~~ficlet. `telling ron'.

[reenka]

so, i've finally read one too many fics with the most awkward, stupid way of coming out that i could imagine, short of giving someone a version of the birds and the bees speech. my god, every time i read one of these, they make me cringe. for one thing, harry potter wouldn't even -know- words like gay, or `bi' especially. even if he -did- know the word gay, i sincerely doubt he'd apply it to himself, immediately or at first, anyway. it always sounds forced and politically correct and neat-and-tidy, and entirely false.

"hello, i'm gay and i will now act all educated and enlightened, and accept myself for who i am." or, "hello, i'm gay and it's wrong and i hate myself."

these are both attitudes of people who've grown up in the modern-day western culture. harry didn't, not quite. and most especially ron and draco didn't. harry's teenage and pre-teen years were spent with a peer-group who mostly don't interact with the modern western culture where these concepts are commonplace. having them use them in conversation sounds forced to me. in fact, the whole "coming out" conversation sounds wrong to me most times. it almost always sounds like the author is telling us what they think about the character's orientation, rather than letting the character tell us what they think of themselves and their emotions-- which is most likely a jumble of confused ideas and misinformation and denial and awkwardness.

i sincerely doubt, also, that there are books about any of this in the library-- muggle psychology is one thing (even that i find iffy), the most recent and up-to-date, sexually permissive muggle psych theory is another. my impression is that hogwarts has a -magical- library, mostly anyway. if they did have muggle-type literature, it'd probably be really old and outdated. this is a school, not a high-level muggle research facility. but whatever.

i was inspired to write something, to challenge myself to sound less dorky myself, if i could. i don't know if i succeeded. in fact, writing ron in -any- context has never been a piece of cake for me (this is probably 90% of why i ship neither harry/ron nor draco/ron-- i couldn't write ron to save my life). so, this isn't really all that ron-like. but at least it's not what you normally come across. i -think-.



disclaimer: not mine.

warning: slash, dorkiness, fluff, slight language.

a/n: this is my take on trying to do in-character!Harry coming out. I probably suck but... not as bad as I could, I hope.


-Telling Ron-


"Hey Harry, you know you can tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Hermione told me you have something to say, but I was going to have to convince you. She was rather vague." Smirking. "So, what is it? Trust me, whatever it is, it can't be any weirder than the theories I've come up with already."

"Well, I don't know if I know what there is to tell yet, actually."

"Aw, come on, that just makes me more curious. Spill!"

"You're going to think I've lost it. You might be right. Maybe it'll go away by tomorrow for all I know, and then there really -won't- be anything to tell."

"Harry, you're not-- you're not saying you're -scared- to tell me something, are you mate?"

"Er-- scared? I-- Well-- I just--"

"You're not even scared of Voldemort, Harry!"

"What makes you think -that-? Of course I am."

"Well okay, I was just saying that. Still. This is me, Harry. We've always told each other everything important, right? Er, except for those times when we didn't."

Mutual laughter.

"So, I mean--

"What makes you think this is important?"

"The amount of trouble I'm having getting you to own up to whatever it is, for one thing." Snickering. "It can't be that bad. I mean, I know about the time you got caught wanking by Madam Pomfrey and I only tease you about it once a month or so, tops."

"You're not helping."

"Sorry. But you know what I mean. I am the best secret keeper since Sigmund the Slow got cursed by his wife to never use the words `baby', `tail', and `devil' in conversation ever again. Better, even."

"It's not about secrets, Ron. It's just that if I were you, I don't think I'd want to know, that's all."

"Bollocks. You can't know something like that. You can't know whether or not I'd want to know. I'm not you, you know."

Sighing. "Yeah, and that's why you wouldn't want to know. Hell, sometimes I think -I- don't want to know."

"You don't know that, Harry." Chuckling. "C'mon, it can't be that bad.... You can't possibly tell me it's worse than the stuff about Voldemort. Or Madam Pomfrey. Or the time Malfoy bit your ear off."

