~~the last truce...

And I feel it like a sickness how this love is killing me.
But I'd walk into the fingers of your fire willingly.
And dance the edge of sanity--I've never been this close.
I'm in love with your ghost

Oh, unknowing captor, you'll never know how much you pierce my spirit
I can't touch you--can you hear it?
A cry to be free, or I'm forever under lock and key as you pass through me.


~not desperate-- and forlorn. not me. not him, either. who then? i don't know...

guys like that... all bitter and negative and destructive with their words-- secretly intelligent, just wanting something to believe in, something soft but unbreakable. what can i do with them? why do they sneer at me like that? i mean. i'm harmless. well, uh.... that seems weird. "harmless"? as in, "mostly harmless"? as in, i wouldn't blow up the world?


( of all my demon spirits... )

why the hell am i so hell-bent on redeeming these bastards?

why the hell can't i just want draco & co to get what's coming to them?

they're selfish, arrogant, self-important, over-analytic bastards. their hearts have frozen over in their chests-- they'd have you believe-- and you'd have to rip them open to thaw them. and why even bother? they wouldn't even thank you, until it's too late and you're too tired and you just want to be left alone to your slowly lifting misery.

fucking NO i don't want draco for the rest of my life. fucking NO. i don't need that. i don't need that, i don't know who does. whose heart can withstand such a beating? i mean, harry must be a lot stronger than me-- he probably is-- i'm soft, and weak, and female. maybe that's why it's ok if it's slash. i don't have to be part of it, part of this fantasy. it can happen without me, thank-you-very-much.

check, please.
~~

even draco is a reflection of the need-- for the demon's love--
the things i'm afraid of-- i want them to love me--
the things that hurt me-- i want them to heal me

it's all a matter of... not being afraid--
~~

P.S. aome's right. this song -is- so harry/draco it's not even funny. i'm tempted~! aaack, tempted...song...fic....ack :) er. i guess i'm back on the angsty!luv track :)
P.P.S. Steph Mineart, the chick hosting the `ghost' song, is so cool. mmm, feisty, heh. writes well, too. too old for me though ;_;

whispers:
And there's not enough room in this world for my pain.
Signals cross and love gets lost and time past makes it plain,
of all my demon spirits I need you the most.
I'm in love with your ghost

~~thankyou

mirrors: wow. i've said it before and i'll say it again... people who mention the texture of tomatoes and eggs naturally in a fic, have my eternal admiration :) ha.

i dunno if i like fanfic's fluffy-face or drama-face better. they're both unique-- though definitely i want to laugh. i like to laugh. if i wasn't laughing, i'd be angstying, and we CAN'T HAVE THAT, now can we.

well, even though draco's a bastard--
see what i like about him is--
he's just-- so-- beautiful.

how can a girl resist?
you could put such beautiful words in his mouth. and just... love... when it springs from -that-, is so-- miraculous, isn't it? i mean, love is always miraculous. but h/d is just miracles-r-us, isn't it? so symmetrical and archetypical. gives one -hope-, i mean, if harry and draco could find understanding and love-- we definitely can.

i was watching 'beautiful thing', which is this cute brit-tv movie (about boys snogging). but like. dammit. they were cute, and sort-of angsty... but... it's not the "boys snogging" that does it for me. it's the... believability of the improbable, impossible, the victory of the beautiful over the dross and pain and disillusionments of life. and i think this film was -trying- to be about that. and it wasn't completely failing-- it was sweet. but i didn't -need- these boys to be together. i didn't find and lose myself in them. if draco and harry just suddenly -wake up-, it's like-- you want to cheer. in order to get there they had to get over -so much-, had to become -more- than they were, more open, more free. not just a little, but a LOT. they had to rip themselves open and sew themselves back together again. they had to believe they could -fly-.

i so want that. i so want love to be able to do that. i so want there to be hope. and passion. and miracles. the miracle of finding ourselves, the miracle of finding each other, and the miracle of finding ourselves -in the mirror- of the other.

thanks & love to all the authors who ever made me believe.

P.S. I just wanted to say, Bach [Organ Fugue in G minor], rocks my sweet, sweet world. Wow. Genius. I do so love genius. Yummy genius! Me want Bach Jr., for breeding purposes :) heh. Amazing. The man is amazing. So is Mozart, and Chopin, & Tchaikovsky, & Beethoven, and so on and so forth. When I was 6, I'd tell anyone who'd listen-- Irina likes (in order) #1: Mozart; #2: Bach; #3: Tchaikovsky. See, I always had good taste :)

P.P.S. Wheeeee..! fiiiiiics~! thezeppo's harry b-day fic is trés cool, and nifty, and has blunt!harry in it. did i ever say i love blunt!harry? goddamn, i love him..! aaaaack *runs screaming*

plus saber shadowkitten wrote something new..! and it ROCKS, hardcore... *snickers* "the Potter Rescue and Torment Society"-- god, just that, is enough to make me loff her :) double-agent!draco, hee. what a cutie pie *shnoogles dwako* ;>
*double aaaaaack* now...now........now for rhysenn, goddamn it...! *triple aaaack and more screaming* ;p