(allow me to believe)
May. 10th, 2004 03:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaI was reading Ivy's `Hiatus', and... I got all gooey. I wouldn't call that piece itself -sappy- or anything, but sometimes the mood does strike me, and Harry&Draco start to glow in my head as if I'm seeing them on a cathedral window or something. Yep, I take "OTP" to a whoooole new level.
Sadly enough, self-insert fics are almost -normal- in original stuff, for me. I guess one can't tell what's self-insert and what isn't, so it lulls one into a false feeling of security. So I started rambling on about the glory of their True Wuv (tm!) and suddenly I was getting all personal and thinking, "Hmm... me? Hermione? Hmmmm."
That's when I should've performed a mercy killing, I'm sure of it.
...This is so embarrassing. It's not really a fic, though. I mean, kind of but not really. In my head, it's all relative, you know :>
I want to keep you two together when it seems like all you want to do is fall apart. I want to say, "Hey, just look-- look at each other-- tell each other what you see." I want it to mean something more, something that would make it easier for me, but neither of you had ever made a habit of making things easy, have you.
In my dream, your love is beautiful and solid. It's evident in every sentence, no matter what you say; whether you're together or not. It radiates, it shines, it's the gravity that keeps you on the earth, in each other's orbit. In my dream, you do talk instead of always snarking, and you understand each other. I think you need each other, you see. I don't know why, but once the idea settled in my brain, there was no withdrawing it.
I see a rhythm, a flow between you, and you make me remember what love is; like I ever knew. "So this is how it works," I think, and I feel like smiling because I realize I'd never actually forgotten. I can't forget this. This could never end, even if the two of you do-- even if you broke up, this wouldn't break.
From the outside, it would be nearly oblique, possibly incomprehensible. If one judges it, it disappears. But if one closes one's eyes, one can see it-- as if it's always been there, that image of them.
The best stories do that: allow me to believe. The people in them believe in themselves, too; in each other.
I never really believed in magic, quite. I still rely on proofs and measures and what I can construe of facts, and sometimes it just feels so painfully lonely I could snap. The magic was always there, since childhood, but I could never really touch it; thing is, I think you can, Harry. You can live for all of us. Sometimes I think that's what the whole "Boy Who Lived" thing is there for.
You'd blush and look at me funny if I told you that, I know you would. You hate that title, and I'm not too crazy about it either. And I'm too sensible to really say things like that anyway, though I can write them down. You keep secrets too, of course, but you're so... straightforward. You may question everything else, but you doesn't question your basic perceptions of yourself, your own feelings. It seemed obvious that when you fell, you'd fall hard and certain.
I could look at you beaming at everyone and think, 'just you wait, Harry. Just you wait'. And of course, you'd never know why I was smiling like that.
The people in the stories could figure out how to believe what they're saying, figure out who they are together, and everything that matters falls into place. Suddenly, it's not difficult at all. It's not a struggle, it's not impossible. It's the easiest thing they'd ever done. Loving each other is the easiest thing they'd ever done, and they know it.
That's what I want. That's why I go breathless and wonder-struck when I see it in a story, when it becomes self-evident all over again, when I'm allowed to believe without trying again. I never thought I'd witness it in reality.
It's not sappy, when it happens. It's not cheesy, it's not inevitable, it's not fate. It didn't have to happen, but it did, because they chose-- they chose each other, somehow. It's not a miracle, but it feels like it could be. It's like-- life can surprise you, sometimes, because you think you're falling apart but you're finally getting it, instead. You're finally getting it. It shouldn't work, either; it's sheer foolishness, anyone could tell you that. That's not love, they'd say, that's juvenile infatuation. Hormones. They say it can't last, but you two don't need it to last.
'Feels too good to stop,' I know that's what you're thinking. I couldn't live like that, but I want to see you try it. You're strong enough, I think. I believe in you two. I need to; always have.
"Sometimes I really do want to hurt him, you know."
