[the power of no]

[reenka]

I just realized that it's not that I like bastards, really-- that is, people who victimize others in some way or are immature in their interactions or are just casually cruel (though hopefully intelligent)-- but rather that I sympathize most with the character who's being victimized by themselves rather than by others. I find that the clueless, immature bastard who's shooting -himself- in the foot will generally get a 'go to hell' from readers before they get sympathy, whereas readers seem more than ready to justify the more obvious victim in whatever part their own stupidity played in the proceedings.

It's pretty clear in my response to the last issue posted on yaoi_daily of 'The Tyrant Who Fall in Love' (...it's just one of those titles, I guess). I feel bad for the guy who's out of control emotionally and sexually even though most people seem to blame him almost entirely for his screw-ups, and I'm tired of the guy who's totally repressed and has all the emotional power in the relationship even though he's the one supposedly getting 'abused' (which is actually another sort of way to be in control). Maybe it's just... more the typically female 'part' to empathize with the person who supposedly doesn't want the sex, who's not desperate, even if he makes it a habit to be utterly unreasonable about a million -other- things. Or maybe it's just twisted of me to think that saying 'no' is actually an assertion of power in a relationship, and that there are usually layers of no's & you'd have to get back to the first one to see who has the 'upper hand'.

This was actually the source of my initial fixation & fascination with Draco: that idea that Harry had all this power over Draco's psyche by having first told him 'no', and how he must suffer and obsess over somehow turning it into a 'yes' before he could move on and get over himself. The other thing I really dug with Draco was how much he was always his own fall-guy, his own victim: his plans failing because he was always not -quite- good enough, no matter how much he'd try to blame Harry; the sheer pathos really appeals to me. Of course now, a lot of things are different, especially when Draco doesn't seem to care about Harry's 'yes' in HBP anymore -and- he finally got a taste of real success (as well as real failure, but in a totally different context).
    -Harry- is the one longing & out of control, in different ways in OoTP and HBP, and Harry never struck me as... ultimately suited for being love's fool, not like Draco is. Harry is really too good at winning against all odds, somehow. For someone to make a great antihero, someone I really root for, they have to actually be losing even as they seem to win, which is a trademark of 'the Bastard'.

I think my favorite dynamics would probably make it difficult to say which character 'can't say no'; in this manga especially, it really goes back and forth, and I notice people claiming one character (the victimized one) is really the one who 'can't say no' and 'lets people walk all over him' even if the evidence all points in the opposite direction. Really, the story wouldn't be interesting if it was that obvious; possibly, one of the preconditions of a working romantic relationship is that both parties find themselves unable to refuse each other in different ways, perhaps. Certainly, this inability to ignore or refuse (in different contexts) is a trademark of Harry & Draco's relationship, even in canon, and it might be something that drives the fanon, in so far as that goes, too.

Comments

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

OH, I so know what you mean. I think what I loved in HBP was that it was still Draco destroying himself but in a much grander way. It wasn't just petty schemes that backfired or didn't satisfy him, it was him hurling himself into what he said he wanted and having to swim for his life. Which ultimately seems like the only way he could break out of that pattern if he was going to.

It's that whole "deserving" thing again, where sometimes you can't help but be fascinated by a character where you can see all too clearly that they create their own problems, without it seeming just like them being annoying, you know? You have to kind of get it what's driving them so it's not just the person being annoying, so you have this feeling of inevitability, like they're following their true calling even as they're fucking up.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Every time I think about HBP!Draco I feel so vindicated it sort of hurts, though I'm still bitter because I wanted fanfic dammit, -fanfic-! I always said that post-OoTP, what we all needed was for Draco to throw himself into the quasi-Death-Eater revenge-type stuff, and lo! I was right. I think everyone was just too in love with 'sympathetic' Draco that they didn't realize this would actually make Draco more sympathetic than all the milque-toast 'noooo, I hate Death Eaters nowwwww, waaah' stuff everyone actually wrote. Ahahahaha, my bitterness literally has no end :D

