~~ overload blues.
Apr. 21st, 2004 01:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaI think it's reaching near-saturation point with my frenzy of Gundam Wing reading that made me realize that's what happened with HP this past December. It's just that the overload point took much longer to reach since I was largely attached to the community-- and well, people overload me too. Which made me think about the difference between loving something and -needing- something, which is closer to addiction and is of course unhealthy and liable to come to a screeching halt.
My instinct would be to say I love the Harry/Draco pairing and its fics (and fandom) too much, but I don't think that's true. It's not that you can -love- something "too much". But you -can- need it too much, depend on it, fixate too much of your mental capacity on it. Anyone would crack if they spent more than a year thinking mostly about one subject, non-stop, and made almost all their social interaction revolve around that also. Heh.
Not that single-minded focus is bad, necessarily... and that's probably why I wrote so much fic. Takes the edge off, lets the excess energy have an outlet, which is also why I stuck around so long, having that shunt (considering I can't really write fic for GW or Buffy, having tried).
I just noticed that at a certain point, I don't just -enjoy- the fics I enjoy-- I also get -really- annoyed at the fics I don't.
Suddenly, I can no longer keep a level head about it at -all-, and can't seem to remember to avoid the things that annoy me, like clearly juvenile writing and stupid characterizations-- so helpfully labelled in anime fandoms with "OOC" right next to the fic. Suddenly, it's no longer a casual browsing and more of a fretful scouring for more-- which is when things go wrong and I start wanting to rant my head off about people's misuse of English and their bastardization of characters. Before this point, I'd have just accepted that as a given, of course.
It's the difference between -wanting- to change something and -needing- it to change, which is a sign of unhealthy attachment. Interesting balance, isn't it? It's one's intense drive to change one's surroundings that gets things done, and yet it's the same exact thing that steals one's peace of mind. Face it, I'm never going to make any difference to all the novice writers who do all those horrible evil things to whatever characters and verbs. The problem is when I start to -want- to. I actually -want- to change them, to make "them" stop writing whatever it is (and trust me, I know how ridiculous that is).
Who cares, though. They'll just keep on doing it and I'll just get grey before my time. I mean, it only makes sense that apathy is the way to go in life, looking at it that way. Since you can't change other people, you have to change how you respond to them, right?
Everyone has their pet peeve, don't they, the thing they can't let go, that they have an invested interest in ranting against. I mean, so many things are wrong with the world-- everyone picks their so-called favorite, right?
My own writing pet-peeves seem to become the most uncomfortably acute when I nearly exhaust my emotional capacity for a subject (in this case, a fandom), usually temporarily. I usually -can- go back, even if I don't think so-- since I was pretty sure I'll never touch GW fic again after my initial dip into obsession two years ago. I mean, I really don't think I'm -that- concerned about whether people keep using "caused to" inaccurately in fics-- and yet, in a certain frame of mind, it really drives me nearly to distraction.
They say to stop reading if you don't like it, and that's fine as long as you're not addicted. I seriously get to the point where I keep reading just out of some masochistic urge to see it through, morbidly fascinated with the sheer psychic pull of my own hyper-focus. Besides just being helpless in that my escapism is even stronger than my distaste for what I see as bad writing.
There are many, many, many things I can pinpoint that are wrong with a number of fics-- and yet, I'd make a sucky editor for most of these people, 'cause this over-fixation on detail is a product of extreme frustration and exhaustion and annoyance or my part, rather than... I dunno... uh... some sort of genuine interest-- or more importantly, -pleasure- in noting and correcting grammar and general writing errors.
I think, basically, whenever people start ranting and raving about some huge "injustice" in society or just something they can't -stand- that other people do... generally, I would say that this is a sign that they're the ones with the problem. I'm rather certain this is true 80% of the time or so, even while I'm still self-confident about the things that I find wrong with whatever personal peeve of mine being semi-objective. I still think there -are- things that are wrong with the writing I can't stomach-- it's just that it doesn't matter, basically. Isn't it great? If I don't care, then it doesn't matter, 'cause I'm the reader and it's my response that determines 100% of the impact this piece of writing has (on me anyway).
This isn't the same with actual social injustices, I guess. It's not as if sex (or whatever) discrimination would go away if you ignore it (especially if you -are- one of the discriminated against groups). I mean, the most I could say is that as a discriminating reader, I'm being unintentionally discriminated against by people who don't take their own writing seriously and moreover, have no taste and are stupid (or just inexperienced), because they're in the majority. It's like saying that "smart" people are being (unintentionally) discriminated against by the majority, who are average, unimaginative morons. This is never going to change, either.
Mostly, I should've known better than to branch out in my GW reading, and stuck to the unexpected couple of good writers I found. And also, I really need to learn that too much of a good thing = noticing how sucky it secretly is. Heh. I'll never learn.
~~
And yeah, okay, I found this while searching for Gundam Wing plushies, ahahah. I don't know how I feel about it, actually. Harry & Draco won't leave me alone. So yes. Just a piece of fanart by Nix. Harry looks... er... like he has "plans", ahahah, and Draco looks mesmerized, like Harry (or his nose) is just the most fascinating thing -ever-. And Harry's like, "ahahaha I know what you're thinking but... no. except also yes."
In conclusion: goddamn. I love Blue Oyster Cult. Oh yes. Prog!metal. *happy sigh* You know it has to be good if Michael Moorcock wrote lyrics :D
My instinct would be to say I love the Harry/Draco pairing and its fics (and fandom) too much, but I don't think that's true. It's not that you can -love- something "too much". But you -can- need it too much, depend on it, fixate too much of your mental capacity on it. Anyone would crack if they spent more than a year thinking mostly about one subject, non-stop, and made almost all their social interaction revolve around that also. Heh.
