hee! well, that's my gig, you know. it makes me happy when people talk at me 'cause then i could listen instead of having to ramble myself all the time, which gets embarrassing. if no one ever rambles back >:D
it occurs to me that one probably couldn't tell what exactly my stance was (if i had a stance) about the whole "man, i'm confused" issue-- 'course, that's mainly my stance. -.- i hate labels too. like, a lot. and i don't tend to tell people i'm bi or russian or jewish or black-haired or from brooklyn (the worst part, eheheh) or anything, 'cause i don't want the judgment, the feeling like now they think they've figured me out when they haven't, they couldn't possibly have. and most of the time i feel like people are just people, and there is always a whole range of different things i can feel about them, so the bi thing doesn't really even -matter-.
but i was just feeling rather disenfranchised all of a sudden. 'cause i -can't- very well beat my chest or anything. i don't get to be all lusty without seeming disturbingly so, like... if you're bi, you have this image of promiscuity that comes to bite you on the ass.
sometimes i feel rather lost and wonder if i -do- fit some sort of label, if like, you can become more one way than the other with age. especially since it all fluctuates-- one day i like girls a lot more, the other day i'm all obsessed with my ex-bf again. so after ogling the 4th cute girl in a row, i start to wonder if someone else would tell me i'm now "queer enough" if i told them how i feel. 'cause well, i get rather shallow sometimes. okay, a lot of times. and cute girls are my downfall. i'm like a pervy old man, except you know, young & female. hee. at least i don't grab at anyone's chest or anything ><;;
but like, if there are cute girls, i check them out, every time. like a 15-year-old boy, there you go. at least i'm not a 80-year-old pervert now ^^; it'd be normal if it was boys and stuff. 'cause like, girls always ooh and ahh after every cute guy (usually the player type, but it's the thought that counts). and yah, i can be shallow like that (not that i see them as just slabs of meat or would jump them at the nearest opportunity, i just-- er-- notice). and several people have told me that just noticing is "no big deal". i can be straight and notice. that's not queer enough. which is what pisses me off. though labels piss me off too ^^
i was always confused about never fitting in and never wanting to and yet wanting to -know who i was-, wanting things to be simpler. *meeps* so yah. i know what you're saying~:) (even if i don't quite know what -i'm- saying, most of the time) -.-
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2003-06-01 01:53 am (UTC)it occurs to me that one probably couldn't tell what exactly my stance was (if i had a stance) about the whole "man, i'm confused" issue-- 'course, that's mainly my stance. -.-
i hate labels too. like, a lot.
and i don't tend to tell people i'm bi or russian or jewish or black-haired or from brooklyn (the worst part, eheheh) or anything, 'cause i don't want the judgment, the feeling like now they think they've figured me out when they haven't, they couldn't possibly have. and most of the time i feel like people are just people, and there is always a whole range of different things i can feel about them, so the bi thing doesn't really even -matter-.
but i was just feeling rather disenfranchised all of a sudden. 'cause i -can't- very well beat my chest or anything. i don't get to be all lusty without seeming disturbingly so, like... if you're bi, you have this image of promiscuity that comes to bite you on the ass.
sometimes i feel rather lost and wonder if i -do- fit some sort of label, if like, you can become more one way than the other with age. especially since it all fluctuates-- one day i like girls a lot more, the other day i'm all obsessed with my ex-bf again. so after ogling the 4th cute girl in a row, i start to wonder if someone else would tell me i'm now "queer enough" if i told them how i feel.
'cause well, i get rather shallow sometimes. okay, a lot of times. and cute girls are my downfall. i'm like a pervy old man, except you know, young & female. hee. at least i don't grab at anyone's chest or anything ><;;
but like, if there are cute girls, i check them out, every time. like a 15-year-old boy, there you go. at least i'm not a 80-year-old pervert now ^^;
it'd be normal if it was boys and stuff. 'cause like, girls always ooh and ahh after every cute guy (usually the player type, but it's the thought that counts). and yah, i can be shallow like that (not that i see them as just slabs of meat or would jump them at the nearest opportunity, i just-- er-- notice). and several people have told me that just noticing is "no big deal". i can be straight and notice. that's not queer enough. which is what pisses me off. though labels piss me off too ^^
i was always confused about never fitting in and never wanting to and yet wanting to -know who i was-, wanting things to be simpler.
*meeps* so yah. i know what you're saying~:) (even if i don't quite know what -i'm- saying, most of the time) -.-