~~ rationalization fixation
May. 31st, 2004 02:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaI think I get carried away and forget to say exactly what I mean sometimes, so when I say "I hate fanon Draco", I don't actually mean that in a sweeping sense, really. I mean I can't stand the idealization of particular characteristics in any person. I mean that to take away someone's right to make awful mistakes in judgement is, to me, to take away their humanity.
Everyone has their horrors, y'know. My horror is forcing people to be self-aware, mostly because I so -want- them to be that way naturally somehow, and also because I feel I'm rather violently irrational and I cling to my emotional responses to things, I suppose. I feel a strong empathy towards someone who'd have their (unhealthy) passion stolen from them.
The only real excuse I can think of for loving idealized characters is that this is a normal part of growing up, of adolescent development-- so it would be perfectly okay for a 14 year-old, say, to have idols, to refuse to see the ugly irrationalities of human nature in their favorite celebrity or someone older they look up to. This is a left-over from how children view their parents, I'd imagine.
This sort of reminds me of fairy-tales like Cinderella, where the girl hero is, at first glance, perfect: obedient yet reasonably rebellious, kind yet mean to the ones that deserve it, and of course, as pretty as can be. The thing is, behind this veneer of supposed perfection, Cinderella is more like where Harry started off-- the real core of her is a girl who -fights- and resists keeping to her "place". It's not that she wants to be beautiful or powerful, really-- which is why she winds up with these things. She's basically herself regardless of -what- she's doing, which is why she can make the transition. That is the core of the fairy-tale, I think: not that she was always perfect, but that she was always fiercely, sincerely alive, and that shone through.
But above a certain age, doesn't the need for idols become dangerous? This sort of willful blind eye towards our flaws could easily become something that -has- to be there, it seems to me. At what point do we need fanon Draco, for instance, because ugliness is no longer palatable? And that point where we need to tell this lie to ourselves to feel okay-- that's the point of dystopia; of horror.
It's an integral part of growing up, isn't it? Seeing the world and the people in it without its childhood glitter (yet still retaining a sense of wonder and the capacity for hope, of course). You grow up and you realize that Santa Claus didn't exist-- just like Harry did. You realize that your father was a prick and your mentor figure lied to you for whatever reason, that you basically have no one but yourself because you can never predict when people will change or disappear-- and the things people had said to protect you have actually been lies that now hurt you. You realize you're existentially alone, and there's no friendship and no father-figure-- nothing there to fully lift that burden.
And without that realization-- without that bleakness to be accepted or overcome or what have you-- what's the real worth of the ideals one still holds, anyway? What's so exciting about someone being able to overcome these existential issues with some epiphany of reason? What can anyone take away from a story like that? What's the use of it, even as fantasy, in the end? It has nothing to do with us; it doesn't have to do with our hearts.
One may wonder why, exactly, I'm -so- upset... and okay, it's.... Somewhat hypocritical at first glance, but. Eh. It's specific things that bother me, like... not so much the enjoyment of whatever fantasy but... when I think about it..... the implications. Like, in reviewing and thinking about it, mostly. Gah.
It occurs to me that most leading characters in American pop culture (well, movies & TV) are heavily idealized, so perhaps there's a genuine mass appeal to this that stretches beyond amateur writing do's & don't's. Perhaps there's something about the culture that encourages the creation of these "stars". I would say that fanon!Draco easily fits the mold of a pop or movie star. In a way, he's possibly more rational rather than emotionally-centric, but that's a small quibble. He's basically of a certain Hollywood-style heroic mold, isn't he. Hmm. The only difference is that Hollywood heroes start out that way; they don't really start ugly, generally.
This brings me to all kinds of thoughts about the submersion of ugliness & undesirable qualities in the men (and boys) that are set out for public consumption. It's not a coincidence that fanon!Draco is pretty enough to be an American-style model-- stick-thin, blond, often expressionless, pouty. I suppose that's what they look like in Vogue & so on, isn't it? Yeah, I think so.
