Attn: Fools! Jesters! Mockers!
Jun. 26th, 2004 06:09 pmI like being disagreed with-- it's a challenge, it's energizing and so on. I don't like being mocked or discounted as a person, because like, I'm sensitive like that, but again, I only really care if I care about you. I also tend to care a bit about the opinion of anyone I consider intelligent or funny or talented. I draw a line between mocking my personality or appearance (in a mean-spirited rather than teasing way) and mocking my beliefs or statements or actions (or fic! don't forget you're free to mock my fics!)-- you can go ahead and mock those. I'll mock them first, anyway. I believe self-mockery is essential for mental health, actually, ahahah. I mean, they used to call it "humility", but what it really is is self-mockery.
I mean, if you can't laugh at yourself, you're really in trouble, 'cause odds are other people are laughing at you anyway, and it hurts more that way.
I keep seeing people talk about the problems with a culture of agreement-- the Cult of Nice-- and then seeing the myriad problems that arise from the Cult of Mock. Both have their deep issues-- in that the nicey-nice people are basically often dishonest (if not blatantly hypocritical) and possibly unhelpful to one's possibilities of progress as a writer (in the case of fanfic crit, anyway), while the mockety-mock people are soooo obsessed with everything being superficially 'funny' that they wear it like a mask over their humanity the same way the nicey-nice people wear their niceness. So really, the hypocrisy cuts both ways, which a lot of the mockers realize, but that's not enough. If you realize you're basically bullshitting, that doesn't actually excuse you from it. There's the rub.
I think the reason so many people are leery of mass mockery is because it's too easy for human beings to get out of control. People forget why they do what they do-- they just do it by force of habit, and then random people join in because it's the 'Cool Now Thing', and then all hell breaks loose 'cause people think they have a free ticket to piss off whoever's closest. People in general are often vicious beasts when uncontrolled by their higher brains-- i.e., when they're not thinking. So a lot of people would rather the unthinking masses in question just nodded along and played nicely-- it's much easier to go along with one's business that way, isn't it?
It's funny because in the beginning, small, rebellious bands of people mock 'The Establishment' or whatever and it's a 'statement'-- and then the statement becomes too successful and edges into its own (stagnant & unquestioned) dogma and its own Establishment: witness the elite split-off faction of Fandom Wank, itself a former split-off faction of livejournal. Being popular is every intelligentsia's downfall.
I believe very strongly in the ideals behind intelligent disagreement-- whether it takes the form of debate, discussion or outright mockery. I believe it's kind of a process of sloughing off the dead meme-cells in your brain-- you end up cleaner and healthier with the mental scrubbing. But! When people hide behind the mockery (as I keep seeing anytime a little fandom culture of it puts down a few roots), they forget the 'intelligent' part of the mockery. If you're being 100% obsessed with 'Teh Funneh' to the point where you think -everything- is 'Teh Funneh' (as in the usual Fandom Wank refrain of "fandom is fucking funny"), you obliterate the actual intelligence (and the balls) involved in judging what's actually -worthy- of mockery.
I mean, if you mock things just because they're there, then what kind of idiot are -you-, basically? How are you different from the idiots that -worship- and accept things "just because it's there"??
It seems that most(?) people think that self-mockery and The Mockery Of The Stupid in general is basically a fun thing to do, no real emotion involved-- like a gesture you make, but it doesn't really mean anything. You can act like you're self-deprecating, but really you just keep on doing what you're doing (because it's easiest to shut up when among your own clique) and being a yes-man to whatever messed up conspiracy your Feared Leader springs up today. (And of course there's no "Feared Leader" of the Elite Wankers or whoever-- it's yet another 'funny little joke'). What I object to is not the unfunniness of this (as far as I can tell), but the sheer fakery involved.
And please, don't think I'm picking on some stupid recent example in particular-- there are so many vague examples of people who take the Cult of Mockery too seriously (in that they become utterly fake), in fandom and in the mass media in the US anyway.
This reminds me that the "intelligentsia" were always like this: sitting there and laughing like hyenas at the stupidity and decay of whatever society they're within, their anger ultimately ineffectual-- or rather, an affectation. "It was all a joke" is basically the credo of bored (often rich) Clubs Of Mock in boarding schools everywhere, I'm sure. It's a tradition! In fact, the Marauders, I think, are just sort of a smart-boy-group stereotype in this respect-- rich kids with passions and ideals with no real outlet, so they just pick on whatever's the easiest target to feel all Elite and Superior. And in the case of the Marauders, the irony is that their target grows up to out-mock the mockers as a lifestyle, even while the originals did get a clue, it seems. The cycle continues.