If you told me you thought he slipped you a love-potion when you weren't looking, I wouldn't laugh, Harry. I suppose that's how it has to feel-- out of control and kind of insane. The way magic would feel inside you, though I wouldn't know. I never thought swallowing a potion felt like magic.
You never imagined yourself capable of this, did you?
"I wish he'd stop looking at me. I wish he'd just go away. I don't even need him to die. I just want him not to have existed, you know?"
You'd said things like that only what-- months ago, right?
Oh Harry.
Everything else aside, it hurts me to see you hurt that that, Harry. All this anger and insecurity must be tearing you apart, and I can't pretend otherwise even though I wish I could. I wish I could write you only happy endings. I wish you never had to hurt anyone again, least of all yourself.
I know, Harry. Hell, my daily level of irritation is something most people couldn't even imagine. I know what it's like to be exasperated and beside yourself the greater part of every day. But it's worth it, isn't it? You can make it be worth it, if you worked on it. I would tell you two to work on it, but neither of you ever listens. It's all right, I think, you'll learn.
Neither of you two listens to authority unless you choose to, and I've always respected that. I go along too easily; I take the path of least resistance, and I never wanted to see you do it. I don't want you to struggle-- I just want you to win, Harry.
You'd be surprised to know I approved, if you knew I knew, wouldn't you? It's kind of like a nightmare, even with all the good parts. I know it is. I love you, and you wouldn't think I'd want that for you, right?
That's probably the reason you'd not tell anyone-- you're just so uncomfortable with it yourselves. From the outside, it may look almost sweet, but the sweetness never quite permeates all the way to the core, does it? I know that. Sweetness isn't all one needs though, is it?
And what do they know, anyway? They'd grown up and gotten their piece of the pie, haven't they. They're so certain, aren't they. They've got all the answers, and you've got none, but you don't need answers anyway. All you need is the certainty of now. That's how it could be, I think.
I just love you, Harry, and I want you to have stability and tender touches and teasing looks and all of it. I want you to accept all of yourself, even the ugly parts, the parts you think are Slytherin and dangerous. And if he didn't love you the way I know he does-- the way I know he can-- I would still want to believe.
I'd still want to believe in you.
~~
...Hee. Only Ivy's fic could make me -this- sappy ^^;
Sadly enough, self-insert fics are almost -normal- in original stuff, for me. I guess one can't tell what's self-insert and what isn't, so it lulls one into a false feeling of security. So I started rambling on about the glory of their True Wuv (tm!) and suddenly I was getting all personal and thinking, "Hmm... me? Hermione? Hmmmm."
That's when I should've performed a mercy killing, I'm sure of it.
...This is so embarrassing. It's not really a fic, though. I mean, kind of but not really. In my head, it's all relative, you know :>
I want to keep you two together when it seems like all you want to do is fall apart. I want to say, "Hey, just look-- look at each other-- tell each other what you see." I want it to mean something more, something that would make it easier for me, but neither of you had ever made a habit of making things easy, have you.
In my dream, your love is beautiful and solid. It's evident in every sentence, no matter what you say; whether you're together or not. It radiates, it shines, it's the gravity that keeps you on the earth, in each other's orbit. In my dream, you do talk instead of always snarking, and you understand each other. I think you need each other, you see. I don't know why, but once the idea settled in my brain, there was no withdrawing it.
I see a rhythm, a flow between you, and you make me remember what love is; like I ever knew. "So this is how it works," I think, and I feel like smiling because I realize I'd never actually forgotten. I can't forget this. This could never end, even if the two of you do-- even if you broke up, this wouldn't break.
From the outside, it would be nearly oblique, possibly incomprehensible. If one judges it, it disappears. But if one closes one's eyes, one can see it-- as if it's always been there, that image of them.
The best stories do that: allow me to believe. The people in them believe in themselves, too; in each other.
