(a funny hat!)
Mar. 7th, 2004 04:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaI wish I didn't always have to come up with some grandiose reason for why I don't like things, in stories anyway. It is kind of pompous, isn't it. But I don't know how to stop. Is there some sort of Metaholics Anonymous group out there or something?
If anything, the reason I don't like things is usually some sort of gut-level "ick" reaction, and then I go back and try to rationalize it and decide it must be because of -this-. And then all's right with the world 'cause I've figured out the source of my literary angst, which is just... sad.
Maybe I'm already too negative, so I feel it'd be too much if I just made fun of things outright... right? People's feelings might get hurt. This way, a large percentage don't know what I'm even talking about, so I'm in the clear. Usually, though, I'm saying something like, "god, such-and-such fic REALLY SUCKS ASS". Not that that matters in the grand scheme of things, of course. 90% of everything is crap (and I'm not excluding myself here), isn't that what they say? No reason to get worked up over it.
It just hit me when I was walking along, ranting in my head about how I hate DragonBall Z (which has the most music vids of any show I've seen), ahahah. I don't really hate it, but I certainly can work myself up. I barely saw one whole episode ever, but I just have this knee-jerk "omg, that animation style makes me -heave- AND I BLOODY HATE FIGHTING SHOWS" reaction. I'm like that with writing styles, too. I see three sentences and am ready to lynch someone, especially if I already have a negative impression of their writing. Mind you, I can easily change my mind if exposed to more material, but I'll yell bloody murder meanwhile. *sigh*
It's funny 'cause I'm supposedly such a "thinker", but I'm really ridiculously irrational. I suppose what I do is think irrationally, which disturbs me. 'Cause I just said I hate fighting shows, right? Well, my little mini-obsession right now is RahXephon (since yesterday), which is a mecha anime, with-- you guessed it-- lots of fighting. It's great and I love it. The animation's great, the music's great, the characterizations are given center stage, there's this cracked-up philosophy in the plot. So what I really wanted was a fighting show done -my- way, not "no fighting shows, EVER".
On the other hand, I'd say I love shoujo (girl's anime), right. But I really can't stand more than half the shoujo out there. I hate few things the way I hate Marmalade Boy (whoever said it's just like Hana Yori Dango has my undying resentment), and the magical-princess shows make me want to bite things. All this isn't good for my self-confidence, since I know better than anyone that all my little meta theories are built on quicksand.
Basically... don't trust me. I wear a funny hat.
EDIT - That said, I do feel I might have some views I can make valid if I took the time to get past the lashing out and rationalizing stage. I truly do think, for instance, that way too many writers mistake the "angst" genre for the "pretentious morbidity" genre. Things can easily be "too dark", "too indulgent", even "too long". Yep, it's that whole baby vs. bathwater thing again -.-
EDIT#2 - To make a long story short, I think I've been simmering in my own juices (so to speak) for too long. I'm too self-indulgent, I know this, and when I'm not challenged by others, I begin to think less critically than I otherwise would. Since I realize my own lack of intelligence at times and the presence of it in others, a strange little mind-state is born. Cue second reference to funny hats. There's something to be said for being forced to think (in some direction other than circles). I think, anyway.
I forget how much of a geek I am, too, and -allow- myself to be all touchy-feely to the point where I don't even care, I'm just foaming at the mouth all the time. It's like I'm constantly running on low power or something, my mind tricking me into thinking it's actually operating on some sort of permissible mental aptitude level. It's weird. I can probably blame the fact that I've consistently priviledged entertainment (not so mindless as some, but still) over learning. Learning is what would afford me some sort of greater ease at reasoning rather than rationalizing, I feel, but my endurance for conscious (vs. unconscious) rigor is just ridiculously low. That is to say, I'm horribly lazy.
Then again, I've never actually been very different. Always -wanted- to think better, but only did in little bursts. The frustrating thing is, I can see my own limitations, the way I -want- things that I never bother to pursue because of their imagined difficulty-- the sheer -bother- of it all. I don't like to be bothered. That is why I'm not a physicist, why I haven't written a novel, why I'm wasting time with anime rather than even writing fanfic. Whatever's easiest at any given time, generally, is what I do. It's really amazing my mind isn't pure -putty-, come to think of it. Resilience, that's all I can think of.
