[stuff the blue ribbon, kthnx.]
Sep. 9th, 2005 04:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaThere is definitely something that drives me absolutely up the wall about the idea, baldly stated, that of course one writes in order to be basically worshipped by one's readers. Not just to be read (something I do identify strongly with-- more readers, yesss!!), but to be admired. Oh my gahd. Gag. Me. Now.
That is such a... such... a complete disregard of craft and a sort of dismissal of any kind of pride or pleasure in being a writer in the first place....
I mean, I imagine even corn-growers may grow corn for money or for the satisfaction in seeing those golden cornfields every year, all due to their hard work, but oh god, I would hope most don't grow corn for that one shining moment one day when they win the blue ribbon and everyone pats them on the back and people are smiling so prettily at them, saying, great job with that there corn, matey! Because... well, it would just be so sad. In that not only is it not healthy to survive only on the praise of others, but it devalues one's work... it makes everything you do out to be about anything but you. How... how very sad is that?
It wouldn't even bother me so much if the people who're constantly saying they write (only!) for positive recs and reviews didn't assume everyone's like that, or it's normal & natural to be like that, or didn't everyone hear? That's human nature, it is. I mean, I'm sure there are some coldhearted people out there who don't understand the sheer overwhelming goodness and light that is pure flattery, but well, let's just not talk about them.... Let's just live in that bright beautiful world where everyone loves us (and those badbad-nogoodnicks who dare speak against our blood and sweat... let's just stone them).... Ahhh, that's better... and now a little to the right... and where are those oiled dancing boys, btw? Fandom owes me.
...And hey, nevermind that the omg-meanie concrit reviews in question weren't even given -to- the authors... because everything we say about a piece of fiction is really... about the writer. Because... that's just how it works. Why? Because. Because that's how it feels. Right, then.
What about me, then? Am I a freak of nature, because while I love positive reviews (in a 'that's nice, really it is' sort of way), I only really appreciate them if they come from a person I know and respect, or if they're given in a rational, thoughtful (non-squeeing) manner that lets me know the person gave it some thought. Otherwise I'd be paranoid that if they -did- think about it, they'd secretly think 'yeah... for a fanfic and especially porn it's okay, but otherwise... yeah, you're not Shakespeare, dear'. Pretty empty flattery? I don't want to hear it. If I knew the reader's response was merely politeness, I'd feel much, much more angsty then if was lukewarm but thoughtful and sincere. That is what makes me happy above all-- honesty, thoughtfulness and sincerity.
There's nothing more pleasing to me as a writer than to have a reader care to think about what I wrote, about my characterizations, about my ideas. That in itself is beyond flattering in a way actual flattery could never, ever dream of being.
And to me, it's not about that popular catchphrase, either: I want concrit to learn. I don't need it to learn. I'll learn anyway (though the right concrit from the right person is helpful... well, maybe for the future, anyway, since I'm the laziest rewriter ever). No, I mean what I say: this isn't about ego. I don't write to be liked, I don't write to be admired, and in fact I don't care if you admire me. I just want my readers to enjoy my writing, not me.
I certainly -have- an ego, and it can be bruised if I care about your opinion in the first place, but why should I be -that- invested in some random person's opinion if I don't, myself, find it enlightening or intelligent?
A critique can be stupid and empty too, and you yourself are the one supposed to be the judge-- the same way a mindless squee-omg-you're-GOD is... silly. I don't want to be some kind of queen-- I just want to write good stories, and they don't have to have already reached such a pinnacle-- I mean, I write boyporn fanfiction, not postmodern short-shorts for the New Yorker. Hello, this Mr. Perspective, knocking on your door! How are ya?
I don't even understand how anyone manages to live under the delusion that their writing is-- what-- perfect? Huh? But no, of course, that's not what this is about-- it's not about any honest evaluation but rather about the politeness of not mentioning that snot on your shoe, or something like that. Again equating the person's own shoe with a story they wrote. Because clearly those two things are entirely equivalent, except, well, we wear our stories on our hearts. And who wants to mention to snot on one's -heart-?? Or... something like that, right.