I never really believed in magic, quite. I still rely on proofs and measures and what I can construe of facts, and sometimes it just feels so painfully lonely I could snap. The magic was always there, since childhood, but I could never really touch it; thing is, I think you can, Harry. You can live for all of us. Sometimes I think that's what the whole "Boy Who Lived" thing is there for.
You'd blush and look at me funny if I told you that, I know you would. You hate that title, and I'm not too crazy about it either. And I'm too sensible to really say things like that anyway, though I can write them down. You keep secrets too, of course, but you're so... straightforward. You may question everything else, but you doesn't question your basic perceptions of yourself, your own feelings. It seemed obvious that when you fell, you'd fall hard and certain.
I could look at you beaming at everyone and think, 'just you wait, Harry. Just you wait'. And of course, you'd never know why I was smiling like that.
The people in the stories could figure out how to believe what they're saying, figure out who they are together, and everything that matters falls into place. Suddenly, it's not difficult at all. It's not a struggle, it's not impossible. It's the easiest thing they'd ever done. Loving each other is the easiest thing they'd ever done, and they know it.
That's what I want. That's why I go breathless and wonder-struck when I see it in a story, when it becomes self-evident all over again, when I'm allowed to believe without trying again. I never thought I'd witness it in reality.
It's not sappy, when it happens. It's not cheesy, it's not inevitable, it's not fate. It didn't have to happen, but it did, because they chose-- they chose each other, somehow. It's not a miracle, but it feels like it could be. It's like-- life can surprise you, sometimes, because you think you're falling apart but you're finally getting it, instead. You're finally getting it. It shouldn't work, either; it's sheer foolishness, anyone could tell you that. That's not love, they'd say, that's juvenile infatuation. Hormones. They say it can't last, but you two don't need it to last.
'Feels too good to stop,' I know that's what you're thinking. I couldn't live like that, but I want to see you try it. You're strong enough, I think. I believe in you two. I need to; always have.
"Sometimes I really do want to hurt him, you know."
If you told me you thought he slipped you a love-potion when you weren't looking, I wouldn't laugh, Harry. I suppose that's how it has to feel-- out of control and kind of insane. The way magic would feel inside you, though I wouldn't know. I never thought swallowing a potion felt like magic.
You never imagined yourself capable of this, did you?
"I wish he'd stop looking at me. I wish he'd just go away. I don't even need him to die. I just want him not to have existed, you know?"
You'd said things like that only what-- months ago, right?
Oh Harry.
Everything else aside, it hurts me to see you hurt that that, Harry. All this anger and insecurity must be tearing you apart, and I can't pretend otherwise even though I wish I could. I wish I could write you only happy endings. I wish you never had to hurt anyone again, least of all yourself.
I know, Harry. Hell, my daily level of irritation is something most people couldn't even imagine. I know what it's like to be exasperated and beside yourself the greater part of every day. But it's worth it, isn't it? You can make it be worth it, if you worked on it. I would tell you two to work on it, but neither of you ever listens. It's all right, I think, you'll learn.
Neither of you two listens to authority unless you choose to, and I've always respected that. I go along too easily; I take the path of least resistance, and I never wanted to see you do it. I don't want you to struggle-- I just want you to win, Harry.
You'd be surprised to know I approved, if you knew I knew, wouldn't you? It's kind of like a nightmare, even with all the good parts. I know it is. I love you, and you wouldn't think I'd want that for you, right?
That's probably the reason you'd not tell anyone-- you're just so uncomfortable with it yourselves. From the outside, it may look almost sweet, but the sweetness never quite permeates all the way to the core, does it? I know that. Sweetness isn't all one needs though, is it?
And what do they know, anyway? They'd grown up and gotten their piece of the pie, haven't they. They're so certain, aren't they. They've got all the answers, and you've got none, but you don't need answers anyway. All you need is the certainty of now. That's how it could be, I think.
