reading stupid post-hogwarts fics is just bad for my health. it's just... bad. very bad.
okay, was skimming this on a rec, should've known better when draco got married and had adorable kids (hello, hufflepuff!malfoy), but:
In his school days, Harry had toyed briefly with the idea of seducing Draco Malfoy. At the time, he had no idea what seduction involved. Older and wiser, the thought of fumbling his way through an attempted seduction of the suave, cool, beautiful man Draco had become was enough to make Harry queasy. No, he'd be making no such stupid mistake.
*weeps*
no. just. no.
i now swear that i will simply not read any more serious fic that describes malfoy as cool, suave, beautiful, gorgeous, angelic, cherubic, amazingly talented, aloof and alluring (ul excepted). how do these people even... i just have no words. and this isn't about making him pretty. -i've- made his hair shine and given him plenty of pretty smirks. it's not about that. just. harry looking at malfoy-the-sex-god and going, "oh, i'm not worthy" is just.... gah.
what is it with this desire to write about a malfoy who is even more smooth and heroically wonderful than harry ever was?? what is it with making characters painfully perfect? why god, why??!??!
what is this lust for perfection, and why is this angelic perfection having to be created out of narrow-minded hysterical vindictive little gits? why not write about young dumbledore?!? he was probably nearly perfect when he was 31, and you know what, he must've been gorgeous, too. why the hell not? i bet he was a sex-god! i bet he was cool and alluring and angelic!!
of course, this usually involves angelic!harry as well. do people write angelic!ron, too? i bet they do. evil, evil people! gah! hate! *incoherent wailing and tearing of hair*
i can't write about perfection if i tried. no, seriously. i just naturally mock it. the -minds-, the frightening -minds- behind this make me -shudder-. shudder! they go and force these flawed, sad angry characters into these perfect little boxes, like cinderella's step-sisters trying to fit their ugly feet into a pretty, perfect crystal shoe. imagine it! cinderella!draco!! this is what they're all writing!! that, or cinderella!harry and prince-charming!draco. how evil is that??! evil and very, very wrong!
slytherlynx wanted me to be open with what i hate in fic, hehehe. well, i HATE THIS FIC. gar! die, prince charming, die.
EDIT - oh, and did i mention i hate fics where the "man" (the top, usually) is "strong" and resists sexual temptation and "baser instincts" because it's "wrong" or "emotionally dangerous"??! it's like i've been thrust into a harlequin without my permission, and now i'm being taught how to behave properly on a date and with one's children. you love your children and are nice to them, and if you don't, you get divorced. you are gentlemanly and chaste with your date, and you don't rush into things. you dress nicely for your encounters, and remember to wear fresh boxers. did i mention how i dislike being vicariously lectured about clean boxers? and lectured in general?? because, yes.
okay, was skimming this on a rec, should've known better when draco got married and had adorable kids (hello, hufflepuff!malfoy), but:
In his school days, Harry had toyed briefly with the idea of seducing Draco Malfoy. At the time, he had no idea what seduction involved. Older and wiser, the thought of fumbling his way through an attempted seduction of the suave, cool, beautiful man Draco had become was enough to make Harry queasy. No, he'd be making no such stupid mistake.
*weeps*
no. just. no.
i now swear that i will simply not read any more serious fic that describes malfoy as cool, suave, beautiful, gorgeous, angelic, cherubic, amazingly talented, aloof and alluring (ul excepted). how do these people even... i just have no words. and this isn't about making him pretty. -i've- made his hair shine and given him plenty of pretty smirks. it's not about that. just. harry looking at malfoy-the-sex-god and going, "oh, i'm not worthy" is just.... gah.
what is it with this desire to write about a malfoy who is even more smooth and heroically wonderful than harry ever was?? what is it with making characters painfully perfect? why god, why??!??!
what is this lust for perfection, and why is this angelic perfection having to be created out of narrow-minded hysterical vindictive little gits? why not write about young dumbledore?!? he was probably nearly perfect when he was 31, and you know what, he must've been gorgeous, too. why the hell not? i bet he was a sex-god! i bet he was cool and alluring and angelic!!
of course, this usually involves angelic!harry as well. do people write angelic!ron, too? i bet they do. evil, evil people! gah! hate! *incoherent wailing and tearing of hair*
i can't write about perfection if i tried. no, seriously. i just naturally mock it. the -minds-, the frightening -minds- behind this make me -shudder-. shudder! they go and force these flawed, sad angry characters into these perfect little boxes, like cinderella's step-sisters trying to fit their ugly feet into a pretty, perfect crystal shoe. imagine it! cinderella!draco!! this is what they're all writing!! that, or cinderella!harry and prince-charming!draco. how evil is that??! evil and very, very wrong!
slytherlynx wanted me to be open with what i hate in fic, hehehe. well, i HATE THIS FIC. gar! die, prince charming, die.
EDIT - oh, and did i mention i hate fics where the "man" (the top, usually) is "strong" and resists sexual temptation and "baser instincts" because it's "wrong" or "emotionally dangerous"??! it's like i've been thrust into a harlequin without my permission, and now i'm being taught how to behave properly on a date and with one's children. you love your children and are nice to them, and if you don't, you get divorced. you are gentlemanly and chaste with your date, and you don't rush into things. you dress nicely for your encounters, and remember to wear fresh boxers. did i mention how i dislike being vicariously lectured about clean boxers? and lectured in general?? because, yes.
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