[trapped in my glass house]

[reenka]

Just when I think I've gotten rid of ze H/D addiction, a new tolerance seems to appear. I'd like to blame it on the nice crop we've gotten for big_bang_hd, but really it's that I've had a nice rest. Le sigh.

I was thinking of this post I saw somewhere about how OTPs can inhibit creativity & exploration and such, and that's probably true-- I mean, I've tried writing other things and I'm really proud of those experiments, but I'm such an emotionally-driven person that I can't stick around if I don't really care about the characters in an overwhelming oh-my-god-this-has-to-happen sort of way. I can write character-centric pieces when my muses are fat and happy, but when I'm hungry and lean and can barely eke out any words whatsoever, I need that passion, that conviction that I'm writing about what really matters to me. I think I'm pretty insecure about being such a totally OTP-crazed person when nearly everyone of my fandom 'class' has totally moved on (except for Aja, ahahahahah). They say not being able to "let go" and "move on" is bad in modern psychobabble lingo, right? Riiiight. Reena, they'd say, you just need a new hobby, and hopefully one that pays this time. They'd be right.

I've been thinking lately that it'd be fun to explore stuff like Draco/Percy or even Draco/Neville, just because it's insane and I like that. But arghhh, mental effort, and I'm so lazy. I think enough time has passed since I read much fanon that the knee-jerk rage has died down, and I realize that maybe (maybe... maybe) I do miss the two crazies. Maybe the question is really all about moderation; after all, I get bouts of needing to reacquaint myself with Heero & Duo, too, and I imagine I'll get a yen for some Buffy/Spike sometime. Loves don't die, they just get tired.

In summary, I really liked Avenging Ron by cynicalpirate and All's Fair and By any means necessary and actually anything else by fictualities, especially Let others say his heart is big, which made me choke repeatedly and with gusto. And bittersplendor seems to write these cute generally established-relationship ficlets that vaguely remind me of zionsstarfish, and um... I Saw You by katarinaevanla was fun and made me happy even if it was porn... you know. *coughs*

Just when I think, I'm sick of this! Damn all you ruffians and your ickle top!Dracos, too! ....Aaahhh, something drags me back. Even my writer's block is a little better... maybe; and it's not, really, that I hate fanon, far from it-- I need fanon (and canon) to inspire me. I mean, yeah, it's the 'everything sucks' syndrome, how to cure it? ('Read more porn' I can hear you say. Thass righ'.) It's when my initial love of the varieties of fanon got totally soured because it stopped making sense; it stopped seeming relevant; the majority it stopped any having real discernable dialogue with the text. The truth as I'd seen it is: the Harry/Draco ship has stagnated post-OoTP; it didn't really move so much as regress to a happier, simpler time when Draco could get away with being painted as Harry's equal and Harry could get away with pining away for him for no reason other than 'omg, he's a cool snarky Slytherin, I swoon!' This sort of thing accumulated and made me bitter, bitter, bitter.

So what's different now? Nothing. Except perhaps I've made peace with the fact that I should write for myself, first and foremost.

Comments

[shaggirl.livejournal.com]

So what's different now? Nothing. Except perhaps I've made peace with the fact that I should write for myself, first and foremost.

Yes, yes! Haven't I been saying it all along? You need to write H/D for yourself.

And for me, too. :D

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Heheh but I liked the fandom...
I remember in the good old days, when people wrote Dracos to lust after.... *nostalgic sigh* :> :>

But yeah -.- I'm just thinking, 'my current ficlet sucks, BUT AT LEAST IT EXISTS' ahaha :D

[shaggirl.livejournal.com]

It exists and it's got a Draco you *like*. How could it possibly suck?

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

...possibly because it's sort of a songfic to Garbage's Sex Is Not The Enemy :))

[shaggirl.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, I forgot you mentioning that. :>


...still, I am intrigued.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

At least I'm not of the school of thought which quotes lyrics within the fic, or uh, follows its 'plot' or whatever. It's just that I had it on repeat and there's gratuitously slutty Harry :))

[shaggirl.livejournal.com]

Duuude, you are such a tease. *wants it bad*

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Heee. It's about half-done. Which is like, whoah, 'cause usually I barely get beyond the first two paragraphs these days. Perhaps the problem is that I keep trying to write 'serious' fic and my brain rebels -.-
*likes the encouragement* :> :>

[shaggirl.livejournal.com]

Well I'd keep going with the encouragement but I think it distracts you from typing. :>

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

In the meantime, look, shiny! fictualities is Really Good :> *pimps like a mofo* ><;;

[shaggirl.livejournal.com]

I bookmarked that list from your last post, but since I'm only half finished with the challenge fics I'm not really looking for fic recs at the moment. :D Soon...

[notrafficlights.livejournal.com]

What Shaggy said. Post it, biyotch! *pokes you with pointy things*

[notrafficlights.livejournal.com]

They say not being able to "let go" and "move on" is bad in modern psychobabble lingo, right? Riiiight. Reena, they'd say, you just need a new hobby, and hopefully one that pays this time. They'd be right.

Er, I was always under the impression a hobby is one of those things that you spend money on...

And modern psychobabble lingo sucks. I like my obsession KTHNX. It's silly and hot and brings teh pr0n to the yard.

PS: READ MORE PR0N!

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Ahahah that was my guilty conscience speaking :> :> And also my hope that I can do things for fun that I'm paid for, 'cause I'm officially Teh Suck at like, doing things I 'have' to do.

But. *pouts* If I had to pick, with H/D I'd rather have intense enemies-to-friends fics than porn, 'cause I can get pr0n anywhere, and such. Hard to get away from it with H/D, though. They're like bunnies, I swear ^^; (Or it could also be I'm listening to that Garbage song one repeat too many, ahahah.)

[notrafficlights.livejournal.com]

But the best fics are the enemies-to-teh-hate/weirdsex-to-kindof-friends/lovers. And then you have the fight-and-makeup sequels XD.

*prods* FIIIICCCCC! I DEMAND IT!

[cursescar.livejournal.com]

I want to be your H/D (and Percy/Draco and... well, maybe not Neville/Draco, but I could get over it) friend and have pornfests over Y!M or something.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Wah! Cassie!! <3 You -are- my (non-qualified...er..) friend! But you can qualify me if you like :> :>
I'm not on Y!M much, as like, lj is my only real social outlet, but you said you weren't either, at least on the handle I know, but promises of porn, they motivate me :))
Though honestly, I've been having horrid writer's block for months now, and I've just written the first real porny bit in ages for a ficlet-- because it was needed for plot... well, what there is of plot in a songfic ^^;; When I wrote the come-shot I thought of you :> But it was odd 'cause it was my first time writing it in a purposeful rather than um, masturbatory fashion. It's like, omg, this is what people mean when they say their own porn doesn't 'do it' for them ^^; But it got hotter on reread. Maybe -.-

I don't really like Draco/Neville at all-- in fact I think it's completely batshit insane as pairings go, but see, that's what's attractive about itto my deranged little mind :> :>