Mind you, I'm picking on the perpetually disaffected (in the case of Fandom Wank, I'd say 'dramatically disaffected') 'Mocking Intelligentsia' bit of the mini-society of 'Fandom' because for all intents and purposes? I'm part of it. I don't usually make a sport (so British!) of The Mock, though-- that's the only difference. Because goddammit, real mockery does in fact stem from real emotion-- from a real frustration at things, a hatred of stupid, a zeal for quality or whatever-- there's some sort of thwarted idealism there at heart, and I know it because I feel it. I'm one of 'Them' or 'You' or whatever you want to call it.
The nicey-nice masses of the Politically Correct, 'respect'-obsessed society -want- to be able to point fingers at the 'mocking fringe' and say, 'look! Look! They're fools! That's all they are! They eat their own young and they have nothing important to say; they don't have bloody -feelings-!' It makes it all right to revel in all their self-righteous back-patting and 'there there' cooing and all the rest of it! So we sit there and laugh because what do they know, but they're on to something! They may not see their own fakery, but they can see -ours-! And that's not funny!
Heyo, watch me take myself too seriously; the vital element, though, is that I'm just being sincere, so to mock me with insincerity would be to mock yourself. If you mock me, all I want is that you mock me and you mean it. If you do something that messes with people's feelings? You should mean it, that's all.
But then, I never cared much for sport of any kind, physical or intellectual-- perhaps that's it. I laugh, I write, I read and I play-- but 'sport' implies a sort of forced lightness that bothers me. It's premeditated-- and in terms of mockery, it's inherently wanky. Basically, if you consciously sit there and view the world through the Glasses of Mock, then you become a little bit like Kai, from The Snow Queen, with a tiny bit of the Magic Mirror of hatred and discontent and lies wedged in your eyes.
What I'm saying is, Jaded is a form of Stupid.
If you're not laughing at things with some center of you still grounded in actual understanding of the problem you're making light of, your mockery has no real validity, for one cannot truly speak of things one doesn't understand.
In the end, I believe that mockery shouldn't always have to be a superficial thing, forcibly divorced from empathy and higher feelings. I believe that the job of a Fool (or Jester) in society at large-- or in a mini-society like fandom-- is deeply essential. I respect people who can truly find a workable, intelligent balance between sharp, biting humor and compassion probably more than I respect any other quality in a human being. It just upsets me to see this ideal be completely missing in the Culture of Mock I see at large. It speaks of the same lack of intelligence the people are supposedly meant to mock. And that's all I have to say about that.
P.S. I wasn't -trying- to make this post funny, btw. Ahahaha, BUT I COULD IF I WANTED TO :P
/immature
P.P.S. Aaaack!!1 ZS' Ronfic, aaaaaaack, the Ronlove, am dead <33333333333333333 (I seriously think I'm starting to resent H/D fluff or something, which is like resenting fluffy kittens-- which I -love-, btw-- but there you have it.... Can't seem to get away from the 'inner rage', heh. Good H/D angst, man. It's what's for dinner.)
I mean, if you can't laugh at yourself, you're really in trouble, 'cause odds are other people are laughing at you anyway, and it hurts more that way.
I keep seeing people talk about the problems with a culture of agreement-- the Cult of Nice-- and then seeing the myriad problems that arise from the Cult of Mock. Both have their deep issues-- in that the nicey-nice people are basically often dishonest (if not blatantly hypocritical) and possibly unhelpful to one's possibilities of progress as a writer (in the case of fanfic crit, anyway), while the mockety-mock people are soooo obsessed with everything being superficially 'funny' that they wear it like a mask over their humanity the same way the nicey-nice people wear their niceness. So really, the hypocrisy cuts both ways, which a lot of the mockers realize, but that's not enough. If you realize you're basically bullshitting, that doesn't actually excuse you from it. There's the rub.
I think the reason so many people are leery of mass mockery is because it's too easy for human beings to get out of control. People forget why they do what they do-- they just do it by force of habit, and then random people join in because it's the 'Cool Now Thing', and then all hell breaks loose 'cause people think they have a free ticket to piss off whoever's closest. People in general are often vicious beasts when uncontrolled by their higher brains-- i.e., when they're not thinking. So a lot of people would rather the unthinking masses in question just nodded along and played nicely-- it's much easier to go along with one's business that way, isn't it?
