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reenkajust occurred to me. isn't it weird that the only fic with tom riddle that i can bear to read (ie, am interested in), is tom/hagrid? but you know... i would say that second only to harry/draco, tom/hagrid is -the- most promising/interesting pairing in hp slash, anyway (am completely biased with hp het since even ron/hermione is merely -cute-, not really interesting). i've never really -thought- about it. there are some things i think about and some things i don't, in terms of likes/dislikes. some things i can't -believe- i like, because they're "too" something. most things are just instinctual anyway, and my tolerance for them is pretty mysterious to me. i mean, it must seem as if i over-analyze everything, but i don't think that's true.
but it's just-- it seems characters, in fanfiction where i don't particularly care for the source material (ie, most fanfiction i've read), are only all that interesting to me in combination. in particular combination. maybe it's just that they're too flat otherwise, without that particular set of stimuli to make some particular facet of them apparent, stronger.
must think on tom riddle more. i've been so concentrated on one aspect-- one combination. my mind likes to tear into things and go at them till i drop. heh. though admittedly, tom is a more cerebral character, more of a meditation on darkness and choices and free will and so on. it seems to me that only when combined with hagrid does he become more human to me, more of an enigma and something to explore. everyone needs a weakness, even if only imagined and half-formed. i like the parable aspect that seems quitessential to me, when it comes to tom/hagrid, the meditation on different sorts of monsters, the contrast. it is that contrast, i think, i seek in a lot of things.
maybe it's really simple, and it's just that i cannot really bear to think of darkness without coupling it with light. although conversely, it's a trial vice-versa, as well, reading about pure light. i've been reading through qui-gon/obi-wan stories again, and i'm struck by how i seem attracted to it, and yet repulsed by the utter Goodness and perfection they all seem to have in mind. gods, but i hate perfection. anything that fits perfectly is suspect and unnatural, i think. i think it's much more interesting to think about things that -don't- fit perfectly, that chafe and spark and resist easy definition and merger. i mean, i like the mind-melding and the complete understanding, always have, but it's just-- if you have that -permanently-, the thrill is gone.
i think it's funny, really, that i keep making these meditative entries-- honestly, i spend most of my time indulging my need for fluff/porn/comedy/angst reading/writing (well, last few days, it's been spring break, so). i think this format just makes me much more inclined to ponderously explore. writing seems to have its own rhythm, to me, its own discipline, and i'm used to smoothing over corners and exploring my thoughts when i write, unless i write to purge emotions. i dunno. i also simply -write-, of course, but mostly i don't have little hiccoughs of trivia (unless one takes reccing links to be trivia, which would be valid).
i'm pretty self-conscious, really, just, before and after, not during the process of expressing myself. there's a certain beauty, though, a certain meditative pleasure in going over opposing forces in one's mind, smoothing them over and trying to flip them around, turn them sideways. it's kind of like a game. the idea of love becomes like a puzzle, with parts that may or may not fit together. i spend a lot of my time considering random things, seeing how they connect with my larger theoretical universe. they always do, somehow. it's never -just- this or -just- that. it's always... this-and-that-and-the-other-thing-and-also....
i mean, i can't just -record-. i can't just say, "it seems that i like tom/hagrid". period. or, "it'd be nice if people wrote more tom/hagrid, even though i don't see epics arising from it, and that's the point, somehow, it's a relationship of moments, caught in time-- i think all relationships are like that." see, that's what happens. i then think, 'but -all-...", and then i'm just lost. it's hard to keep things separate. perhaps i don't understand evil without somehow relating it to a lost sense of self, a self in isolation, to a greed for things you think you cannot have, and that roots itself in a thwarted need for love.
everytime i write, i make a post, i think, this time-- this time, i've finally said everything. i can stop soon. i won't write tomorrow, or the day after. i will wait until i -really- have something to say, i will catch up with my work, with my writing. i will write that one post i've been meaning to for months now, and i'll include that thing about nietzsche and optimism that i'm not quite sure what to say about. haven't i said everything? merely having an idea, a flickering of interest, isn't a good enough reason to write, is it. i mean, i'm not really demanding anyone -read-, but on the other hand it's hard to feel there isn't a difference between thinking things to myself and throwing them out there. and even now, i hope-- tomorrow, i won't have to write. tomorrow, i will be silent. i will write stories, and i will study and i will.....
