*gasp* H/D!
Nov. 10th, 2006 03:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaThis is bad. Just when I should be doing... oh, a zillion other, exciting (...not too sarcastic) things here in rainy, beautiful Seattle, I... uh, fell head-over-heels for Jim&Blair. Woe. :/ I feel a bit embarrassed, too, 'cause... it's not like they're the most... uhhh, deep or angsty pairing :P I mean, they -could- be, but they don't breathe 'deep meaningfulness' or whatever, mostly 'cause there's nothing too tragic (unless you count Blair's eventual semi-positive self-sacrifice, but that's more in the 'awww' category as well, for me. I CAN'T HELP IT. SO CUTE.)
Aaaanyway. Funny thing is, I'm more H/D-ey than I was like, a year ago, when I felt all burnt out and like 'okay, HBP. now what. NOW NOTHING.' so. Things are pretty much normal in Reena-land, probably. I mean, I've accepted that [99.9% of other people's] H/D fanfic doesn't do it for me, but that... that's okay, hahaha, I've accepted it. I've moved on!! :D I can still write them & think about them without constantly being bitter that I can't read them (...or write them) the way I like, haha. I know, AMAZING :D
I mean, yesterday I was trudging through the rain and my own sleep-deprived Sentinel-obsessed exhaustion in the dark, finally got to the mall and was sort of absent-mindedly thinking of my Ideal H/D Story-structure ('cause really, I could barely string two sentences together in my head and this is my default Thing, ahahah). I had to wait for like, 20 minutes for the person ahead of me to finish buying like, 10 zillion pale green towels, so I grabbed a handy catalog postcard & scribbled my ideas :> :>
Funny, 'cause I was just thinking how I keep writing H/D fic and H/D meta, and rarely do the twin approaches meet; I know some (most? dunno) people who don't just write kinkfic write as a direct expression of their 'Ideas' on characters/plot, but I honestly don't; I -want- to, I guess, but I just don't plot things out in advance by nature, or -plan- things in advance, so I end up flying by the seat of my v. impulsive (and porn-obsessed) pants most of the time.
...Which means I write snarky fluff & porn and darkfic when I'm moody, basically :)) Oh, and unfinished never-posted WIPs where I actually -have- [somewhat disjointed] Ideas that putter out from lack of continuous energy-management skillz. :/ (In other words, I need someone to kick my butt to get me to finish this 'thinky'-type stuff, but no one volunteers, so... ahahahah. *cough*)
...So anyway, here's my Ideal Thinky Prototypical H/D outline chronology type-thing, the one I'd write but also the one I kinda... wanted to read. *coughs* Mostly, no one has written long H/D with all these elements (to my knowledge), including myself. In other words, this is The Way It Really Happens In My Head:
---->* why does it start? [that's the Big Question]
- I don't know, but there aren't too many ways, some crackier than others (and I like cracky if the follow-up is thorough & logical). Like... potions/curses/magical objects/kidnappings/everything's game (as long as you also take the latest canon into account). Cute magical thingamabob aside, [[[* here's where plot goes]]]. In the end, it's not important to -me-, but it is to the story; the most bland-yet-doable would be plot issues like Harry needing Draco's help or testimony for the canon plot-related stuff. I hate Draco needing help; I mean, he DOES, but that's just so... unbalanced if that was the basis. So.
[Plot: this is the part that's most often probably variable in my head.]
---->* Stage 1: tense confrontations/plot and basic canon-based characterization issues
- chance/forced encounters lead to blow-up, tension; aborted fixated interest, perhaps, but all subtextual*
* Not sexualized at this point!! Not conscious for quite a while later.
- they get derailed even if progress is made; sort of have bursts or like, tiny outbreaks of understanding or attraction, quickly squashed. mostly there's angst, bitterness, trying to avoid each other & denial; Oh, and it's also likely they get even more hetero than before if it gets too heavy or they get drunk*
(*bonus points! but then they have to work at ignoring/avoiding that too, afterwards.)
- definitely growing/more overt moments of tense/denied attraction. Violence, hexes, arguing-- Draco trying to be all with the detached superior mocking (and failing), Harry vacillating between overreaction and projected superiority (reverting to 'Malfoy the Ferrety Git' and worse at any provocation).
- ...but also peppered (growing!) moments of actual sympathy & mutual understanding, usually under pressure or when there's teamwork for some (any!) reason. They have to slowly realize each other's [complementary, different] strengths through trial and error; eventually you get a grudging repressed sort of respect. Maybe.