~~
It's the type of fanon "fixing" that bothers me. The rationalization-type fixing. I don't care if someone's wittier, snarkier, sexier, more dapper, or has an entirely different personality, not so much. Buuuut, when you make anyone more -rational- & kind of force them to be "right", that's when I get upset.
These are the most commonly idealized supposed "improvements", and basically they grate on me. The idea that one can just wake up and be reasonable and "see the light". For some reason, I can't leave that alone.
- Becoming self-aware: as far as I know, this takes not only intelligence but a fair amount of introversion to achieve, especially during adolescence. True self-awareness, where one actually sees one's mistakes in the short-term and overcomes one's prejudices by sheer force of reason, is almost unheard of. No one does this, in other words; or so close to no one that it's equivalent.
There is very little that could be said to justify such a ridiculous development in any person, but if it did happen, the process of such complete re-evaluation would have to be painful and time-consuming. It is impossible to "wake up" to "reality". You can only pain-stakingly reconstruct it, especially after years of brain-washing by one's parents & the society one is part of.
- Rage removal: keeps happening simply because one "matures", and inexplicably, love is the inevitable consequence. Anger seems like the greatest hurdle to love, since it tends to overwhelm all other emotions and is so difficult to let go of. So perhaps this makes sense in a way, but it still bothers me 'cause it's so much like some horrid form of cheating. To be -cheated- of one's anger without it being dealt with... that's a frightening thing to me.
While love may follow any number of previous feelings, from irritation to admiration to hatred, actual "love" takes some significant amount of knowledge of that which you love, as well as a healthy amount of that fickle beast called "self-awareness". Many characters say, "but we don't know each other, how could we love each other" in fics, but then go on and proclaim love anyway. This, while realistic in terms of denial by the characters, shouldn't be reinforced by the objective events or turns a story takes.
Love is routinely denied and acted against the grain of by people who're not very self-aware or not ready to face its consequences. Accepting it when it's unexpected or contrary to past experience is part of accepting oneself in general, which takes time and a certain amount of courage enough people simply don't have, anyway. Commitment is an even greater hurdle to cross for such people, on top of all that.
And I suppose it's personally upsetting to me to have anger be summarily removed as if it was never of any real consequence. It's like-- where does that sort of thing -go-, anyway?
- Rationality: along with logic and common sense, this is a rare and precious quality with most teenagers, and a goodly portion of the human race in general. If there is an obvious, "sane" solution to some problem, one can trust most people not to take it into account. This is just another way of saying that young people are notorious for making mistakes, and these mistakes are generally a consequence of not listening to what their heads tell them.
One of the most improbable things you could imagine is writing a character who simply has a tendency to make the right choices. That in itself is a dangerous lie if it's believed, because you create this -type- of person who does the "right thing", as if it's a consequence of the "right" personality type. There's no such thing as a person who tends to do the right thing, really.
In Hollywood movies, you often have the main character somehow dance through the whole film, jumping these rigged hurdles like a professional athlete, it seems. The whole point is that the hero has to win. The philosophy is the same, even if it's transferred to fanon!Draco, who suffers the opposite fate in canon. I mean, in reality, no one wins, really. There's no such thing as a "winner" in practice-- everyone sacrifices something precious when they pursue a goal to the exclusion of whatever else. We are all losers, basically, and rationality and reasonable decisions don't actually make us any more likely to "succeed" in terms of other human beings.
I think I've succeeded in losing whatever real point I had, btw, once I got over my sudden... er... frustration. Yes. That's it -.-
Everyone has their horrors, y'know. My horror is forcing people to be self-aware, mostly because I so -want- them to be that way naturally somehow, and also because I feel I'm rather violently irrational and I cling to my emotional responses to things, I suppose. I feel a strong empathy towards someone who'd have their (unhealthy) passion stolen from them.