But no, then there's point #2: none of us are supposed to take any of this seriously anyway, because this is fandom, and therefore we do this only for fun, and by fun? We mean ass-kissing. And if we don't feel like it's fun with some review disturbing ourass-kissing zen, then it's not worth it anymore. The glow wouldn't be there. The purpose would be gone. Without the happy-happy-joyjoy feeling all year 'round, why would we write fanfiction? Clearly, the answer is, of course, not 'because we're inspired to and can't help ourselves'. Because that's for serious writers who don't understand the concept of fun, fun, fun.
And as for point #3: I am the writer and thus god, therefore any suggestion of change is inherently worthless.... You know... I'm not good at rewriting either, and I generally don't get my short-fics beta'd 'cause I don't have a stable beta and the laziness sort of overwhelms me most of the time. Neither do I make a habit of telling writers what I'd like to see them change, or picking at their fics either publically or privately in direct email-- I mean, I often dislike something or other about a fic, but generally that means I don't feedback it and rant in some general fashion about fanon!Draco or something, on my own lj. If I love a story, I try to express my affection for it in as much detail as possible, without being critical mostly because that would harsh -my- mellow rather than any consideration for the writer. I'm just too happy after a good fic to pick at it.
However, when I -am- beta-read or critiqued by someone whose opinion I respect in the first place (and if that's not the case, of course one ignores them), and I'm feeling energetic enough to rewrite... I go with my own judgment in terms of thinking about the suggestion and trying to distance myself from the piece long enough to see it clearer. That is possible, if you try. And a great beta (a wonder beyond wonders) should be able to tell you things that complement your intent and purpose for the story... should be able to give you ideas that spark more of your own, and have a grasp on logic/continuity/characterization that you basically agree with in general, so in specific you could always at least see where they're coming from even if you're biased at the time.
With concrit, of course, it's much more unlikely this meeting of the minds would occur... which is why the point of interest is more to see the reader's own reaction and how a reader responded in more detail rather than improving your craft. Because as a writer, I'm interested in my reader's thoughts, whatever they may be. I want to know what worked for them and why, so that I'm more aware of what works for what kind of reader and in what way. Possibly this is much more narcissistic that merely wallowing in praise, but hey, at least I'm a thoughtful narcissist.
~~
And it's not like I'm saying the (apparently vast majority) of writers are whiners if they admit to not liking critique. I mean, yeah, no one likes disappointment ('oh... that didn't work, huh... damn'). But it's really the idea that your 'sympathies' can either lie with the critic or with the writer; that -either- you like concrit and are a ruthless bitch or you're a normal human being who can get their feelings easily hurt.
Well, guess what. I'm a normal human being (...in this case) who can get their feelings hurt pretty easily. Even so, writing isn't about ego for me. Imagine that.
~~
EDIT - I love this meme!!
Go to your media player/mp3 player and put it all on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and after each one press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.
What do you think of me, iTunes?
Carole King - Pierre [H/D vid]
"There once was a boy named Pierre/ Who only would say 'I don't care'/ Read his story, my friend/ For at the end you would find a suitable moral lies there...." (heeeee, I love Draco's song being miiine.)
Will I have a happy life?
Chad Kroeger & Josey Scott - Hero
"I am so high, I can hear heaven/ Oh but heaven, no heaven don't hear me." (yeah, pretty much.)
What do my friends really think of me?
Yes - The Gates of Delirium
"Listen should we fight forever/ Knowing as we do know/ Fear destroys?/ Listen should we leave our children?/ Listen our lives stare in silence/ Help us now" (..........um...)
Do people secretly lust after me?
Bangles - Hazy Shade of Winter
"Time, time, time/ See what's become of me/ While I looked around for my possibilities/ I was so hard to please" (...not good news, but true)
How can I make myself happy?
Sinead O'Connor - Streets of London
"So how can you tell me, you’re lonely/ and say for you the sun don’t shine?/ Let me take you by the hand,/ and lead you through the streets of London/ I’ll show you something, to make you change your mind." (......siiigh)
What should I do with my life?
Doves - Darker
"It's all you love/ Deep inside I know you love/ The less I seem to know you love" (damn cryptic messages)
Why must life be so full of pain?
Elton John - The One (just blame eternal love for everything, hehe, everyone else does anyway)
How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Palace Brothers - I Send My Love to You
"I send my love to you./ I send my hands to you./ I send my clothes to you./ I send my nose to you./ I send my trees to you./ I send my pleas to you./ Won't you send some back to me?" (It would be nice to have... uh... the other person -there-, I guess... ahahah *coughs*)
Will I ever have children?
