azkaban!draco from the girl who brought us butter & pigtails.....
it's like that little voice in the back of my head that goes, "that's true, isn't it. it was never like that, was it. yessssssssss..."
i think as far as what a draco-centric piece would be, in-character, post-harry-- this would probably be it-- unmelted. and we say we don't want him to melt, we just want him to change, but.... he probably at least
thought he was doing things for the Wrong Reasons and he probably didn't care-- told himself he didn't care. ah, i remember. this is the kind of fic where you have love without understanding. harry loves him, but he doesn't understand him, and that's both their downfall. yes that always made sense to me. love alone won't change you. and if you understand too well, maybe you get caught in the same traps. but if you don't venture into the darkness, the light will always be artificial.
similar, with harry in
porcelain, by missi. seeing won't save you, if you're not understanding what you're seeing. the crux, it seems, of most happy-ending h/d stories, have them finally see the shadow of themselves in each other, and step into it. or perhaps see the other without the shadow, without false light. it's a challenging thing, because draco won't ever
say what he means, on purpose, and it probably doesn't even occur to harry that there are things he could be saying that he isn't.
that's why it's difficult writing them-- they're so locked inside their heads. if they say something-- draco bullshits and harry's bewildered, or hurt, or indignant, or angry. some people take the "angry" part and try to see good in it, and use it as a plot device, and make it lead to physical contact-- but that won't reach draco. i don't think anyway. sex wouldn't. it has to be talking beyond talking, and touching beyond touching. in real life, that doesn't happen very much, but it's what needed.
i think stories like that azkaban!draco one usually portray harry as blinded unfairly. i think he's more complex and dark than that. on the other hand, he never really is shown to be
understanding of people, as in, all that
empathetic, is he. he may not be blinded, yes, but he's oblivious, and draco isn't above using that to what he thinks should be his benefit, of course.
how do you talk to someone who's devious and tricky and mean and ruthless, yet who you think wants you to defeat those things about him, who you think could love you if he let himself? words are his weapons. he will always win in any verbal confrontation. a lot of draco characterizations effectively argue that he would use his sex-appeal and sex and touching in general as a weapon too-- and i definitely see that. so what's left? and mind you, harry, while not a wimp, is definitely not someone i see using either of those without mercy, as oblivious as he is. he's definitely at somewhat of a disadvantage.
you can't depend on draco to "give in". he'd never give in. if anything,
harry wouldn't either. i think it's true that even if draco loved him, he'd still easily hurt him-- hit him when he's down, so to speak. he's a slytherin, or at least he'll do anything to act like he is, to convince himself he's unchanged.
it hits the nail in the head, in that fic, where draco talks about how harry thinks he's just misunderstood. yeah, that's how a lot of fanfic deals with it, isn't it? we've misunderstood. he's not
like that. in some small or large way, somehow, he's not like that, quite. he's bored with being bad. he's listless and disillusioned. he's about to break off from his father when harry finds him. we need an excuse. but what if there was no excuse? and draco still wants to be like his father. and draco likes the power he has now, especially now, by not giving anything away. what will save him? heart-to-heart conversations? one night where he lets himself feel tenderness? getting really drunk? seeing his father defamed? being dominated?
*laughs* you know i think i've actually gotten to the point where i think, damn, i think rhysenn's love potion might actually be useful. ack. plot devices. but really, no matter how dark your draco, it's delicious to have these magical devices that totally disarm him. whatcha gonna do now, draco? ha! etc. but still, a bit juvenile of us to be so gleeful at ... unmanning him, so to speak, heh. almost like we want to dominate him (as a character), render him unable to resist. because he resists too well, doesn't he? (to say nothing of harry, but everyone always thinks harry's the reasonable sort, really, he'll come around).
maybe that guns and handcuffs thing is too accurate. "oh yah, what this calls for is some
handcuffs", heh.
throw that azkaban!draco to the ground and have your way with him, harry! go, go! *is disturbed at self's own mental images*
i like to think that -no one- is that "tough", that hardened. that everyone has a weakness. that's what this revolves around, this redemptionista thing. we think love makes us softer, more likely to change, to become our gentler self. if that's true, then yes, it's ok that "that draco", the draco he always was, can't be broken into semi-softness. because that draco doesn't really exist, we could say, post-harry. we never really wanted "that draco", anyway, did we? maybe we just wanted some but not all. just the good parts, with some naughty parts, with some witty biting parts, and some tragic parts-- just not the adamantium parts. assuming we forget about canon!draco's being an utter loser and a git, who's just a whiny baby, and not some hardened trickster. heh. anyway.
that's my not-so-inspirational take on draco today. tomorrow i'm back to yummy sparkly h/d luuurrve. or maybe as soon as i see The Look(tm) when i get home again, heh.
::theirloveissoschizoid::
over and out~~
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