The only real excuse I can think of for loving idealized characters is that this is a normal part of growing up, of adolescent development-- so it would be perfectly okay for a 14 year-old, say, to have idols, to refuse to see the ugly irrationalities of human nature in their favorite celebrity or someone older they look up to. This is a left-over from how children view their parents, I'd imagine.
This sort of reminds me of fairy-tales like Cinderella, where the girl hero is, at first glance, perfect: obedient yet reasonably rebellious, kind yet mean to the ones that deserve it, and of course, as pretty as can be. The thing is, behind this veneer of supposed perfection, Cinderella is more like where Harry started off-- the real core of her is a girl who -fights- and resists keeping to her "place". It's not that she wants to be beautiful or powerful, really-- which is why she winds up with these things. She's basically herself regardless of -what- she's doing, which is why she can make the transition. That is the core of the fairy-tale, I think: not that she was always perfect, but that she was always fiercely, sincerely alive, and that shone through.
But above a certain age, doesn't the need for idols become dangerous? This sort of willful blind eye towards our flaws could easily become something that -has- to be there, it seems to me. At what point do we need fanon Draco, for instance, because ugliness is no longer palatable? And that point where we need to tell this lie to ourselves to feel okay-- that's the point of dystopia; of horror.
It's an integral part of growing up, isn't it? Seeing the world and the people in it without its childhood glitter (yet still retaining a sense of wonder and the capacity for hope, of course). You grow up and you realize that Santa Claus didn't exist-- just like Harry did. You realize that your father was a prick and your mentor figure lied to you for whatever reason, that you basically have no one but yourself because you can never predict when people will change or disappear-- and the things people had said to protect you have actually been lies that now hurt you. You realize you're existentially alone, and there's no friendship and no father-figure-- nothing there to fully lift that burden.
And without that realization-- without that bleakness to be accepted or overcome or what have you-- what's the real worth of the ideals one still holds, anyway? What's so exciting about someone being able to overcome these existential issues with some epiphany of reason? What can anyone take away from a story like that? What's the use of it, even as fantasy, in the end? It has nothing to do with us; it doesn't have to do with our hearts.
One may wonder why, exactly, I'm -so- upset... and okay, it's.... Somewhat hypocritical at first glance, but. Eh. It's specific things that bother me, like... not so much the enjoyment of whatever fantasy but... when I think about it..... the implications. Like, in reviewing and thinking about it, mostly. Gah.
It occurs to me that most leading characters in American pop culture (well, movies & TV) are heavily idealized, so perhaps there's a genuine mass appeal to this that stretches beyond amateur writing do's & don't's. Perhaps there's something about the culture that encourages the creation of these "stars". I would say that fanon!Draco easily fits the mold of a pop or movie star. In a way, he's possibly more rational rather than emotionally-centric, but that's a small quibble. He's basically of a certain Hollywood-style heroic mold, isn't he. Hmm. The only difference is that Hollywood heroes start out that way; they don't really start ugly, generally.
This brings me to all kinds of thoughts about the submersion of ugliness & undesirable qualities in the men (and boys) that are set out for public consumption. It's not a coincidence that fanon!Draco is pretty enough to be an American-style model-- stick-thin, blond, often expressionless, pouty. I suppose that's what they look like in Vogue & so on, isn't it? Yeah, I think so.
~~
It's the type of fanon "fixing" that bothers me. The rationalization-type fixing. I don't care if someone's wittier, snarkier, sexier, more dapper, or has an entirely different personality, not so much. Buuuut, when you make anyone more -rational- & kind of force them to be "right", that's when I get upset.
These are the most commonly idealized supposed "improvements", and basically they grate on me. The idea that one can just wake up and be reasonable and "see the light". For some reason, I can't leave that alone.
- Becoming self-aware: as far as I know, this takes not only intelligence but a fair amount of introversion to achieve, especially during adolescence. True self-awareness, where one actually sees one's mistakes in the short-term and overcomes one's prejudices by sheer force of reason, is almost unheard of. No one does this, in other words; or so close to no one that it's equivalent.
