[awww, the things we do for love]

[reenka]

All right, I know it's embarrassing, but apparently the silly astrology thing wasn't done with me yet. If only because I'm often given to laughing at the very things I find myself dubiously interested in. It's a thing.

So I wrote a Harry/Draco version: the Leo/Gemini files remix. Or something. It had to be done.

Oh, and I really think geoviki's H/D parody is seriously my favorite fic of like, the last year <3<3<3 Obviously when you put together the stupid aspects of all the stupidest fics and it can't get any worse... everything becomes hilarious. The world is a little brighter. Possibly I just needed to unwind :)) Though I do think it's slightly sad that I got every single one of the in-jokes -.-
    And, heheh fourth_rose's `Ferrets Forever' parody... thingy made me happy too ♥ ....Or possibly Circe's & Sparcck's goggle!pr0n made me happiest. *le sigh* It is quite possibly the prettiest H/D PWP ever. Alas, so hard to choose. But anyway. Um.


Disclaimer: uh. The barrel of monkeys-- I mean, Harry & Draco belong to JKR.

Author's Note: uh. I really have no excuse for this, do I. *facepalm* But the horoscope quote is once again from annabelburton.com.





- Bait and Switch -


Draco Malfoy was a feisty tosser. At least, that was Harry's conclusion after a long period of study, during which much arguing, yelling, pinching, thrashing, biting, hexing and sexing occurred. In the end, Harry became philosophic and Draco became bitter as fuck, but that was all right with Harry, really. Draco always put out; one had to know how to push his buttons, that's all.

"Pass the butter, Potter," Draco said mutinously, glaring for all he was worth.

"No," Harry said, grinning. He was still a bit sleepy for this, but who cared about breakfast anyhow.

"You're just asking for it, aren't you." Draco's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Of course I am." Harry licked his lips. "Even though I don't have to in the slightest. You should thank me for the entertainment, really."

Draco sipped his coffee slowly, clearly on the verge of methodically pouring it over Potter's head but somehow too enamoured of his morning cuppa. Some things were just sacred.

Harry was reading the newspaper languorously, putting his feet up on the patently useless fourth chair, which Draco insisted on placing at a right angle to Harry's feet even though he knew what would happen. Draco's eye twitched as he watched Harry wiggle his bare toes, and Harry raised an eyebrow, daring Draco to say something. Again.

"You're a useless wanker, you know that?" Malfoy focused on brutally slashing his knife across his ham and cheese sandwich.

"Mmmm." Harry was more concerned with his crossword, but he was game for a little back-and-forth, too. Whatever got Malfoy off. "I know you are, but what am I?" Draco started to sputter, but Harry had more important things on his mind; "Hey, when's your birthday?" he said lightly.

Draco actually began to growl (quietly, but Harry heard). "Are you trying to start something, Potter?"

Harry laughed. "Hey, only wanted to make sure. The horoscope's right here next to the newest Muggle in a Strange Land strip."

"Oh God, please don't tell me you're still reading that rubbish." Draco groaned. "I don't know if I can take the embarrassment."

"Don't be a sourpuss just because you didn't have a glorious childhood misplacing your cousin's favorite comic strips. And besides, the Muggle cartoons are loads better, so I get to be nostalgic."

Draco sneered. "I don't have to sit here and listen to this-- this blatant Muggle-lover's propaganda, I--"

"Yeah, yeah," Harry said, waving the butter dish in front of Draco's face. "Did you want something? Hmmm?"

Draco grabbed at the little glass dish, flushing a bit when Harry made a game of it. "Oh, forget it," he said, realizing he'd started to look like he was enjoying it. "I hate toast anyway. It's so... crunchy. Disgusting."

"Uh-huh...." Harry smirked, eyes twinkling as he kept reading. "I don't suppose you'd wanna know what it says about your romantic prospects, then. Being perfectly fine where you are and all."

"Would you shut up? You're interrupting my digestion, you twit, and I won't stand for it." Draco levitated the kettle with a look of distaste, pouring himself more coffee. "I keep telling you, a person's coffee consumption needs complete silence." Harry laughed, but not at anything Draco said. "Fine, whatever, bloody well get on with it before I get premature wrinkles."

"Did you know who your long-lost perfect match is, according to this?"

Draco kneaded his temples. If only any of his friends knew what he had to put up with on a daily basis, they'd... they'd probably laugh their arses off. Good thing Draco actually had Potter wrapped around his little finger. "You're going to tell me anyway, aren't you."

Harry was beaming in a way that never failed to make Draco distinctly uncomfortable. "Neville. It's Neville." He beamed even brighter when Draco choked on his coffee, coughing violently and looking quite ill. "I have to say, I would never have guessed."

"What the bloody hell?" Draco felt unjustly taxed. It was barely 9am, and Potter was being so fucking cheerful; it was unsightly. Potter was always out of control, but-- "Give me that," he snapped, grabbing at the newspaper in Harry's hands and only succeeding in tearing off a large chunk.

"Neville's born at the end of July like me, you know." Harry nearly bounced on his seat. "Says your life together-- with Neville, your hero-- is supposed to be-- how did they put it?-- 'full of laughter', right? Gee, why didn't I read the horoscope before, it would've saved you two so much confusion."

Potter's unnatural good humor was starting to wake Draco up enough to turn him semi-homicidal. However, he managed to calm himself with a prodigious effort. This was only what Potter wanted, and he knew it. "Watch it, Potty. Or I'll take you up on your brilliant advice before you can blink twice, you smug bloody bastard."

"Not mine," Harry said, cocking an eyebrow. "The horoscope's. You and Neville: can't you just see it? That'd be funner than a barrel of monkeys. Divination doesn't lie."

"That's it," Draco snapped, nearly knocking over his chair as he stood, napkin clutched in his fist. "Now you're fucking in for it, Scarhead." He was going to nail him into the floor until Potter screamed for mercy, and then--

Harry laughed, pushing his own chair back. Ahhh, their morning routine was so... nice. "Well?" He spread his arms, still giving Malfoy his best wide-eyed innocent expression. "Come and get me."

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