I really HATE the 'deserving' thing; with every time that someone's like 'this character deserves the boot', I'm even more like, DIE!! DIE!! Ahahaha. No patience. That's the 'J' in Myers-Briggs, judging and justifying its way into my craw :> But yeah, I think it definitely revolves around the person 'getting it', getting the character-- like, if there's apparently annoying or stupid behavior, it's more important to understand why it's going on, 'cause obviously it's way too easy to sympathize with someone who's acting just like they're 'supposed' to or it's clearly not their fault. Of course, the truth is that it's -never- 'just' the person being annoying; I mean, when is it ever? Sociopaths aside, I don't think it's possible to hurt others without being hurt yourself, though it's harder to perceive the source of the hurt when the person's all ... twisted in pursuit of that 'true calling'.

Then again, I've really no patience for characters who're oppressed by society or other people or whatever, because if you're going to be weak, the least you can do is confront that weakness and face up to it, struggle with it, -something-. What I'm really saying is that in some sense everyone creates their own problems, so at least the person shooting themselves in the foot is more honest :>

[addictedkitten.livejournal.com]

possibly, one of the preconditions of a working romantic relationship is that both parties find themselves unable to refuse each other in different ways, perhaps.

Sometimes you say things that really interest me.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Hee. Actually, that sentence could have had me rambling on about that idea, but for once I stuck to the sweetly brief, or something :> There are lots of examples that come to mind, though, so it does seem to work. See, sometimes it's good to be a sucker :D

[fictualities.livejournal.com]

-Harry- is the one longing & out of control, in different ways in OoTP and HBP, and Harry never struck me as... ultimately suited for being love's fool, not like Draco is. Harry is really too good at winning against all odds, somehow.

Yeah, I think so, and much as I was tickled to see Harry obsessed with Draco, that obsession was oddly contained, as far as obsessions go. Harry has a really long history of being deprived of love (growing up in a cupboard, etc), but of just not letting it get to him. He seems weirdly impervious to woe, and just hangs on until opportunities for friendship or love or whatever come along. Maybe he succeeds because he's always ready for success; he doesn't have so much baggage as a less emotionally resilient character might. That's why it struck me as making some psychological sense for Harry finally to connect with Ginny at the end of the chapter that had the most intense emotional confrontation with Draco. The scene with Draco in the bathroom was intense but Harry doesn't dwell on it; he's ready for something else, gets it when the moment seems right, and later puts it aside (breaks up with Ginny) when he decides that he must. He's remarkably in control for a kid that young; useful for a hero, but yeah, it wouldn't make him love's fool.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

It seems a bit odd to think of Harry as 'in control', but I do think that's what weirded me out about HBP!Harry, especially considering this is right after all the capslocking of doom (which is still somehow the stereotype for Harry in fandom... annoying). I think it comes across as more 'dissociated' than in control; like, it's not that he's consciously manipulating his own reactions but rather that he avoids really dealing with them or doesn't tend to be 'open' enough to let them fully affect him. It's also a question of threshold, perhaps-- in that while he probably was as invested in Sirius as in Draco (likely more), after a certain point of trauma, he'd shut off, at least to some degree. Draco, on the other hand, apparently doesn't have a 'safety mechanism' since he just progressively got more miserable during HBP in a way Harry never had no matter what happened.

I guess it's really a thin line between 'resilience' and distance. But I do think you're really onto something with the idea of the confrontation with Draco 'priming' Harry to be more open with Ginny; I think Draco just deals with Harry's issues (or... steps on his toes?) more than Ginny does, so maybe his reactions are just naturally more visceral since he projects onto Draco a lot more, and Draco also makes him confront his dark side in a way Ginny probably can't. But I don't know if he 'puts it aside' if by that you'd imply real difficulty; I mean, I don't think he really angsted over it much. But maybe I'm underestimating him :>