~~ wheeee!

[reenka]

Dudes! Dudettes! Various interested parties (or not)!

There's going to be a movie this year! More specifically, a Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean movie(!!) called MirrorMask(!!)

Halfway digitally animated, halfway live action, about this girl, who wants to run away from the circus, to join the real world. Eeek. I'm trying not to be too excited, but that seriously sounds like the best tagline ever :D

Most of the world probably knows about this already, but I'm all... amazed. And also wary, because... theoretically, it could be a disappointment just like all the other highly awaited *cough*Star Wars*cough* things lately. But it's better, 'cause it's not a book or comic adaptation, right? It's not a sequel. It's not something one has expectations for, except it's -Neil- and Neil is -god-, so.

Also, I hear this McKean fellow knows his stuff ;)
~~


Sometimes I feel like they're only -mine- and no one else's. And it's true-- my Harry & Draco -are- mine. Like no one else could possibly understand how I feel, how much I love them, what it all means to me, how perfect it is in my head. Or maybe not even perfect; just intense. It's like I really love -through- them, and I know their love is real because -my- love is real. They really are my own characters by now, in a way. They're inspired elsewhere and have elements of this-and-that and lives that are nearly completely borrowed, but their hearts-- their hearts are mine, quite literally. Which is probably just a product of having written them for so long, so much longer than I've written anything or anyone else. Than I -could- write anything else, at least so far.

I don't know if I'm alone in this or not. I don't know if people who concentrate on two characters like this in fanfiction have this happen to them, where the characters sort of worm their way inside their heart and take residence. I know them better, sometimes, than I know my friends. I know them inside out, and yet still they are a mystery to me, largerly. Their hearts aren't completely open to me any more than they are to themselves.

This isn't about shipping them together, or being a "shippy writer" who writes romance because that's the be-all-and-end-all of fic for them. I still haven't written a fic I'd consider a true H/D romance. It's so difficult for me, to really -do- it. Like touching the sky. Like attaining perfection. It's just that they live in my head, and they won't leave no matter what I do. They don't have labels. They're not enemies. They're not soulmates. They don't really just hate each other or just love each other. If I summed their relationship up in one word, it would be "need".

It's almost like no one else can really write them right (including me) because they're too real for that. I mean, JKR's own Harry -is- "right" (especially in the last book), but even that isn't everything, mostly because of the limited pov. In my head, Harry isn't complete without that vision from the outside, that distance and contrast.

It's funny, because this isn't about fandom. I'm not a "fan", because that implies an outsider's view, someone who -looks upon- and -admires-. I don't... I don't admire them, or their world, exactly. Maybe that's why I don't have much attraction to pretty-ice-boy Draco-- because I don't feel the need to admire Draco, or Harry, or any character I love. I don't admire people easily, and when I do, it's very much separate from love. Love is about need, devotion, protectiveness, vulnerability, pain, joy. Love isn't really about standing back and admiring except in the most initial stages, it seems to me. That's more about crushes, infatuation-- still pretty painful, but the pretty is very much in evidence along with the pain. Love can be ugly-- it can be about drowning in ugliness while creating the most exquisite beauty.

To me, love isn't self-conscious, possibly not conscious at all. They can't tell each other they love each other in my head, partly because their love is so a part of them, they probably wouldn't know what to call it. It's everything. And no, I don't know why I'm saying this. I think I was feeling a bit possessive, there. And now I realize that it's only because I'm possessed :>

Comments

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Yup, totally know what you mean! Especially the need thing. I can appreciate a lot of fanon Dracos I guess, but it surprises me people can like him more than the incredibly needy one in my head. And Harry too, who tends to become this benevolent defender of justice or something...I like him screwed up, angry at himself for needing things he doesn't think he should.

What these two could possibly have to do with me I have no idea, but apparently I need them!

[bookshop.livejournal.com]

I totally feel the opposite--like Harry/Draco is my privilege to share with everybody else on the ship, like it's one great big Borg collective 'o love. I mean, I've never been so possessive over them that I felt like only I could understand them--not at all. Not to say I don't understand that feeling--I'm particularly possessive about Sondheim, for one. I once got into a bitch-fight with my best friend because I felt like he was acting like a bigger Sondheim fan than I was, hahahaha. What can I say? We all have our weaknesses. :D

But they're good weaknesses.

[spare-change.livejournal.com]

This is exactly how I feel about Lucius/Draco.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

hee! you know... I think I know what you mean.
I mean... it sort of hurts my head, a little, but. Yeah. I think in a way, my last fic was more about Lucius & Draco than H/D (it wasn't really H/D), and y'know, the more I write about Draco in relation to Lucius, the more I'm like..... dude.

DUDE.

Mind you, the sex is just... not there for me ('cause I'm just not that masochistic I guess-- what with the unhappiness), but. Yeah~:)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Heheh, I only get a bit antsy when I feel someone doesn't love them -enough-, not that they love them too much :D Thus I'm quite fine with other insane H/D fans, generally, you know, unless I decide they don't love them for the "right reasons", in which case I stew and feel quietly superior. Until I feel the need to smack myself upside the head, of course.

Also, the Borg collective o' love......

Dude. You scare me sometimes.

But in a good way ^^;;

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I know I've said this before, but... I totally feel you should write H/D. Or at least, I agree with you so wholeheartedly, that I feel ...that H/D -needs- you, or something, ahahahah.