It's funny because in the beginning, small, rebellious bands of people mock 'The Establishment' or whatever and it's a 'statement'-- and then the statement becomes too successful and edges into its own (stagnant & unquestioned) dogma and its own Establishment: witness the elite split-off faction of Fandom Wank, itself a former split-off faction of livejournal. Being popular is every intelligentsia's downfall.
I believe very strongly in the ideals behind intelligent disagreement-- whether it takes the form of debate, discussion or outright mockery. I believe it's kind of a process of sloughing off the dead meme-cells in your brain-- you end up cleaner and healthier with the mental scrubbing. But! When people hide behind the mockery (as I keep seeing anytime a little fandom culture of it puts down a few roots), they forget the 'intelligent' part of the mockery. If you're being 100% obsessed with 'Teh Funneh' to the point where you think -everything- is 'Teh Funneh' (as in the usual Fandom Wank refrain of "fandom is fucking funny"), you obliterate the actual intelligence (and the balls) involved in judging what's actually -worthy- of mockery.
I mean, if you mock things just because they're there, then what kind of idiot are -you-, basically? How are you different from the idiots that -worship- and accept things "just because it's there"??
It seems that most(?) people think that self-mockery and The Mockery Of The Stupid in general is basically a fun thing to do, no real emotion involved-- like a gesture you make, but it doesn't really mean anything. You can act like you're self-deprecating, but really you just keep on doing what you're doing (because it's easiest to shut up when among your own clique) and being a yes-man to whatever messed up conspiracy your Feared Leader springs up today. (And of course there's no "Feared Leader" of the Elite Wankers or whoever-- it's yet another 'funny little joke'). What I object to is not the unfunniness of this (as far as I can tell), but the sheer fakery involved.
And please, don't think I'm picking on some stupid recent example in particular-- there are so many vague examples of people who take the Cult of Mockery too seriously (in that they become utterly fake), in fandom and in the mass media in the US anyway.
This reminds me that the "intelligentsia" were always like this: sitting there and laughing like hyenas at the stupidity and decay of whatever society they're within, their anger ultimately ineffectual-- or rather, an affectation. "It was all a joke" is basically the credo of bored (often rich) Clubs Of Mock in boarding schools everywhere, I'm sure. It's a tradition! In fact, the Marauders, I think, are just sort of a smart-boy-group stereotype in this respect-- rich kids with passions and ideals with no real outlet, so they just pick on whatever's the easiest target to feel all Elite and Superior. And in the case of the Marauders, the irony is that their target grows up to out-mock the mockers as a lifestyle, even while the originals did get a clue, it seems. The cycle continues.
Mind you, I'm picking on the perpetually disaffected (in the case of Fandom Wank, I'd say 'dramatically disaffected') 'Mocking Intelligentsia' bit of the mini-society of 'Fandom' because for all intents and purposes? I'm part of it. I don't usually make a sport (so British!) of The Mock, though-- that's the only difference. Because goddammit, real mockery does in fact stem from real emotion-- from a real frustration at things, a hatred of stupid, a zeal for quality or whatever-- there's some sort of thwarted idealism there at heart, and I know it because I feel it. I'm one of 'Them' or 'You' or whatever you want to call it.
The nicey-nice masses of the Politically Correct, 'respect'-obsessed society -want- to be able to point fingers at the 'mocking fringe' and say, 'look! Look! They're fools! That's all they are! They eat their own young and they have nothing important to say; they don't have bloody -feelings-!' It makes it all right to revel in all their self-righteous back-patting and 'there there' cooing and all the rest of it! So we sit there and laugh because what do they know, but they're on to something! They may not see their own fakery, but they can see -ours-! And that's not funny!
Heyo, watch me take myself too seriously; the vital element, though, is that I'm just being sincere, so to mock me with insincerity would be to mock yourself. If you mock me, all I want is that you mock me and you mean it. If you do something that messes with people's feelings? You should mean it, that's all.
But then, I never cared much for sport of any kind, physical or intellectual-- perhaps that's it. I laugh, I write, I read and I play-- but 'sport' implies a sort of forced lightness that bothers me. It's premeditated-- and in terms of mockery, it's inherently wanky. Basically, if you consciously sit there and view the world through the Glasses of Mock, then you become a little bit like Kai, from The Snow Queen, with a tiny bit of the Magic Mirror of hatred and discontent and lies wedged in your eyes.
What I'm saying is, Jaded is a form of Stupid.
