.... meep. defriending. *kills self*
Apr. 2nd, 2003 06:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkawaaahh.
i wish i could be as eloquent as![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
anatsuno, but i can't. it's just. i'm very stressed right now. i'm not good at prioritizing and i get sucked into things and spend way too much time on them, if i'm interested, and then the other things pile up and...
i don't know -why- this whole friends page thing occupies my brain/time this way. it's like, it's a community, and if i don't participate, i'm dead air, and. but this trying-to-do-everything-at-once is ending up with me doing very little. initially, i thought i was here to keep up with ivy and aja (heh) and to rec things. and now, i haven't read fanfic in like a -week- or more, and it's piling up along with my guilt and i'm not performing any sort of function anyway. but i'm wibbling a lot.
i thought anatsuno's breakdown of the "friends" function into access list, subscription list and clique-list was brilliant. this was never really an "i love you/you love me" list for me either-- i mean, sometimes it coincides, but obviously i don't only friend those people i love (at least, i friended so many people i didn't even know at one point that it's rather ridiculous to say that). and i do take it pretty personally when someone defriends -me-, unless they explain themselves or whatever, because one can't help but feel that if they don't want to read you, they don't like you as much as the people they -do- want to read.
and yah, it was -never- an access list, with me, since i almost never make friends-only posts and if i do, it's only because i think most of the fandom who's here for er... the meta(?) doesn't want to know X. i strive to please, a little too much.
and yah, if it -was- an access list, i wouldn't even use a public lj in the first place-- because the only thing that makes sense with a (mostly) friends-only lj is to have a "secret" lj where like, only certain people even know about it. so it's like, frustrating to get defriended if you just want to keep reading a person, and now you can't because they don't want to keep reading you on a regular basis, anyway. sigh. but anyway, this doesn't apply to this lj.
so. anyway, i have all these issues (a -lot- of issues), and. i hate my issues. i feel like dobby, about to start hitting my head against the wall. but i -need- to catch up. i can't promise to stay away from here entirely-- i mean... wah! i hate sudden cuttings. but. see, i -still- haven't read ivy's latest fic series. that just says it all.
about 70% of why i'm on lj is because of ivy's webpage linking to her lj, and me suddenly deciding i wanted to read just about anything she wrote, silly or fic-related or fandom or not. and now i'm at this point where i'm too frazzled and scatter-brained to read a new (nc-17!) fic, and. that's just ...gah.
it's like... i would never cut someone who comments here often. or whose fic i wouldn't know about in other ways (mailing lists). or whom i think would come after me with a hunting knife if i disappeared from their life (*giggles* ahh, that makes me feel special-- although i think there's only one person who has that dubious distinction. hee). and this is only a test run of temporary defriending. about a month or two-- until i (hopefully) don't fail class and catch up on fic and get my head screwed on a tad bit (just a tad) tighter.
my guilt is killing me and i haven't even done anything yet. *gurgles*
but. it's more important to a) force myself to do school-related reading; b) allow myself to read your beautiful fics. because i procrastinate horribly, but truly, i'm like 2 months behind by now and that's just not cool. i've thought about using filters-- but then i readanatsuno's entry and she inspired me to stop being such a wuss. because this isn't a game of "i like you if i keep you and i don't like you if i don't". and even if it was, i don't want to play, not really.
also, filters make me paranoid. i keep thinking... so-and-so doesn't ever comment because i'm not in on their to-read filter, am i??! AM I??! (ok, this only happens when i haven't had enough sugar, but anyway). i'd rather be dropped than be behind a filter. i mean. if we say that the friends list isn't about saying "i approve of your lj existence" and not about shout-outs, then it's just-- what's the point, if you like, skim and skip?
some of you, i may just friend on my more "real life" journal, cuz that might make things more manageable. and that's what it's all about. management. bleurgh. *feels more sick* so if you think, "huh?! you defriended me?!", you can probably look and see my other self has friended you at the same time, so. loss/gain. it's all the same. right? but look ma, no filters! *chuckles weakly*
regardless, it's not that i don't love you, i just HATE MY LIFE. well, sometimes. *cringes, waiting for the mass return-defriending*
and anyway. if anyone ever asked me to put them back, i would. so like, okay. if you want back, just ask. and um... i'll see about that discipline thing -.-
but think on this: most likely, this way i'll get to that [theoretical] fic you want me to review, instead of that post about jellyfish.
