I'm a reccing maniac!

It probably says something about me that most deathfics don't make me cry, and most H/C fics with weepy/needy Harry and/or Draco and/or whoever don't touch me, and most cooing reassurances leave me cold. I don't want a fic to have my favorite boy smothered in affection, and I don't want him taken care of. I don't want him to be painted as a misunderstood darling, and I don't want him to have an easy life, but goddammit, I want someone to treat him right.

What it comes down to, and what's really messed with my fanon/fandom enjoyment after OoTP, is that I can really identify with OoTP!Harry, okay. I mean, more than half the fandom said he was a whiny brat, and the majority of people thought he at least needed a clue or to be smacked around or something, and okay, maybe he does (he definitely does), but this never occurred to me, you see, because I'm right there with him. That's why suddenly dealing with canon became so important to me-- I just fell in love with Harry, and I wanted Draco to want or see or listen to that Harry, you know, the one who has all these issues and projects them all on Draco and ignores Draco and hurts his friends and whines quite a bit and has tantrums and is unreasonable and stubborn and hates his life and wishes out. I wanted fics about that, because... and I didn't quite realize this, I guess, so clearly until now-- I'm not in fandom for porn or for H/D or for Draco anymore, like I was before OoTP-- I'm here for Harry. Porn is what keeps the wheels churning, but I love Harry, love like crazy. No words, even.

I remember devouring short stories about the immediate aftermath of OoTP like mad after the fifth book first came out, and I really hoped someone would write something substantial that harnessed some of that brilliance but then it sort of... dissipated. And I still want more, and more, and more (and there isn't more, really).

So it's really no surprise that mijan's Stop the world! (I wanna get off.) hit me where it hurts, and yeah okay it made me tear up, too. God. This is what's most vital to me-- this and what happens afterwards. Draco's rage and need to be noticed, to win for the first time, to really come into his own, and Harry's apathy and frustration with everything and basic confusion about what he wants and what he's supposed to do and how to grow up, anyway. And see, Harry needs this, I swear he does, someone to knock some sense into him-- someone to want him and scream at him and not let him get all self-centered and mopey and distant.

People say things like Harry would be too busy with the war for romance, but that's the point, to me: he just wants a normal life. If he stopped feeling like he was 'just Harry' and became a weapon or a soldier, I think he'd totally lose it in some way. See, I think Harry could enjoy Draco being angry and fixated on him, because it's just so... normal and reassuring and it's just between them. Ahhh. I think this fic did a number on me ^^;

Plus, I think this gave me the most brilliant idea for why post-OoTP!Harry actually wants Draco (even though he doesn't) ever: because Draco wants him (...I don't mean sexually!). So simple it's genius, no? :D Okay, actually, I think there's really no other solution, because no matter how cool Draco becomes, Harry'd be like, "uh... next!" because he's Harry and he's that prejudiced/stubborn/mulish (as in, the other popular solution, known as Malfoy's Arse Is So Hot, I Don't Know What Came Over Me™-- depends on Harry suddenly noticing Draco out of the blue, like poof! Malfoy Became Hot!--> yeah right). But! If Draco was uncool enough to be stubborn/crazed/vulnerable at him... he wouldn't know how to respond! IT IS GENIUS I TELL YOU.