reading fanfic. why do i say i love him?
truth be told, i love harry more-- he's more dorky, and i sort of love that. not to say that draco isn't dorky (in my head), but harry's more complex, too, obviously.
initially, i thought of draco as rather the portrait of the angry, misguided brat, ridden with jealousy and barely-hidden insecurity and resentment towards those who have the attention he wants. to me, fanon!draco had all this obsession going on, and the only way he could express the tension and bubbling negativity was by acting out.
why exactly did i love that, i don't know. i can understand obsession, meanness borne of jealousy and resentment, the way you feel yourself crumpling up inside if you don't prove yourself dominant, superior. and yet he fails, he always fails.
this is why it doesn't make sense to me, this idea that fanon!draco has to be cool and collected and godlike-- because it's equally fanon to say he's possessed, obsessed, lost in rage and jealousy. he needs to build his identity in terms of pushing against harry and cleaving to his father, but unable to do either successfully. he -can't- be the smooth sexgod-- that would remove the very attraction, the passion in this pairing. i fell in love with draco because he's bitter and pathetic and he postures and bullshits everyone (especially himself), but really he's just lonely and desperate. there's all this verbal snark and all this ambition, and it's all useless and impotent.
i've enjoyed lots of different portrayals of draco, but that was what made me ship harry/draco. he needs harry, just, someone to break through all this delusional resentment and just -care- about him, and harry-- i thought maybe harry could use being shaken up, challenged and addressed with such intense, raw emotion. he seems a lot more stoppered up-- a lot less willing to act out directly. i mean, harry has all these issues, but he's so easy-going, seemingly, so suspicious about letting anyone in on his angst. this is, again, fanon!harry as i started off imagining him.
fanon!harry is like a firecracker just waiting to be set off. and draco-- he's always exploding, but with no real direction, his purpose always so limited in scope, and always muddled up. he always misses, because he never really has a very good understanding of what exactly he wants except to thwart harry at doing/getting whatever -harry- wants.
this is the impression i got, reading my formative fanfics. it seems to me that sex-god!draco and easily-swept-away!harry misses this whole essential dynamic of supressed desire and rage and need. they circle each other-- circle and circle and fire warning shots-- they each pretend it's nothing, but it's like, against their will, it somehow becomes everything, simply because they -spark-, and both of them have been primed for explosion.
is this what people mock, when they mock fanon?
and i think this is why i'm particularly otp about them. some pairings-- while i don't seek out variations, with other characters-- i don't mind. but with harry & draco, it seems to me that i'd agree with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sistermagpie-- the very point of them, to me, is to be all-consuming-- it's all about the burning. in order for them to work at all, they'd have to burn a path through history-- they'd have to burn through a lot of prejudices and preconceptions and initial instincts. and no, i don't think either of them should know they're "gay", for this to be fully effective-- because what i want (personally), is for all possible barriers (gender, loyalties, friendships, affiliations) to be blasted aside, simply unable to hold.
in my head, if harry wanted something, if he believed in something-- nothing would be able to restrain him, to stand in his way. and it'd be such a huge conflict-- if he ever realized he wanted draco malfoy. while draco would just -do- whatever he wants -because- he wants, harry would have to measure it against his principles-- and as long as he'll be doing that with draco, he'll be having an identity crisis. draco wouldn't really -change- for harry, because i don't think that's all that usual for people. not within a -year- or two. not in the original rush of emotion that -creates- their relationship.
on the one hand, i'm truly interested in redeeming draco-- that is, making him re-evaluate his choices-- making him aware he's -making- choices. but i'm also interested in making harry re-evaluate things too-- not so much to make him "dark", as to make him -grey-. i think somewhere on the borderline, in the fuzzy area between right and wrong, love and hate, that is where they could meet.
so obviously, saying that fanon!draco=leather-pants-wearing!draco rather offends me.
he doesn't have to be a shallow, white-washed excuse for a slytherin. you could -add- darkness to him, -add- rage, add conflict. he doesn't want to want potter. he -hates- potter with a -passion-. and yet-- he could find himself unable to help his own desires escaping with this, as with everything else.
i don't know if this is possible or realistic-- i only know i love the possibilities. no other pairing with either harry or draco in it could burn this brightly-- igniting so many things about them both, changing the very world they live in simply because it's such an impossibility, such a nexus point. i never want them to settle down, to become complacent or gentle with each other-- not entirely. i want their gentleness to be ripped out of them, to be something primal and achingly sincere.
in fanon, they challenge each other to be the most, the -best- either one -can- be, and the worst. it's this sense that being together with potter will either save them both or destroy draco, at the very least, that attracted me. it's this sense, not that "i want you", but that "i cannot want anyone else (like i want you)".
they can (in fanon) -rip- at each other's defenses, make each other bleed, strip each other of all pretense. and naked, finally, they can -love- each other. and that's what i love.