I just love you, Harry, and I want you to have stability and tender touches and teasing looks and all of it. I want you to accept all of yourself, even the ugly parts, the parts you think are Slytherin and dangerous. And if he didn't love you the way I know he does-- the way I know he can-- I would still want to believe.
I'd still want to believe in you.
~~
...Hee. Only Ivy's fic could make me -this- sappy ^^;
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no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 10:30 pm (UTC)If my faith in Harry were ever to die--which I can't comprehend possible--this fic would rekindle.
Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 11:52 pm (UTC)I'm still sort of embarrassed, but not so bad :D thanks~:)
So I guess you're saying it's a fic in your opinion, then :D
no subject
Date: 2004-05-11 12:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-11 12:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-11 12:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-11 12:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-11 12:44 am (UTC)Then again, I always go for the emotions. Everyone's got a bias. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-05-11 07:58 am (UTC)In my dream, you do talk instead of always snarking, and you understand each other
Oooh, my ideal H/D will never come to understand each other completely. They'll come close - but never really touch that ideal.
I think my idea of Harry is a lot less romantic than yours. I think he's more an anti-hero than a hero, but maybe I'm talking form here, and not substance. But:
I want you to accept all of yourself, even the ugly parts, the parts you think are Slytherin and dangerous.
I have the same wish for him. But I don't want him to accept it all. Something has to remain out of reach and on the edge. Balanced people are annoying.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-11 01:04 pm (UTC)Hmm... my Harry....
Eh, I think I take him mostly as just a teenage boy (pissy, violent, kind, guilt-ridden, needy, fickle, passionate, self-righteous, lonely, resentful, proud, ambitious, loyal, driven, feckless, daring, sweet, resilient, dorky, etc). But I do think that he's still growing, y'know, and to me it's clear that he's on a Hero's Journey where eventually he'll become the person he's meant to be. His strength is there, waiting for him-- it has to be. He has to win, I think, through a sense of self-realization. Harry is the "hero" here, if you're basically just going from the text, because Voldemort is the "villain", Dumbledore (and Sirius and Remus and Hagrid) the "mentor" figures, Ron & Hermione the "sidekicks" and Draco the shadow-antagonist, like Catwoman is to Batman.
So... I mean... he's just a boy, but he -will- grow into his shoes. See, it's not that I'm saying he's all that currently-- I just believe in him~:)
Heheh I don't want them to accent everything either... um... consciously. People who stay together, I think, do accept the good and the bad even though they still squabble about it :>
no subject
Date: 2004-05-12 12:16 am (UTC)Oh yes, yes! That's what I meant, too. But, uhm. I also want them to unconsciously hate each other a bit. I don't want that to go away. Like you say, it's better if it stays unrealised, but if I read about two saints's super-partnership, I just get turned off. I guess it's all about the squabble. It has to be vicious.
(pissy, violent, kind, guilt-ridden, needy, fickle, passionate, self-righteous, lonely, resentful, proud, ambitious, loyal, driven, feckless, daring, sweet, resilient, dorky, etc)
I love your Harry love. It's very charming. And I know everything about getting dreamy and embarrassing over a fictional character, I just did so over Draco (http://www.livejournal.com/users/malafede/75018.html) and H/D.
And I love the Harry you describe - I think he's like that in canon. You're right to say he's on a Hero's Journey, and I think I used the word anti-hero to ipercorrect mainly. The fact is that while a Harry that's grown into this ideal is hopeful and shining, I don't want him to lose touch with the boy (the pissy, self-righteous, violent one) because it's the one I love the most. Mmh, that wasn't very coherent, was it?
no subject
Date: 2004-05-12 02:02 am (UTC)It's just-- always too easy, I think, in fics, no matter how much angst there is-- either too easy or too hard. No realism. It's just... I know what you mean about the spark of hatred always remaining, about them never being able to admit how they feel to each other until they -snap-... it's just that's the exact thing that gives me such difficulty in writing them. When people say I write good/great H/D, I want to laugh and laugh, because I haven't written even -one- complete story I find believable, and I've written -soooo- much of it.
