~~whine, cheese, and dracofic.

( sometimes you feel like a whining dodo, sometimes you... [and would i like a little whine with my cheese?? why yes, thank you -.-] )

~~

in less whiny news, ethrosdemon wrote hp again!! draco pov! oh, the evil genius strikes again. twice in one day, even.

and, quire wrote more h/d!! which, i realize isn't so much of a rec as a squee, but you know, i tell it like it is. yah, that's it. also, i adore dorkiness, and any fic that uses "noseprints" in a sentence. that is the way to my heart, indeed it is. i think there's really a some sort of immature urge to see people acting clueless and yet adorable that should've been cured by a lot of anime when i was 16 or so. you'd think you could drink your fill, or something. you'd think you get over it, and realize that "real people" don't act like that, and life is just never that adorable, and you really need to wise up, because if you don't watch out, a car is going to just, run over you while you squee over how adorable clueless those two guys snarking at each other and making puppy-dog eyes are. really now. how disgusting, right? i think this is really the insane-shoujo-comedy version of h/d, and, completely apart from whether it makes sense for these for these characters in particular, i adore. i adore, adore, adore.
    (just read `not another harry/draco slash 'fic'. yes. this is what i'm talkin' 'bout, baby. yes. meta!silliness is almost as good as porn. i said almost! anyway, zoisite84 is my new discovery for today. mmmmm, ez-cheez. also, is it me or is beauty & the beast!hpfic not adorable? well, that and the singing. and him referring to himself as prince charming. hee! oh, i'm so easy.)

maybe that's why i'm starting to seriously dislike ice-prince!draco and self-possessed!draco and so-cool-it-hurts!draco. i mean, there ain't no way to make that adorable, now is there. i mean, i can go ahead and tell you that's not canonical, and how draco is a little diva who only hides things because he doesn't realize them himself, but... it's just not going to sink in unless you already believe it. like, just as in the latest chapter of `underwater light', where harry says that draco couldn't be "the spy" because he'd suck major arse at lying (except he didn't say it like that). it's true, it's true. draco may not realize it, but he only hides things by over-acting. i can see him playing it up, and going overboard so that the more quiet emotions get lost, but i don't see him actually controlling himself. if he's icy? he just -is- icy, he's not pretending to be icy. that's why maya's seemingly contradictory portrayal works. because it's not that he's -acting- like an ice-queen-- he really -is- kind of schizoid like that, and i can totally dig that.

( mucho rambling on draco characterization i pulled out of my...er... hat. )

~~

also. silviakundera cracks me up.

and, then there are the pics of johnny depp and orlando bloom in the pirate movie this summer!! (*swoooon*) i had such a crush on johnny when i was 13-14 or so. he was dreeeeamy on 21 jump street (i know! i know! shut. up.! hmf). anyway. as a pirate... well.... he is simply perfect. and orlando looks so smug. and they both look so wicked. and, unless some you aren't sure, wicked is my all-time-favorite expression for someone to have. mmmmr, wickedness. well the laughing kind. the quirky grin as someone divests you of all your jewels and strips you of your heart, then leaves. yes please.

...i try to draw the line but (it ends up running down the middle of me most of the time) - ani

there's a sense i get that everything is interconnected and i walk around only pretending it isn't and there are boundaries between things even though there aren't, and maybe sometimes they flow into each other, and sometimes ... i see myself in everyone and everything that reflects. maybe that's only me, but.

it's hard to step outside the world where everything is a signifier and i can make up stories about it, almost, just the way someone's hands are or the way they present themselves, the art they make of their life. i try to make sense and say things that follow some sort of pattern, but i get tired, and it's not really what i want to do, or maybe it's just too much and eventually i forget where i was going and it becomes static.

have you noticed? most people make sense, except sometimes they don't, and they speak in loops and symbols and metaphors and similies and it's like they're weaving and making music, except music too, has structure, and this is sort of fractured, broken down, flowing in and out of itself like a kaleidoscope.

i want to breathe in patterns and i want to let go and dance and when i dance, i always dance -away-, always further than i can encompass later, and further than i could really come back from. so little pieces of me are always dancing out of reach, following the butterflies. breathless. seamless. fractured.

i want to not be separating this and trying to make sense in one little box and not necessarily make sense in another box. i think i've been placing things in boxes, and this was my box of fannish self, but it's not really like i have one. i feel like i'm repeating myself unless i forget what i'm saying and merely express rather than try to encompass and communicate. this whole practice of communicating my inability to communicate, it fascinates me. speaking for the sake of speaking, and letting it flow over into something new, something that isn't walled in by definitions and a-to-b constructs, and is simply an expression of who you are. so often i feel faint, and i am only fooling myself if i say i really want to wake up.

i really think (it's like) this, and yes, yes, ee cummings is. he is.