~~the last truce...
Aug. 1st, 2002 01:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaAnd I feel it like a sickness how this love is killing me.
But I'd walk into the fingers of your fire willingly.
And dance the edge of sanity--I've never been this close.
I'm in love with your ghost
Oh, unknowing captor, you'll never know how much you pierce my spirit
I can't touch you--can you hear it?
A cry to be free, or I'm forever under lock and key as you pass through me.
~not desperate-- and forlorn. not me. not him, either. who then? i don't know...
guys like that... all bitter and negative and destructive with their words-- secretly intelligent, just wanting something to believe in, something soft but unbreakable. what can i do with them? why do they sneer at me like that? i mean. i'm harmless. well, uh.... that seems weird. "harmless"? as in, "mostly harmless"? as in, i wouldn't blow up the world?
he made me delete some pics of j's, 'cause i felt guilty and wrong-- i mean it's not his fault-- all he had to do was insinuate, and i bit the bait. "oh you're so desperate, here you are, you're looking for him aren't you." and i jump, startled. how does he know?? he's just assuming. what does he know about me? what do i know about him?
but why is he mean, then?
why is ANYBODY mean, come on people, WHY the hell is anyone mean, why, why why.....
i don't get it, really.
why would you want to hurt somebody? why would you say things that are obviously not going to go over too well?
why the HELL do i like draco??? am i nuts??
if i think mean, bitter, defensive, aggressive bastards are --sad-- and not my thing-- why do i love draco? why do i want harry with him? i mean, suppose i want to help them.... i suppose i want them to be happy...
i want the person-- that person who writes beautifully, and thoughtfully-- or who -could-, if he allowed himself-- to emerge.
but there are already people like that, who don't need to be dragged out of themselves. why don't i ...i mean... they're rare aren't they. even as rare as the messed-up beautiful people are, whole beautiful people are even rarer aren't they?
why in the WORLD does he have to insult me? what does it get him? i mean, really, i think he probably thinks i don't care, we've barely talked 10 times in all the years i've seen him around.
sometimes-- okay just once, awhile ago-- he messaged me just to say i'm a beautiful person. and then he's like, okay bye.
and what's up with THAT?
damn you all, you asshole poet-boys. damn you all to HELL. i SO do not care if you fucking disappear.
ok i do. i mean. i don't think it's easy to remember, as one drools over their sexy minds-- they're -pricks-, you know, first-rate, not-sorry-for-a-second pricks.
you think draco's fucking sexy??
wait till he talks to you. wait till he looks at you like you're dirt. wait till you have to agonize over the few moments he ever showed you anything but unkindness, those moments which cut you deepest, deeper than when he just said all kinds of bs to your face. wait till you wonder whether he turns off his facade and goes to his room and cries, and wait till you realize there's NOTHING you can do about that, nothing you can do to force him to be anything other than what he is.
wait till you realize that he probably DOESN'T think you're dirt, because if he did, he probably wouldn't talk to you, so you wait, and you keep talking, double-guessing, waiting, waiting. and years could pass and it could all be for nothing.
why the hell am i so hell-bent on redeeming these bastards?
why the hell can't i just want draco & co to get what's coming to them?
they're selfish, arrogant, self-important, over-analytic bastards. their hearts have frozen over in their chests-- they'd have you believe-- and you'd have to rip them open to thaw them. and why even bother? they wouldn't even thank you, until it's too late and you're too tired and you just want to be left alone to your slowly lifting misery.
fucking NO i don't want draco for the rest of my life. fucking NO. i don't need that. i don't need that, i don't know who does. whose heart can withstand such a beating? i mean, harry must be a lot stronger than me-- he probably is-- i'm soft, and weak, and female. maybe that's why it's ok if it's slash. i don't have to be part of it, part of this fantasy. it can happen without me, thank-you-very-much.
check, please.
~~
even draco is a reflection of the need-- for the demon's love--
the things i'm afraid of-- i want them to love me--
the things that hurt me-- i want them to heal me
it's all a matter of... not being afraid--
~~
P.S.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aome's right. this song -is- so harry/draco it's not even funny. i'm tempted~! aaack, tempted...song...fic....ack :) er. i guess i'm back on the angsty!luv track :)
P.P.S. Steph Mineart, the chick hosting the `ghost' song, is so cool. mmm, feisty, heh. writes well, too. too old for me though ;_;
whispers:
And there's not enough room in this world for my pain.
Signals cross and love gets lost and time past makes it plain,
of all my demon spirits I need you the most.