Like... I don't know how to ever get them to say it, to start a real relationship. They fight me tooth and nail, they really do. I don't know how Aja & Ivy do it all the time, manage to get them over that hurdle. Maybe I'm just too aware of the hurdle...? And I really do believe in them, it's just-- that's not enough, apparently, if you want to be entirely realistic.
I think I'm just too idealistic/romantic, that's my problem, but I'm doggedly realistic at the same time. Doesn't make any rational sense, but it's true. I want to have it both ways-- I want them to find some peace but never -really- find it, 'cause that'd be boring. A part of me just loves them and wants them to be happy, and another part of me loves conflict and thinks happiness is boring. *sigh*
I think out of all the stuff you said about H/D-love, most of it was "this -should- work" or "this is why it's challenging"-- stuff that comes beforehand-- rather than describing an actual in-progress -relationship. And that's the problem, really. It's so hard to really imagine them together, but if they're not together, there's no H/D. There's also the fact that my H/D imagination has been shaped by all the fanfic I've read, which -doesn't- fit this realism model at all, really, and which -does- have them together at least part of the time, generally.
Yhe only helpful thing in terms of envisioning how it would be in progress was the bit about them being afraid and learning that about each other. I always thought the key was for them to learn each other's weaknesses. My H/D novella/novel-WIP-type-thing (everyone has one, right) plays on this mutual-discovery gradual knowledge bit, and it ends with them just -barely- being semi-ready to -start- a relationship. *sigh* My dream would be to hit on at least 70% of their issues, but I think I barely hit on 40% in it, even with around 100 pages (so far).
no subject
Date: 2004-05-12 02:03 am (UTC)And yet, I do want them to be happy, and for them -not- to be bad for each other. I can't ship them if I thought they're bad for each other, realism be damned They have to change, and no, I don't know how to do it without them losing the bits that endear them to me. But. Yes, resentment is normal, but hate isn't, I don't think. The hate was never really real anyway-- it was always a cover-up for hurt and anger. So yes, they can always be angry with each other, and if they were to stay toegther past 2 months, they'd always have to be working on it, talking. They'd have to learn to -talk-, to be each other's friends. No matter that they'd lose something of who they are that way-- everyone changes. No one is worth being unhappy for. No one. There's no match "perfect" enough. Simple enough-- if someone's making you unhealthy or unhappy, you should leave them.
That's why I love H/D friendship fics, few of them as there are. That's why I love UL & Silvia Kundera's `And I Get By (http://www.rightthisway.net/proclivities/silvia/andigetby.html)', which is like, the most perfect fic evah :> And it was for meeeeeeeeeeeee!! *siiiigh* They WUV EACH OTHER!!1
no subject
Date: 2004-05-13 03:07 am (UTC)Anyway, I prefer get-together fics too, and I prefer stuff when they have a lot of issues – I mean, isn’t it not the point of H/D, that there is all this conflict? I think H/D allows you to dwell into conflict quite well, it should be the reason why people write it. Well, besides it being their kink – I know it’s mine. I guess if you wanted to explore friendship and loyalty and… I don’t know, shared angst over being the outsiders you should be writing H/N or whatnot. So it’s not really a problem of ignoring their issues – because I don’t think a H/D writer’s primary aim should be getting them together. It should be exploring their issues. Isn’t that the reason why H/D became their kink in the first place? ;P
I'm afraid or bored or both. In my mind, it's always that get-together story, over and over again, trying to get it perfect.
Oh, I feel the perfect H/D established relationship fic should read like this too. Just an other get-together story. It’s like, I imagine they will be forever get together and then break up and then get together again. Trying to get it perfect.
They have to change, and no, I don't know how to do it without them losing the bits that endear them to me.