There is very little that could be said to justify such a ridiculous development in any person, but if it did happen, the process of such complete re-evaluation would have to be painful and time-consuming. It is impossible to "wake up" to "reality". You can only pain-stakingly reconstruct it, especially after years of brain-washing by one's parents & the society one is part of.
- Rage removal: keeps happening simply because one "matures", and inexplicably, love is the inevitable consequence. Anger seems like the greatest hurdle to love, since it tends to overwhelm all other emotions and is so difficult to let go of. So perhaps this makes sense in a way, but it still bothers me 'cause it's so much like some horrid form of cheating. To be -cheated- of one's anger without it being dealt with... that's a frightening thing to me.
While love may follow any number of previous feelings, from irritation to admiration to hatred, actual "love" takes some significant amount of knowledge of that which you love, as well as a healthy amount of that fickle beast called "self-awareness". Many characters say, "but we don't know each other, how could we love each other" in fics, but then go on and proclaim love anyway. This, while realistic in terms of denial by the characters, shouldn't be reinforced by the objective events or turns a story takes.
Love is routinely denied and acted against the grain of by people who're not very self-aware or not ready to face its consequences. Accepting it when it's unexpected or contrary to past experience is part of accepting oneself in general, which takes time and a certain amount of courage enough people simply don't have, anyway. Commitment is an even greater hurdle to cross for such people, on top of all that.
And I suppose it's personally upsetting to me to have anger be summarily removed as if it was never of any real consequence. It's like-- where does that sort of thing -go-, anyway?
- Rationality: along with logic and common sense, this is a rare and precious quality with most teenagers, and a goodly portion of the human race in general. If there is an obvious, "sane" solution to some problem, one can trust most people not to take it into account. This is just another way of saying that young people are notorious for making mistakes, and these mistakes are generally a consequence of not listening to what their heads tell them.
One of the most improbable things you could imagine is writing a character who simply has a tendency to make the right choices. That in itself is a dangerous lie if it's believed, because you create this -type- of person who does the "right thing", as if it's a consequence of the "right" personality type. There's no such thing as a person who tends to do the right thing, really.
In Hollywood movies, you often have the main character somehow dance through the whole film, jumping these rigged hurdles like a professional athlete, it seems. The whole point is that the hero has to win. The philosophy is the same, even if it's transferred to fanon!Draco, who suffers the opposite fate in canon. I mean, in reality, no one wins, really. There's no such thing as a "winner" in practice-- everyone sacrifices something precious when they pursue a goal to the exclusion of whatever else. We are all losers, basically, and rationality and reasonable decisions don't actually make us any more likely to "succeed" in terms of other human beings.
I think I've succeeded in losing whatever real point I had, btw, once I got over my sudden... er... frustration. Yes. That's it -.-
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Re: I hate Cinderella.
Date: 2004-05-31 06:44 am (UTC)I actually know about growing pains. I know about accepting yourself. I don't think I've yet accepted the whole me. There's things I don't like that I keep rejecting, but that's what an adult does, an adult is someone who accepts his own imperfection. I think most idealisation you see around is due to the fact that most people do not embrace their flaws; they wouldn't be so allergic to them if they did. In fandom terms, for example, I think a lot of wank stems from delusions on the self. I mean, in my experience people who deal with the ugliness inside themselves are less inclined to reject it in others, they are nicer people, they don't get off feeling superior to the other. Lots of bad feelings between people are caused by a crave for supremacy that can't be just biological, you know? Like the entire point of interaction is to win, and the entire point of winning is to be better, approaching perfection at every go. Mmmh, someone lie to me and tell me that made sense.
Many characters say, "but we don't know each other, how could we love each other" in fics, but then go on and proclaim love anyway. This, while realistic in terms of denial by the characters, shouldn't be reinforced by the objective events or turns a story takes.
