~~ip. ``give."....
Sep. 19th, 2002 04:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaso this is my open letter to everyone who read the last chapter of irresistible poison and thought that their love was still in doubt, or doomed, or what have you. i believe.
i think i'll address the one, most important thing to me, because i've seen a number of reviews now, and a lot of them have said the things i would agree with, much more eloquently (and rationally!) than i probably would.
the one thing that gets me--
is any attempt to use anything that happens to say this story can possibly support h & d being incapable-- or unready-- or too proud-- or too anything-- to be willing to give ANYTHING to be together.
yes, draco is fatalist, and we don't get an explanation.
yes, they are proud, and the one submission in the duel is a symbol of the constant submission draco would never go for (supported by ch. 13).
for all the supposed "wrongness" holding them back--
i don't see it. i only see need, and uncertainty.
nothing has changed, draco says. that is just -blatant-. i love you, he may as well have said.
he is -forcing- himself to do this. why are so many people convinced that's enough to doom them?
it's very clear harry would change, harry would do anything, anything he can to understand and reach out to draco, if he has the slightest hint draco wants the attention. for draco, he would always wait.
i'm not arguing for a happy ending. i'm arguing that the obstacles, while huge, aren't the mountains they can be made out to be.
the rose.
first of all, it's a response to the cloak, in its way.
harry gave him the cloak: saying, here, i'll give you anything, everything, anything you want. what do you want? here, take it. what can i do for you? here, i'll do it.
draco gives him the rose: saying, i gave you this long ago, and i still have it in me, but it's nothing, it's not enough, it's just a pretty illusion that fades away-- but it DOESN'T, doesn't anyone see this? the rose withers, the metaphor is about illusion, impermanence. but, the -love- that -prompted- him is -still there-. thus, the gesture, in a way, is null, and actually saying-- the impossible is true. don't believe appearances. their love is still very obviously present. what, exactly, about the deep and abiding feelings they have for each other, is illusory, unstable, or fading away? what? love is transcient, fragile, painful, caught in the moment-- and reborn every moment. you run away, it runs with you. each second passes, and the feeling doesn't. you could -try- and convince yourself you don't feel it, but you CAN'T. draco can't. he -wants- to and he -can't- get rid of it. he makes gesture after gesture, pushing harry away, but he can't push away his own heart. he is asking for a way out, a way out of himself, because he hasn't moved, he may pretend but he is still completely bound. love frees us and binds us-- love makes the impossible real-- it's only when you stop fighting it, and yourself, and each other, that you are, suddenly, no longer bound, but free.
there's no way either of them are ready to let go, in contrast to the notion that they're not ready to come together. draco is going through the motions, not truly -feeling-, and not truly -realizing- that he has nothing to run from, nothing to avoid. harry doesn't need his submission, harry doesn't need his freedom. yes, in that moment when the duel wasn't yet begun, and they just stared at each other--
there was that moment of possibility, of held breath.
just like when they met outside of the dungeons again-- right before draco forces himself to take the heavy step, to force things-- things are just... taught with hope and the possibility that everything could just, suddenly change.
i think it's meaningful that fate is brought up at the beginning.
fate is all about things you can't avoid-- no matter what you do.
was this meant to be? we were meant for each other, were we meant for this? harry asks.
he thinks, were we meant to be like this, me loving you, you not loving me.
but he's wrong.
draco still loves him.
so, the actual fate is, was this meant to be, me loving you, you loving me, and yet not able to meet in the center.
their connection is seemingly unbreakable, whether or not they're together.
you may try to point out the transcience of things contained in time-- flowers, and feelings. but in the end, their beauty isn't contained by time. it all seems to have existed for always-- always coming towards this moment, every point in the past like a revelation, filled with hidden meaning only now realized. we were always building up to this, harry seems to realize in the duelling speech. it was always this, always you and me.
i always burn up, but never fade away.
love destroys me, but love itself cannot be destroyed, and in the end, neither can its vessel, which isn't the rose, but is rather memory itself.
and for draco, harry will always wait. time isn't an issue. always means past present and future, all as one.
the potion is really not determining anything, because draco is still bound--
there was never any false love, and there's no escaping from true love.
while the pessimist may say, he's bound by habit, i don't think so. or rather, it doesn't matter, the source. the feeling is -- no longer falsely real. it's just -real-.
draco doesn't quite believe in harry. he doesn't quite believe in himself, or his own emotions. he doesn't know, doesn't truly feel harry's reality, the reality of his emotions.
he sees death, vanishing, deterioration, no way out.
