gack. livejournal kind of scares me sometimes. well, just all the noise. like, it's sort of quiet in my head. well, it's quiet, except for b & j's occasional moans, the whimpers of discontent from all the people/things/ideas i'm forgetting, and the grumblings of my conscience. so i guess that makes it a ruckus. but then i go and read my friends page after a day, and i can only imagine what it'd look like after 3 days. or 5 days. not that i've missed that much. or -done- that much. gar. suckage.
every few months, i get to the point where i feel like if i analyze any more hp or read any more h/d fic, i'll burst. not in the good way. or maybe it really is that brian & justin have eaten my brain-- though now i'm done with seasons 1 & 2, which leaves me high and dry and with fic commitments. woe.
they're new and shiny, after all. and they're not fanfic. yeay! it's really sad when tv is like, closer to the real world than you feel you get, usually, isn't it? ahahaha. gahd. i tried reading one qaf fanfic today, randomly. oh my -gahd-, i didn't realize that anyone could write that badly without killing themselves in frustration. hee. some people, of course, don't care. that's not a bad thing. it's good not to care. it's not like there's a quiz later, or anything.
i want to always make sense, to communicate, to translate thought into meaning. i probably shouldn't tie my ability to do that with some sort of ultimate worthiness, or something. but once i become too aware of an audience, i get all nervous and distressed, 'cause well-- there's this imaginary pressure to perform. as long as no one cares, it's easy to do well. usually, i don't control what i say, or care what the reception is. sometimes i have a point, and sometimes i'm just speaking because it's so quiet that it hurts, because i can't stop. and it seems once i say one thing, i think of something else to contradict it.
i like certainty, and hate it at the same time. i find funny, inconsequential things to be certain about, like the emotional state of fictional characters. almost never myself. i think "brian loves justin" matters more, on some level, than "reena loves __", although that could be just because of self-image.
( blah. since when do i suddenly go on these tangents about myself, anyway? )
~~
( and how did this then become an impromptu retelling of rapunzel? -.- )
~~
anyway: shower meme - meaning, i answer![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wankersore's interview questions and you get to ask me to interview -you-. though why you'd want to remains a mystery. heh.
( so without further ado... )
every few months, i get to the point where i feel like if i analyze any more hp or read any more h/d fic, i'll burst. not in the good way. or maybe it really is that brian & justin have eaten my brain-- though now i'm done with seasons 1 & 2, which leaves me high and dry and with fic commitments. woe.
they're new and shiny, after all. and they're not fanfic. yeay! it's really sad when tv is like, closer to the real world than you feel you get, usually, isn't it? ahahaha. gahd. i tried reading one qaf fanfic today, randomly. oh my -gahd-, i didn't realize that anyone could write that badly without killing themselves in frustration. hee. some people, of course, don't care. that's not a bad thing. it's good not to care. it's not like there's a quiz later, or anything.
i want to always make sense, to communicate, to translate thought into meaning. i probably shouldn't tie my ability to do that with some sort of ultimate worthiness, or something. but once i become too aware of an audience, i get all nervous and distressed, 'cause well-- there's this imaginary pressure to perform. as long as no one cares, it's easy to do well. usually, i don't control what i say, or care what the reception is. sometimes i have a point, and sometimes i'm just speaking because it's so quiet that it hurts, because i can't stop. and it seems once i say one thing, i think of something else to contradict it.
i like certainty, and hate it at the same time. i find funny, inconsequential things to be certain about, like the emotional state of fictional characters. almost never myself. i think "brian loves justin" matters more, on some level, than "reena loves __", although that could be just because of self-image.
( blah. since when do i suddenly go on these tangents about myself, anyway? )
~~
( and how did this then become an impromptu retelling of rapunzel? -.- )
~~
anyway: shower meme - meaning, i answer
wankersore's interview questions and you get to ask me to interview -you-. though why you'd want to remains a mystery. heh.( so without further ado... )
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