~~wherein torn open, i write crappy fanfic to feel better. and fail. behold therapeutic harry/draco.

reading DV 10 (yes well, i hadn't read most of the rest-- of course that's a lot, even if i'd read a bit, so hit me. again, obviously), i felt something in me melt and crack and break. i think it was my heart. i'm a fluttering, anxious, breathless puddle. this makes me love draco and draco & harry again, and even more purely than ever before. is anything so pure? so truly platonic-- not as in, unsexual, but as in, utterly flawed and destined and horrible and ideal.

i wouldn't say it's slash. it's truly beyond slash. it's beyond orientation and the passing desires of the body. not that i wouldn't love for them to snog-- snogging never ruined anything no matter what anyone thinks. they are, indeed, in deep, deep true everlasting love, and no one has portrayed it better. *sigh* of course they are. nothing but love is so cruel and heart-wrenching and sad. i woke up today, having gone to sleep after finishing the chapter, and i still felt hollow and anxious and unable to relax, just, all wound up and raw, somewhere around the chest area. nothing feels good right now, and i'm tense and sad and it's like i want something, some relief that's completely impossible. very few things stay with me like this, so sewn into my mood that i can't begin to imagine untangling myself. it totally hit me in the solar plexus and i -still- can't breathe. so, what do i do when i can't breathe?

i write, i guess.
    ( so this is `He Loves Fierce', born of my immense and unending sappiness, my fear for them, my love for them, and my need for faith in love. kind of a cassie fanfic, kind of a `armchair slash' seasonal challenge fanfic, kind of a dream for redemption for us all. make it of what you will. sigh. )

EDIT: this makes all the angst better. doesn't it?? alicey is my new hero, obviously. yes, don't you wish all we had to worry about was which cheese to pick to kill voldie with??!! and then, after voldie was dead, they could eat the remaining cheese. off each other. *laughs* oh wait, oh wait: since harry has the chunk-o-cheese and draco has a spray-cheese-- obviously harry, being the Hero, is going to get to stick the cheese into voldie's mouth (or eye-- or other receptacle... erm... ^^;; nevermind) first-- thus the spray-o cheese gets left over..! so, harry gets to LICK the CHEESE off draco. yes. my new motto isn't "just slash already". it's "Lick The Cheese!!". that is all. LICK THE CHEESE, dammit.
    more inspirational cuteness from her sketch site: sweet and gentle!harry and worried!harry and, from her hp monthly challenge, we have harry sticking malfoy on his broom to `rescue' him, bwahahaha. ahem.