reading the first half of the first chapter of `kisses sweeter than wine', i realized the major problem with this (and why it offends me that anyone thinks if i like lots of fanfic with lots of draco in it, i like -that- draco in it) isn't that it's not realistic -draco-. it's not realistic for -anyone-. i don't see what's so interesting about a sexgod. i mean-- `sexgods' is there on my list of interests because i read the georgia nicolson books by louise rennison, and adored them. georgia is a hoot. and anyway, it's plenty obvious that the "sexgod" is merely a joke, and not meant to be set up as "true love".
it's the sort of thing you -think- is true love when you're 16. you think if he's "cool" and "happening", he must be the ultimate dream boy. he's beautiful, he's blond-- he'll break your heart. oh yah, i've got enough familiarity with teen-dream romances to know "the type". he's the boy you'll never get. you're too gawky, too silly, too ungainly (hello, harry sue) for a DreamBoat like that. oh yes.
it offends me somewhat, that this has become the posterboy for fanfic draco. true, this is the draco that is the stand in for all the teen girls' fervent ideals of Mr Blond-God Jock. but honestly, it's rather insulting to be assumed to want that. i mean-- that's tantamount to calling all fanon a plebe-fest. which it might be, to a large degree, but it's not -totally-.
in `kisses sweeter than wine', this is definitely "the draco". harry wants him because he's so cool. who in the hell buys this? my god.
it occurred to me to wonder, what -i- thought of (in the beginning, and now too, i guess) as "the draco", reading fanfic. why do i say i love him?
truth be told, i love harry more-- he's more dorky, and i sort of love that. not to say that draco isn't dorky (in my head), but harry's more complex, too, obviously.
initially, i thought of draco as rather the portrait of the angry, misguided brat, ridden with jealousy and barely-hidden insecurity and resentment towards those who have the attention he wants. to me, fanon!draco had all this obsession going on, and the only way he could express the tension and bubbling negativity was by acting out.
why exactly did i love that, i don't know. i can understand obsession, meanness borne of jealousy and resentment, the way you feel yourself crumpling up inside if you don't prove yourself dominant, superior. and yet he fails, he always fails.
this is why it doesn't make sense to me, this idea that fanon!draco has to be cool and collected and godlike-- because it's equally fanon to say he's possessed, obsessed, lost in rage and jealousy. he needs to build his identity in terms of pushing against harry and cleaving to his father, but unable to do either successfully. he -can't- be the smooth sexgod-- that would remove the very attraction, the passion in this pairing. i fell in love with draco because he's bitter and pathetic and he postures and bullshits everyone (especially himself), but really he's just lonely and desperate. there's all this verbal snark and all this ambition, and it's all useless and impotent.
i've enjoyed lots of different portrayals of draco, but that was what made me ship harry/draco. he needs harry, just, someone to break through all this delusional resentment and just -care- about him, and harry-- i thought maybe harry could use being shaken up, challenged and addressed with such intense, raw emotion. he seems a lot more stoppered up-- a lot less willing to act out directly. i mean, harry has all these issues, but he's so easy-going, seemingly, so suspicious about letting anyone in on his angst. this is, again, fanon!harry as i started off imagining him.
fanon!harry is like a firecracker just waiting to be set off. and draco-- he's always exploding, but with no real direction, his purpose always so limited in scope, and always muddled up. he always misses, because he never really has a very good understanding of what exactly he wants except to thwart harry at doing/getting whatever -harry- wants.
this is the impression i got, reading my formative fanfics. it seems to me that sex-god!draco and easily-swept-away!harry misses this whole essential dynamic of supressed desire and rage and need. they circle each other-- circle and circle and fire warning shots-- they each pretend it's nothing, but it's like, against their will, it somehow becomes everything, simply because they -spark-, and both of them have been primed for explosion.
is this what people mock, when they mock fanon?
and i think this is why i'm particularly otp about them. some pairings-- while i don't seek out variations, with other characters-- i don't mind. but with harry & draco, it seems to me that i'd agree with
sistermagpie-- the very point of them, to me, is to be all-consuming-- it's all about the burning. in order for them to work at all, they'd have to burn a path through history-- they'd have to burn through a lot of prejudices and preconceptions and initial instincts. and no, i don't think either of them should know they're "gay", for this to be fully effective-- because what i want (personally), is for all possible barriers (gender, loyalties, friendships, affiliations) to be blasted aside, simply unable to hold.in my head, if harry wanted something, if he believed in something-- nothing would be able to restrain him, to stand in his way. and it'd be such a huge conflict-- if he ever realized he wanted draco malfoy. while draco would just -do- whatever he wants -because- he wants, harry would have to measure it against his principles-- and as long as he'll be doing that with draco, he'll be having an identity crisis. draco wouldn't really -change- for harry, because i don't think that's all that usual for people. not within a -year- or two. not in the original rush of emotion that -creates- their relationship.
