~~ on escaping the obvious

It's odd... I want to say something in favor of reading as escapism and comfort-fic, but I don't know where to start. Plenty of people have written about the positive and healing aspects of fantasy, but that's not quite the same thing as escapism (at least, not 'fantasy' as Ursula LeGuin writes about it, for instance). I think JRR Tolkien's essay, `On Fairy Stories', talks about escape, though-- the concept of there being some things in the world that should be escaped, like the various spiritual/natural corruptions of modern culture-- so that escape through fiction could be a return to our roots, perhaps.

On the other hand, I've always wanted to see stories be written as realistic and vital as possible; I'm tempted to call what I'm looking for (emotionally) realistic fantasy (or realistic escape?). My concept of realism is really a question of basic plausibility-- that is, I'd like to suspend my disbelief, but I don't want to have to work very hard to do it. I want the story to enchant me and beguile me to the point that I think this jump of the imagination (fairies, 'true love', other worlds, wizards, boys who act all sensitive) is natural and I never knew it. It's like some hidden reality being revealed-- and within the confines of the story, you can believe and feel both transported and grounded at once.

I'm mostly relating this to my current craving for something other than angst. I'm kind of emotionally exhausted with H/D, at least, and if I were to read anything, I'd want it to reassure me, to put me at ease. However, I'm not quite willing to pretend everything is completely fine between them, and really Draco is a beautiful cultured prince with a perfect command of everything, including Harry-- because that's not escape to me so much as a lie, and yes, I think there's a difference. It doesn't make me feel better so much as... distracted. And I want to still remember the bad things-- and see good things in spite of them. That's what escapism means to me, and I think that's what JRR Tolkien was getting at as the purpose of fairy stories-- that sense of redemption, of transforming the ugly into the beautiful.

( And further on fluff, escapism & me paraphrasing Tolkien. )

~~

I was also thinking about my lack of motivation to finish fanfics lately-- and how difficult it is to find a balance between writing for an audience and for one's own pleasure. Because I -do- write fanfiction for a circle of fellow fans, while I write fiction for myself-- and that doesn't mean I won't write unless I get reviews and adulation. It just means that having a community of fellow fans encouraging me and writing about similar issues and situations had meant a lot to me, and having lost that support almost entirely left me feeling more and more bereft.

So yeah, I miss that old sense of belonging, I guess-- that I wasn't just writing fic, but writing fic as a part of a group phenomenon. And I know people post a lot of meta about whether fanfic is for fans (and does it therefore imply some sort of obligation on part of the reader) or for themselves... but for me it's not a matter of fannish obligation so much as support and a greater meaning in context. It means something that my fanfic can be read in context of other stories on the subject. My writing doesn't exist in a vaccuum, and it's that sense of meta collaboration that has often inspired me to a response as a writer, at least in part.

I guess I'm saying that I feel more and more isolated, and while it's not stopping me from writing anything, it's probably limiting how much I do feel inspired, I guess.