~~ the anti-harmony manifesto
Aug. 16th, 2005 10:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaI was reading some meta on FMA & Roy/Ed, and how they're so great together (even if not canon) 'cause of the conflict between them... And since I dearly love generalizing when it comes to myself (haha, I can get away with it! it's great!), I thought that the one thing all the pairings I've ever liked have in common is conflict.
Like, there needs to be some deep, nearly overwhelming sort of... obstacle between two people, in terms of understanding or relating to each other. Not that 'ordinary' people don't have huge obstacles in understanding anyway (oh boy), but it's just more... interesting when it's all dramatic and underscored and... obvious, because then you can make an exciting story just out of personal interaction. Opposites attract, but even if they don't, they chafe a lot. And I like to watch people annoy and frustrate each other, clearly. It's just great if I'm not involved and neither are any (il)logical arguments :D
Also, I only like this conflict stuff if I actually believe these two people are really suited; not like they're just really different (because, who cares), but rather they push each other's buttons for a deeper reason-- like, the thing they really don't get or appreciate in the other person is somehow tied to a major overall snag in their worldview, like a neatness-obsessed person who's forced into interaction with a messy devil-may-care person-- the reason this pairing works for me is because it's about more than just this person that happens to frustrate them to both people.
It's like... all about catalysts. Meeting a person that really affects you and changes how you look at yourself and the world, because they just highlight something that has always gotten to you or inspired you or frustrated you, and then nothing goes smoothly and you can't ignore it-- can't look away. Love that's like a car-crash-- violent and inevitable and painful and often seemingly random. But it's never what you thought it would be, regardless. It's an accident of fate that shows who you really are because it challenges you.
It's about what we hope for, really, moreso than about what we already have. I think our hopes and most secret dreams and needs are the things that define us on the deepest level. And sometimes (a lot of times) one can't see oneself without the distorted, twisted mirror of another person. So really, when we battle with those things we don't understand, we're really battling with ourselves, since we're all our own worst enemies. It's really about the lifelong struggle to learn to live with one's own worst and most central flaws (highlighted in conflict with the other), and further, to be loved for one's flaws as much or more than for one's strengths.
Ideally... I love pairings of people who're both defensive and defenseless around each other. They try to fight, but they only wound themselves. They try to escape each other, but they are tied to the issues they have within themselves. Eventually, they can heal each other by facing the worst each of them has and emerging out the other side, willing to love in spite of everything they now know, and they both know too much. And finally, finally-- their love is such that this is their strength.
So it's not -just- opposites attracting that I'm drawn to-- it's any situation or pairing that provides conflict and utilizes stubbornness, misunderstanding, a clash of beliefs, disharmony and hopefully sheer antagonism.
Like, for instance... you take a cold, dutiful, distant and logical person and pair him (or her, but it's not as fun) with a fiery, irrational, intense yet laid-back person, and watch sparks fly, right. But you also watch them struggle to understand each other, and then (hopefully) form a bond that's much stronger than normal because of all the effort that went into it.
Coincidentally, this is why I always sort of feel let down and a bit confused when people who say they love H/D also ship a pairing that's built on commonality, harmony and understanding (saaayyyy... Snape/Draco, though every relationship has its source of conflict, naturally). I do like harmony, I suppose... no, hahaha, who am I kidding. Unbroken harmony bores the living daylights out of me in fiction (and we're talking fiction only). It's like, H/D is the anti-harmony, y'know... or, well, it could one day become harmonious, but I don't really wanna live to see that day, and would be rather startled (and peeved) if many H/D shippers did. Mostly 'cause of the brain-strain of wondering why you'd ship a pairing that is basically about anything but your desired state of being. But perhaps they ship harmonious pairings -because- they get tired of the conflict and angst. (Hmph.)
Actually... I like harmony when it's deferred... as in, it would be perfect if these two people -could- be together, but circumstances, misunderstandings and/or insecurities (whatever!) dictate otherwise. As is... longing and frustration and need. And no comfort!!
This is part of my hate-on for hurt/comfort, btw... I like my hurt and/or conflict understood and fixed, dammit, not comforted. If you're talking longterm, comfort is basically a lie, and it's the lying to calm people aspect that pisses me off. Sometimes you -should- be bothered, because otherwise you're never going to change what's wrong.
Y'know, this really sounds so... contrary and not conducive to love, and possibly it is, at first glance. I think it's because it's not love that interests me directly, so much as the journey to it, and I think that's a huge distinction. Mature, 'real' love is of the kind spoken of in the Corinthians-- it forgives all, soothes all, endures all. Stripped of hormones, accidents of birth and duty, it is basically friendship-- a bond that's hard to even encompass in words. It's possibly the strongest emotion we have, mostly because it contains all the others within it. Love, at base, is a binding of oneself, a wakening of oneself, a constant testing of oneself.
I think I'm concerned more with the vaccuum between people; the path to love, which is filled with personal debris and fears and baggage of all sorts. We stand in front of each other, and we do not see; we project motives that aren't there, make judgments based on incomplete evidence, mistake people for things they never have been and blame them for things they've never done. Life contains much more of this... this... emptiness and muddled confusion than it does love. Life has always seemed full of love, but most people I know never fully touch it. Spend their lives afraid of it. Afraid of each other.
I just want to see love-stories acknowledge the full scale of the problem before I see a solution (also known as 'happy ending' and/or comfort). And it better be a good solution, that's all I'm saying. But yeah, I want my happy ending too... like, I heard of a new play off Broadway called `Joy', and it's about the conflict & miscommunication between these two gay guys, and... it never works out & they split up (according to the review). And I'm like, 'well, that's great, I guess I'm enlightened now'. Man, I'm hard to please (in principle-- in reality I'm pretty easy if you add snark & porn).
