![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkawell, we all knew that [i wasn't stable] o_0
well i was going on about how tom of finland art convinced me that i don't like "manly men" or overt testosterone, etc etc. but then a very important question was asked of me: what do you think of genghis khan??
and i was like, YES, because i love genghis khan. i mean, i think wild-haired fierce-looking men in weird get-up yelling and screaming as they run, waving their sword (ok so maybe he didn't do that, but i bet he did in his younger days... ahem)-- i think they're sexay. i like warriors. i like swords & men on horseback & archers & xena: the warrior princess except with balls (even though she has balls *laughs*)
so. my only problem is with prissy imposters, who have short hair and artificial "i-work-out" muscles and an uptight attitude. they march in the ranks, they don't wave swords. they bark "yessir" instead of screaming, "diiiiie, infiiiidelllll!!" hee~:)
so i don't dislike testosterone after all. i tend to like mental agility vs physical, and mental swordplay rather than actual-- true. but, i like aggressiveness & courage & insane rage & all that good stuff. i find clean-cut guys with short hair, "tough attitudes", well-ironed uniforms and stuffy handshakes, boring and kind of a turn-off. of course, it's not like you'll find me seeking out Mr Wild Fabio, either, heh. i don't like affectation, and i find the modern idea of Masculinity an affectation-- and unlike the old idea of Womanhood, where women wore huge skirts and curtsied, it's not even remotely aesthetically pleasing. it's all fake and stupid. real warriors would laugh at them and their kinks. hmf :)
~~
the frosh are out in force today. oo, scary.
saw sept. 11 poetry up posted on a bulletin board. it was.... weird, reading it.
i was taken, again, by how hurt a lot of us were by this. and wondered, again, what that meant. do we, in fact, love each other? i mean, people in general. or is it just that the ones that do, are the vocal ones, in times like this?
i want to believe it. that it's true. that really, all this bickering is a front, and if it were to be ripped away, you'd see us bleeding, and needing each other, and being sorry we never said it while there was time. it really touched me, and it does still, all the displays of unity. i never see it, really-- all the unity is usually within one's own little sub-group, whatever you identify with. but then-- it was like, yeah we all do care. & we'll never admit it ourselves unless it was ripped away-- like a scab-- & we can't help crying.
~~
but. i feel a bit weird. about this site anyway (tom of finland's art). because-- if that's what slash looked like, i'd so be like, "ok, you boys be together, i'll just be lesbian from now on". *shudders* it's like-- bringing it home to me, how the yaoi/shounen-ai/lots-of-slash ideal of two slender moony boys mouthing soft words and angstying over each other and casting longing looks-- oh god, that's like, nothing like what most guys think like, is it, and i mean, i knew that, but still.....
i'm just on visual-testosterone overload. these are Men with no femininity in them. it's just plain scary. if this is what guys were all like, & women were all like me, humanity would just so, die away. heh. good thing neither of those is even remotely the case, but still. why do i get the impression, from seeing those guys, that they're really just almost too straight??! i mean, sure, they're groping each other-- in a Manly Way, heh. they're like, too Manly to like women. it's like with heero, how i thought he was too scarred by war, too much of a dark warrior/soldier, to do well with a fluffy soft-hearted female like relena. so that's why these muscled adonises make me think they're too Manly for anyone other than someone like them.
but like, do i really like boys-liking-boys, if what i think are boys, are actually some sort of simulacrums, just females with different equipment, femmy angsty females at that?? i'm so "yin" (in aesthetics) it really frightens sometimes. if that's maleness, it completely befuddles and turns me off. i know better of course-- plenty of males are intellectual and not testosterone-overriden, and soft-spoken. but, well, is that part of being male too? i'd say, of course, but....
it's just, it seems unnatural to me. they're less human, to me. those hard-bound authoritative harsh-voiced "tough guys". are they even real? i don't even want to look for the vulnerability secretly hidden inside them, just because they turn me off so much. from what i've seen of gay-male oriented erotica, a lot of the guys & situations -are- like that-- tough and rough and not-too-pretty and muscular, etc. & these are the "weird" males, supposedly, not perfect examples of typical manhood, so then, are straight guys even more... like that?
maybe that's why i could never get into "the sentinel" or "the magnificent seven" or even "smallville". testosterone, basically-- i see it and i run, heh. hm. i bet spike (::squeal::) would have Issues with me not including him in the Testosterone Hall of Fame, but.... yea, deal with it babe, you're no Sentinel (*laughs maniacally*)
ok, ok, i know better, i'm just a bit erm...flustered. it's just weird thinking that there's this whole other universe out there that i don't really partake in, and that i actively avoid. because the guys i interact with are well-- femmy i guess, even if just because they excercise their minds more than erm... preferred, in tough-guy-world?? heh i have like, no clue, you can tell.
no ok, ok, i'm overreacting.
people are just people. intelligence is key. & the more moderate they are, the more it seems femme, but it's not. yes, femaleness is actually the norm *laughs* but anyway... yeah, obvious point, people are people, no need to suddenly be scared that men & women are "different" & venus and mars are about to strike, just because of a few kitsch pictures. right. ok. i'm fine, really, heh. and if the boys i like reading about/have as people in my head aren't really "normal"-- well who cares anyway, heh.
well i was going on about how tom of finland art convinced me that i don't like "manly men" or overt testosterone, etc etc. but then a very important question was asked of me: what do you think of genghis khan??