If you're not laughing at things with some center of you still grounded in actual understanding of the problem you're making light of, your mockery has no real validity, for one cannot truly speak of things one doesn't understand.
In the end, I believe that mockery shouldn't always have to be a superficial thing, forcibly divorced from empathy and higher feelings. I believe that the job of a Fool (or Jester) in society at large-- or in a mini-society like fandom-- is deeply essential. I respect people who can truly find a workable, intelligent balance between sharp, biting humor and compassion probably more than I respect any other quality in a human being. It just upsets me to see this ideal be completely missing in the Culture of Mock I see at large. It speaks of the same lack of intelligence the people are supposedly meant to mock. And that's all I have to say about that.
P.S. I wasn't -trying- to make this post funny, btw. Ahahaha, BUT I COULD IF I WANTED TO :P
/immature
P.P.S. Aaaack!!1 ZS' Ronfic, aaaaaaack, the Ronlove, am dead <33333333333333333 (I seriously think I'm starting to resent H/D fluff or something, which is like resenting fluffy kittens-- which I -love-, btw-- but there you have it.... Can't seem to get away from the 'inner rage', heh. Good H/D angst, man. It's what's for dinner.)
no subject
Date: 2004-06-29 04:15 pm (UTC)I don't mean to mock specific people's ideals, man-- I just get emotional about ideas, and I mentally play with them, interact with them, work with them and so on. I don't even mock fics directly, usually, I mock/discuss (I prefer to think I at least try to -think- instead of ridicule thoughtlessly) the ideas behind things more than their execution, which I think is a valid form of lit-crit, or at least it's -my- form of it. Anyway, who are all these people who think my fics suck? I'm a bit at a loss, there. I can spell, at least :>
......I don't base them off B/S, man. ><;;;;;;;;; Please. That's just. *laughs* I'm willing to discuss with people if they disagree-- I want to see other (thought-through) povs-- I enjoy them. I'm not saying everyone has to agree with me or I'll beat up their mothah. Dude. And -I've- generally agreed with -you- about -your- ideas/meta on H/D, y'know. But not agreeing is also fine.
But I feel like I'm not being helpful 'cause I've said this and more before, and if it didn't help then, it probably won't help now.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-29 04:52 pm (UTC)I generally like to put my opinion out there, say what I have to say one
time, and leave it at that. I don't generally like elaboration and discussion, though there have been few exceptions and at times they've happened on your journal. I don't even know how to respond to your comments right now, though, without actually quoting various of your own remarks back to you that you've made at various points in time, and yelling, "SEE, RIGHT THERE? CAN'T YOU SEE HOW PRETENTIOUS AND CONDESCENDING THAT SOUNDS?!"
But I don't really feel like battling LJ's craptastic load times to do that, so I'm instead going to suggest that you carefully read over some of your posts about h/d, shipping, and fandom, that you try and objectively read over them, and try to see how your judgments about the ship come across to many of us. Hell, read your own thread, where you and Malafede debate the demerits of Verdant's writing: Debbie who has been *nothing* but massively supportive and encouraging of you and your fics and your level of discussion ever since you came to the fandom. How can you objectively say that something like this--"Ahhhh, no, don't spoil me, I was really really REALLY HOPING it was at least going to be good. *CRIES* WHY GOD WHY WHY WHY. No, I mean, it's Verdant, can't be that bad. Can it? " --is not in the least condescending??
You're assuming what set me off and made me this angry this morning was my feeling that *I* had been mocked, when really it was just the general outrage that came from seeing you mock Debbie's fic, from seeing you imply that Dorrie's take on H/D is somehow fresher and more immature than yours because you've been reading H/D fics longer (and I'm not saying that's how you intentionally meant it to sound, but that's how it read to me, and it's definitely how it read to her). I wasn't even really *angry* about your comment on fandom_wank; but I was, rather, availing myself of the opportunity to call you a hypocrite, since you had availed yourself of the opportunity to call me an elitist wanker. (And yes, you *did* call me an elitist wanker, since you implied that the members of mockitymock were elitist wankers.)
And you say that you don't mean me, but just "the group" in mockitymock--and that's exactly what you always say, Reena, whenever anybody questions your general views on H/D and shippers by pointing out things that they do directly, things which fall in your stated view of, 'oh, this is bad, this is wrong.' You always respond with some version of, "I didn't mean -you-."