***Eventually, late Stage 1:
+ fucked-up friendship they both try to deny; they start to Really Talk about their beliefs, lives, etc... not A LOT or anything, but they start to enjoy each other's company and have all this baggage of stuff they'd apparently needed to get off their chests. Or something. But yes, talk sometimes*
* Maybe you'd have to trap them somewhere doing something else & being bored.
+ OBSESSIVENESS. They think about each other more and more and it fucks things up in sort of... confusing ways. It's -really- confusing and things keep getting more intense (confrontation-wise) more quickly as they get more attracted, so they snap at each other more easily but talk more. So it's not violence or hexes, but rather just emotional hurt. (...this is subtle, but a huge change.)
+ FINALLY, acknowledged/acted upon desire, but 'in the closet'; slowly driving them insane and more conflicted. The tentative truce/understanding & beginnings of friendship suffer to the point of nearly buckling*
* One way to deal with this is to have them utterly split the two modes; either acting like adversarial sort-of-friends or fuckbuddies but not both at once. Never both at once.
***Stage 1 characterization:
+ Harry: gets some sympathy;
+ Draco: starts secretly admiring just Harry personally.
+ Draco: doesn't just 'repent'; small pieces of personal outlook change, but he's stubborn and only gives when pushed*
* if/when Harry pushes... things regress.
+ Harry: slooooowly even begins to admit to himself he maybe actually likes Malfoy; feels self-disgust/heightened inner conflict once physical relationship starts (and takes it out on Draco), but also feels ballooning, irresistible intense attraction that drives him crazy and actually regresses them emotionally to a more juvenile, volatile state.
Overall, they share a snarky almost-companionable vibe at their more peaceable moments (which aren't many), most often when they're alone & working together or separately on something else to take up 70% of their attention-- or playing Quidditch for fun, say*
* At the end of this stage, this starts to tear apart 'cause Draco becomes needy & Harry's lost.
[[[Overall plot: maybe a year passes, less if plot is fast-paced; here's when we have the midpoint, plot reaches height of convolution & build-up ends.
Optionally: things come to a head & they break up the first time; get back together in a few weeks, the friendship bit pretty much in tatters, but they can't keep their hands off each other once they start, so they work together and fuck in closets again.]]]
---->* Stage 2: deeper and mutual issues; relationship stuff
- Unspoken Rules: they never speak of relationship by unspoken agreement*;
*Harry used to have a gf and so did Draco (though Pansy's got no illusions).
- They break up with them but don't tell each other;
*** Stage 2 Characterization:
+ Harry: [after a year or more] finally wants a 'relationship' and accepts they're 'together' even if he doesn't verbalize it & Draco would deny it if he told him (though he doesn't know that Draco's the one who's the most messed up by things being up in the air, that Draco desperately wants the same security Harry does, but neither of them really trusts the other enough to talk about it);
+ Harry also still tells himself doesn't want it with Malfoy.
+ Draco: tries to be rational and mostly fails; probably at least thinks about either cheating or breaking up and at some point, both are likely enough to happen to some degree. Most likely he thinks he should (with women, that is), but can't or doesn't or just says he does to see what Harry does. Naturally, Harry goes a bit insane, but hey, the sex is good. It actually keeps getting better 'cause they were both pretty inept at first;
+ Draco has self-disgust/shame issues because of the sex [bottoming!] rather than the relationship, like Harry does, because if there's ONE thing Harry's 100% sure of in this, definitely, it's that Malfoy HAS to be fucked... by him [and he does tell Draco this, usually after sex, sometimes right before... I can really see dirty talk happening a lot once he gets halfway comfortable with the fucking part itself]. Draco doesn't realize this consciously, but would feel v. much reassured if there was a 'Relationship' and the certain rights/privileges for himself that come with it.*
* Well, if he admitted he wants that.
[[[...here's where I work more on theoretical plot stuff and that goes sharply towards climax/resolution stage]]]
- Climax: extreme confrontation/loss & reassessment;
+ (Probably) this is a near-death experience [of Draco's] that snaps Harry out of what's become a relationship funk / a rut (figuratively);
+ Heroism is mutual yet in different/complementary Gryff vs. Slyth fashions; successful teamwork [they need each other] = step forward;
- Resolution/postscript: more fondness in fucking (still unacknowledged); their friends quietly assume/see they're together*
* It's no big deal but Hermione takes awhile to 'subtly' and 'casually' mention it, hahah, to Harry's utter mortification and her amusement.
