[a true liar and other stories]

[reenka]

All right, I'll admit it (not like it's not obvious anyway): I'm addicted to posting on lj. Haha. (Shock, right.) Seriously, I suppose this is why most normal(er) people like, go on y!m or... uh... call up their friends, but I get a certain feeling of 'oh look! I'm communicating!! hahahaha' (...) even though I'm just basically talking to myself, really. But it gets a certain load off, so whatevah.

I was skimming the comments to furiosity's post on why would people keep fandom a secret ('cause like, lying makes you feel guilty, doesn't it? doesn't it??!), and one person said they like to keep secrets, it's their thing (privacy! privacy!). And then my mind went off on a tangent 'cause there's this famous quote by this old dead Jewish writer guy, Isaac Bashevis Singer, "When I was a little boy, they called me a liar, but now that I am grown up, they call me a writer." Hee. And yeah-- I really identified with this when I was little (around 9 or 10), 'cause maaaaan, did I lie about anything and everything when I was that age. For serious; I didn't need a reason, I just needed a crazy story to tell. But I didn't like lying to save my skin; that always made me feel... itchy somehow (though I guess I still do it at times).

I don't think a writer's gift for lying (there's a reason they call it 'telling stories', right?) and wild imagination is the same as the compulsive liar's; I mean, I think a writer is often a good liar to start with (I'm guessing me and ol' Isaac aren't alone), but what I realized when I grew a bit older was-- well, not to put too fine a point on it, but-- basically, you can't be a good writer if you're not into telling the plain unvarnished truth when it would be most powerful. I realized that truth-telling is the writer's calling even if lying is a writer's skill, if that makes sense; the trick is to use one's imagination to make people stop lying-- to themselves most of all-- even if just for a moment, that moment of revelation while reading a really good book that touches you. That moment where the story speaks to you.

I think a chronic liar's stories are just... subtly different somehow. Perhaps it's that they tend to be either self-serving in nature or random at best-- they're not truthful in a way that goes beyond facts and into revealing something deeper; like, my own stories were usually mixtures of desire and wish-fulfillment and half-hidden fears. I think my childhood fibs & fantasies would tell you as much about me as the most unvarnished truth-- and a part of me thinks that if your lies are 'just lies'-- if they're flat somehow-- then you may be good at playing that game, but in the end, the stakes are too small.
    Without that random whimsy, the unrestrained fantasy of a 'true' lie-- instead of inspiring guilt, that sort of lying inspires only a sort of wistful pity in me, perhaps. I keep thinking, moreso the older I get, that if there's a truth that matters to you in your life, whatever that truth is, but fandom would do-- if you don't share it, no matter how dangerous-- if you don't tell it, if you don't try to live it-- you're not so much living a lie; the lie is living you.

...That being as it is, it's just my philosophy, not my religion; no need to convert. I mean, I don't care what other people do; I just realized that the truth is... more interesting to me, whatever form it takes. I don't mean the factual truth. Just. The truth.
~~

Also, I'm reading a number of good fantasy novels lately, but don't know what to do with them. Review? Go on tangents? Praise the slivers of gay? (Yaye! There are slivers of gay!!) Um. ^^;

Comments

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Heh, I'm the sort of person that likes it when people are sort of earnestly obnoxious like that, but-- yeah :)) Though the person who lies to their friends and hides everything from everyone sort of disturbed me o_0 o_0

When I was little, I thought that quote meant I was gonna grow up to write books for sure :D