But how can you not see that I am one of the specific group of people you're talking about? How can you not see that if you say "fics containing this (X characteristic) suck," you're also specifically saying that the fics of *people who've written that characteristic* suck? Because regardless of how you mean it, people are going to read your remarks that way--and they do.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-29 05:47 pm (UTC)But.
Okay, then. Okay. I think I see what you mean, but, ack it just sort of frustrates me 'cause I've always had this problem of not having things come out the way I mean them to and. I wish people would call me on it and they don't so I don't know what's wrong :/ Ack. I think I just thrash and bemoan things without regard to anything but my general bitterness-- and it's true that I don't mean anyone in particular 'cause well, I don't mean anyone in particular, but.
I can see how if someone's included in a set of people, they would automatically be particulars. Or something :/ Ack ack ack MY HEAD HURTS NOW :/
At least I was unintentionally hypocritical (though doesn't hypocrisy have to be intentional? How can hypocrisy be sincere? And yet maybe it can but it hurts my head anyway). Gah. But how else can I express my annoyance with trends? Some trends/characteristics are simply better made use of by people with talent-- so them possessing a certain trend/characteristic doesn't matter. They overcome whatever annoying thing (crying!Draco, for a stupid example) by just being A REALLY GOOD fic with crying!Draco. I once had a discussion with Ishuca where I challenged her to write a fic with crying!Draco or whatever, and we discussed whether it could be done or not. And it can be done, just not by everyone, or something, I think was what we decided.
*sigh* I don't mean to be condescending. Bleh. I can see how I am. And yet I don't mean to be, I'm just-- it hurts my head to read certain things/situations/whatever, and yet not in small dosages-- it's just when the dosages become great that I snap. Y'know? I just snap a lot and babble and try to rid myself of the bile that I don't even -know- where it's from :/ Oh man :/
My observation (from watching Penelope, Ivy, Cassie Claire, Penguin, Amalin, Trin, Erin, Anna, etcetc-- the writers I started with) has been that eventually, people get tired of the H/D and stop reading/writing it. Therefore I was saying to Dorrie that my bile & bitterness is probably at because it's been awhile that I've read H/D fanfic. I'm both "in" and "out"-- I can't leave it alone (or, it won't leave me alone), but it also drives me up the wall. It's a love/hate relationship, which I think confuses most people. Like... I'm oversensitive, and I freely admit it, and I hate that I upset people and. :/
Also. Dude, now I'm all paranoid about how my fics suck & who exactly thinks so and why :/ I'm tempted to from now on always ask people to no longer give me positive feedback and only say something if it's a criticism. I really do want them, though generally more than "this sucks". I'm sorry about all this. Being thoughtless and such.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-29 05:01 pm (UTC)God knows I'm not the least wanky person in the fandom--and I can be every damn bit as outspoken about a fic (or about anything else) as you, and I absolutely agree that criticizing a fic isn't criticizing a person. I will fully admit to participating on the fanfic_hate community, because I think being able to voice your opinion about a fic is healthy. And considering that I was a professional theatre critic for two and a half years I don't think it's necessary to remind you that I can be *very* critical when I choose to be.
But when I criticize a fic, I criticize the fic in specifics. When you criticize writing, Reena, you tend to make harsh, sweeping generalizations about *fic writers,* which leaves *all* of us feeling vaguely abused. And your ideas about what *is* good and right seem to be very malleable and chameleon-like; witness the fact that you criticize me for acting on emotion by reccing a fic as "perfect"--but then you criticize Verdant's fic as being too visceral, and offer up in your own defense the fact that you're very emotional and easy to overwhelm. Which is it? That, again, is a frustrating pattern of your rhetoric and discussion that makes it very easy for you to pull the "Oh, I didn't mean -you-" line, while you're adjusting your argument to fit whoever it is you're talking to.
It's transparent, Reena. It doesn't gain you any brownie points. Just stick to whatever your argument is--or else, and here's the big if--IF you find that, contrary to your stated opinion you do have room on your palatte for many various takes and perceptions and depictions of the H/D ship, then maybe you should *allow* yourself to be open to all these different takes on the pairing, rather than being so constantly, arbitrarily dismissive of a large GROUPING of us at one time. Because the group is made up of individuals, like me, who read your statements about THE GROUP, and think you're coming across as an ass.
And I don't think you're an ass. I've met you, I've enjoyed your company, and I like you--I don't think you've ever been intentionally mean, and I never have. But I'm fairly certain that you have *no* idea how you come across the majority of the time, and how many times you've alienated me or someone else around me, by the blanket statements you make.