~~
also.
just organized into memories all fics i ever posted here. huh. there are 37~:)
i've come so far. siiiigh. my first fic got 0 responses. and several in the middle. but mostly, at least 1 person comments. awwwww. 1 out of a 100 ain't bad, baby ;)
i wish i could be as eloquent as
anatsuno, but i can't. it's just. i'm very stressed right now. i'm not good at prioritizing and i get sucked into things and spend way too much time on them, if i'm interested, and then the other things pile up and...i don't know -why- this whole friends page thing occupies my brain/time this way. it's like, it's a community, and if i don't participate, i'm dead air, and. but this trying-to-do-everything-at-once is ending up with me doing very little. initially, i thought i was here to keep up with ivy and aja (heh) and to rec things. and now, i haven't read fanfic in like a -week- or more, and it's piling up along with my guilt and i'm not performing any sort of function anyway. but i'm wibbling a lot.
i thought anatsuno's breakdown of the "friends" function into access list, subscription list and clique-list was brilliant. this was never really an "i love you/you love me" list for me either-- i mean, sometimes it coincides, but obviously i don't only friend those people i love (at least, i friended so many people i didn't even know at one point that it's rather ridiculous to say that). and i do take it pretty personally when someone defriends -me-, unless they explain themselves or whatever, because one can't help but feel that if they don't want to read you, they don't like you as much as the people they -do- want to read.
and yah, it was -never- an access list, with me, since i almost never make friends-only posts and if i do, it's only because i think most of the fandom who's here for er... the meta(?) doesn't want to know X. i strive to please, a little too much.
and yah, if it -was- an access list, i wouldn't even use a public lj in the first place-- because the only thing that makes sense with a (mostly) friends-only lj is to have a "secret" lj where like, only certain people even know about it. so it's like, frustrating to get defriended if you just want to keep reading a person, and now you can't because they don't want to keep reading you on a regular basis, anyway. sigh. but anyway, this doesn't apply to this lj.
so. anyway, i have all these issues (a -lot- of issues), and. i hate my issues. i feel like dobby, about to start hitting my head against the wall. but i -need- to catch up. i can't promise to stay away from here entirely-- i mean... wah! i hate sudden cuttings. but. see, i -still- haven't read ivy's latest fic series. that just says it all.
about 70% of why i'm on lj is because of ivy's webpage linking to her lj, and me suddenly deciding i wanted to read just about anything she wrote, silly or fic-related or fandom or not. and now i'm at this point where i'm too frazzled and scatter-brained to read a new (nc-17!) fic, and. that's just ...gah.
it's like... i would never cut someone who comments here often. or whose fic i wouldn't know about in other ways (mailing lists). or whom i think would come after me with a hunting knife if i disappeared from their life (*giggles* ahh, that makes me feel special-- although i think there's only one person who has that dubious distinction. hee). and this is only a test run of temporary defriending. about a month or two-- until i (hopefully) don't fail class and catch up on fic and get my head screwed on a tad bit (just a tad) tighter.
my guilt is killing me and i haven't even done anything yet. *gurgles*
but. it's more important to a) force myself to do school-related reading; b) allow myself to read your beautiful fics. because i procrastinate horribly, but truly, i'm like 2 months behind by now and that's just not cool. i've thought about using filters-- but then i read
anatsuno's entry and she inspired me to stop being such a wuss. because this isn't a game of "i like you if i keep you and i don't like you if i don't". and even if it was, i don't want to play, not really.also, filters make me paranoid. i keep thinking... so-and-so doesn't ever comment because i'm not in on their to-read filter, am i??! AM I??! (ok, this only happens when i haven't had enough sugar, but anyway). i'd rather be dropped than be behind a filter. i mean. if we say that the friends list isn't about saying "i approve of your lj existence" and not about shout-outs, then it's just-- what's the point, if you like, skim and skip?
