~~wherein i talk about myself, and ponder quizzes and barflies and other v. v. deep things. yes.

[reenka]

the question of who i am (like) as a Fangirl-- as a harry potter fangirl--
is a deep and meaningful. not.
but nonetheless we all (a lot of us? some of us? a number of us, then, heh) indulge in wibbling about it. all those quizzes try to tell us, humorously, that whether or not the answers matter, the questions are burning brightly enough to make us take silly quizzes.
yes. so who am i? haha.



a lot of the things i say semi-seriously i actually chortle at because for the life of me i can't really take myself all that seriously a lot of times, thank gahd.
but-- when i'm added by strangers out of the blue-- when they've added little ole me right along with some Big Names-- not once-- not twice-- more than five or six times by now-- it just-- makes one think, doesn't it?? well?
haha. i'm not quite as honest as deche, but come on, i'm not oblivious :D ok, so i'm obsessive. i try not to think about it, or let it go to my head, or indeed consider myself part of "fandom", otherwise all my priorities and compasses get messed up and i start squeeing and babbling incoherently. (as in, omg...! i got added??! i got reviewed??! i EXIST??! oh...my... gahd...!!, etc, etc.)

obviously, i'm known. what am i known for? obviously not my fics (*laughs* yeah, right). i mean, those 7 reviews at ff.net are still my crowning glory achievement. i huggle those reviews to my breast daily. not.
    this brings me to the idea that i'm known for my reviews of other people's work and my comments on other people's lj's. Reena, the Uber-Professional-Fangirl Extraordinaire. she slices, she dices, she reviews like no tomorrow, and she says more than "it'z nice, rite more!!!11111" you know it :D hahahahah. too good.
it slightly bothers me. i'm not extraverted, and i shudder at being so-- well-- obvious and "there" and in-your-face with commentary as i apparently am (??!). hah. i'm not a lurker, apparently, since i can't get myself to shut up, on mailing lists or in people's lj's... obviously i have way too much free time on my hands ^^;;

i feel like some drunken bar-fly that will never shut up and go home. yes. i'm that greasy drunk in the corner mumbling about conspiracies and The Majestic 12 and Area 51 and richard nixon. that's me :D
i'm norm.
i mean, there's well-respected critics/reviewers in the fandom, there are. i should realize that. but. um. hahahaha. i'm not one of them ^^;; i'm just a writer who won't shut up, apparently ~:)
    i think it's funny, that there's some ambition involved in all of this. it's just hilarious, isn't it? i'm not blind to the "glass ceiling" or the "power struggle between the classes" (*laughs*), but a certain amount of blindness is necessary to um-- talk to people. not that i have. that's also amusing. i, the battle-scarred irc-weary chat-wary veteran. right.
    i don't have any ambition, and my urge to get to know people is greatly dampened by my severe feeling like net-life is poison in my veins, and this is all really a waste of time. mind you, i think the lot of you are brilliant writers and can't stop reading the stuff-- but really-- i'm aware i should be doing "other things", thus the glitter of the fandom never quite overwhelmed me with its utter glory. heh. not to say i don't squee like mad when someone i worship the writing of says something to me, because trust me, i squee a LOT. yes, indeed.

plus it's all a bit addictive. the attention, yes, but mostly just having an audience for my words means a whole lot to me, because i never used to, before i wrote fanfic. even though my fanfic audience is small-- it's largely eloquent and wonderfully supportive and wonderful and sparkly and... guh.
it's encouraging me to write. it's encouraging me to try new things, to see what the response would be like, as well as just because it's fun. it's making me feel -part- of something, not so isolated. i'm frightened of this, because it's "virtual" so to speak, and i've grown mighty wary of virtual. but it's still.... just-- i love this fandom, so i blabber on and on, and my enthusiasm is obvious. i love writing and reading in it. i love the level of intelligence and the quirkiness and the mutual slashy vibe/groove. so yeah.

um. well. i guess it doesn't matter if people perceive me as a barfly. i love participating and i love being able to contribute anything at all. *sigh* wah. fluff-fest entry :D ha. i'm not amalin so i'm not about to huggle the fandom or anything like that, but still. yeah.

Comments

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

i'm a mozzie! *bounces*
i love that :D
Reena, the Mozzie. it has a ring to it :D

aww, people don't ignore you, you just don't pimp yourself enough. i will never understand why it's only the epic-writers that are famous-- and not even -all- epic-writers (case in point, ishuca. hmm. maybe you need to have sex and violence, since there can't be drugs or videotape involved :D haha.

um. thanks~:) i can be the greek chorus, then ~:)
and wheeee~ on you using my icon :D

~reena