"I feel your judgements of me are based on misunderstandings and insecurities I didn't mean to trip."
This would be an example of you coming across, whether intentionally or not, as condescending. I don't honestly know if you've noticed how much I hate being flattered, brownnosed, or sucked up to, or if you've noticed how I try always to encourage honesty--how I don't flame or ban anyone for saying what they think on my LJ. I am one of the most secure H/D writers I know, and I'm very open about the areas in which I'm not so secure. So the suggestion that I'm only angry because I'm insecure makes me wonder what on earth the impression I've given you all this time actually is. Because honestly, after what happened last October with Cassie, the idea that something you would say about my fic reccing ability or about my level of wankery would be enough to make me this upset?--is utterly ludicrous.
Consider, instead, that like my issue with Tara of a few weeks ago, this has actually been an ongoing pattern of things I've seen you do and say, that has troubled me for months until the boiler burst.
Okay, I'm going to try to post this to LJ--if not I'll just send it as email.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-29 05:29 pm (UTC)By saying it's 'transparent', you're implying I intentionally try to get on a writer's good side by some sort of conscious manipulation. I don't think I'm even capable of conscious manipulation of other people's opinions of me or whatever, man. It's like-- I talk before I think, is all.
I wasn't accusing/implying that you're insecure, at least not in the way you mean-- but yah, my grasping at straws semi-randomly can be seen as condescending; I see that. I think I see people thinking that I mean -them- by some sweeping statement as a sign that they're unsure of me and think I -would- mean them, which doesn't make intuitive sense to me 'cause I didn't -mean- that.
I don't mean -anyone-, generally, see. In -particulars-, I always tend to see good points & bad points, and I don't mention the bad points to the writer unless I'm comfortable with them or don't think they'd care about what I say 'cause they don't know me from Lilith. But even when I talk about general issues, I wibble-- which may seem manipulative I suppose, but is really just sincere at every point. I am usually in the process of forming opinions all the time, it's just that I'm outspoken and/or unintentionally challenging/combative to people who disagree(?). I don't mean to butt heads with anyone. That would scare me, 'cause interpersonal arguments are just not my forte.
I've never consciously meant to pressure anyone to friend me. I never consciously mean to pressure, period. Pressuring isn't what comes naturally to me-- I mean, I agonize about politely asking for things, man. If I want something, it kills me to seem desperate or whiny 'cause I'm insecure about being rejected. So I wouldn't pressure knowingly. After this, if I didn't friend back-- whoever it was-- it may have been that it took me several days to check my userinfo & remember or whatever, but I usually friend anyone I -know- and want to read the journal of, and if I don't, I imagine I just wanted it to read something specific on their journal, but I don't remember any such case.
I don't brownnose, either, on purpose-- I mean, that's another personal integrity thing to do with honesty. If I like, I LOVE, a lot of times, and I'm gushy & emotional. I don't mean to be overly adoring or whatever, though... at least, if I squee, I tend to go into a lot of detail as to -why- and -what- I'm squeeing about.
The 'perfect' thing is just a word issue that has little to do with you and more to do with switchknife, who's sensitized me 'cause she says fics are godlike & perfect more than once. I don't think anything is perfect; anyway, not as a serious descriptive term about fiction.
Re: Verdant's fic, I haven't read it, and so wasn't talking about anything in particular to do with it. I -plan- to read it, 'cause as I said, I do enjoy her writing and I do read almost any H/D I come across regardless of whether it's up to whatever snuff.
I admit I'm contradictory and wibbly while being strident. *sigh* It's... difficult to fix, since my exact stance on things-- or focus, at least-- does shift slightly, while the heart doesn't really change. I don't mean to offend anyone, though, I really don't.
It's ironic, because I make general statements -because- I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings specifically, see. I feel like by being general, I avoid being -personal-. Instead, apparently I'm personal 'en masse'-- which basically leaves me between a rock and a hard place, doesn't it? Even my mutability & willingness to discuss and compromise works against me. :/
I don't tailor my opinions-- I genuinely change my mind if people give thoughtful responses, which I thought would actually encourage people to debate/argue/discuss with me. Not all people, of course. Tailoring my opinions would mean I'm-- insincere, basically. Purposefully devious. I'd even be mean to someone before I'm devious and pretend to think something I don't. I may be confusing, ditzy, contradictory, even nonsensical (people say that often enough)-- but hey, at least I'm sincere :D
I'll try to think before I speak more. Or something.