but there is a certain refreshment to writing like this. i relax and i just listen to myself type, and there is a sense of relaxation because i'm not trying to -construct- anything, it just constructs itself. writing is so calming.
there is this sense i get of people's journals being louder than mine. like they're -talking- at normal, measured, conversational volume, whereas i'm just whispering, chanting to myself, humming a little, or babbling disjointedly. i almost never -address- this to anyone, and it still surprises me, the idea that i seem to make enough sense to make reading worthwhile, since it's always, always raw output. i just have a subject, usually, that i want to ramble about, simply because it fascinates me at that given moment. tom/hagrid, say. i think there might be a relationship between the dynamic of tom/hagrid and duncan/methos, as a pairing. it may seem completely arbitrary, but it resonates similarly somehow.
nothing seems real, in terms of affection, to me, if i don't ask "why". if i don't tell myself a story about it, if i don't tie it to other trends, to larger metaphorical arcs, to deeper movements within myself. it's as if life is a dream-- or my life, anyway, because so much of it is built on stories-- and everything (in a story and a dream) is said to be a signifier of something else. it can't be tom/hagrid, taken simply. there isn't really even that simplicity accessible to me, most times. it's always-- tom/hagrid and everything they mean to me and represent. everything they're associated with in my mind, sort of like spring goes with rain and sunsets go with autumn.
so, this entry wound up being more about myself than about tom/hagrid, but honestly, that's how it always is, really. i use these things to illuminate pieces of me, simply because i have no other tools i can think of. everything "real" is so fragmented, so hard to pin down and understand. i observe it constantly and i'm no closer to really knowing what's going on. stories are so very complex, but ultimately so simple. it is rather strange to me that so many of you give out these little tidbits of your lives without setting them in any larger story, merely recording them as they happen. there is really more of andrew in me than is healthy-- well-- i'm not in self-denial that much, and possibly not that much of a coward, but otherwise, yes. it's weird because it's not uncommon, i just... see it more with poets and loner type artists. this whole thing where you're lost inside your own story, always retelling the story of the world, of the universe, always trying to find the secret, to reach the center, because it seems more important than anything day-to-day, anything "real".
and i realize this is really my own doing, my own fault, for comparing myself in the first place, for looking for differences and similarities when i don't have enough data, when i merely see the obvious things that will always seem to speak of difference. that's how people start to believe they're alone, they're "different", simply because there's a certain leap of faith, of imagination involved in saying that one is similar unless one knows another person pretty intimately. am i even making sense? see, this is the sort of thing that is always in the background of my mind. is that not apparent? what -is- apparent? am i what i seem, or am i what i -think- i am, or am i everything and nothing at once?
perhaps i become more separate, more different, if i believe i am, and less so if i believe i am. it's weird because i fully understand and identify with plenty of fictional characters-- they always make me feel normal and "real". it's only with the detritus and confusion of actual people, who aren't telling a story and aren't making a point, that it's easy to get lost. there's all this surface layer of ego that is so widely ranging between people, and i do find that fascinating but also alienating. it's not as easy to simply slip into someone's skin if they're obviously not you in some blatant way.
anyway.
what the hell am i on about?
i don't know.
and of course, now i wonder, "is this (and what is `this'?) why people defriend me?" i mean, makes no sense but, wibbling. on the one hand, talking about hp characters too much is obsessive and boring. on the other, talking about oneself too much is even -more- obsessive and boring. ahahahah. there is no winning :D
should i get back to tom/hagrid (finally)? nah, no one cares. oh, it's true. i mean, i know the few people who -write- it care, but not necessarily about its Deeper Implications, ahaha. i'll just blame all this on the headache and the need to eat. i will also defend myself by thinking that everyone -else- thinks all the time too (probably in circles, too), just, they don't -post- it, do they (on my friends list anyway). hee. no matter.
am not inspired to write harry/draco right now. there. i said it. dammit! *hits self on head* how frustrating. maybe i should ....er.... take a walk. yah, that's it. right.
~~
also.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mawaridi's `it is love that walks away' is... *makes little strangled noises*
it is strangely like my drabble, `simplicity', and strangely like ivy's `dirty', and strangely like nothing but itself, especially with anne sexton's poem and the sense that best love stories have, that if you do it just right, if you love truly and with your whole heart, life will wait for you and the flowers will open. and maybe -life- doesn't work like that, but maybe people do.