Buffy - Smashed [uncensored ending]
(....I GUESS NOT.)
Will I die happy?
Luna Sea - Gravity
(since it's Japanese, I guess I wasn't meant to know... but it's a sweet song, check it out...)
Can you give me some advice?
Crash and Burn - Savage Garden [1x2 vid]
"When you feel all alone/ And the world has turned its back on you/ Give me a moment please/ To tame your wild wild heart/ Let me be the one you call" (WHERE'S MY HEERO, DAMN YOU ALL??! *cries*... I'll also take Duo...)
What do you think happiness is?
Nerf Herder - Doin' Laundry
"I was thinking of you while I jerked off into my sock last night/ I was thinking of you while I jerked off into my sock/ I was thinking of you/ I wish I had more than two"
(:D :D :D :D D :D: :D :D!! I RULE!! ...though possibly this would've fit the next one more.... um...)
What's my favorite fetish?
Kansas - Carry On My Wayward Son
"On a stormy sea of moving emotion/ Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean/ I set a course for winds of fortune/ But I hear the voices say/ No!"
(.................ahahahahaslfkajs;dlskjfj;)
That is such a... such... a complete disregard of craft and a sort of dismissal of any kind of pride or pleasure in being a writer in the first place....
I mean, I imagine even corn-growers may grow corn for money or for the satisfaction in seeing those golden cornfields every year, all due to their hard work, but oh god, I would hope most don't grow corn for that one shining moment one day when they win the blue ribbon and everyone pats them on the back and people are smiling so prettily at them, saying, great job with that there corn, matey! Because... well, it would just be so sad. In that not only is it not healthy to survive only on the praise of others, but it devalues one's work... it makes everything you do out to be about anything but you. How... how very sad is that?
It wouldn't even bother me so much if the people who're constantly saying they write (only!) for positive recs and reviews didn't assume everyone's like that, or it's normal & natural to be like that, or didn't everyone hear? That's human nature, it is. I mean, I'm sure there are some coldhearted people out there who don't understand the sheer overwhelming goodness and light that is pure flattery, but well, let's just not talk about them.... Let's just live in that bright beautiful world where everyone loves us (and those badbad-nogoodnicks who dare speak against our blood and sweat... let's just stone them).... Ahhh, that's better... and now a little to the right... and where are those oiled dancing boys, btw? Fandom owes me.
...And hey, nevermind that the omg-meanie concrit reviews in question weren't even given -to- the authors... because everything we say about a piece of fiction is really... about the writer. Because... that's just how it works. Why? Because. Because that's how it feels. Right, then.
What about me, then? Am I a freak of nature, because while I love positive reviews (in a 'that's nice, really it is' sort of way), I only really appreciate them if they come from a person I know and respect, or if they're given in a rational, thoughtful (non-squeeing) manner that lets me know the person gave it some thought. Otherwise I'd be paranoid that if they -did- think about it, they'd secretly think 'yeah... for a fanfic and especially porn it's okay, but otherwise... yeah, you're not Shakespeare, dear'. Pretty empty flattery? I don't want to hear it. If I knew the reader's response was merely politeness, I'd feel much, much more angsty then if was lukewarm but thoughtful and sincere. That is what makes me happy above all-- honesty, thoughtfulness and sincerity.
There's nothing more pleasing to me as a writer than to have a reader care to think about what I wrote, about my characterizations, about my ideas. That in itself is beyond flattering in a way actual flattery could never, ever dream of being.
And to me, it's not about that popular catchphrase, either: I want concrit to learn. I don't need it to learn. I'll learn anyway (though the right concrit from the right person is helpful... well, maybe for the future, anyway, since I'm the laziest rewriter ever). No, I mean what I say: this isn't about ego. I don't write to be liked, I don't write to be admired, and in fact I don't care if you admire me. I just want my readers to enjoy my writing, not me.
I certainly -have- an ego, and it can be bruised if I care about your opinion in the first place, but why should I be -that- invested in some random person's opinion if I don't, myself, find it enlightening or intelligent?