Oh! That was so smart. *takes notes*
This is just another way of saying that young people are notorious for making mistakes, and these mistakes are generally a consequence of not listening to what their heads tell them.
Or doesn't tell them! They really don't have this much rationality, because evaluation processes are a result of trial and error, it takes a lot of time to perfect them, shift them to adapt to the recurrent event. Or... however you call it in English. *g* Also, teenage have great filters to block out what they don't want to see. Which makes them act like brainless twats most of time, so you get the mistake.
All in all I don't like balanced and/or wise people. They work as the mentor, or the fool on the hill - but not as the characters a story is built around. So long as they're avatar types, more symbols really, I'm okay. But if an author starts asking me to care about them as human, I am weirded out.
Re: I hate Cinderella.
Date: 2004-05-31 02:19 pm (UTC)Lots of bad feelings between people are caused by a crave for supremacy that can't be just biological, you know? Like the entire point of interaction is to win, and the entire point of winning is to be better, approaching perfection at every go. Mmmh, someone lie to me and tell me that made sense.
Actually, it did make sense, and I'm not lying. It sort of goes hand in hand with what you said the other day about how people have this tendency to completely black-paint Draco, because it makes them feel better about themselves. Like "I may have my short-comings as a human being, but at least I'm not Draco Malfoy. I would never harrass the Gryffindors or put a leg-locker-curse on Neville, or be a racist, and besides, I bet Draco would rape people too, and laugh while casting Cruciatus-curses on them, and at least I'd never do that."
You remember that thread of Sistermagpies, about confessing your childhood flaws? I think there's a chance I might conveniently have forgotten one.:D "Self-righteous" like Harry (and Hermione too, perhaps?) There is this instance I remember particularly clearly. I was inlove with a boy with a Draco-like personality from age 7-10. Then, at ten, he began to bully me in order to impress his friends, which made me truly, and passionately hate him, and in my head, I portrayed him as the worst scum who had ever walked on earth. I swear, if I had read the HP-books at ten, I'd have been one of those rabid Draco-haters you see around, and that's also why I'm far more understanding of young Draco-haters (who are still in school), than I am of adult ones, who I figure should have grown past their grudges.
Anyway, one of these days in fourth grade, we were discussing "Anne Franke" in class, and our teacher brought up how the people who kept the Franke-family hidden during the years of the persecution, were so brave, etc, and she asked us, the children who had all been born long after WW 2, if any of us would have done the same thing. Only I and another (self-righteous;)) girl raised our hands. Then this Draco-like boy raised his hand to say that he could honestly not say that he would have, even though he knew it would have been the right thing to do, because it would be such a high risk, to do such a thing, and he would probably have been afraid. And (here comes the really embarrassing part) I thought to myself "No, you wouldn't do it, because you, unlike me are too much of a coward!" And looking back at this incident, it's kind of funny, because Draco-like boy, was really the only one in class who said something intelligent this day, he was right damnit, it would have been dangerous and scary, and no matter how morally superior I and the other girl felt, for being convinced we would have acted like the heroes, doesn't change the fact that we don't know how we would have acted, because we didn't even live at that time. It's easy to say something, but words are cheap, and for all we know, it's possible that the Draco-like boy would have helped out jews, had he lived back then, just like it's possible that I and the other girl would have been cowards, or even Hitler-Jugends. We don't know, and to think that someone would be morally superior over pure speculation is ridiculous beyond words.
Re: I hate Cinderella.
Date: 2004-06-02 03:19 pm (UTC)It would be interesting to see what has been of this guy.
Re: I hate Cinderella.
Date: 2004-06-03 10:50 am (UTC)We sort of buried the hatchet sometime during sixth grade. We never became friends or anything, but we managed to hold civil conversations.;-) He stopped showing quite as much open contempt for me, and I more or less stopped resenting and despicing him.