reenka

it's really weird that you should post this because about two hours ago i was writing out my thoughts on my own sexuality in my paper journal. i am going to rant at you now because i can't help it. i don't really like labels. of any sort, really. it's like, i don't fit into any group, so don't you dare put me anywhere based on my appearance or attitude or sexuality or interests. people extend beyond labels and stereotypes that come fastened with labels. you are not your job and all of that crap. i am afraid of labels, maybe. i don't want any one thing to become who i am. i don't want people to think of me like, "my slasher friend cassie" or "my geek friend cassie" or "my bisexual friend cassie" or "my oklahoman friend cassie" like it is a distinction and like this one trait is my defining trait. i am not just a slasher, not just a geek, not just bisexual, not just oklahoman. and i have this fear that saying "i am bisexual!" and waving around a flag will frighten girls away from being friends with me, like i'd spend the whole time checking them out or something. or they would think i'm hitting on them if i said, "hey, that shirt looks good on you." i really do fear this, especially since some of my rl-friends-by-association have such high opinions of themslves that i bet they would think that i cannot keep my eyes off them or something. also, it really bothers me that some people seem to expect me to "come out" or mention being bisexual in, you know, my livejournal bio or something. like it is this big thing. i've spoken to people who are also bisexual or seem to think i am immature because i say gender doesn't matter to me. like, if i had a boyfriend who underwent an operation and became a girl, s/he would still be the same person to me, and i would still love them. you know? gender plays absolutely no part in being attracted to someone, for me. i like both, i will just as soon salivate over either. in the end, it's the inside of a person i am attracted to, not the bits on the outside. and the label "bisexual" comes with this stigma of not being able to settle down and pick one sex, of straddling the fence, that you can't fall in love with just one person and be happy with them. and that really pisses me off, that someone bisexual who is in love is so underestimated. i tend to refer to myself merely as sexual as opposed to heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual.

anyway, dude, i'm sorry i just ranted a whole bunch to you, haha, but i was already writing about it anyway, too! so i am all riled up!