~~
EDIT - as far as anything interesting is concerned, i'd point you tothamiris' post on `synedoche, power and fanfic'. which inspired me to new heights of rapture about fanon and the originality inherent within fanfic. all this canon-worship is fine and good, but it's only fair to indulge in some fanon-worship sometimes. not quite -fanon-, perhaps, but rather the personal permutation of the original text a (good) fanfic writer creates in each story. i find this sort of thing v. inspiring-- a communal storytelling act reminiscent of fairy tales and myths. we're doing (by writing hp fanfic) as the greeks and romans did, yes.
i wrote a response here, basically wondering if using canon as camouflage isn't really taking things down the narrower path. in a larger storytelling sense.
~~
also. everyone should readlasultrix's semi-lupin/harry/snape, eheheheh. ohhh, i love the understated perverse evilness of it. mmmm, perverse evilness! :D
but it's just-- it seems characters, in fanfiction where i don't particularly care for the source material (ie, most fanfiction i've read), are only all that interesting to me in combination. in particular combination. maybe it's just that they're too flat otherwise, without that particular set of stimuli to make some particular facet of them apparent, stronger.
must think on tom riddle more. i've been so concentrated on one aspect-- one combination. my mind likes to tear into things and go at them till i drop. heh. though admittedly, tom is a more cerebral character, more of a meditation on darkness and choices and free will and so on. it seems to me that only when combined with hagrid does he become more human to me, more of an enigma and something to explore. everyone needs a weakness, even if only imagined and half-formed. i like the parable aspect that seems quitessential to me, when it comes to tom/hagrid, the meditation on different sorts of monsters, the contrast. it is that contrast, i think, i seek in a lot of things.
maybe it's really simple, and it's just that i cannot really bear to think of darkness without coupling it with light. although conversely, it's a trial vice-versa, as well, reading about pure light. i've been reading through qui-gon/obi-wan stories again, and i'm struck by how i seem attracted to it, and yet repulsed by the utter Goodness and perfection they all seem to have in mind. gods, but i hate perfection. anything that fits perfectly is suspect and unnatural, i think. i think it's much more interesting to think about things that -don't- fit perfectly, that chafe and spark and resist easy definition and merger. i mean, i like the mind-melding and the complete understanding, always have, but it's just-- if you have that -permanently-, the thrill is gone.
i think it's funny, really, that i keep making these meditative entries-- honestly, i spend most of my time indulging my need for fluff/porn/comedy/angst reading/writing (well, last few days, it's been spring break, so). i think this format just makes me much more inclined to ponderously explore. writing seems to have its own rhythm, to me, its own discipline, and i'm used to smoothing over corners and exploring my thoughts when i write, unless i write to purge emotions. i dunno. i also simply -write-, of course, but mostly i don't have little hiccoughs of trivia (unless one takes reccing links to be trivia, which would be valid).
i'm pretty self-conscious, really, just, before and after, not during the process of expressing myself. there's a certain beauty, though, a certain meditative pleasure in going over opposing forces in one's mind, smoothing them over and trying to flip them around, turn them sideways. it's kind of like a game. the idea of love becomes like a puzzle, with parts that may or may not fit together. i spend a lot of my time considering random things, seeing how they connect with my larger theoretical universe. they always do, somehow. it's never -just- this or -just- that. it's always... this-and-that-and-the-other-thing-and-also....
i mean, i can't just -record-. i can't just say, "it seems that i like tom/hagrid". period. or, "it'd be nice if people wrote more tom/hagrid, even though i don't see epics arising from it, and that's the point, somehow, it's a relationship of moments, caught in time-- i think all relationships are like that." see, that's what happens. i then think, 'but -all-...", and then i'm just lost. it's hard to keep things separate. perhaps i don't understand evil without somehow relating it to a lost sense of self, a self in isolation, to a greed for things you think you cannot have, and that roots itself in a thwarted need for love.
everytime i write, i make a post, i think, this time-- this time, i've finally said everything. i can stop soon. i won't write tomorrow, or the day after. i will wait until i -really- have something to say, i will catch up with my work, with my writing. i will write that one post i've been meaning to for months now, and i'll include that thing about nietzsche and optimism that i'm not quite sure what to say about. haven't i said everything? merely having an idea, a flickering of interest, isn't a good enough reason to write, is it. i mean, i'm not really demanding anyone -read-, but on the other hand it's hard to feel there isn't a difference between thinking things to myself and throwing them out there. and even now, i hope-- tomorrow, i won't have to write. tomorrow, i will be silent. i will write stories, and i will study and i will.....
