(oh baby, maybe someday...)

Is there such a thing as feeling too much nostalgia? And what is that state? What is 'too much'? Conversely, what is 'enough' nostalgia?
    To put this in context, I'm saying this 'cause I randomly found an mp3 recording of `She Says' by ivyblossom, and man, I have all sorts of associations with... well, back when Ivy was in the fandom and I was young and innocent still all aflutter about OOC H/D fics and every other day I had another fic idea and.... That's over now, I think; though I'm capable of feeling nostalgia for things which aren't really over... well, generally I don't. I don't think I ever get used to things I loved fading away; I mean, I'm pretty sure I'll love or at least really enjoy book 6, but it won't be OoTP, and it won't be the optimism & intense undiluted excitement of suddenly loving canon, and it won't be that feeling of huge unexplored vistas and suddenly connecting with Harry for the first time. It will be... a book I really enjoy.

I don't think I can even explain what some of those early fics meant to me-- it doesn't matter if they were OOC or over-flowery or even if they'd make me laugh now.... I have all these emotional resonances forever tied with those first few fics I'd read, which, let's face it, changed my whole life. It's almost scary to realize that I'll never forget `Origins' & LUW & IP & Harry Potter's groove as long as I live. I've gone through so much-- I think in a sense I've grown up as a writer with H/D; my vision of what I wanted to write about and how I saw these characters has changed so much-- so much. I didn't get any less idealistic, though perhaps I became more harsh & honest with time <3 It's been a journey I wouldn't trade for anything.

I can't guarrantee it's over yet-- but it's ending. If nothing else, book 6 will close a lot of fanfic avenues, even before book 7, I'm pretty sure. This is the final lap, whatever happens.

And... I'm happy that what remains in me is love, still. As bitter as I get sometimes, and as tired as I am, I still love them, and I do still love the fictional universe and the experience and community of fandom, and... there's so much love I've gathered, so much I can't even put into words. I can't believe how many fics I've written, finished and unfinished-- that's a really large body of work, right there, and it's large chunk of me, and I can't believe how many fics I've read, and that's a large chunk of me as well. I've also kept all the friends I've made (though I admit some I don't talk to as much these days), and that... that doesn't have to end at all.