Apr. 19th, 2007

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Sometimes I hear a lovesong and it's just SOOOO H/D it hurts, so I can't not share it... (thanks, Ariel! hehehe). Needless to say, 'The Moth' by Aimee Mann is one of those songs for me. And it definitely shows the source one of my main frustrations post-HBP in fandom, and just... in general, because it's very much a Draco-is-self-destructively-obsessed song, haha. Even after that idea became much less canonically feasible & fandom fixated on Harry, I remained in love with that old (fanon angsty!Draco) idea. As much of a canon whore as I can seem, the truth is that I love my own story-- the Uber-story of H/D that I initially encountered through reading all those '03 H/D epics at what was clearly an impressionable age :P

It's really true that I don't need a story beyond this-- as long as I have this eternal dance between the burning moth (who 'believes in an afterglow'...) and the needy flame (that's 'never doused completely')... that's all I need. No happy ending necessary. (And I 'don't care if the flame burns well'...) This sense of knowingly embracing all the darkness and fear and reasons 'why not'... that's always what I wanted from H/D, that's why I wanted more and more and more canon-compliancy, because that's where the flames burned and the thorns were thickest. I just wanted to see this... celebration of hopeless love just like the silly romantic twit I am :P

The truth is, I said this is a Draco-pov for me, but it's also Harry-pov, that's the beauty of it... I think it's like, they switch places, it's just that Draco has to come first in my head, and then Harry perceives him as the flame burning away all his preconceptions and the things he thought he knew-- it works both ways. This personal deconstruction and pain and need goes both ways, and that's what's so mesmerizing to me about it. And they both have that 'love of heat' and Harry's got the self-destructive streak up the wazoo, you just have to get 'im started :> Not that either of them are self-aware, but I think in my head(!) they both feel like the moth, actually. And I can't help feeling that together they'd set their world on fire (till the wings burn black).

Y'know how people say they write the same story over & over again in one way or another... well, knowing that is pretty much all that's preventing from writing it again. Damn if 'A Good Flirtation' wouldn't be an awesome H/D fic title (that involved Death Eaters and Ginny and betrayal and fucking and morning-afters and regret and more fucking and more regret and violence and more fucking and so on), though. Ahhhh. Of course, all throughout, it wouldn't be jaded or really even 'dark', but rather passionate and confused and so... y'know, awkwardly stupidly adolescent, 'cause damn if things aren't on the verge of going straight to hell for both of them, potentially. Mmmm, HELL. :D So yeah, that's why I'm inflicting you all with lyrics (though it inspires me to write more of the novella, so there's that) :P Oh and there's the upload :>

The moth don't care if the flame is real
'coz flame and moth got a sweetheart deal,
and nothing fuels a good flirtation
like need and anger and desperation.

Now the moth don't care if the flame is real.
Now the moth don't care if the flame is real.

So come on, let's go. Ready or not.
'Coz there's a flame I know, hotter than hot
and with a fuse that's so thoroughly shot


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