~~why should i....

thanks to penelope_z and serious_black for tiding me over till in dialogia continues. wow. this just goes to show, once again, what an addict i am when it comes to complementary voices in fiction, or at least when it comes to harry/draco. it just seems -right- for them to be different. not so much dark and light, but more complex-- kind of filling each other's blank spaces. each saying what the other won't. that's just so beautiful to me. harry, who believes, and draco, who fears and rejects. and harry, who challenges. and harry, who fights, and draco who fights to give up. draco's fic where the war never ends. and harry's fic, he asks anyway. *sighs* it's probably never been about "harry potter", for me, this fixation i have on the inner workings of this pairing. it's... the basic question i have in my mind. can this work? is a dialogue between hope and despair possible? is there redemption at the end? what does that sort of redemption mean?

hopeful, convinced, honest, needy, lost, willing to cry, willing to fight, strong, alone and battered and resigned and wanting and not as different as everyone would prefer to think. (harry). sarcastic, jaded, blunt, lying, arrogant, hidden, skeptic, lost, bitter, needy, strong, vulnerable, angry, beautiful, and not as different as he would prefer to think. (draco). in the end, what i'm really hoping is, what i'm really dreaming is--

even as different as the words they say are-- they're really speaking the same language. and those fics really illustrate that, to me. see, all of these jaded, painful things, are... a cover, even though they're real enough. that's why it's so beautiful. because you have to accept them yet go beyond them. draco isn't kidding-- but neither is harry. who'll win? who's the one who'll give up, believe the other, leave it alone? will either of them, ever (probably not). in a weird way, neither of them has really experienced love enough to believe in it, but harry is different in that he is willing to. he's willing to cry. he's willing to be angry. he's willing to walk away, and willing to come back. and draco needs to realize that-- that harry will come back, but that doesn't mean that draco's off the hook.

Why should I cry for you?
Why would you want me to?
And what would it mean to say,
That, "I loved you in my fashion"?
   ~~Sting.

um. i love that song. not too harry/draco, but like, kinda, isn't it?? yeah. anyway. er.......
yeah. it's weird to me, that the way i say things, and the sheer number of the things i say, doesn't just immediately make everything clear about me. in those quizzes, where they ask you whether you're sweet or sassy or quiet or mysterious, i can never pick mysterious. but i mystify people. of course, the reality is, most people end up mystifying each other. this rarely happens to me-- i've never actually been mystified by anyone after actual honest words came out of their mouth (as many words as come out of mine, certainly). now, that's not the same as not thinking they're moon-mad, and crazeee, and don't make any sense. but hey, i can say that with complete certainty :) yeah, i have some weird-ass friends. one of them just never makes much sense (i can't even -believe- people think i make no sense. they should read his stuff. of course, he's probably on 'shrooms all the time. but still. he draws some wacky stuff, as you can see. (or, most likely, can't, since you didn't click, didya, heh). anyway. everything is clear, or should be. if only it was. it -could- be, though, you know? so easy. almost on the tip of my tongue, almost tumbling out. it's like, almost. harry and draco are almost touching. almost.

P.S. ~~i know i said it's ``not about harry potter", but rather about harry/draco (the archetypes). and that's true, i'm always into any slash fandom because of the pairing (so far)-- but not -only-. yes, i -can- be in it only for the pairing (uh, gundam wing, anyone? but at least i haven't sunk so low as to be into ``due south" *shudders*), but the pairing has to be bloody hot for me to overlook an unsavory world (gundam wing, natch.... duo. need i say more?? duo. i wish duo was harry's best friend instead of ron, dammit. aaack. that would so, so rock. of course, they'd have won by now *smirks*) maybe that's why i was addicted to gw AU's but not hp. i like the world-- not necessarily the way jkr wrote it it, but more, just the basic premises. i love boarding-school stories with a great passion. i love wand-magic. i love spellbooks and unicorns and dragons and Deep Secrets. i love Good Guys/Bad Guys, to an extent. i love fairy-tale type scenariors. i'm a huge, huge sucker. that's probably why i write fanfic for hp and not for gw or anything else. it's not just my rabid h/d looove. it's that i -feel- the world, with its magic and its danger and its insane divination professors. i don't want to write original fic if i can write about insane magic-user arrogant assholes, in boarding schools. yeah.

P.P.S. today is the day cho chang unpinned a butterfly, and made me cry. and now i love her. i really love her, now. i mean it. after lizbee made me love hermione, i thought my view on hp fanfic/canon changed. but that's incomparable to this. wow. wow.