[tonight i can write the saddest lines]
Feb. 13th, 2005 05:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaWhy do non-fandom people friend this journal? Why, why, why? Then they always unfriend it, which makes me feel less than sparkly, though I suppose I could've told them that to start with: "you'll get bored hearing me talk about porn". So. Yet another new-agey philosopher boy friended me ^^;; I do have a non-fandom journal, but they never find that one, of course. I mean, how much clearer could I be on my userinfo than to say "I write porn about boy wizards"--? Le sigh. I think this one friended me 'cause my lj name is 'the incarnation of non-duality'. Ahahahah false advertizing??! You decide! >:D
I also have interests like "unwise love" and "puritanical tool/angry young man", which I'm rather proud of but feel have limited appeal. Although now the 'puritanical tool' part makes me think of Sen. Yes, I'M STILL NOT OVER IT, what? And I suppose Swordfish is the stereotypical Angry Young Gang-leader in search of a Really Good Lay :)) :))
All love should be unwise. Who the hell wants wise love? It should be one's goal to love unwisely, and too well. To love with all one's heart and bile and rage and insecurity and desperation. Love should make you feel like you're falling off the Empire State Building, and you don't know whether you're flying or not, and then you find you don't care because you're not alone. I think maybe it's not even love alone I want so much as the unwisdom of it. The unwisdom is the real wisdom. Y'all dig, right? Come on, someone back me up here! (Puritanical, toolish wisdom??!)
Sometimes it feels like unwisdom (crazy wisdom? the wisdom of one's unsanity) is the only way to survive in this world.
Everything sucks so much, man, it's only when you look at things with the crazy-beautiful-love glasses that you understand. Sen grew to hate the life in prison because prison is hell, wasn't any escape, but before he hated the life up above because this world can be hell just as easily. He wanted to leave both times in order to escape, but there's no escape, really, there's only the crazy wisdom of loving even though it hurts. Every instinct we have says that if it hurts, it's bad, but I think if it hurts, it means you're alive, if you know how to see it. That's an army slogan, isn't it? "The pain means you're getting stronger."
If you know what you feel, then the pain means you're learning something. The pain means you're not dead yet. The pain means you're still here, your claws digging into the craggy rock-face, the tears nearly blinding you but you can feel your whole body vibrate as you breathe. Any minute, any second, you could fall off-- and the abyss is always beneath you and the wide sky up above-- and there are no guarrantees, no god in heaven and no devil waiting for you-- you're so totally free and trapped as a bug in amber at the same time. But you're alive, you think, because your knuckles bleed and your heart races and your knees ache and it's real. It's love because it hurts.
I feel like reading some Pablo Neruda again... man, I'm so sorry I'd lost that recording I had Andy Garcia speaking 'Tonight I Can Write'.
EDIT - Though I lost it, I do have the cd... so here's an mp3 of `Tonight I Can Write' if anyone wants it.
I also have interests like "unwise love" and "puritanical tool/angry young man", which I'm rather proud of but feel have limited appeal. Although now the 'puritanical tool' part makes me think of Sen. Yes, I'M STILL NOT OVER IT, what? And I suppose Swordfish is the stereotypical Angry Young Gang-leader in search of a Really Good Lay :)) :))
All love should be unwise. Who the hell wants wise love? It should be one's goal to love unwisely, and too well. To love with all one's heart and bile and rage and insecurity and desperation. Love should make you feel like you're falling off the Empire State Building, and you don't know whether you're flying or not, and then you find you don't care because you're not alone. I think maybe it's not even love alone I want so much as the unwisdom of it. The unwisdom is the real wisdom. Y'all dig, right? Come on, someone back me up here! (Puritanical, toolish wisdom??!)
Sometimes it feels like unwisdom (crazy wisdom? the wisdom of one's unsanity) is the only way to survive in this world.
Everything sucks so much, man, it's only when you look at things with the crazy-beautiful-love glasses that you understand. Sen grew to hate the life in prison because prison is hell, wasn't any escape, but before he hated the life up above because this world can be hell just as easily. He wanted to leave both times in order to escape, but there's no escape, really, there's only the crazy wisdom of loving even though it hurts. Every instinct we have says that if it hurts, it's bad, but I think if it hurts, it means you're alive, if you know how to see it. That's an army slogan, isn't it? "The pain means you're getting stronger."
If you know what you feel, then the pain means you're learning something. The pain means you're not dead yet. The pain means you're still here, your claws digging into the craggy rock-face, the tears nearly blinding you but you can feel your whole body vibrate as you breathe. Any minute, any second, you could fall off-- and the abyss is always beneath you and the wide sky up above-- and there are no guarrantees, no god in heaven and no devil waiting for you-- you're so totally free and trapped as a bug in amber at the same time. But you're alive, you think, because your knuckles bleed and your heart races and your knees ache and it's real. It's love because it hurts.
I feel like reading some Pablo Neruda again... man, I'm so sorry I'd lost that recording I had Andy Garcia speaking 'Tonight I Can Write'.
EDIT - Though I lost it, I do have the cd... so here's an mp3 of `Tonight I Can Write' if anyone wants it.