---->* [The pathetically fluffy postcript I don't wanna include, really, but does exist in a corner of my head:]
They actually have 'The Talk'; this is very embarrassing and yet, after the near-death experience and all that, Harry's just feeling this flood of tenderness and desire to coddle Draco (...this is temporary, okay). Draco does this act like he's doing Harry a favor and refuses to make much of a verbal commitment, but he lets Harry do whatever he likes, and is just smug/satisfied. They move in together (way later-- think 2-3 years, IF they make it that long);
- the end. D:
Aaaanyway. Funny thing is, I'm more H/D-ey than I was like, a year ago, when I felt all burnt out and like 'okay, HBP. now what. NOW NOTHING.' so. Things are pretty much normal in Reena-land, probably. I mean, I've accepted that [99.9% of other people's] H/D fanfic doesn't do it for me, but that... that's okay, hahaha, I've accepted it. I've moved on!! :D I can still write them & think about them without constantly being bitter that I can't read them (...or write them) the way I like, haha. I know, AMAZING :D
I mean, yesterday I was trudging through the rain and my own sleep-deprived Sentinel-obsessed exhaustion in the dark, finally got to the mall and was sort of absent-mindedly thinking of my Ideal H/D Story-structure ('cause really, I could barely string two sentences together in my head and this is my default Thing, ahahah). I had to wait for like, 20 minutes for the person ahead of me to finish buying like, 10 zillion pale green towels, so I grabbed a handy catalog postcard & scribbled my ideas :> :>
Funny, 'cause I was just thinking how I keep writing H/D fic and H/D meta, and rarely do the twin approaches meet; I know some (most? dunno) people who don't just write kinkfic write as a direct expression of their 'Ideas' on characters/plot, but I honestly don't; I -want- to, I guess, but I just don't plot things out in advance by nature, or -plan- things in advance, so I end up flying by the seat of my v. impulsive (and porn-obsessed) pants most of the time.
...Which means I write snarky fluff & porn and darkfic when I'm moody, basically :)) Oh, and unfinished never-posted WIPs where I actually -have- [somewhat disjointed] Ideas that putter out from lack of continuous energy-management skillz. :/ (In other words, I need someone to kick my butt to get me to finish this 'thinky'-type stuff, but no one volunteers, so... ahahahah. *cough*)
...So anyway, here's my Ideal Thinky Prototypical H/D outline chronology type-thing, the one I'd write but also the one I kinda... wanted to read. *coughs* Mostly, no one has written long H/D with all these elements (to my knowledge), including myself. In other words, this is The Way It Really Happens In My Head:
---->* why does it start? [that's the Big Question]
- I don't know, but there aren't too many ways, some crackier than others (and I like cracky if the follow-up is thorough & logical). Like... potions/curses/magical objects/kidnappings/everything's game (as long as you also take the latest canon into account). Cute magical thingamabob aside, [[[* here's where plot goes]]]. In the end, it's not important to -me-, but it is to the story; the most bland-yet-doable would be plot issues like Harry needing Draco's help or testimony for the canon plot-related stuff. I hate Draco needing help; I mean, he DOES, but that's just so... unbalanced if that was the basis. So.
[Plot: this is the part that's most often probably variable in my head.]
---->* Stage 1: tense confrontations/plot and basic canon-based characterization issues
- chance/forced encounters lead to blow-up, tension; aborted fixated interest, perhaps, but all subtextual*
* Not sexualized at this point!! Not conscious for quite a while later.
- they get derailed even if progress is made; sort of have bursts or like, tiny outbreaks of understanding or attraction, quickly squashed. mostly there's angst, bitterness, trying to avoid each other & denial; Oh, and it's also likely they get even more hetero than before if it gets too heavy or they get drunk*
(*bonus points! but then they have to work at ignoring/avoiding that too, afterwards.)
- definitely growing/more overt moments of tense/denied attraction. Violence, hexes, arguing-- Draco trying to be all with the detached superior mocking (and failing), Harry vacillating between overreaction and projected superiority (reverting to 'Malfoy the Ferrety Git' and worse at any provocation).
- ...but also peppered (growing!) moments of actual sympathy & mutual understanding, usually under pressure or when there's teamwork for some (any!) reason. They have to slowly realize each other's [complementary, different] strengths through trial and error; eventually you get a grudging repressed sort of respect. Maybe.
***Eventually, late Stage 1:
+ fucked-up friendship they both try to deny; they start to Really Talk about their beliefs, lives, etc... not A LOT or anything, but they start to enjoy each other's company and have all this baggage of stuff they'd apparently needed to get off their chests. Or something. But yes, talk sometimes*
* Maybe you'd have to trap them somewhere doing something else & being bored.