but there is a certain refreshment to writing like this. i relax and i just listen to myself type, and there is a sense of relaxation because i'm not trying to -construct- anything, it just constructs itself. writing is so calming.
there is this sense i get of people's journals being louder than mine. like they're -talking- at normal, measured, conversational volume, whereas i'm just whispering, chanting to myself, humming a little, or babbling disjointedly. i almost never -address- this to anyone, and it still surprises me, the idea that i seem to make enough sense to make reading worthwhile, since it's always, always raw output. i just have a subject, usually, that i want to ramble about, simply because it fascinates me at that given moment. tom/hagrid, say. i think there might be a relationship between the dynamic of tom/hagrid and duncan/methos, as a pairing. it may seem completely arbitrary, but it resonates similarly somehow.
nothing seems real, in terms of affection, to me, if i don't ask "why". if i don't tell myself a story about it, if i don't tie it to other trends, to larger metaphorical arcs, to deeper movements within myself. it's as if life is a dream-- or my life, anyway, because so much of it is built on stories-- and everything (in a story and a dream) is said to be a signifier of something else. it can't be tom/hagrid, taken simply. there isn't really even that simplicity accessible to me, most times. it's always-- tom/hagrid and everything they mean to me and represent. everything they're associated with in my mind, sort of like spring goes with rain and sunsets go with autumn.
so, this entry wound up being more about myself than about tom/hagrid, but honestly, that's how it always is, really. i use these things to illuminate pieces of me, simply because i have no other tools i can think of. everything "real" is so fragmented, so hard to pin down and understand. i observe it constantly and i'm no closer to really knowing what's going on. stories are so very complex, but ultimately so simple. it is rather strange to me that so many of you give out these little tidbits of your lives without setting them in any larger story, merely recording them as they happen. there is really more of andrew in me than is healthy-- well-- i'm not in self-denial that much, and possibly not that much of a coward, but otherwise, yes. it's weird because it's not uncommon, i just... see it more with poets and loner type artists. this whole thing where you're lost inside your own story, always retelling the story of the world, of the universe, always trying to find the secret, to reach the center, because it seems more important than anything day-to-day, anything "real".
and i realize this is really my own doing, my own fault, for comparing myself in the first place, for looking for differences and similarities when i don't have enough data, when i merely see the obvious things that will always seem to speak of difference. that's how people start to believe they're alone, they're "different", simply because there's a certain leap of faith, of imagination involved in saying that one is similar unless one knows another person pretty intimately. am i even making sense? see, this is the sort of thing that is always in the background of my mind. is that not apparent? what -is- apparent? am i what i seem, or am i what i -think- i am, or am i everything and nothing at once?
perhaps i become more separate, more different, if i believe i am, and less so if i believe i am. it's weird because i fully understand and identify with plenty of fictional characters-- they always make me feel normal and "real". it's only with the detritus and confusion of actual people, who aren't telling a story and aren't making a point, that it's easy to get lost. there's all this surface layer of ego that is so widely ranging between people, and i do find that fascinating but also alienating. it's not as easy to simply slip into someone's skin if they're obviously not you in some blatant way.
anyway.
what the hell am i on about?
i don't know.
and of course, now i wonder, "is this (and what is `this'?) why people defriend me?" i mean, makes no sense but, wibbling. on the one hand, talking about hp characters too much is obsessive and boring. on the other, talking about oneself too much is even -more- obsessive and boring. ahahahah. there is no winning :D
should i get back to tom/hagrid (finally)? nah, no one cares. oh, it's true. i mean, i know the few people who -write- it care, but not necessarily about its Deeper Implications, ahaha. i'll just blame all this on the headache and the need to eat. i will also defend myself by thinking that everyone -else- thinks all the time too (probably in circles, too), just, they don't -post- it, do they (on my friends list anyway). hee. no matter.
am not inspired to write harry/draco right now. there. i said it. dammit! *hits self on head* how frustrating. maybe i should ....er.... take a walk. yah, that's it. right.
~~
also.
mawaridi's `it is love that walks away' is... *makes little strangled noises*it is strangely like my drabble, `simplicity', and strangely like ivy's `dirty', and strangely like nothing but itself, especially with anne sexton's poem and the sense that best love stories have, that if you do it just right, if you love truly and with your whole heart, life will wait for you and the flowers will open. and maybe -life- doesn't work like that, but maybe people do.
