~~ phoenix boy....
Apr. 14th, 2004 03:21 amI've been reading way too much Gundam Wing again. It seems like there's more in-character 1x2 fic out there than there used to be, somehow (which isn't saying much, since it's still 98% OOC). It's kind of embarrassing, but then, I've said lots of embarrassing things, what's one more?
What I keep thinking is-- I love Heero. Yeah, the psychotic suicidal repressed martyr terrorist. I think I've a thing for martyr fighter types (and the repression goes without saying-- yum). Much as I love the bad boys and the jokers and thieves and wild ones-- it's that element of self-sacrifice and the burning of an intense inner truth that truly touches me. Frodo's like that. It occurs to me that so is Heero, too, and Harry, actually. It's their need for love and their reticence to accept it, at the same time. Inability to accept it, even.
But if he trusts... if he loves... if he believes in something-- he gives it all he has. He gives everything, holds nothing back. Whatever else is different, that always remains. This boy doesn't do half-measures.
I always love the dark, serious boy. The one who keeps things hidden without having a facade, the one who feels deeply and notices things other people don't, without becoming arrogant about it. He has this instinct to help people because of a natural understanding that not everyone could, but he could, so he should. He's the one who has so much love to give, so much need for it and so much potential, but he holds back, afraid he'll always be alone and there's no way out. Afraid that he's -meant- to be alone.
He's intensely socially awkward and angry at the world. He feels responsible for so many things, most of which aren't his fault. He's so strong and so emotionally resilient and yet so needy and vulnerable at the same time. He's not a person of many words, but he's often cutting and witty when he wants to be. He always winds up doing the things no one else can do or wants to do, that nonetheless have to be done; things that will haunt him and torture him. He's very good at torturing himself and cutting himself off from the people that love him.
People always love the jokers best, the tricksters and the pranksters, the bad boys who hide their pain behind brash charm. I love them too, but.... The dark martyr (anti)hero will always come first. It just really upsets me that they're seen as boring or predictable or less complex or sexy somehow. That boy... is always the one who's most intense. He's a flame and he's on fire. He burns. His eyes are always brilliant and fierce and dangerous. Most people don't understand that he's not an angel or a hero or a saint. He's a fool. He's a boy who's looking for his heart. I love him, I love him, I love him.
In a way, I've been a bit disturbed when I suddenly realized I love Heero this much, but then, when I realized who he reminds me of (Harry), it all made sense at last. Of course. That martyr complex strikes again~:) Oh yes, so that makes it completely perfect for Heero The Martyr to be in love with the God of Death, heheheh. (*is incorrigible*)
What I keep thinking is-- I love Heero. Yeah, the psychotic suicidal repressed martyr terrorist. I think I've a thing for martyr fighter types (and the repression goes without saying-- yum). Much as I love the bad boys and the jokers and thieves and wild ones-- it's that element of self-sacrifice and the burning of an intense inner truth that truly touches me. Frodo's like that. It occurs to me that so is Heero, too, and Harry, actually. It's their need for love and their reticence to accept it, at the same time. Inability to accept it, even.
But if he trusts... if he loves... if he believes in something-- he gives it all he has. He gives everything, holds nothing back. Whatever else is different, that always remains. This boy doesn't do half-measures.
I always love the dark, serious boy. The one who keeps things hidden without having a facade, the one who feels deeply and notices things other people don't, without becoming arrogant about it. He has this instinct to help people because of a natural understanding that not everyone could, but he could, so he should. He's the one who has so much love to give, so much need for it and so much potential, but he holds back, afraid he'll always be alone and there's no way out. Afraid that he's -meant- to be alone.
He's intensely socially awkward and angry at the world. He feels responsible for so many things, most of which aren't his fault. He's so strong and so emotionally resilient and yet so needy and vulnerable at the same time. He's not a person of many words, but he's often cutting and witty when he wants to be. He always winds up doing the things no one else can do or wants to do, that nonetheless have to be done; things that will haunt him and torture him. He's very good at torturing himself and cutting himself off from the people that love him.
People always love the jokers best, the tricksters and the pranksters, the bad boys who hide their pain behind brash charm. I love them too, but.... The dark martyr (anti)hero will always come first. It just really upsets me that they're seen as boring or predictable or less complex or sexy somehow. That boy... is always the one who's most intense. He's a flame and he's on fire. He burns. His eyes are always brilliant and fierce and dangerous. Most people don't understand that he's not an angel or a hero or a saint. He's a fool. He's a boy who's looking for his heart. I love him, I love him, I love him.
In a way, I've been a bit disturbed when I suddenly realized I love Heero this much, but then, when I realized who he reminds me of (Harry), it all made sense at last. Of course. That martyr complex strikes again~:) Oh yes, so that makes it completely perfect for Heero The Martyr to be in love with the God of Death, heheheh. (*is incorrigible*)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}