~~ love and wolves and fairytales.
Apr. 22nd, 2003 12:16 pmi've finally read it. finally. i read an hp fic about characters i fell in love with (that weren't harry & draco). i adore them. i just adore them. it's not "okay" that they're not harry & draco. the emotions are not even related. i just. i love them. ailei (and khirsah's) remus and sirius. i love them so much. so, so much. this hasn't happened since that first heady time a year ago. wow. wow. wow. but it's just this. just `drawing down the moon'. so much love. love it as much as `brief interval before the resumption of play'. as much as any other fanfic. love it a lot. (you're getting the idea that i love it, right? *grins*)
love stories have usually been about fairy-tales, for me. i would read something just right, read something perfect, that fit inside my heart as if it was made for it-- and it would be a boy and a girl, and they'd be Meant To Be, and i would melt and think, "ahhh. love like that exists. i can find it. they will grow up and live together forever and have children and die in each other's arms. yes."
it would be about them, but it would also be about me. i too, wanted to find that transcendant love. something unbreakable-- something that wasn't so much predestined as inevitable. so right it didn't need destiny. it just existed.
i told these stories to myself. they were all about beginnings-- i didn't even need a "happily ever after", because they were woven inside the rightness of the beginning. like stitches-- begun correctly, they would continue on smoothly, never really breaking because the weave is so tight and true.
and it was about boys and girls, because they fit together-- yin to yang, push and pull. it was all so symmetrical in my head, i can't even describe it. and the thing was, i was the girl. even though i wanted girls (and myself) to have adventures, to be heroes and to rescue the boy, i still wanted them to have that side-by-side perfect fit-- they would both be themselves, creative and fully alive and yet still complementary. it wasn't that the boy or the girl couldn't do something themselves-- it was that they became a -unit- together. a union. an unbroken circle of taking and giving. somehow it all worked out.
with slash-- with boy/boy romance-- i think the difference is minute (for me), but essential. i'm still all about the fairy-tale, the complementary halves, the ideal of union-- except i don't fit myself into it. it's not a -girl- there, so i don't have to imagine them settling down and having children and growing old together. i still hope they will-- but i don't craft my own life into it. it's not my story. it's everyone's story, but it's not mine. finally, i've separated the fairy-tale from myself and made it be about characters, about ideas.
if ailei & khirsah's `drawing down the moon' (which, btw, is -so- making me a sirius/remus shipper *laughs*) was about some other two-- if remus was a girl-- i'm fully aware the nine-year-old in me would sigh and want to -be- remus. but i'm not remus. they don't have to get a cottage and die in each other's arms-- even though i'd like it. but they don't have to. i haven't plotted out their whole life for them at first sight. they're living their own story, not a predestined fairy-tale.
i love draco, but i'm not harry. i don't need to be harry. i don't want to be draco (or remus, for that matter). it's a glorious thing~:)
love stories have usually been about fairy-tales, for me. i would read something just right, read something perfect, that fit inside my heart as if it was made for it-- and it would be a boy and a girl, and they'd be Meant To Be, and i would melt and think, "ahhh. love like that exists. i can find it. they will grow up and live together forever and have children and die in each other's arms. yes."
it would be about them, but it would also be about me. i too, wanted to find that transcendant love. something unbreakable-- something that wasn't so much predestined as inevitable. so right it didn't need destiny. it just existed.
i told these stories to myself. they were all about beginnings-- i didn't even need a "happily ever after", because they were woven inside the rightness of the beginning. like stitches-- begun correctly, they would continue on smoothly, never really breaking because the weave is so tight and true.
and it was about boys and girls, because they fit together-- yin to yang, push and pull. it was all so symmetrical in my head, i can't even describe it. and the thing was, i was the girl. even though i wanted girls (and myself) to have adventures, to be heroes and to rescue the boy, i still wanted them to have that side-by-side perfect fit-- they would both be themselves, creative and fully alive and yet still complementary. it wasn't that the boy or the girl couldn't do something themselves-- it was that they became a -unit- together. a union. an unbroken circle of taking and giving. somehow it all worked out.
with slash-- with boy/boy romance-- i think the difference is minute (for me), but essential. i'm still all about the fairy-tale, the complementary halves, the ideal of union-- except i don't fit myself into it. it's not a -girl- there, so i don't have to imagine them settling down and having children and growing old together. i still hope they will-- but i don't craft my own life into it. it's not my story. it's everyone's story, but it's not mine. finally, i've separated the fairy-tale from myself and made it be about characters, about ideas.
if ailei & khirsah's `drawing down the moon' (which, btw, is -so- making me a sirius/remus shipper *laughs*) was about some other two-- if remus was a girl-- i'm fully aware the nine-year-old in me would sigh and want to -be- remus. but i'm not remus. they don't have to get a cottage and die in each other's arms-- even though i'd like it. but they don't have to. i haven't plotted out their whole life for them at first sight. they're living their own story, not a predestined fairy-tale.
i love draco, but i'm not harry. i don't need to be harry. i don't want to be draco (or remus, for that matter). it's a glorious thing~:)