~~
EDIT - as far as anything interesting is concerned, i'd point you to
thamiris' post on `synedoche, power and fanfic'. which inspired me to new heights of rapture about fanon and the originality inherent within fanfic. all this canon-worship is fine and good, but it's only fair to indulge in some fanon-worship sometimes. not quite -fanon-, perhaps, but rather the personal permutation of the original text a (good) fanfic writer creates in each story. i find this sort of thing v. inspiring-- a communal storytelling act reminiscent of fairy tales and myths. we're doing (by writing hp fanfic) as the greeks and romans did, yes.i wrote a response here, basically wondering if using canon as camouflage isn't really taking things down the narrower path. in a larger storytelling sense.
~~
also. everyone should read
lasultrix's semi-lupin/harry/snape, eheheheh. ohhh, i love the understated perverse evilness of it. mmmm, perverse evilness! :D
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-03-10 06:23 pm (UTC)If you're going with a dark/light thing for him, Tom/Minerva would be the most promising pairing, I'd say, though obviously it's het.
If R/Hr is your barometer for the best het - "even" ron/hermione, you say - then no wonder you find it so devoid of meaning. My dislike of that ship almost equals my dislike of H/Hr - in any sort of longterm way, that is. H/Hr is squicky all the time; R/Hr is only squicky when it's not short-term.
As for your posts - no, of course you've never said everything. We none of us have, and it's good, because we'd go quite mental if we had, you more so than many of us, I'd guess. And you don't talk more quietly than other journals, except possibly that your entries are much longer on average and so possibly their immediate effect could get a bit diluted?
I'm feeling quite proud now that you read my Tom/Draco. *twirls* Considering what you just said about Tom ships.
Am going through quite the phase of fanfic identity crisis myself now. I only read NC-17 Highlander, and I just posted a Snape/Harry/Lupin (sort of). Despite hating Harry crossgen and Snape/Harry in particular. o_O.
(And I do it all the time, the little obsessive comparative analyses, just because they're there to be analysed and so must be. You're not that different; you touched on it yourself just there. And fictional characters have so fewer dimensions than real ones, or at least their extra dimensions have to be extrapolated by you, the reader, and so you can make of them what you will and they'll be much more tractable than real people. Who, of course, never describe their being to you in a few pithy lines, damn them.)
no subject
Date: 2003-03-10 06:59 pm (UTC)oh, that's awful. oh gods. AWFUL. i have no words. only moans of horror! gar.
(i think argh is too common for me, eheheh, so i use gar~:)
and well. like i said, i don't know -why- tom/hagrid works for me. i don't think it would, except trin and amalin and sky and shinigami forever write it, so i'm sold. i think it's the ridiculousness and the monstrosity and the absurdity of it. i mean, okay, so tom would -never-, yes, but that's why i like it!! eheheh. harry would never, as well. actually, i mean-- in some part of my head, i think harry would never, with -anyone-, really. and yes. h/hr, r/hr, anyone with hermione... gar. wrong. can't see hermione nekkid and sweaty. you know. it's a... thing ^^;
and since i disliked ginny for the longest time (and -still- don't like her paired-- it seems i like a lot of characters as long as you don't pair them, even though i obsessively pair other characters. i'm weird). and i think pansy is like, nonexistent to me, millicent even moreso (although there is ivy's fic), and... er... then there's cho. eeee, i loff cho, we all know that (or at least -you- know that, right?) and who even knows why. i think it's your fault, and also serious black's and... well, i just like cho. especially (diggory's) dyke!cho. mmmmmmmmrrrrrr.
and er. yes. i don't know why i go on so. it just keeps coming. how do other people manage to shut up?? hard to learn, that lesson. or perhaps i'm simply very disorganized and don't actually -have- a point, though i have the need to look for it.
but yes. there are definitely people i'd read -anything- by, and you're one of them (see? on my main journal page, eheheh). plus, tom/draco is simply really weird, and that sort of attracts me. although i'm weird about what i consider weird and what's just squicky. like, tom/draco is weird, while snape/draco is SQUICKY(!!!!)
hee~:)
no subject
Date: 2003-03-10 07:14 pm (UTC)gar. wrong. can't see hermione nekkid and sweaty. you know. it's a... thing
That's it; I'm definitely writing the Morphic Series now. *cracks knuckles*
Ginny to me has a lot of potential; it's just that very few authors (mm, Audrey) write her the way I want her to be written, and I don't feel like doing it myself. Similarly with Pansy, except that those who do write Pansy paired tend to do it well.
