[trapped in my glass house]

Just when I think I've gotten rid of ze H/D addiction, a new tolerance seems to appear. I'd like to blame it on the nice crop we've gotten for big_bang_hd, but really it's that I've had a nice rest. Le sigh.

I was thinking of this post I saw somewhere about how OTPs can inhibit creativity & exploration and such, and that's probably true-- I mean, I've tried writing other things and I'm really proud of those experiments, but I'm such an emotionally-driven person that I can't stick around if I don't really care about the characters in an overwhelming oh-my-god-this-has-to-happen sort of way. I can write character-centric pieces when my muses are fat and happy, but when I'm hungry and lean and can barely eke out any words whatsoever, I need that passion, that conviction that I'm writing about what really matters to me. I think I'm pretty insecure about being such a totally OTP-crazed person when nearly everyone of my fandom 'class' has totally moved on (except for Aja, ahahahahah). They say not being able to "let go" and "move on" is bad in modern psychobabble lingo, right? Riiiight. Reena, they'd say, you just need a new hobby, and hopefully one that pays this time. They'd be right.

I've been thinking lately that it'd be fun to explore stuff like Draco/Percy or even Draco/Neville, just because it's insane and I like that. But arghhh, mental effort, and I'm so lazy. I think enough time has passed since I read much fanon that the knee-jerk rage has died down, and I realize that maybe (maybe... maybe) I do miss the two crazies. Maybe the question is really all about moderation; after all, I get bouts of needing to reacquaint myself with Heero & Duo, too, and I imagine I'll get a yen for some Buffy/Spike sometime. Loves don't die, they just get tired.

In summary, I really liked Avenging Ron by cynicalpirate and All's Fair and By any means necessary and actually anything else by fictualities, especially Let others say his heart is big, which made me choke repeatedly and with gusto. And bittersplendor seems to write these cute generally established-relationship ficlets that vaguely remind me of zionsstarfish, and um... I Saw You by katarinaevanla was fun and made me happy even if it was porn... you know. *coughs*

Just when I think, I'm sick of this! Damn all you ruffians and your ickle top!Dracos, too! ....Aaahhh, something drags me back. Even my writer's block is a little better... maybe; and it's not, really, that I hate fanon, far from it-- I need fanon (and canon) to inspire me. I mean, yeah, it's the 'everything sucks' syndrome, how to cure it? ('Read more porn' I can hear you say. Thass righ'.) It's when my initial love of the varieties of fanon got totally soured because it stopped making sense; it stopped seeming relevant; the majority it stopped any having real discernable dialogue with the text. The truth as I'd seen it is: the Harry/Draco ship has stagnated post-OoTP; it didn't really move so much as regress to a happier, simpler time when Draco could get away with being painted as Harry's equal and Harry could get away with pining away for him for no reason other than 'omg, he's a cool snarky Slytherin, I swoon!' This sort of thing accumulated and made me bitter, bitter, bitter.

So what's different now? Nothing. Except perhaps I've made peace with the fact that I should write for myself, first and foremost.