.... meep. defriending. *kills self*
Apr. 2nd, 2003 06:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkawaaahh.
i wish i could be as eloquent as![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
anatsuno, but i can't. it's just. i'm very stressed right now. i'm not good at prioritizing and i get sucked into things and spend way too much time on them, if i'm interested, and then the other things pile up and...
i don't know -why- this whole friends page thing occupies my brain/time this way. it's like, it's a community, and if i don't participate, i'm dead air, and. but this trying-to-do-everything-at-once is ending up with me doing very little. initially, i thought i was here to keep up with ivy and aja (heh) and to rec things. and now, i haven't read fanfic in like a -week- or more, and it's piling up along with my guilt and i'm not performing any sort of function anyway. but i'm wibbling a lot.
i thought anatsuno's breakdown of the "friends" function into access list, subscription list and clique-list was brilliant. this was never really an "i love you/you love me" list for me either-- i mean, sometimes it coincides, but obviously i don't only friend those people i love (at least, i friended so many people i didn't even know at one point that it's rather ridiculous to say that). and i do take it pretty personally when someone defriends -me-, unless they explain themselves or whatever, because one can't help but feel that if they don't want to read you, they don't like you as much as the people they -do- want to read.
and yah, it was -never- an access list, with me, since i almost never make friends-only posts and if i do, it's only because i think most of the fandom who's here for er... the meta(?) doesn't want to know X. i strive to please, a little too much.
and yah, if it -was- an access list, i wouldn't even use a public lj in the first place-- because the only thing that makes sense with a (mostly) friends-only lj is to have a "secret" lj where like, only certain people even know about it. so it's like, frustrating to get defriended if you just want to keep reading a person, and now you can't because they don't want to keep reading you on a regular basis, anyway. sigh. but anyway, this doesn't apply to this lj.
so. anyway, i have all these issues (a -lot- of issues), and. i hate my issues. i feel like dobby, about to start hitting my head against the wall. but i -need- to catch up. i can't promise to stay away from here entirely-- i mean... wah! i hate sudden cuttings. but. see, i -still- haven't read ivy's latest fic series. that just says it all.
about 70% of why i'm on lj is because of ivy's webpage linking to her lj, and me suddenly deciding i wanted to read just about anything she wrote, silly or fic-related or fandom or not. and now i'm at this point where i'm too frazzled and scatter-brained to read a new (nc-17!) fic, and. that's just ...gah.
it's like... i would never cut someone who comments here often. or whose fic i wouldn't know about in other ways (mailing lists). or whom i think would come after me with a hunting knife if i disappeared from their life (*giggles* ahh, that makes me feel special-- although i think there's only one person who has that dubious distinction. hee). and this is only a test run of temporary defriending. about a month or two-- until i (hopefully) don't fail class and catch up on fic and get my head screwed on a tad bit (just a tad) tighter.
my guilt is killing me and i haven't even done anything yet. *gurgles*
but. it's more important to a) force myself to do school-related reading; b) allow myself to read your beautiful fics. because i procrastinate horribly, but truly, i'm like 2 months behind by now and that's just not cool. i've thought about using filters-- but then i readanatsuno's entry and she inspired me to stop being such a wuss. because this isn't a game of "i like you if i keep you and i don't like you if i don't". and even if it was, i don't want to play, not really.
also, filters make me paranoid. i keep thinking... so-and-so doesn't ever comment because i'm not in on their to-read filter, am i??! AM I??! (ok, this only happens when i haven't had enough sugar, but anyway). i'd rather be dropped than be behind a filter. i mean. if we say that the friends list isn't about saying "i approve of your lj existence" and not about shout-outs, then it's just-- what's the point, if you like, skim and skip?
some of you, i may just friend on my more "real life" journal, cuz that might make things more manageable. and that's what it's all about. management. bleurgh. *feels more sick* so if you think, "huh?! you defriended me?!", you can probably look and see my other self has friended you at the same time, so. loss/gain. it's all the same. right? but look ma, no filters! *chuckles weakly*
regardless, it's not that i don't love you, i just HATE MY LIFE. well, sometimes. *cringes, waiting for the mass return-defriending*
and anyway. if anyone ever asked me to put them back, i would. so like, okay. if you want back, just ask. and um... i'll see about that discipline thing -.-
but think on this: most likely, this way i'll get to that [theoretical] fic you want me to review, instead of that post about jellyfish.