some of you, i may just friend on my more "real life" journal, cuz that might make things more manageable. and that's what it's all about. management. bleurgh. *feels more sick* so if you think, "huh?! you defriended me?!", you can probably look and see my other self has friended you at the same time, so. loss/gain. it's all the same. right? but look ma, no filters! *chuckles weakly*
regardless, it's not that i don't love you, i just HATE MY LIFE. well, sometimes. *cringes, waiting for the mass return-defriending*
and anyway. if anyone ever asked me to put them back, i would. so like, okay. if you want back, just ask. and um... i'll see about that discipline thing -.-
but think on this: most likely, this way i'll get to that [theoretical] fic you want me to review, instead of that post about jellyfish.
~~
also.
just organized into memories all fics i ever posted here. huh. there are 37~:)
i've come so far. siiiigh. my first fic got 0 responses. and several in the middle. but mostly, at least 1 person comments. awwwww. 1 out of a 100 ain't bad, baby ;)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 04:16 pm (UTC)I promise I'll write Harry Potter this weekend. Request a drabble, I've still got two left. :p
*hugs hugs hugs tight*
no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 04:19 pm (UTC)you're a t00b. you should've checked to see if i defriended you first ^^
which i didn't~:)
no need to pay me with drabbles >:D<
though um. yah. h/d is a Good Thing. no pressure, though. was mostly teasing you~:)
no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 04:25 pm (UTC)Go request it on my drabbles!page if you want it. XD And yes, was actually planning to write H/D for the
:: teaser ::
"Ow, shit, Malfoy, that hurts!"
"Don't say 'shit' when I'm up your ass, Potter!"
:: end teaser ::
:D
no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 04:29 pm (UTC)*is cheered up*
erm. your drabbles page?
*checks lj for references*
no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 04:31 pm (UTC)Drabble THREAD.
XD
Recent journal post.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 04:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 04:34 pm (UTC)wah.
you sure know how to sweet-talk me >:D
no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 06:03 pm (UTC)Oh, did you see the question over at my LJ? Would be interested in seeing your view.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 06:49 pm (UTC)*bounces*
me, i like shiny >:D<
and er... yah. was just distracted from replying to your post (gee, that sure happens a lot lately ><; hee)
also, i think i'm way too attuned to the "awww, you hurt the ones you luuurve" thing, especially with what, almost a year of h/d on the brain ><
can't be a good thing, probably >
no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 11:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-02 11:46 pm (UTC)i'll be extra, extra happy if you ever gimme fb, then >:D< hee!
i look on the Bright ...Side... of Life!!
*laughs*
it's that apathy setting in. like, when instead of reading for pleasure, you're almost like... keeping up with the joneses. and like... even though it IS still pleasure... it doesn't quite feel like it until you -do- it.
hee. it's gotten to the point where i -write- fic to procrastinate from -reading- fic. and that's just... weird -.-
my brain is fried. on the other hand... this makes for interesting conversations. and fics.
all is happy. all is joy. bow down to the bunny... yes.
*goes away*
no subject
Date: 2003-04-03 03:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-03 03:41 pm (UTC)and i was being rather ...sarcastic, 'bout the management, just because i hate the idea of management, even though i need it ^^;
Re:
Date: 2003-04-03 03:55 pm (UTC)but I can also see the need to just de-clutter the friends list. I'd probably do it too, if I didn't need to use my friends list to regulate access as well.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-03 12:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-03 01:12 pm (UTC)this is [hopefully] just a temporary catch-up period, anyway.
wah. this was sort of wanky, but then, it's wankier to say nothing, and.
thanks :D