[the road beneath us]
Jan. 26th, 2005 05:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaListening to `Falling is like this' makes me want to write my first novella again.... ahhh. It really represents the last chapter so well... and the whole fic, which has falling, falling everywhere. That's what it's -about-. And in a way, I love thinking about it more than I imagine I'd love writing it. It's like my own little secret... my own respite. It's the story in my heart, and the boys are -my- boys in it more than in any other fic I've done, I think. I -know- them, and I know how they fell in love, and I know how in the end, they were free, even if they didn't know it yet.
When it's done, will it be gone from my heart? It will all be on paper, separate from me. This way, it's still attached to me by some sort of umbilical cord. Only I can know it fully, and in my imagination the words are more expressive and right than they'd ever actually be. In my imagination, everything is just right. It's so hard... it's so hard to really say what I mean to say, to retain the energy to say it, and it's also hard to remember to let it out once it settles... once I've told the story to myself, and it feels complete somehow. Agh. But at the same time, I want to be able to point at it and say, there. There. See, they love each other. See... this is their story....
I read this quote by Jeanette Winterson and I'm like... yes. Yes. Love is about recognition... about finding your mirror self and suddenly understanding what you've never realized you have always been yourself. I don't think I can ever really achieve a full representation of this, but in the end, I pick the most unlikely people because I think it's most necessary to see one's similarities to the person one least wants to see in the mirror. But at some point I think I've overstated my case... perhaps it's better to be silent... perhaps this depth of knowledge is something I can't even share, and perhaps we all discover it for ourselves when we love.
I remember how I've always loved mind-bonds in fantasy... like in the Elfquest comics, one of my favorite things was the idea of recognition-- finding that one person you're meant to be with, and the defining moment is when you know. You just know this is love, because you know this person on some level which should be impossible-- which runs deeper than conscious thought. You recognize them. And on some level this sounds over the top and silly, because who can say that's happened to them? It's just a fantasy. But on another level, this is what love is like-- it's just that it's never so simple, mostly 'cause people aren't really that aware of what they feel and what it means.
I want to write about that process of self-discovery, of self-knowledge, and I generally think love is one of the most effective (if not -the- most effective) paths to self-knowledge. There's a quote from a song, I think: you are what you need. But I'm always stumbling... feeling like I know all kinds of things I can't express. I recognize stories, too, in myself... feel their shape almost wordlessly, sense their meaning. And on the one hand, I want to let them go-- want them to fall away from me and achieve a sort of release, a freedom-- and maybe on the other hand I'm afraid there'd only be emptiness left behind.
When it's done, will it be gone from my heart? It will all be on paper, separate from me. This way, it's still attached to me by some sort of umbilical cord. Only I can know it fully, and in my imagination the words are more expressive and right than they'd ever actually be. In my imagination, everything is just right. It's so hard... it's so hard to really say what I mean to say, to retain the energy to say it, and it's also hard to remember to let it out once it settles... once I've told the story to myself, and it feels complete somehow. Agh. But at the same time, I want to be able to point at it and say, there. There. See, they love each other. See... this is their story....
I read this quote by Jeanette Winterson and I'm like... yes. Yes. Love is about recognition... about finding your mirror self and suddenly understanding what you've never realized you have always been yourself. I don't think I can ever really achieve a full representation of this, but in the end, I pick the most unlikely people because I think it's most necessary to see one's similarities to the person one least wants to see in the mirror. But at some point I think I've overstated my case... perhaps it's better to be silent... perhaps this depth of knowledge is something I can't even share, and perhaps we all discover it for ourselves when we love.
I remember how I've always loved mind-bonds in fantasy... like in the Elfquest comics, one of my favorite things was the idea of recognition-- finding that one person you're meant to be with, and the defining moment is when you know. You just know this is love, because you know this person on some level which should be impossible-- which runs deeper than conscious thought. You recognize them. And on some level this sounds over the top and silly, because who can say that's happened to them? It's just a fantasy. But on another level, this is what love is like-- it's just that it's never so simple, mostly 'cause people aren't really that aware of what they feel and what it means.