"Yes, it can! And hey! That never happened!" Heavy blushing.

"Easy, there. Yeah, I know, I was just teasing. Come on, it'll just get worse if you don't tell me. I can start with the Snape jokes, and neither of us wants that, do we Harry."

"Argh! This is so frustrating! Fine!" A deep breath. "Ilikeboys." Mumbling.

"Huh?"

"I. Like. Boys, Ron." A resentful look. "See? I told you. Now you're sorry, aren't you."

"What-- what do you mean? I like boys too, mate. Us men, we've got to stick together, you know." A forced-looking smile. "At least that's what I hear Hermione tell Ginny lately, except she says women."

Glaring.

"But that's not what you meant, is it." Quietly.

"What in bloody hell do you -think- I mean? I don't really know what it means, it's just, you know like with Cho? Well... I guess what I mean is... it's not that I like boys, exactly. I just like one. Er... you know. Boy. So far anyway." Looking down.

"So that's-- that's it?"

"Yeah."

"So...."

"Yeah." A deep sigh. "I can go now, if you want. For a walk, I mean. Or something like that."

"No! I mean... er... okay, you've got me there, Harry. I don't know what to say...."

"Yeah."

"But, um.... that, um.... doesn't mean you like -me-, does it?" Blushing.

Head snapping up. "No! God, Ron! You're my best mate. That's-- that's--" Horrified expression.

Mutual staring, then a sudden burst of laughter.

"Hah. Yeah, that -would- be pretty twisted, wouldn't it, Harry." More laughter. "So...." An awkward pause. "Do I want to know who this boy is, then?"

"Er. -No-." Emphatically.

"Oh. Right. Okay. One thing at a time, I guess, eh Harry?"

A tentative smile. "Yeah, I guess so."

"So then... do you still like girls then?"

"Why?"

"Just curious, that's all."

"Er... well... I -think- so. I mean, yeah."

"That's good. I mean, er, I mean, so that means...." Furious blushing. "What I'm saying is, you're still our old Harry, right? Except more perverted. Okay, a lot more. And I mean a lot."

Weak laughter. "Last time I checked, yeah."

"Yeah, so, except for the boy thing.... Which I wasn't expecting at all, I'll admit. Okay, so it was a shocker. I think I'm still recovering, though you probably can't tell. I bet I sound completely normal. Which I am. Normal, that is. And I don't really know what it even means, but, er.... I can guess."

"Actually, I don't really know either, Ron."

"Well, I can work with that. I think."

"Oh. Really?"

"Give me time, would you though? You know. Before... before you... you know. Do anything. In front of me, I mean."

Choking sounds. "Ron! It's just a crush! I don't know if I'll ever-- even-- God. I haven't even-- er. You're turning green, Ron."

"Sorry! Sorry, Harry. This is going to just-- take some time, okay?"

"Yeah."

"We're still mates though, don't worry. I mean, you've never tried to sleep in my bed before or anything, so I figure you're not going to start now, right?" Nervous laughter.

"I thought I -told- you!" Indignant look.

"Just making sure." A pause. "So. Now that that's out of the way. How about we finish that chess-game from last night, what d'ya say?"

A wide smile. "Yeah. Sounds great."

"So I guess this means you won't mind if I went after Cho, right?"

"Ron!"
~~

Comments

[lincolnkw.livejournal.com]

Geep.

Hah, very enjoyable and the last two lines just made the story for me. Probably because someone said it to me when I had a conversation on the same topic. And I sort of have to agree with Silvia about the grasping for the label thing (at least as it pertains to contemporary teens) but can understand and accept your reasoning as to how it would work in the wizarding society. Especially considering that Harry grew up extremely sheltered (albeit against his will), and that Ron was as accepting of it as he was is a testament to the upbringing he had, and maybe to the fact that he's the youngest of five boys. the topic DOES come up on occasion among male siblings, if only joking or fighting.

Once again, I liked this, quite fun.