Like, there needs to be some deep, nearly overwhelming sort of... obstacle between two people, in terms of understanding or relating to each other. Not that 'ordinary' people don't have huge obstacles in understanding anyway (oh boy), but it's just more... interesting when it's all dramatic and underscored and... obvious, because then you can make an exciting story just out of personal interaction. Opposites attract, but even if they don't, they chafe a lot. And I like to watch people annoy and frustrate each other, clearly. It's just great if I'm not involved and neither are any (il)logical arguments :D
Also, I only like this conflict stuff if I actually believe these two people are really suited; not like they're just really different (because, who cares), but rather they push each other's buttons for a deeper reason-- like, the thing they really don't get or appreciate in the other person is somehow tied to a major overall snag in their worldview, like a neatness-obsessed person who's forced into interaction with a messy devil-may-care person-- the reason this pairing works for me is because it's about more than just this person that happens to frustrate them to both people.
It's like... all about catalysts. Meeting a person that really affects you and changes how you look at yourself and the world, because they just highlight something that has always gotten to you or inspired you or frustrated you, and then nothing goes smoothly and you can't ignore it-- can't look away. Love that's like a car-crash-- violent and inevitable and painful and often seemingly random. But it's never what you thought it would be, regardless. It's an accident of fate that shows who you really are because it challenges you.
It's about what we hope for, really, moreso than about what we already have. I think our hopes and most secret dreams and needs are the things that define us on the deepest level. And sometimes (a lot of times) one can't see oneself without the distorted, twisted mirror of another person. So really, when we battle with those things we don't understand, we're really battling with ourselves, since we're all our own worst enemies. It's really about the lifelong struggle to learn to live with one's own worst and most central flaws (highlighted in conflict with the other), and further, to be loved for one's flaws as much or more than for one's strengths.
Ideally... I love pairings of people who're both defensive and defenseless around each other. They try to fight, but they only wound themselves. They try to escape each other, but they are tied to the issues they have within themselves. Eventually, they can heal each other by facing the worst each of them has and emerging out the other side, willing to love in spite of everything they now know, and they both know too much. And finally, finally-- their love is such that this is their strength.
So it's not -just- opposites attracting that I'm drawn to-- it's any situation or pairing that provides conflict and utilizes stubbornness, misunderstanding, a clash of beliefs, disharmony and hopefully sheer antagonism.
Like, for instance... you take a cold, dutiful, distant and logical person and pair him (or her, but it's not as fun) with a fiery, irrational, intense yet laid-back person, and watch sparks fly, right. But you also watch them struggle to understand each other, and then (hopefully) form a bond that's much stronger than normal because of all the effort that went into it.
Coincidentally, this is why I always sort of feel let down and a bit confused when people who say they love H/D also ship a pairing that's built on commonality, harmony and understanding (saaayyyy... Snape/Draco, though every relationship has its source of conflict, naturally). I do like harmony, I suppose... no, hahaha, who am I kidding. Unbroken harmony bores the living daylights out of me in fiction (and we're talking fiction only). It's like, H/D is the anti-harmony, y'know... or, well, it could one day become harmonious, but I don't really wanna live to see that day, and would be rather startled (and peeved) if many H/D shippers did. Mostly 'cause of the brain-strain of wondering why you'd ship a pairing that is basically about anything but your desired state of being. But perhaps they ship harmonious pairings -because- they get tired of the conflict and angst. (Hmph.)
Actually... I like harmony when it's deferred... as in, it would be perfect if these two people -could- be together, but circumstances, misunderstandings and/or insecurities (whatever!) dictate otherwise. As is... longing and frustration and need. And no comfort!!
This is part of my hate-on for hurt/comfort, btw... I like my hurt and/or conflict understood and fixed, dammit, not comforted. If you're talking longterm, comfort is basically a lie, and it's the lying to calm people aspect that pisses me off. Sometimes you -should- be bothered, because otherwise you're never going to change what's wrong.
Y'know, this really sounds so... contrary and not conducive to love, and possibly it is, at first glance. I think it's because it's not love that interests me directly, so much as the journey to it, and I think that's a huge distinction. Mature, 'real' love is of the kind spoken of in the Corinthians-- it forgives all, soothes all, endures all. Stripped of hormones, accidents of birth and duty, it is basically friendship-- a bond that's hard to even encompass in words. It's possibly the strongest emotion we have, mostly because it contains all the others within it. Love, at base, is a binding of oneself, a wakening of oneself, a constant testing of oneself.
I think I'm concerned more with the vaccuum between people; the path to love, which is filled with personal debris and fears and baggage of all sorts. We stand in front of each other, and we do not see; we project motives that aren't there, make judgments based on incomplete evidence, mistake people for things they never have been and blame them for things they've never done. Life contains much more of this... this... emptiness and muddled confusion than it does love. Life has always seemed full of love, but most people I know never fully touch it. Spend their lives afraid of it. Afraid of each other.
I just want to see love-stories acknowledge the full scale of the problem before I see a solution (also known as 'happy ending' and/or comfort). And it better be a good solution, that's all I'm saying. But yeah, I want my happy ending too... like, I heard of a new play off Broadway called `Joy', and it's about the conflict & miscommunication between these two gay guys, and... it never works out & they split up (according to the review). And I'm like, 'well, that's great, I guess I'm enlightened now'. Man, I'm hard to please (in principle-- in reality I'm pretty easy if you add snark & porn).