A critique can be stupid and empty too, and you yourself are the one supposed to be the judge-- the same way a mindless squee-omg-you're-GOD is... silly. I don't want to be some kind of queen-- I just want to write good stories, and they don't have to have already reached such a pinnacle-- I mean, I write boyporn fanfiction, not postmodern short-shorts for the New Yorker. Hello, this Mr. Perspective, knocking on your door! How are ya?
I don't even understand how anyone manages to live under the delusion that their writing is-- what-- perfect? Huh? But no, of course, that's not what this is about-- it's not about any honest evaluation but rather about the politeness of not mentioning that snot on your shoe, or something like that. Again equating the person's own shoe with a story they wrote. Because clearly those two things are entirely equivalent, except, well, we wear our stories on our hearts. And who wants to mention to snot on one's -heart-?? Or... something like that, right.
But no, then there's point #2: none of us are supposed to take any of this seriously anyway, because this is fandom, and therefore we do this only for fun, and by fun? We mean ass-kissing. And if we don't feel like it's fun with some review disturbing our
And as for point #3: I am the writer and thus god, therefore any suggestion of change is inherently worthless.... You know... I'm not good at rewriting either, and I generally don't get my short-fics beta'd 'cause I don't have a stable beta and the laziness sort of overwhelms me most of the time. Neither do I make a habit of telling writers what I'd like to see them change, or picking at their fics either publically or privately in direct email-- I mean, I often dislike something or other about a fic, but generally that means I don't feedback it and rant in some general fashion about fanon!Draco or something, on my own lj. If I love a story, I try to express my affection for it in as much detail as possible, without being critical mostly because that would harsh -my- mellow rather than any consideration for the writer. I'm just too happy after a good fic to pick at it.
However, when I -am- beta-read or critiqued by someone whose opinion I respect in the first place (and if that's not the case, of course one ignores them), and I'm feeling energetic enough to rewrite... I go with my own judgment in terms of thinking about the suggestion and trying to distance myself from the piece long enough to see it clearer. That is possible, if you try. And a great beta (a wonder beyond wonders) should be able to tell you things that complement your intent and purpose for the story... should be able to give you ideas that spark more of your own, and have a grasp on logic/continuity/characterization that you basically agree with in general, so in specific you could always at least see where they're coming from even if you're biased at the time.
With concrit, of course, it's much more unlikely this meeting of the minds would occur... which is why the point of interest is more to see the reader's own reaction and how a reader responded in more detail rather than improving your craft. Because as a writer, I'm interested in my reader's thoughts, whatever they may be. I want to know what worked for them and why, so that I'm more aware of what works for what kind of reader and in what way. Possibly this is much more narcissistic that merely wallowing in praise, but hey, at least I'm a thoughtful narcissist.
~~
And it's not like I'm saying the (apparently vast majority) of writers are whiners if they admit to not liking critique. I mean, yeah, no one likes disappointment ('oh... that didn't work, huh... damn'). But it's really the idea that your 'sympathies' can either lie with the critic or with the writer; that -either- you like concrit and are a ruthless bitch or you're a normal human being who can get their feelings easily hurt.
Well, guess what. I'm a normal human being (...in this case) who can get their feelings hurt pretty easily. Even so, writing isn't about ego for me. Imagine that.
~~
EDIT - I love this meme!!
Go to your media player/mp3 player and put it all on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and after each one press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.
What do you think of me, iTunes?
Carole King - Pierre [H/D vid]
"There once was a boy named Pierre/ Who only would say 'I don't care'/ Read his story, my friend/ For at the end you would find a suitable moral lies there...." (heeeee, I love Draco's song being miiine.)
Will I have a happy life?
Chad Kroeger & Josey Scott - Hero
"I am so high, I can hear heaven/ Oh but heaven, no heaven don't hear me." (yeah, pretty much.)
What do my friends really think of me?
Yes - The Gates of Delirium
"Listen should we fight forever/ Knowing as we do know/ Fear destroys?/ Listen should we leave our children?/ Listen our lives stare in silence/ Help us now" (..........um...)
Do people secretly lust after me?
Bangles - Hazy Shade of Winter
"Time, time, time/ See what's become of me/ While I looked around for my possibilities/ I was so hard to please" (...not good news, but true)
How can I make myself happy?