+ OBSESSIVENESS. They think about each other more and more and it fucks things up in sort of... confusing ways. It's -really- confusing and things keep getting more intense (confrontation-wise) more quickly as they get more attracted, so they snap at each other more easily but talk more. So it's not violence or hexes, but rather just emotional hurt. (...this is subtle, but a huge change.)
+ FINALLY, acknowledged/acted upon desire, but 'in the closet'; slowly driving them insane and more conflicted. The tentative truce/understanding & beginnings of friendship suffer to the point of nearly buckling*
* One way to deal with this is to have them utterly split the two modes; either acting like adversarial sort-of-friends or fuckbuddies but not both at once. Never both at once.
***Stage 1 characterization:
+ Harry: gets some sympathy;
+ Draco: starts secretly admiring just Harry personally.
+ Draco: doesn't just 'repent'; small pieces of personal outlook change, but he's stubborn and only gives when pushed*
* if/when Harry pushes... things regress.
+ Harry: slooooowly even begins to admit to himself he maybe actually likes Malfoy; feels self-disgust/heightened inner conflict once physical relationship starts (and takes it out on Draco), but also feels ballooning, irresistible intense attraction that drives him crazy and actually regresses them emotionally to a more juvenile, volatile state.
Overall, they share a snarky almost-companionable vibe at their more peaceable moments (which aren't many), most often when they're alone & working together or separately on something else to take up 70% of their attention-- or playing Quidditch for fun, say*
* At the end of this stage, this starts to tear apart 'cause Draco becomes needy & Harry's lost.
Optionally: things come to a head & they break up the first time; get back together in a few weeks, the friendship bit pretty much in tatters, but they can't keep their hands off each other once they start, so they work together and fuck in closets again.]]]
---->* Stage 2: deeper and mutual issues; relationship stuff
- Unspoken Rules: they never speak of relationship by unspoken agreement*;
*Harry used to have a gf and so did Draco (though Pansy's got no illusions).
- They break up with them but don't tell each other;
*** Stage 2 Characterization:
+ Harry: [after a year or more] finally wants a 'relationship' and accepts they're 'together' even if he doesn't verbalize it & Draco would deny it if he told him (though he doesn't know that Draco's the one who's the most messed up by things being up in the air, that Draco desperately wants the same security Harry does, but neither of them really trusts the other enough to talk about it);
+ Harry also still tells himself doesn't want it with Malfoy.
+ Draco: tries to be rational and mostly fails; probably at least thinks about either cheating or breaking up and at some point, both are likely enough to happen to some degree. Most likely he thinks he should (with women, that is), but can't or doesn't or just says he does to see what Harry does. Naturally, Harry goes a bit insane, but hey, the sex is good. It actually keeps getting better 'cause they were both pretty inept at first;
+ Draco has self-disgust/shame issues because of the sex [bottoming!] rather than the relationship, like Harry does, because if there's ONE thing Harry's 100% sure of in this, definitely, it's that Malfoy HAS to be fucked... by him [and he does tell Draco this, usually after sex, sometimes right before... I can really see dirty talk happening a lot once he gets halfway comfortable with the fucking part itself]. Draco doesn't realize this consciously, but would feel v. much reassured if there was a 'Relationship' and the certain rights/privileges for himself that come with it.*
* Well, if he admitted he wants that.
- Climax: extreme confrontation/loss & reassessment;
+ (Probably) this is a near-death experience [of Draco's] that snaps Harry out of what's become a relationship funk / a rut (figuratively);
+ Heroism is mutual yet in different/complementary Gryff vs. Slyth fashions; successful teamwork [they need each other] = step forward;
- Resolution/postscript: more fondness in fucking (still unacknowledged); their friends quietly assume/see they're together*
* It's no big deal but Hermione takes awhile to 'subtly' and 'casually' mention it, hahah, to Harry's utter mortification and her amusement.
---->* [The pathetically fluffy postcript I don't wanna include, really, but does exist in a corner of my head:]
They actually have 'The Talk'; this is very embarrassing and yet, after the near-death experience and all that, Harry's just feeling this flood of tenderness and desire to coddle Draco (...this is temporary, okay). Draco does this act like he's doing Harry a favor and refuses to make much of a verbal commitment, but he lets Harry do whatever he likes, and is just smug/satisfied. They move in together (way later-- think 2-3 years, IF they make it that long);
- the end. D:
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