May I ask you what these bits are? The pettiness? The anger-management issues? The envy, the revenge-thirst, the self-involvement, the blindness to the other side’s reasons? Cos, you know, these are the bad sides of theirs that charm me and I don’t see how they could prevent them to start a relationship. It just would always be on the edge. But that’s the thing with H/D, isn’t it? This invariable clashing.
I don’t think hate is so abnormal. You’re right that if it were the most significant feeling between them it would be a problem, but what if it’s an undercurrent? Do you want it to really go away? I agree that it would be healthier, but this is about love, not about stability. I mean, it’s fiction – it needs conflict and turnarounds and intensity. And even if you are talking about real people’s real relationship, not even real people areever completely happy, I don’t think. It’s a nice fantasy and nothing more. And if the person you’re with satisfies your every need, if they are all you think about, if there’s nothing about them that irritates you – that’s when the relationship is most dangerous. Because it’s co-dependent, and co-dependence is a lot worse than a daily scream-match.
I love friendships fic in general because friendship is such an important element of life and I am bitter people value it so little in general – it’s all about the star-crossed love or the smut or the OTP or whatever. I want to read Draco/Ron friendship fics and Pansy/Draco friendship fics but they don’t exist, and this makes me very sad.
However.
With H/D I don’t want the friendship. It’s just… never going to work (in my mind at least) because of that tension and lack of emphaty and rivalry and loathe. Oh, I’m talking out of my ass really because the truth is that H/D romantic fic is to important for me to settle for something different.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-13 02:41 am (UTC)I find it interesting that you can’t envision feasible H/D but write it (and successfully in regards to what you set out to do) whereas I actually can picture them so easily but never accomplish any organic writing. Well, that’s a problem I have with writing in general, so it doesn’t really say much about H/D. I feel that H/D is a wide, neverending sounce of possible themes to explore, but I don’t see any unworkable obstacle between them. I guess it has everything to do with being very disillusioned (or just realistic, I don’t know, I’m not bitter about it) with human nature and both of them as humans so I don’t have problems accepting them as imperfect and only half happy. I don’t want that shininess! Vade retro, you over-romantic hortodoxic paradigm.
Okay, I clearly am not being very coherent. What I mean is that although I too want to see a change (fiction is change and growth) I don’t want them to overcome all their issues or become an admirable person. Not even decent. I think I’ll settle down for them not being psycho murderers. Anything else is fair game, especially because I don’t see how Draco being petty (and I don’t like at all when people take that away) could stop Harry from loving him if he had already fallen. There was a discussion in
Like... I don't know how to ever get them to say it, to start a real relationship. They fight me tooth and nail, they really do. I don't know how Aja & Ivy do it all the time, manage to get them over that hurdle. Maybe I'm just too aware of the hurdle...? And I really do believe in them, it's just-- that's not enough, apparently, if you want to be entirely realistic.