harry only knows he -needs- a way out, and that's all that matters, he's just going to go after it, he's just going to find it. he's just going to go get it. his hope isn't lost, because his own love for draco is what fuels it.
for draco, everything is choreographed. he rehearses every line, he justifies his every action, when he can, when he tells himself he has control. he planned his reaction to harry, in chapter 12. he needed to hurt him, to feel free, and so he hurt him. but he doesn't feel free. he concedes, trying to deliver the final blow to himself, make yet another Gesture-- and yet it rings hollow, because harry doesn't accept it and instead makes the Mistake again, and seeks him out, where once again draco tries to reassert his rehearsed certainty that things are Doomed.
for harry, everything is real. he speaks from the heart, and he never stops reaching, that seems to be deeply ingrained in his character. he ponders destiny, trying to justify his feeling of -wrongness-, trying to convince himself things are out of his hands, because that's the only way he could truly justify not fighting fate, but believing in it in the first place. for harry, everything is fresh and bright and exactly as it appears, completely taking him by surprise. harry lives in the moment, while draco lives slightly before and after the moment, unable to believe in the reality right in front of him.
whenever they meet in the Moment, out of time, purely going by emotion, they just melt together, and nothing matters. and when draco kissed harry, his passion was completely incogruous with his methodical goals of hurting harry-- i fully believe he could both let the moment have its truth, and yet not let the truth touch him.
harry's emotion is timeless-- you don't get the sense that he'll ever get over it-- in fact he as much as says that's the one thing he cannot do, and i think that is true. harry goes with the moment, but the moment doesn't change him but rather seems to just strengthen the sparks already there inside him.
is draco's love also timeless? he keeps trying to tie it to time, create endings, force beginnings (the potion), whereas there's no true ending or beginning when it comes to the human heart.
this is where i repeat what draco said, and i can say no more.
when harry asks, has anything changed.
draco says-- "nothing".
i rest my case~:)
eternally, in harry/draco,
~reena
EDIT: this is so weird. i keep having this insiduous vision of draco today (the next morning), on one knee, refusing to leave my mind. ack. will post my visualization (picture) later today.
i think i'll address the one, most important thing to me, because i've seen a number of reviews now, and a lot of them have said the things i would agree with, much more eloquently (and rationally!) than i probably would.
the one thing that gets me--
is any attempt to use anything that happens to say this story can possibly support h & d being incapable-- or unready-- or too proud-- or too anything-- to be willing to give ANYTHING to be together.
yes, draco is fatalist, and we don't get an explanation.
yes, they are proud, and the one submission in the duel is a symbol of the constant submission draco would never go for (supported by ch. 13).
for all the supposed "wrongness" holding them back--
i don't see it. i only see need, and uncertainty.
nothing has changed, draco says. that is just -blatant-. i love you, he may as well have said.
he is -forcing- himself to do this. why are so many people convinced that's enough to doom them?
it's very clear harry would change, harry would do anything, anything he can to understand and reach out to draco, if he has the slightest hint draco wants the attention. for draco, he would always wait.
i'm not arguing for a happy ending. i'm arguing that the obstacles, while huge, aren't the mountains they can be made out to be.
the rose.
first of all, it's a response to the cloak, in its way.
harry gave him the cloak: saying, here, i'll give you anything, everything, anything you want. what do you want? here, take it. what can i do for you? here, i'll do it.
draco gives him the rose: saying, i gave you this long ago, and i still have it in me, but it's nothing, it's not enough, it's just a pretty illusion that fades away-- but it DOESN'T, doesn't anyone see this? the rose withers, the metaphor is about illusion, impermanence. but, the -love- that -prompted- him is -still there-. thus, the gesture, in a way, is null, and actually saying-- the impossible is true. don't believe appearances. their love is still very obviously present. what, exactly, about the deep and abiding feelings they have for each other, is illusory, unstable, or fading away? what? love is transcient, fragile, painful, caught in the moment-- and reborn every moment. you run away, it runs with you. each second passes, and the feeling doesn't. you could -try- and convince yourself you don't feel it, but you CAN'T. draco can't. he -wants- to and he -can't- get rid of it. he makes gesture after gesture, pushing harry away, but he can't push away his own heart. he is asking for a way out, a way out of himself, because he hasn't moved, he may pretend but he is still completely bound. love frees us and binds us-- love makes the impossible real-- it's only when you stop fighting it, and yourself, and each other, that you are, suddenly, no longer bound, but free.
