~~wah.

the thing that is really obvious-- and i mean, it is just so obvious it's painful-- is that oh my -gahd-, i'm -easy-. and no i don't mean ...well... -that- way. just. gaaahhh why does every little bit of angst make me wibble, whywhywhywhyyyyyyyyyy. i think i'm that stereotypical chick who you'd think cries at sappy movies and needs a hankie if you even tell her about casablanca or whatever.

but no, i'm not. that's why it freaks me out so, when it does happen. maybe i'm just particularly sensitized with some things (*coughpairingscough*). i mean, i sit there and i think, i am being so stupid, it's all so transparent and manipulative (really), but still, i wail and wail and wail (though i don't cry) because it's all so... emotional. wah.

i just needed to complain about myself. heh. in real life, sometimes i'd get all emotional about stupid things like flowers and babies or whatever, and also sad things and stuff, but it's not like i'm a complete soppy mess or anything. but it's so easy to lose all respect for yourself this way. here you are, and you -know- this isn't "good fiction", and you're -still-, like, wah, i am dying over here!!!!

i mean, it's okay if you think it's "really good" because at least then it's like the story's fault you're a mess and not your own, but if all it takes is a little push-- then it's just that you're easily suggestible. here is this cliche, melodramatic scene with tears and scissors(!!!) and declarations of love, and obviously i should be scoffing and going, "ahahahah! that is so amusing!", but i'm not. the tiniest bit of angst and i'm so easily hooked (with characters i care about). siiiigh. at least my judgment isn't really impaired, and i can tell it's crappy. yeay, etc.

still, it's interesting to wonder whether this subjective emotional value can also equally recommend a story. this way, you can say soap operas (which make people bawl) have an equivalency to say, "romeo and juliet" (which makes people bawl). in a way. wah. am over-intellectual basketcase.