Needing what you shouldn't, loving who you thought you couldn't, wanting in spite of yourself... that's the theme, isn't it.
Maybe it's only fitting that the pairing itself is so... contrary, 'cause it's all about that. Hopefully the writer isn't going to share their issues, y'know, but in the end, they're everyone's issues, I think.

I think people are afraid of "our" Draco, y'know. And they just plain -dislike- "our" Harry, my Harry, 5th book Harry, what have you.

Damn, I should finish my Harry-centric novella. I need to defend my Harry. *sigh*

And, I swear, it's not that my writing is "raw" or emotional by nature... I think it's that -they- are. Hee.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

...I can only imagine what it'd do to my head if I role-played one of them. It's good I don't.

I can easily imagine myself getting -more- protective/possessive, and that would just edge right over the border from "fruit" into "nuts". Hee.

[psychobarfly.livejournal.com]

Whee. :> :>

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

eeeeeeeee, you are so sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!! *SQUEAL*

(sorry, fangirl moment)
wah. okay, i have no coherent response to that, really :D :D :D!

you two = best EVAH :D
well, as far as public h/d rpg's go, definitely. ^^;;

well, i also meant... see... it might be weird, 'cause i write h/d so often... if i role-played them and got too in-character, it'd mess with my head, remembering that i'm... me, and they're... them. this is why i'm a writer and not an actor. you get to kind of lose your mind, but at least you're alone and only dangerous to yourself? heh

[boywholives.livejournal.com]

Shush, muffin.

*too lazy to log out*

[psychobarfly.livejournal.com]

:)) Lazy puff. *bites ankles* :3

[boywholives.livejournal.com]

Well, we're definitely the only mpreg RPG that I know of in the fandom...though I'm not sure it'd technically be mpreg anymore since, well, yeah.

If I were an actor, I'd be one of those that would stay in character during the entire duration of filming...and would probably mourn letting the character go when filming wrapped.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I should catch up :D
Haven't read virtually any HP fic in... like, 2 months, except for the veelainc stuff. I miss it. Though I haveta tell you, almost every other friggin fandom on the -planet- has MORE SEX. *sniffle*

I think it's so sweet when the actors lose their mindskind of merge with their characters. Like the way James Marsters feels like he has a special insight into Spike & had an investment in Buffy/Spike and Buffy and he said in an interview they both lived inside him. In a way, I suppose it's unhealthy and all that, but I can tell when someone's really -there- and when they're just reciting lines. And I imagine that if they're really -there-, it'd be hard to go half-way. Sanity isn't as important as art, anyway :>

[ljash.livejournal.com]

*grin* I like your H/D, too. Maybe better than mine.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Hee. I like it best when they're actually -together-, though, which I can't seem to do very easily. I didn't mean I was possessive of my fics themselves. 'Cause like... the H/D I -write- aren't the ones in my head, y'know, which is why I love people's fanfic. I don't really get enough of them out on paper. All depends on my mood and current interests, y'know.

I mean, thanks, of course. Am grinning :D I dunno if I -have- a unique take on H/D in my stories. Maybe it's easier to tell from the outside, y'know. Though... it's prolly worse to feel possessive of ideas rather than one's own fics, isn't it ^^;

[ljash.livejournal.com]

No, I meant what you meant, actually. Your H/D, not your fics, but your guys.

No I still love my fics :) But sometimes I like other people's images of them better.

I don't know if it's bad to be possessive of your ideas. I mean, what else have you got, really?

[ex-monochro174.livejournal.com]

I am seriously sad that no one commented on the Neil movie yet. *laughs* Anyway, I heard about it a couple months ago and was all psyched, but I'd forgotten about it until you posted, and then I got excited again! Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean have done some fabulous things together. I'm sure this will be no exception.

Love can be ugly-- it can be about drowning in ugliness while creating the most exquisite beauty.

I keep forgetting how brilliant you are. :)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I guess I assumed that who else but me could really -know- my H/D, since I haven't really expressed them fully through fic at any point, y'know? Maybe I understimate just how much I talk about it, though, ahahahah. Man, I could prolly compile an H/D encyclopedia from my posts, couldn't I ^^;

And hmm... well, in terms of philosophy, I'm all about ideas (information) being free, y'know. Sort of like Aja's Borg collective o' love, or something. Heh.
As far as what we possess in actuality...
It's an interesting question, isn't it?

Well, some ideas would be "ourselves", "our choices", "our feelings". But all of that is iffy, isn't it? Everything gets stolen and borrowed and influenced, and "your" idea is generally a thousand other peoples', either simultaneously thought of or directly heard and possibly revised somewhat. Intellectually, I think we can't possess anything, probably least of all ideas, since they have their own life outside us, y'know. Memetics, all that. Emotionally, I'm probably -most- possessive about ideas. Heh.

I think it's probably one's fate to cling to the things one cannot have the most~:)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was sort of sad too, since the H/D thing was an addendum, I didn't think there was anything of value there, unlike the useful news service I was hoping to provide :D ahahahah
I'm guessing this shows me what the public is here for, or something. If I didn't love talking about 'em so much, I think I'd feel... smothered by the weight, maybe.

<3
You know, don't you, that more half the time, I have -no- idea what I'm talking about :D

[ljash.livejournal.com]

Well, "your" idea is the sum of thousands of other people's ideas that you happened to put together in that way, but then so's your personality.

All of which is totally unrelated to the idea of wanting to own Harry and Draco. :) That one's not easy to explain though I feel it too, with some characters. The idea of who they are is so important to you that it's part of you, and you end up not wanting anyone else messing with your guys. Or somthing.