Hermione - very hard to get her nekkid and sweaty, yes, I agree.
I like Snape/Draco, but just because I like to torture Draco on occasion. I've figured out that that's why I have a Harry/non-Draco squick but not a Draco/non-Harry squick - I can happily put Draco in torturous pairings, but not Harry. And both of them can only end up happily with one another. If they end up happily, that is.
no subject
Date: 2003-03-10 07:36 pm (UTC)i imagine she wasn't so bad when she was young(er), but... er. still. she's so asexual in my mind as to equal to a log~:) and no, it's not that every pairing i like has to be the Sexiest Thing Ever, but it helps if i don't feel Utter Horror at the prospect of one of the participants snogging the other~:)
i think it's a weird scale, where there are OTPs, pairings i read ok but don't `ship, pairings i `ship but don't really care much about, pairings i find grotesquely fascinating, pairings i wouldn't refuse if a favorite author wrote them, and then there are the Really Squicky ones, the Evil On Principle ones, and the ones i'd just rather never have to think about~:)
so it's not all, ship-or-bust. i mean, i've read snape/harry many a time, and i don't really like it or ship it, and yet it's written so well so often, i give in. but really -imagining- them -touching-, or snape -naked- for that matter, makes me gag. i mean, lupin naked is ok, sirius naked is...er...hairy, but snape naked reminds me of that... greasy guy in the `the two towers'. you know, i know some people dig that, buuutttt....
and then there are the weird things, like the fact that after reading one young!dumbledore/draco, i sort of have a huge soft spot for the "ship" (if you can call it that), and the fact that i have affection for amalin's tom/hagrid stories so i find that endearing, and just because i've seen so -much- ron/hermione by reading h/d i've sort of grown -accustomed- to it so it'd be weird if it squicked me (just because by now i'd be immune, after seeing it so much), so i kind of ship it. i mean, at least they're not after harry if they're together :D
and well. i was thinking of that in relation to liking to sometimes torture characters by pairing them badly. i don't really ever like -reading- that, though it's fun to write it. simply because i think i'm a wuss who likes things emotionally happy/resolved at the end ><;;
i mean, i don't mind angst (and even some deathfic), it's just, i couldn't seek out stories that have inherent wrongness/angst in the very -premise-. on the other hand, there's harry/snape, which i don't know what to think about. i don't like it much more than draco/snape and yet, i run away from one and not the other. i think because harry/snape gets written as True Love, and while i can -barely-, just barely suspend my disbelief enough for that, i could never buy snape/draco as true anything. i mean, eeewww. incest. not that i mind incest on -principle-, just in particular cases ^^;
so yah. while i don't -believe- my otp can possibly have True Love with anyone but each other, reading fic where that's the premise is more bearable to me, if some other sexy/perverted/attractive factor is present (ie, snape, heh). even though i don't want to think of snape as sexual, so i don't know where -that- comes from.
i think it's just the general principle that honest emotions and such are a Good Thing for plots in general, and if its too twisted and cynical and such, it's not something i can use as escapist reading, eheheh~:)
and it's all about the escapism ^^
no subject
Date: 2003-03-10 07:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-03-10 08:10 pm (UTC)it's rather weird that your duncan/methos enthusiasm is so catching, but it really is :D
i mean, i -read- clark/lex (well, sort of like i read snape/harry), but i never had any enthusiasm for it. but just. yes, you have something there :D
on the other hand, some characters i can see tortured and some i can't, just like you.
methos is ok, lex is ok, ron is ok, snape is ok, probably harry is ok. they could, you know -stand- it, in my head. draco can't stand it, i don't think, and i do kind of like tortured!harry, though no one does it right, usually, maybe it's because in my head he's all stoic hero and would be Above All That and Able to Persevere-- like. i dunno, i don't want clark tortured because i can't really believe in it, or duncan, just because that'd be.... mean. even though i can see the appeal~:)
i think it depends on the type of torture, too. ahh, life is so complicated. it's also possible that i'm just making all that up and will change my mind forthwith~:)
no subject
Date: 2003-03-11 03:44 am (UTC)I only want the characters I like to suffer. :) Ron suffering does nothing for me. I like Methos tortured physically, and Draco mentally, but eh, it's all good. Well, actually, I don't *really* want to see Draco tortured physically. But the mental aftereffects a la Ivy's Draco are fun.