on the one hand, i'm truly interested in redeeming draco-- that is, making him re-evaluate his choices-- making him aware he's -making- choices. but i'm also interested in making harry re-evaluate things too-- not so much to make him "dark", as to make him -grey-. i think somewhere on the borderline, in the fuzzy area between right and wrong, love and hate, that is where they could meet.
so obviously, saying that fanon!draco=leather-pants-wearing!draco rather offends me.
he doesn't have to be a shallow, white-washed excuse for a slytherin. you could -add- darkness to him, -add- rage, add conflict. he doesn't want to want potter. he -hates- potter with a -passion-. and yet-- he could find himself unable to help his own desires escaping with this, as with everything else.
i don't know if this is possible or realistic-- i only know i love the possibilities. no other pairing with either harry or draco in it could burn this brightly-- igniting so many things about them both, changing the very world they live in simply because it's such an impossibility, such a nexus point. i never want them to settle down, to become complacent or gentle with each other-- not entirely. i want their gentleness to be ripped out of them, to be something primal and achingly sincere.
in fanon, they challenge each other to be the most, the -best- either one -can- be, and the worst. it's this sense that being together with potter will either save them both or destroy draco, at the very least, that attracted me. it's this sense, not that "i want you", but that "i cannot want anyone else (like i want you)".
they can (in fanon) -rip- at each other's defenses, make each other bleed, strip each other of all pretense. and naked, finally, they can -love- each other. and that's what i love.
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Re: off-topic as usual...
Date: 2003-04-09 04:34 pm (UTC)There doesn't have to be just OTP. If I felt this way about H/D, I think I'd still feel the same about D/M. So don't feel like you're betraying the petulant magic boys by falling in love with D/M. *g* Or are you that monagamous that you can't love in two fandoms?
Re: off-topic as usual...
Date: 2003-04-09 04:40 pm (UTC)nah, obviously i'm easily seduced by the pretty ^^
i mean, i am multi-fandom by nature (ie, easily distracted, have many interests, and an otp in every fandom-- just my nature)-- but like... there's a difference between an -otp- and what you described, which may be described as super!otp, or something -.-
i think that's the source of the confusion for me that people who say they're otp about h/d still have this strong love-on for contradicting pairings.
because like-- if it's -that- sort of relationship, how can you really want anything else, in that universe? just because it's -perfect- :D
while you can want something -different- and entirely -other- from the perfection and complete fittedness, it's like, weird to want to -mess- with it, in your head. or something.
but yes. with methos-- immediate lurve.
just -seeing- him (since i already knew duncan, and have watched some highlander), it was just like, *click!*
:D
Re: off-topic as usual...
Date: 2003-04-09 04:54 pm (UTC)Yeah, there is a distinct difference between the ways of shipping. I'd say that lots of people just ship H/D rather than it being their OTP. I'm OTP by default with H/D - I can't think of anybody else in the universe that would be a suitable match for either of them, therefore I ship nothing else with either of them. But who knows - I might be shipping Harry/new character introduced in book 5 in a few months, you never know.
There's also a further difference between reading about a pairing and wanting the couple to always have a happy long-lasting love. I read Snape/Draco, but I wouldn't describe myself as *shipping* them in any shape or form. I just enjoy reading it in its screwed-up-ness.
Re: off-topic as usual...
Date: 2003-04-09 05:06 pm (UTC)sometimes i think every quibble i tend to have, winds its way back to definitions, somehow. somehow, it tends to diverge-- what i mean, and what the other people mean. they say "otp" and mean something else entirely from what i mean, and maybe we'd never even understand each other's feelings if we didn't assume we had the same feelings to start with.
maybe that's why it makes me happy when there's a closer congruence-- there's a sense of rightness-- being right because you're not alone, thus it's like, you're validated somewhat. i don't really take it -personally- if someone completely disagrees with me, but it's always a little `click' in my head, a lever i have to push so that it doesn't bother me and i don't jump to saying, "oh. that's like, something wrong with -me-, for seeing things a different way".
man, i just ramble like nobody's business -.-
Re: off-topic as usual...
Date: 2003-04-09 05:17 pm (UTC)"Ah Methos, are we going to wrestle or are you going to give me a massage?"
Methos choked, which is what happens when you accidentally swallow your tongue trying to hold back laughter. (http://www.geocities.com/hafital2/hlander/dinglestarry.htm)
Re: off-topic as usual...
Date: 2003-04-09 05:56 pm (UTC)*dutifully notes down and adds to [ever-growing!] list*
yep. i can see where my free time is going, oh yah -.-
Re: off-topic as usual...
Date: 2003-04-11 05:41 pm (UTC)*prances*
you know me well :D
*beams*