and i was like, YES, because i love genghis khan. i mean, i think wild-haired fierce-looking men in weird get-up yelling and screaming as they run, waving their sword (ok so maybe he didn't do that, but i bet he did in his younger days... ahem)-- i think they're sexay. i like warriors. i like swords & men on horseback & archers & xena: the warrior princess except with balls (even though she has balls *laughs*)
so. my only problem is with prissy imposters, who have short hair and artificial "i-work-out" muscles and an uptight attitude. they march in the ranks, they don't wave swords. they bark "yessir" instead of screaming, "diiiiie, infiiiidelllll!!" hee~:)
so i don't dislike testosterone after all. i tend to like mental agility vs physical, and mental swordplay rather than actual-- true. but, i like aggressiveness & courage & insane rage & all that good stuff. i find clean-cut guys with short hair, "tough attitudes", well-ironed uniforms and stuffy handshakes, boring and kind of a turn-off. of course, it's not like you'll find me seeking out Mr Wild Fabio, either, heh. i don't like affectation, and i find the modern idea of Masculinity an affectation-- and unlike the old idea of Womanhood, where women wore huge skirts and curtsied, it's not even remotely aesthetically pleasing. it's all fake and stupid. real warriors would laugh at them and their kinks. hmf :)
~~
the frosh are out in force today. oo, scary.
saw sept. 11 poetry up posted on a bulletin board. it was.... weird, reading it.
i was taken, again, by how hurt a lot of us were by this. and wondered, again, what that meant. do we, in fact, love each other? i mean, people in general. or is it just that the ones that do, are the vocal ones, in times like this?
i want to believe it. that it's true. that really, all this bickering is a front, and if it were to be ripped away, you'd see us bleeding, and needing each other, and being sorry we never said it while there was time. it really touched me, and it does still, all the displays of unity. i never see it, really-- all the unity is usually within one's own little sub-group, whatever you identify with. but then-- it was like, yeah we all do care. & we'll never admit it ourselves unless it was ripped away-- like a scab-- & we can't help crying.
~~
but. i feel a bit weird. about this site anyway (tom of finland's art). because-- if that's what slash looked like, i'd so be like, "ok, you boys be together, i'll just be lesbian from now on". *shudders* it's like-- bringing it home to me, how the yaoi/shounen-ai/lots-of-slash ideal of two slender moony boys mouthing soft words and angstying over each other and casting longing looks-- oh god, that's like, nothing like what most guys think like, is it, and i mean, i knew that, but still.....
i'm just on visual-testosterone overload. these are Men with no femininity in them. it's just plain scary. if this is what guys were all like, & women were all like me, humanity would just so, die away. heh. good thing neither of those is even remotely the case, but still. why do i get the impression, from seeing those guys, that they're really just almost too straight??! i mean, sure, they're groping each other-- in a Manly Way, heh. they're like, too Manly to like women. it's like with heero, how i thought he was too scarred by war, too much of a dark warrior/soldier, to do well with a fluffy soft-hearted female like relena. so that's why these muscled adonises make me think they're too Manly for anyone other than someone like them.
but like, do i really like boys-liking-boys, if what i think are boys, are actually some sort of simulacrums, just females with different equipment, femmy angsty females at that?? i'm so "yin" (in aesthetics) it really frightens sometimes. if that's maleness, it completely befuddles and turns me off. i know better of course-- plenty of males are intellectual and not testosterone-overriden, and soft-spoken. but, well, is that part of being male too? i'd say, of course, but....
it's just, it seems unnatural to me. they're less human, to me. those hard-bound authoritative harsh-voiced "tough guys". are they even real? i don't even want to look for the vulnerability secretly hidden inside them, just because they turn me off so much. from what i've seen of gay-male oriented erotica, a lot of the guys & situations -are- like that-- tough and rough and not-too-pretty and muscular, etc. & these are the "weird" males, supposedly, not perfect examples of typical manhood, so then, are straight guys even more... like that?
maybe that's why i could never get into "the sentinel" or "the magnificent seven" or even "smallville". testosterone, basically-- i see it and i run, heh. hm. i bet spike (::squeal::) would have Issues with me not including him in the Testosterone Hall of Fame, but.... yea, deal with it babe, you're no Sentinel (*laughs maniacally*)
ok, ok, i know better, i'm just a bit erm...flustered. it's just weird thinking that there's this whole other universe out there that i don't really partake in, and that i actively avoid. because the guys i interact with are well-- femmy i guess, even if just because they excercise their minds more than erm... preferred, in tough-guy-world?? heh i have like, no clue, you can tell.
no ok, ok, i'm overreacting.
people are just people. intelligence is key. & the more moderate they are, the more it seems femme, but it's not. yes, femaleness is actually the norm *laughs* but anyway... yeah, obvious point, people are people, no need to suddenly be scared that men & women are "different" & venus and mars are about to strike, just because of a few kitsch pictures. right. ok. i'm fine, really, heh. and if the boys i like reading about/have as people in my head aren't really "normal"-- well who cares anyway, heh.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-08-29 10:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-08-29 02:59 pm (UTC)i guess a bunch of actual boys are kinda cute and scrawny... & like no, i'm not a pedophile, just... grown-ups are scary & unattractive, but it's not an age thing i don't think~:)
could never get over seeing the guy who plays clark, and his frikkin' huge manly jaw, hehehe:>
he has this earnest look, and those all-american blue eyes, and... well... er.... this -is- the wb, i guess~:) it shows, too. heh. clean-cutness is so not-slashy (to me), which is probably why police-officers grabbing other police-officers were kinda scary x_X ()
no subject
Date: 2002-08-29 03:16 pm (UTC)manly? nooooooooooooooo! la la la! I don't hear you! la la la! *grins and scampers off*