there's no way either of them are ready to let go, in contrast to the notion that they're not ready to come together. draco is going through the motions, not truly -feeling-, and not truly -realizing- that he has nothing to run from, nothing to avoid. harry doesn't need his submission, harry doesn't need his freedom. yes, in that moment when the duel wasn't yet begun, and they just stared at each other--
there was that moment of possibility, of held breath.
just like when they met outside of the dungeons again-- right before draco forces himself to take the heavy step, to force things-- things are just... taught with hope and the possibility that everything could just, suddenly change.
i think it's meaningful that fate is brought up at the beginning.
fate is all about things you can't avoid-- no matter what you do.
was this meant to be? we were meant for each other, were we meant for this? harry asks.
he thinks, were we meant to be like this, me loving you, you not loving me.
but he's wrong.
draco still loves him.
so, the actual fate is, was this meant to be, me loving you, you loving me, and yet not able to meet in the center.
their connection is seemingly unbreakable, whether or not they're together.
you may try to point out the transcience of things contained in time-- flowers, and feelings. but in the end, their beauty isn't contained by time. it all seems to have existed for always-- always coming towards this moment, every point in the past like a revelation, filled with hidden meaning only now realized. we were always building up to this, harry seems to realize in the duelling speech. it was always this, always you and me.
i always burn up, but never fade away.
love destroys me, but love itself cannot be destroyed, and in the end, neither can its vessel, which isn't the rose, but is rather memory itself.
and for draco, harry will always wait. time isn't an issue. always means past present and future, all as one.
the potion is really not determining anything, because draco is still bound--
there was never any false love, and there's no escaping from true love.
while the pessimist may say, he's bound by habit, i don't think so. or rather, it doesn't matter, the source. the feeling is -- no longer falsely real. it's just -real-.
draco doesn't quite believe in harry. he doesn't quite believe in himself, or his own emotions. he doesn't know, doesn't truly feel harry's reality, the reality of his emotions.
he sees death, vanishing, deterioration, no way out.
harry only knows he -needs- a way out, and that's all that matters, he's just going to go after it, he's just going to find it. he's just going to go get it. his hope isn't lost, because his own love for draco is what fuels it.
for draco, everything is choreographed. he rehearses every line, he justifies his every action, when he can, when he tells himself he has control. he planned his reaction to harry, in chapter 12. he needed to hurt him, to feel free, and so he hurt him. but he doesn't feel free. he concedes, trying to deliver the final blow to himself, make yet another Gesture-- and yet it rings hollow, because harry doesn't accept it and instead makes the Mistake again, and seeks him out, where once again draco tries to reassert his rehearsed certainty that things are Doomed.
for harry, everything is real. he speaks from the heart, and he never stops reaching, that seems to be deeply ingrained in his character. he ponders destiny, trying to justify his feeling of -wrongness-, trying to convince himself things are out of his hands, because that's the only way he could truly justify not fighting fate, but believing in it in the first place. for harry, everything is fresh and bright and exactly as it appears, completely taking him by surprise. harry lives in the moment, while draco lives slightly before and after the moment, unable to believe in the reality right in front of him.
whenever they meet in the Moment, out of time, purely going by emotion, they just melt together, and nothing matters. and when draco kissed harry, his passion was completely incogruous with his methodical goals of hurting harry-- i fully believe he could both let the moment have its truth, and yet not let the truth touch him.
harry's emotion is timeless-- you don't get the sense that he'll ever get over it-- in fact he as much as says that's the one thing he cannot do, and i think that is true. harry goes with the moment, but the moment doesn't change him but rather seems to just strengthen the sparks already there inside him.
is draco's love also timeless? he keeps trying to tie it to time, create endings, force beginnings (the potion), whereas there's no true ending or beginning when it comes to the human heart.
this is where i repeat what draco said, and i can say no more.
when harry asks, has anything changed.
draco says-- "nothing".
i rest my case~:)
eternally, in harry/draco,
~reena
EDIT: this is so weird. i keep having this insiduous vision of draco today (the next morning), on one knee, refusing to leave my mind. ack. will post my visualization (picture) later today.
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no subject
Date: 2002-09-19 03:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-19 02:19 pm (UTC)wah. *emotional overload*
*sighs* really overreacting to it all, i guess. i've actually been trying to write a chap. 14 poem, and drawing draco on one knee, and ....
hmm... *grins*
but it's all worth it if i got you to see/hope for/believe in the happy ending too~:)
no subject
Date: 2002-09-19 01:00 pm (UTC)That's beautiful. I feel so sappy and wonderful now. :)
no subject
Date: 2002-09-19 04:17 pm (UTC)sankyouuu. my job is done :D