I'm in love with your ghost
But I'd walk into the fingers of your fire willingly.
And dance the edge of sanity--I've never been this close.
I'm in love with your ghost
Oh, unknowing captor, you'll never know how much you pierce my spirit
I can't touch you--can you hear it?
A cry to be free, or I'm forever under lock and key as you pass through me.
~not desperate-- and forlorn. not me. not him, either. who then? i don't know...
guys like that... all bitter and negative and destructive with their words-- secretly intelligent, just wanting something to believe in, something soft but unbreakable. what can i do with them? why do they sneer at me like that? i mean. i'm harmless. well, uh.... that seems weird. "harmless"? as in, "mostly harmless"? as in, i wouldn't blow up the world?
he made me delete some pics of j's, 'cause i felt guilty and wrong-- i mean it's not his fault-- all he had to do was insinuate, and i bit the bait. "oh you're so desperate, here you are, you're looking for him aren't you." and i jump, startled. how does he know?? he's just assuming. what does he know about me? what do i know about him?
but why is he mean, then?
why is ANYBODY mean, come on people, WHY the hell is anyone mean, why, why why.....
i don't get it, really.
why would you want to hurt somebody? why would you say things that are obviously not going to go over too well?
why the HELL do i like draco??? am i nuts??
if i think mean, bitter, defensive, aggressive bastards are --sad-- and not my thing-- why do i love draco? why do i want harry with him? i mean, suppose i want to help them.... i suppose i want them to be happy...
i want the person-- that person who writes beautifully, and thoughtfully-- or who -could-, if he allowed himself-- to emerge.
but there are already people like that, who don't need to be dragged out of themselves. why don't i ...i mean... they're rare aren't they. even as rare as the messed-up beautiful people are, whole beautiful people are even rarer aren't they?
why in the WORLD does he have to insult me? what does it get him? i mean, really, i think he probably thinks i don't care, we've barely talked 10 times in all the years i've seen him around.
sometimes-- okay just once, awhile ago-- he messaged me just to say i'm a beautiful person. and then he's like, okay bye.
and what's up with THAT?
damn you all, you asshole poet-boys. damn you all to HELL. i SO do not care if you fucking disappear.
ok i do. i mean. i don't think it's easy to remember, as one drools over their sexy minds-- they're -pricks-, you know, first-rate, not-sorry-for-a-second pricks.
you think draco's fucking sexy??
wait till he talks to you. wait till he looks at you like you're dirt. wait till you have to agonize over the few moments he ever showed you anything but unkindness, those moments which cut you deepest, deeper than when he just said all kinds of bs to your face. wait till you wonder whether he turns off his facade and goes to his room and cries, and wait till you realize there's NOTHING you can do about that, nothing you can do to force him to be anything other than what he is.
wait till you realize that he probably DOESN'T think you're dirt, because if he did, he probably wouldn't talk to you, so you wait, and you keep talking, double-guessing, waiting, waiting. and years could pass and it could all be for nothing.
why the hell am i so hell-bent on redeeming these bastards?
why the hell can't i just want draco & co to get what's coming to them?
they're selfish, arrogant, self-important, over-analytic bastards. their hearts have frozen over in their chests-- they'd have you believe-- and you'd have to rip them open to thaw them. and why even bother? they wouldn't even thank you, until it's too late and you're too tired and you just want to be left alone to your slowly lifting misery.
fucking NO i don't want draco for the rest of my life. fucking NO. i don't need that. i don't need that, i don't know who does. whose heart can withstand such a beating? i mean, harry must be a lot stronger than me-- he probably is-- i'm soft, and weak, and female. maybe that's why it's ok if it's slash. i don't have to be part of it, part of this fantasy. it can happen without me, thank-you-very-much.
check, please.
~~
even draco is a reflection of the need-- for the demon's love--
the things i'm afraid of-- i want them to love me--
the things that hurt me-- i want them to heal me
it's all a matter of... not being afraid--
~~
P.S.
aome's right. this song -is- so harry/draco it's not even funny. i'm tempted~! aaack, tempted...song...fic....ack :) er. i guess i'm back on the angsty!luv track :)P.P.S. Steph Mineart, the chick hosting the `ghost' song, is so cool. mmm, feisty, heh. writes well, too. too old for me though ;_;
whispers:
And there's not enough room in this world for my pain.
Signals cross and love gets lost and time past makes it plain,
of all my demon spirits I need you the most.
I'm in love with your ghost