I want to write about that process of self-discovery, of self-knowledge, and I generally think love is one of the most effective (if not -the- most effective) paths to self-knowledge. There's a quote from a song, I think: you are what you need. But I'm always stumbling... feeling like I know all kinds of things I can't express. I recognize stories, too, in myself... feel their shape almost wordlessly, sense their meaning. And on the one hand, I want to let them go-- want them to fall away from me and achieve a sort of release, a freedom-- and maybe on the other hand I'm afraid there'd only be emptiness left behind.
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no subject
Date: 2005-01-30 11:24 am (UTC)Yeah, exactly... As long as it has ramifications and dark sides, it's still realistic on some level, and something recognisable.
It's not that I think it's superior or anything, but, y'know... more interesting to read 'cause of drama, heartbreak, more drama, etc :D
Yeah, there is a reason why it's the type of love that's more popular to write about, after all; it does -usually- open for more drama, and drama is always particulary gratifying in fiction, if not always in real life.
I mean, that's why it's not 'love' per se-- because it's just a connection between people that can't be denied-- you don't have to love the people you're tied to the way you don't have to love your family, necessarily, I guess.
Yeah that makes sense. And the cconnection can grow into love, or it doesn't, and sometimes the fact that people love (and "have chosen") each other makes them "force" that connection through, so to speak.
though I think her main function as a character was to be a contrast to Cutter-- you know, being gentle where he's fierce and smoothing his rough edges and such.
Yes, I agree that's probably the intention with these characters, though it's not really what I see in them myself. I can see fierce-ness and rough edges in her, and gentleness in him, but then again, this isn't the only instance in this comic where I've felt my own impression of the characters is different from the authors. I also don't think that characterisation is the strongest point in EQ -too many characters are too similar and reduced to stereotypes, and those who sticks out can often be portrayed somewhat inconsistantly. But digressing now.
but I definitely shipped Cutter/Starwise
:D Cutter/Skywise OTP!!! It's actually Canon. There was a story about the Wolfriders before Cutter had become chief, where the two of them recognised. They had this big argument and fight out in the rain, when suddenly the "defining moment" occurs, and they go all: "Tam" "Fahr"! (And the picture have them close enough to kiss one another!):DDD AAnd then they have this dialogue about how their "souls are tied, we're... we're..." "there's no name for it, unless... unless we're brothers". One would think this is fan fiction, but it's not. And "brothers", my ass! :D
no subject
Date: 2005-01-30 01:33 pm (UTC)But yes! Omg! I remember the argument (...vaguely). I always thought that the whole thing about Skywise never finding a mate because he's just too devoted to his studies(??!) to be bullshit :D :D Oh man. I think he was my favorite
crushcharacter, too :> But it's hard to resent Leetah 'cause I have such the immediate respect for recognition... though that means he recognized them both o_0 Was that the only time...? I think not, but you realize that uh... most of my EQ knowledge is actually from the short story (fanfic??!) collections & novelizations ^^;;; I mean, my favorite period of Wolfrider history is actually pre-Cutter, y'know, from the beginning.... those first few volumes. Man, that was... 10 years ago o_0 Nostalgia :>no subject
Date: 2005-01-31 03:52 pm (UTC)I suppose it must be, because I have it in some "readers collection edition", and I think they're all from there, right?
I always thought that the whole thing about Skywise never finding a mate because he's just too devoted to his studies(??!) to be bullshit
Heh, I've missed that, but yeah, it sounds like a bile of crap.
And yeah he recognised them both, which is the only instance I've read about, but I assume that means it can happen, but it's not usual, or something. And I don't think Leetah and Skywise posed much a threat to one another, because "elves usually aren't jealous" (one thing that alwways made me roll my eyes), and they're pretty... erhm liberal sexuality-wise (Yay! :D).