Yay! You're catching the Duncan/Methos love! *squeals*
There's just something so clinical about CLex to me. Well, not clinical exactly, but definitely not... visceral. Maybe because Clark's such an emotional nonentity for the most part, and because you know I don't ship them, and I find it OOC for Lex to make a move on Clark before Clark's quite a bit older. I like reading short Lex snippets on occasion, but even the 'hottest' of CLex scenes is just like a shade of pale greyish blue to me.
Whereas Duncan/Methos grabs your heart and does some delicious things to your spine. :)
Ooh! Oh man, you'd love this (http://www.yearningvoid.net/julad/freshest.html) fic. Cute, IC, kinda like I see CLex trying to be, no torture, PG. yes, yes, you'll love it. D/M of course.
no subject
Date: 2003-03-11 02:59 pm (UTC)hee. they're adorable >:D<
i mean, every fic can be bettered by being nc17 (in theory), but, i do make exceptions :D hee! *bounces*
i'm happy you know my tastes enough to know i'd love it, or maybe i'm just transparent and a sucker for cuteness, that could also be true :D
(not that i mind torture and angst and darkness, but um. yeay, anyway).
so witty and pretty and bright! so many killer lines!
like,
I had the most divine eel in pre-Renaissance Cyprus
(ahahahah. wah. i'm falling in luuuuurve, here).
&
I am Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod, Duncan chanted to himself. I can battle fierce demons, I can seduce fair maidens, and I can serve bok choy with anything I like. Even whole eel. ehehehe! damn. all i need is some cute!snark and i love someone, it seems :D
"He was head of archaeology at CUNY. Or maybe it was SUNY."
hee! this is funny. it's also the first reference to my college system i've ever seen in fic!! ahaahah. wah, so proud ^^
Duncan spluttered helplessly. "He is not my son!"
hee! <3333~! priceless :D
gah. i loved it. more? more! yes. i really -am- this huge sucker for endearing, aren't i. so sad. but, see, it's not sentimental or anything, and it's not lame, so i'm all in the clear, right? yes :D
and yes, i know what you mean about clark. i never got into him (except when thamiris talks about him), because he's so vanilla and not really -there- and boring. i have a problem with hero character (even though i do love them in a mythic fairy-tale sort of way), and clark is a good example of good hero, bad character.
sort of the same thing with duncan, but much more depth and possibility there (as with harry. refuse to see harry as just "hero". also he's just cute and adorable and woobie, so i'm just biased, but oh well).
i like to mentally torture characters i identify with, but those are few and far between. ginny, hermione, cho. girls. weird. it was v. fun torturing ginny and killing harry, that time. ginny sort of -exists- to be tortured, eheheh.
hmm. i think i like -every- couple i like to end up together. unless i dislike them in that particular story because they're all pathetic and disgusting. just because i like happy endings, though not sugary-sweet or overdone endings, just ones where there's some catharsis and triumph and resolution and i've read too many fairy tales and obviously they've rotted my brain ^^;
no subject
Date: 2003-03-11 03:27 pm (UTC)Ooh, ooh, I haven't read it yet, and there's no sex, but Maya cannot rec Lanning Cook's 'Sacred Trust' (http://lanning.slashdom.com/stories/SacredTrust/STIndex.htm) enough, and she isn't even particularly into the HL. It is, however, very long. Hmm...
Ooh, very, very cute virgin!Methos fic. (http://kamil.slashcity.com/kamil/hl/toeing_line_body.html) (Weird, I know. That was the idea. Also there's a link to its sequel, written by a friend of the author's, which is a lot better, in my opinion, though both are fun. These will satisfy your NC-17 cravings.)
Will find more for you later. ooh yes.
And, oh! oh! VIDS! YOU HAVE TO SEE LUMINOSITY'S VIDS! I AM HOLDING MY BREATH UNTIL YOU WATCH THEM!
Oh, just go to my links page. (http://lasairandmaya.koanju.com/lasairlinks) All directions there.
no subject
Date: 2003-03-11 04:23 pm (UTC)*siiiigh*
dammit, the universe is conspiring to get me to write my fic and stop procrastinating. or so i must tell myself :D
no subject
Date: 2003-03-11 05:05 pm (UTC)Am writing misogynistic Hermione Polyjuice fic. Teehee.