Not that single-minded focus is bad, necessarily... and that's probably why I wrote so much fic. Takes the edge off, lets the excess energy have an outlet, which is also why I stuck around so long, having that shunt (considering I can't really write fic for GW or Buffy, having tried).
I just noticed that at a certain point, I don't just -enjoy- the fics I enjoy-- I also get -really- annoyed at the fics I don't.
Suddenly, I can no longer keep a level head about it at -all-, and can't seem to remember to avoid the things that annoy me, like clearly juvenile writing and stupid characterizations-- so helpfully labelled in anime fandoms with "OOC" right next to the fic. Suddenly, it's no longer a casual browsing and more of a fretful scouring for more-- which is when things go wrong and I start wanting to rant my head off about people's misuse of English and their bastardization of characters. Before this point, I'd have just accepted that as a given, of course.
It's the difference between -wanting- to change something and -needing- it to change, which is a sign of unhealthy attachment. Interesting balance, isn't it? It's one's intense drive to change one's surroundings that gets things done, and yet it's the same exact thing that steals one's peace of mind. Face it, I'm never going to make any difference to all the novice writers who do all those horrible evil things to whatever characters and verbs. The problem is when I start to -want- to. I actually -want- to change them, to make "them" stop writing whatever it is (and trust me, I know how ridiculous that is).
Who cares, though. They'll just keep on doing it and I'll just get grey before my time. I mean, it only makes sense that apathy is the way to go in life, looking at it that way. Since you can't change other people, you have to change how you respond to them, right?
Everyone has their pet peeve, don't they, the thing they can't let go, that they have an invested interest in ranting against. I mean, so many things are wrong with the world-- everyone picks their so-called favorite, right?
My own writing pet-peeves seem to become the most uncomfortably acute when I nearly exhaust my emotional capacity for a subject (in this case, a fandom), usually temporarily. I usually -can- go back, even if I don't think so-- since I was pretty sure I'll never touch GW fic again after my initial dip into obsession two years ago. I mean, I really don't think I'm -that- concerned about whether people keep using "caused to" inaccurately in fics-- and yet, in a certain frame of mind, it really drives me nearly to distraction.
They say to stop reading if you don't like it, and that's fine as long as you're not addicted. I seriously get to the point where I keep reading just out of some masochistic urge to see it through, morbidly fascinated with the sheer psychic pull of my own hyper-focus. Besides just being helpless in that my escapism is even stronger than my distaste for what I see as bad writing.
There are many, many, many things I can pinpoint that are wrong with a number of fics-- and yet, I'd make a sucky editor for most of these people, 'cause this over-fixation on detail is a product of extreme frustration and exhaustion and annoyance or my part, rather than... I dunno... uh... some sort of genuine interest-- or more importantly, -pleasure- in noting and correcting grammar and general writing errors.
I think, basically, whenever people start ranting and raving about some huge "injustice" in society or just something they can't -stand- that other people do... generally, I would say that this is a sign that they're the ones with the problem. I'm rather certain this is true 80% of the time or so, even while I'm still self-confident about the things that I find wrong with whatever personal peeve of mine being semi-objective. I still think there -are- things that are wrong with the writing I can't stomach-- it's just that it doesn't matter, basically. Isn't it great? If I don't care, then it doesn't matter, 'cause I'm the reader and it's my response that determines 100% of the impact this piece of writing has (on me anyway).
This isn't the same with actual social injustices, I guess. It's not as if sex (or whatever) discrimination would go away if you ignore it (especially if you -are- one of the discriminated against groups). I mean, the most I could say is that as a discriminating reader, I'm being unintentionally discriminated against by people who don't take their own writing seriously and moreover, have no taste and are stupid (or just inexperienced), because they're in the majority. It's like saying that "smart" people are being (unintentionally) discriminated against by the majority, who are average, unimaginative morons. This is never going to change, either.
Mostly, I should've known better than to branch out in my GW reading, and stuck to the unexpected couple of good writers I found. And also, I really need to learn that too much of a good thing = noticing how sucky it secretly is. Heh. I'll never learn.
~~
And yeah, okay, I found this while searching for Gundam Wing plushies, ahahah. I don't know how I feel about it, actually. Harry & Draco won't leave me alone. So yes. Just a piece of fanart by Nix. Harry looks... er... like he has "plans", ahahah, and Draco looks mesmerized, like Harry (or his nose) is just the most fascinating thing -ever-. And Harry's like, "ahahaha I know what you're thinking but... no. except also yes."
In conclusion: goddamn. I love Blue Oyster Cult. Oh yes. Prog!metal. *happy sigh* You know it has to be good if Michael Moorcock wrote lyrics :D
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no subject
Date: 2004-04-21 02:55 am (UTC)*helpful*
no subject
Date: 2004-04-21 01:40 pm (UTC)i've always wanted grey-silver hair most of all, y'know. i'd color it if they had it in bottles >:D
well, i want to look like an elf, not a professor, of course, but... details, details, eh :>
*hugs* you are a true friend >:D
no subject
Date: 2004-04-21 02:59 am (UTC)and i love two songs by böc, no more, but those two i really adore. can you guess which? the two early ones written by the drummer, something like "last days of may" and "dont´fear the reaper".
no subject
Date: 2004-04-22 06:38 am (UTC)........ you linked my art!
Wow.. Thank you!
chuu~