~~why can't we be friends. heh.

harry is always oblivious. in comedy or tragedy, the punchline is-- harry is oblivious. sometimes it makes me laugh, and sometimes it makes me cry, but harry remains harry and it's funny how you could have two completely different takes on it. every time i read a future-fic where harry has failed to read all the little signs that meant draco wasn't happy, that meant things were falling apart, i rebel and feel awful, and like this is the worst thing that could possibly happen. lack of communication is always what destroys everything. really. what can't be fixed if people just -understood- each other?

but then you have the humor-fic, where he's oblivious but it's cute, it's ok, it's endearing, it allows someone to sweep him off his feet, to knock him over the head, to twirl him about and to bedazzle him with things he'd never suspected. the virgin bliss, the pure innocence, the true heart.
    i'm not about to rant and say, i hate this or that or it's bad or wrong. it hurts that it's like that, it's always like that. it's like there's a script, and the future and the past intertwine, and it's frightening how the same thing can mean two different polar opposite things when taken in different contexts.

i mostly mean the contrast between hackthis' `Things to do When Your Lover is Dead' and orphne's `three scenes', which is the lighter one.

i remember when the thought that you're -wrong- about someone, about something that mattered more than anything to you-- the thought that you were that wrong-- was enough, all by itself, to torture me. there some large trauma involved in realizing you're wrong about someone or something you've held dearly as truth. we like to think we're not stupid. i'm sure even harry likes to think he's not the biggest bloody idiot to ever walk the earth. i'm sure he likes to imagine he could tell right from left, and whether someone loves him, hates him, or is indifferent. that's sort of one of those baseline assumptions.

some people, of course, -are- that wrong. some people are so emotionally numb and insensitive that they could exist right next to someone, and really be so deluded as to make up a whole emotional world that is completely false. it's one of the scariest things i can think of, really. if you can't understand the person you love, you can't understand -yourself-. if you can't understand -yourself-, what does your existence matter? you don't even know what you're doing, it's like you're always walking around in a fog, where you couldn't even find yourself as a dot on the map of your consciousness.

love is supposed to bridge the emptiness, the void where traditional "understanding" can't walk. maybe you can tell someone loves you if they keep trying to touch you even if you're oblivious, even if you can't see them. because they -love- you and they can't bear to be away from you. but there's always that doubt, that says that love isn't any one thing, and you can never really know what someone would be/should be acting like, and you can just lose them if you don't watch out, like there are all these things you're supposed to -do- to keep someone. because if you don't watch your back, they might disappear while you'd turned the corner, while you weren't looking, while you were spinning your fantasy of them always walking one step away from you.

harry -is- pretty oblivious, i guess. who isn't? most people don't see what's right in front of them, it's true. a lot of the most affecting stories i can think of center around the tragic consequences of not saying some crucial things to some crucial people. it rings true, because well-- it happens a lot, i guess. and you'd think if one wrote about what happens when you don't even -need- to say anything, and you can just -understand- someone, it'd be all schmoopy and saccharine and basically a friendship fic. romance is all about tension and suspense and surprise, right. well, especially if it's harry/draco.
    this makes me think fondly of fics where harry & draco are friends (`underwater light', luw kind of, the Trilogy... sigh... not much else). i think i'm beginning to be wistful for that whole friendship dynamic. it's -important- for lovers to be friends. if they can't be, it's just not something i can truly believe in. they -have- to be able to be. they have to be able to talk easily, to understand each other. i think i can go for some nice friendship stories right about now. all this crushing and angstying is great, but it's kind of empty, and i never believed love was empty.

EDIT - to cheer myself up, i've decided to look at bhanesidhe's wonderful friendship h/d pics. mmmm. here and of course, the handholding pic. *happy sigh*

~~we're all sane here. yep.

ahahahah. oh. gahd.
    i found sane_potter and i think i'm -still- laughing. loudly. for the "sane" harry potter fan. oh, i think i may burst something.

ok, i'm sure some of us are saner than others, but really now. gotta stay away from those "less than sane" hp fans who like that insane "slash" fanfic, you know. they're a dangerous influence on all the "normal" wizard-fanciers among us. *coughs*

``This community was created for the sane Harry Potter fan. If not sane, at least not completely deranged. No silly talk of satan worship, or too perverted "fan fic" is welcome."

... i'm still trying to get over the "satan worship" bit. ahahah don't you think it's funny that they're accusing anyone of that, even jokingly, considering the accusations against jkr and hp-readers in general by the media and the christians and what have you? this is just hilarious.

and yes, i do think that removing fandom_wank was really the biggest wank of all.

in happier news, mawaridi posted a link to the yummiest lucius/james pic i've ever seen. mmmm. there's some more of that evil slash for y'all. ahahaha. the insanity is contagious, y'know.

EDIT - even funnier. i make fun of a community that i just found out recced me (here)! *laughs and laughs* they recced me! no one's recced me (without being on my friends list or somehow knowing me from lj) before. wah! ahahaha. on the other hand, i wouldn't even -know- if someone recced me and they weren't on my friends list. hmm. what i said still stands.

& `alone together' is all being disturbed by your own pleasure and things being so wrong, they're right. at least, there's just something about it. reminds me of isilya's draco/draco fic, heh.