I don’t know. I think you can’t consider plot-devices to get them together abstractly – I mean, until you’ve seen them executed, you can’t rule out anything. Now this is not lip-service but I enjoy your H/D, I love the kind of fond mocking you bestow upon them, and I love the bantering – or rater, squabbling, cos they aren’t very witty, are they? This to say, yes, maybe you are a bit idealistic and romantic because, for example, in the last two fics you glossed over the DE/Lucius issues, but apart that, they worked quite nicely. And who’s to say Harry and Draco wouldn’t gloss over the issue too, at the beginning? Especially if they don’t see their relationship as anything romantic and the other as boyfriend material but just a grudge-fuck? So you can use the time where they are just having sex without thinking of the consequences to make them start caring for each other (well, that famous subconsious we were talking about) and bring the DE issues in when they are good and trapped in the romance. :D
So see, nothing is impossible (although one of the pleasures of H/D is that it approaches the impossible definition very closely) if one isn’t too perfectionist about it. And yeah, not over-romantic cos… well, this is possibly my sekrit agenda in action, because over-romanticism turns me off even more than H/N. And. That takes a lot.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-13 03:44 am (UTC)I'm just not very rational about them, I guess, so it's hard for me to "figure it out", so to speak-- I only -explain- what I intuitively already feel, after the fact. It's like a constant process of back-tracking, for me-- first I know, then I explain. It works better with fiction, I think. :>
I also love Harry and it's important to me what -he- wants. This is the girl who wrote two (count 'em, two!) Harry/Cho pr0n fics 'cause I wanted to give my ickle Harry what he wanted (ooh, shiny toy!) ...I've got issues, clearly. I also wrote Draco/Pansy pr0n, though that was kinda dark, since I can't seem to write totally sane D/P. Heh. But yeah... I love him and think he's more than decent-- he's just a lovable human being. Y'know? Draco... well, Harry loves him and sometimes I do too :> I think I don't take his bullshit very well, since I know it so intimately, considering the bastard lives in my head and I write him all the time. Heh. I think Harry is very picky in terms of who he gets attached to, and he wouldn't fall for Draco if Draco wasn't a good person in some basic way. Harry may have his Slytherin side, but he -is- painfully Gryffindor, too.
My more recent two fics were fluffy porn, which is generally the sort of fic I write that I put -out-, 'cause it's short and pointless & I don't get it betaed. I also write short surreal-type fics, again which I don't get betaed. I can't write fluffy DE stuff, plus I'm one of those people who thinks Draco -isn't- on the short-list to become a Death Eater while in Hogwarts (I know I'm in the minority there, heh).
I actually don't gloss over things in my "serious"-type fics, but I rarely finish them, 'cause they get long and involved and I run out of steam and put it on the back burner and so on. One day, I'll just release them all in a month and people'll be like, "whoa, your writing is totally not what I thought it was" AND NO ONE WILL CALL ME H/D PORN QUEEN AGAIN!!1 >:O ahahah. *coughs*
I like the idea of writing to explore their issues vs getting them together. I do that more lately, and guess what? My H/D fics generally don't wind up getting them togerher :> heh. H/D became my kink because they argue and hate each other and have REALLY HOT SEX :D As in, "I hate you!" "I hate you too!!" "FUCK ME NOW!!1" Er.. yeah. -.- Angst. "He doesn't love me! Woe! Well, obviously." "Why is Malfoy so hot??! WHY GOD WHY?!?" and "Stupid Perfect Potter and his stupid Perfect Arse and his stupid brilliant smile and his stupid huge cock and ARGH!!1"... There's a reason Silvia & Maya's H/D rivals Aja & Ivy's in my head as favorite. Heh. It's all about the boy-crushing in my head, more than the issues, I guess :>
Heheh I don't want stability either, but "hate" is just so-- strong. I think it gets overused. There's also a difference between anger-hate and loathing-hate in my head. And if Harry loathing-hates someone (like he hates Voldemort or Lucius) even a -little-, he would never fuck them. I just-- don't see it, not consistently unless it's a self-destructive thing.
As far as change... I want Harry to become more morally flexible and more realistic about people. To listen to people who disagree with him more, to stop being so narrow-minded. I want Draco to not be -that- egoistic and focused on other people as a measure of himself. I want him to let go of his father/family name somewhat, and rethink things and redefine himself to some extent. I want him to start thinking for himself. And to realize what a jackass he is :> Even if he keeps being one~:)
no subject
Date: 2004-05-15 11:11 am (UTC)What, no sex?
There's a reason Silvia & Maya's H/D rivals Aja & Ivy's in my head as favorite. Heh. It's all about the boy-crushing in my head, more than the issues, I guess
Eeeeh! It’s funny because Silvia and Maya aren’t very porny, are they? But I guess the whole having a nervous breakdown over lusting after that bloody stupid prick is very sexy. *g* Especially if they sweat and gulp and shriek.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-15 04:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-11 02:17 am (UTC)Aww, nostalgia :D