~~
also.
just organized into memories all fics i ever posted here. huh. there are 37~:)
i've come so far. siiiigh. my first fic got 0 responses. and several in the middle. but mostly, at least 1 person comments. awwwww. 1 out of a 100 ain't bad, baby ;)
i wish i could be as eloquent as
anatsuno, but i can't. it's just. i'm very stressed right now. i'm not good at prioritizing and i get sucked into things and spend way too much time on them, if i'm interested, and then the other things pile up and...i don't know -why- this whole friends page thing occupies my brain/time this way. it's like, it's a community, and if i don't participate, i'm dead air, and. but this trying-to-do-everything-at-once is ending up with me doing very little. initially, i thought i was here to keep up with ivy and aja (heh) and to rec things. and now, i haven't read fanfic in like a -week- or more, and it's piling up along with my guilt and i'm not performing any sort of function anyway. but i'm wibbling a lot.
i thought anatsuno's breakdown of the "friends" function into access list, subscription list and clique-list was brilliant. this was never really an "i love you/you love me" list for me either-- i mean, sometimes it coincides, but obviously i don't only friend those people i love (at least, i friended so many people i didn't even know at one point that it's rather ridiculous to say that). and i do take it pretty personally when someone defriends -me-, unless they explain themselves or whatever, because one can't help but feel that if they don't want to read you, they don't like you as much as the people they -do- want to read.
and yah, it was -never- an access list, with me, since i almost never make friends-only posts and if i do, it's only because i think most of the fandom who's here for er... the meta(?) doesn't want to know X. i strive to please, a little too much.
and yah, if it -was- an access list, i wouldn't even use a public lj in the first place-- because the only thing that makes sense with a (mostly) friends-only lj is to have a "secret" lj where like, only certain people even know about it. so it's like, frustrating to get defriended if you just want to keep reading a person, and now you can't because they don't want to keep reading you on a regular basis, anyway. sigh. but anyway, this doesn't apply to this lj.
so. anyway, i have all these issues (a -lot- of issues), and. i hate my issues. i feel like dobby, about to start hitting my head against the wall. but i -need- to catch up. i can't promise to stay away from here entirely-- i mean... wah! i hate sudden cuttings. but. see, i -still- haven't read ivy's latest fic series. that just says it all.
about 70% of why i'm on lj is because of ivy's webpage linking to her lj, and me suddenly deciding i wanted to read just about anything she wrote, silly or fic-related or fandom or not. and now i'm at this point where i'm too frazzled and scatter-brained to read a new (nc-17!) fic, and. that's just ...gah.
it's like... i would never cut someone who comments here often. or whose fic i wouldn't know about in other ways (mailing lists). or whom i think would come after me with a hunting knife if i disappeared from their life (*giggles* ahh, that makes me feel special-- although i think there's only one person who has that dubious distinction. hee). and this is only a test run of temporary defriending. about a month or two-- until i (hopefully) don't fail class and catch up on fic and get my head screwed on a tad bit (just a tad) tighter.
my guilt is killing me and i haven't even done anything yet. *gurgles*
but. it's more important to a) force myself to do school-related reading; b) allow myself to read your beautiful fics. because i procrastinate horribly, but truly, i'm like 2 months behind by now and that's just not cool. i've thought about using filters-- but then i read
anatsuno's entry and she inspired me to stop being such a wuss. because this isn't a game of "i like you if i keep you and i don't like you if i don't". and even if it was, i don't want to play, not really.also, filters make me paranoid. i keep thinking... so-and-so doesn't ever comment because i'm not in on their to-read filter, am i??! AM I??! (ok, this only happens when i haven't had enough sugar, but anyway). i'd rather be dropped than be behind a filter. i mean. if we say that the friends list isn't about saying "i approve of your lj existence" and not about shout-outs, then it's just-- what's the point, if you like, skim and skip?
some of you, i may just friend on my more "real life" journal, cuz that might make things more manageable. and that's what it's all about. management. bleurgh. *feels more sick* so if you think, "huh?! you defriended me?!", you can probably look and see my other self has friended you at the same time, so. loss/gain. it's all the same. right? but look ma, no filters! *chuckles weakly*
regardless, it's not that i don't love you, i just HATE MY LIFE. well, sometimes. *cringes, waiting for the mass return-defriending*
and anyway. if anyone ever asked me to put them back, i would. so like, okay. if you want back, just ask. and um... i'll see about that discipline thing -.-
but think on this: most likely, this way i'll get to that [theoretical] fic you want me to review, instead of that post about jellyfish.
~~
also.
just organized into memories all fics i ever posted here. huh. there are 37~:)
i've come so far. siiiigh. my first fic got 0 responses. and several in the middle. but mostly, at least 1 person comments. awwwww. 1 out of a 100 ain't bad, baby ;)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 04:19 pm (UTC)you're a t00b. you should've checked to see if i defriended you first ^^
which i didn't~:)
no need to pay me with drabbles >:D<
though um. yah. h/d is a Good Thing. no pressure, though. was mostly teasing you~:)
no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 04:25 pm (UTC)Go request it on my drabbles!page if you want it. XD And yes, was actually planning to write H/D for the
:: teaser ::
"Ow, shit, Malfoy, that hurts!"
"Don't say 'shit' when I'm up your ass, Potter!"
:: end teaser ::
:D
no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 04:29 pm (UTC)*is cheered up*
erm. your drabbles page?
*checks lj for references*
no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 04:31 pm (UTC)Drabble THREAD.
XD
Recent journal post.