Sinead O'Connor - Streets of London
"So how can you tell me, you’re lonely/ and say for you the sun don’t shine?/ Let me take you by the hand,/ and lead you through the streets of London/ I’ll show you something, to make you change your mind." (......siiigh)
What should I do with my life?
Doves - Darker
"It's all you love/ Deep inside I know you love/ The less I seem to know you love" (damn cryptic messages)
Why must life be so full of pain?
Elton John - The One (just blame eternal love for everything, hehe, everyone else does anyway)
How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Palace Brothers - I Send My Love to You
"I send my love to you./ I send my hands to you./ I send my clothes to you./ I send my nose to you./ I send my trees to you./ I send my pleas to you./ Won't you send some back to me?" (It would be nice to have... uh... the other person -there-, I guess... ahahah *coughs*)
Will I ever have children?
Buffy - Smashed [uncensored ending]
(....I GUESS NOT.)
Will I die happy?
Luna Sea - Gravity
(since it's Japanese, I guess I wasn't meant to know... but it's a sweet song, check it out...)
Can you give me some advice?
Crash and Burn - Savage Garden [1x2 vid]
"When you feel all alone/ And the world has turned its back on you/ Give me a moment please/ To tame your wild wild heart/ Let me be the one you call" (WHERE'S MY HEERO, DAMN YOU ALL??! *cries*... I'll also take Duo...)
What do you think happiness is?
Nerf Herder - Doin' Laundry
"I was thinking of you while I jerked off into my sock last night/ I was thinking of you while I jerked off into my sock/ I was thinking of you/ I wish I had more than two"
(:D :D :D :D D :D: :D :D!! I RULE!! ...though possibly this would've fit the next one more.... um...)
What's my favorite fetish?
Kansas - Carry On My Wayward Son
"On a stormy sea of moving emotion/ Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean/ I set a course for winds of fortune/ But I hear the voices say/ No!"
(.................ahahahahaslfkajs;dlskjfj;)
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-09 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-10 07:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-10 09:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-10 09:29 am (UTC)Man, I wish wank was always this funny.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-10 09:33 am (UTC)Here via metafandom
Date: 2005-09-11 08:15 am (UTC)I just... I don't want people to be polite and ignore the flaws, because "it's only fandom". It makes me paranoid when people talk like that. How can you trust any praise if they're all just being polite? I want people to tell me what doesn't work, because sometimes I'll agree, and I can end up making my fic better, and for me that's the point of it all. And yeah, it does hurt to hear critcism of my work, but that's okay. I can handle it. You don't have to treat me like a delicate flower.
Urg. Just. Yeah.
Moseyed over from metafandom
Date: 2005-09-13 01:01 am (UTC)That attitude drives me up the friggin' wall. I may think at times every word I put down is golden, but I know I'm full of shit when I do.
Re: Moseyed over from metafandom
Date: 2005-09-13 01:49 am (UTC)Re: Moseyed over from metafandom
Date: 2005-09-13 02:20 am (UTC)I think incorporating too many ideas from other people can make you (general you) lose track of what in the story appeals to you -- what makes you want to sit down at the computer or with the college-lined notebook. Like you said,if it's not hitting your geek-points, why write it?
no subject
Date: 2005-11-21 10:31 pm (UTC)I found this randomly through LJ Seek. I understand you were just ranting to let off steam (and have probably forgotten all about it anyway) but tiresomely I find myself impelled to comment because it feels to me like you didn't understand my original post. ^^;
I did not write that I (nevermind the rest of fandom) should or do write simply to get flattery. (This is definitely not why I write, for one.) I was commenting on a specific and separate post by someone on my flist, who'd expressed what I thought were reasonable reservations regarding the fact that one of her fics had been picked for literary analysis by an lj comm devoted to same. (The discussion was polite and also reasonable, although some negative opinions were voiced. No one asked her permission to use the fic, a fact that incurred some discussion of the rules within the comm itself - some members were comfortable with it, others not.) My flister said that she felt uncomfortable about this. Predictably, I then saw comments to the effect that she was whining and wasn't mature enough to take the heat, et cetera.
My post essentially asked this question: why is it so verboten for a ficcer to say that she doesn't like getting negative commentary?
I would think it was a perfectly normal human reaction. No one enjoys being told that they didn't do a good job when they worked hard on a project.
When one posts a fic it's because one loved the idea or at least thought it worth exploring, and wanted to "share the squee". One posts fic in order to make other people happy: THAT is what I meant when I said one writes in hopes of getting recs and positive responses. Otherwise, why hope for a larger readership - or post at all? As you point out yourself, it's a disappointment (and can hurt the unprepared) to be told that you've failed in what you set out to accomplish. A writer does not equal their fic, but it's silly to ask them to behave as if they had no emotional investment in their work.
Note that I said nothing about a) taking negative commentary as an ad hominem attack, b) wanting only praise even when it's not deserved, or c) being incapable of recognizing when one has done a bad job, or made mistakes. I was definitely NOT saying that commenters uninterested in mindless flattery need not apply.
Those types of behaviour are faults on the part of the writer.
On the part of the reader, I would like to see less snide remarks along the lines of "If she can't take criticism, she should get off the Internet." I've read very good work by a number of people who are "incapable of taking criticism"; YMMV, but my preference is for them not to get off the Internet, because I'd like to continue to read them. I'm capable of separating the wank (such as it is) from the quality of the writing itself. That is what I mean by taking the writer's side versus the "concritter"'s side; I admit the sentence itself is an overstatement.
Concrit's utility is obvious in theory but much less in fannish practice, where in my experience 50% of drive-by comments and FFN responses that make suggestions miss the point entirely. You might note that I qualified my entire post by saying that it all goes out the window if the opinions come from someone I consider as good a writer as me or better (i.e. whose technical opinion I can actually respect). I think this is not all that different from your stated stance!
Sorry for making this so long. I understand if you don't feel like responding - I can only imagine if someone I ranted about riposted back two months later out of the blue - but I felt like I had to say my piece. ^^;
no subject
Date: 2005-12-06 07:06 am (UTC)Oh, no need to worry about commenting of the blue-- I always like discussion, though you're right that I was just blowing off steam, as much because of the comments to your post and other posts re: the same wank type thing (ie, other people) as anything, if I recall correctly. I do remember it had to do with the crit community; and thinking of the whole 'leaving the internet' issue, I feel torn. That is pretty divaish behavior and I find hard to sympathetize with, though I understand people are sensitive (hell, I'm also sensitive, which actually why I find it hard to sympathize with people using that as a tool for manipulating others' behavior or speech).
I'd like to continue to read those people too, but... I just think it's impractical to try to 'protect' these people's feelings, 'cause in the end you won't be able to make fandom any more polite than it already is. In the end, all attempts at any enforced 'ethics' or politeness sound rather-- I dunno, demanding and whiny, yeah, not because of the intent or theory behind them, perhaps, but because people lose their tempers and often start demanding respect or something and that sense of entitlement comes into play. I'm not saying people should have crit -forced- on them, but at the same time that community wasn't forcing, it was actively avoiding the writers involved. If you can't 'live and let live', it seems to me like there's favoritism/babying going on, yeah, mostly because I think at heart I'm not a very indulgent person and have never had to deal with people more sensitive than me very much. ^^;;;
It's like, I myself am rarely snide or mean (intentionally), but the idea that I -should- be nice is like nails across a chalkboard to me. You can't stop people being snide, and I find most attempts at enforcing this to actually be nasty in a whole different way. In the end, I don't know how far I can tolerate people going to 'support' people's feelings in a huge community where people don't know each other personally; in a small workshop, you can get to know each other & be nice to each other. In a huge fandom, how can you expect that sort of thing without crippling freedom of expression? In the end, if a writer needs baby gloves, I would seriously say they -should- find a small/intimate environment online -or- off, where they would/should sequester themselves. I have several friends with delicate feelings who basically only post on heavily locked journals to a select group of friends. They know they have delicate feelings, but what they don't have is a sense of entitlement.
I agree that concrit's utility is limited in practice, and in fact I've never gotten any that's useful from someone other than a friend, but. I'm not defending concrit in general so much as people's right to basically say whatever they want, which I realize is a dangerous/potentially hurtful stand, but in the end it's a question of my personal ethics and priorities, I guess. And I acknowledge that perhaps I overuse the whole 'I'm plenty sensitive myself' argument, but well-- I am. People should know themselves well enough to pick & choose their environments & interactions, especially online. I guess that's me being pragmatic, too~:)