The idea that most people operate at a lower thinking intensity level than I is just laughable to me. Then again, I try not to think about "normal" people too much, just so I don't feel the strong desire to knock myself out with a jackhammer.
And this whole introspective jag is only part of the problem, probably, but they don't make "how not to navel-gaze and wear yourself out asking unanswerable questions" handbook either, do they?
~~
EDIT#3 - does this amuse me -way- too much? why yes, yes it does.
If anything, the reason I don't like things is usually some sort of gut-level "ick" reaction, and then I go back and try to rationalize it and decide it must be because of -this-. And then all's right with the world 'cause I've figured out the source of my literary angst, which is just... sad.
Maybe I'm already too negative, so I feel it'd be too much if I just made fun of things outright... right? People's feelings might get hurt. This way, a large percentage don't know what I'm even talking about, so I'm in the clear. Usually, though, I'm saying something like, "god, such-and-such fic REALLY SUCKS ASS". Not that that matters in the grand scheme of things, of course. 90% of everything is crap (and I'm not excluding myself here), isn't that what they say? No reason to get worked up over it.
It just hit me when I was walking along, ranting in my head about how I hate DragonBall Z (which has the most music vids of any show I've seen), ahahah. I don't really hate it, but I certainly can work myself up. I barely saw one whole episode ever, but I just have this knee-jerk "omg, that animation style makes me -heave- AND I BLOODY HATE FIGHTING SHOWS" reaction. I'm like that with writing styles, too. I see three sentences and am ready to lynch someone, especially if I already have a negative impression of their writing. Mind you, I can easily change my mind if exposed to more material, but I'll yell bloody murder meanwhile. *sigh*
It's funny 'cause I'm supposedly such a "thinker", but I'm really ridiculously irrational. I suppose what I do is think irrationally, which disturbs me. 'Cause I just said I hate fighting shows, right? Well, my little mini-obsession right now is RahXephon (since yesterday), which is a mecha anime, with-- you guessed it-- lots of fighting. It's great and I love it. The animation's great, the music's great, the characterizations are given center stage, there's this cracked-up philosophy in the plot. So what I really wanted was a fighting show done -my- way, not "no fighting shows, EVER".
On the other hand, I'd say I love shoujo (girl's anime), right. But I really can't stand more than half the shoujo out there. I hate few things the way I hate Marmalade Boy (whoever said it's just like Hana Yori Dango has my undying resentment), and the magical-princess shows make me want to bite things. All this isn't good for my self-confidence, since I know better than anyone that all my little meta theories are built on quicksand.
Basically... don't trust me. I wear a funny hat.
EDIT - That said, I do feel I might have some views I can make valid if I took the time to get past the lashing out and rationalizing stage. I truly do think, for instance, that way too many writers mistake the "angst" genre for the "pretentious morbidity" genre. Things can easily be "too dark", "too indulgent", even "too long". Yep, it's that whole baby vs. bathwater thing again -.-
EDIT#2 - To make a long story short, I think I've been simmering in my own juices (so to speak) for too long. I'm too self-indulgent, I know this, and when I'm not challenged by others, I begin to think less critically than I otherwise would. Since I realize my own lack of intelligence at times and the presence of it in others, a strange little mind-state is born. Cue second reference to funny hats. There's something to be said for being forced to think (in some direction other than circles). I think, anyway.
I forget how much of a geek I am, too, and -allow- myself to be all touchy-feely to the point where I don't even care, I'm just foaming at the mouth all the time. It's like I'm constantly running on low power or something, my mind tricking me into thinking it's actually operating on some sort of permissible mental aptitude level. It's weird. I can probably blame the fact that I've consistently priviledged entertainment (not so mindless as some, but still) over learning. Learning is what would afford me some sort of greater ease at reasoning rather than rationalizing, I feel, but my endurance for conscious (vs. unconscious) rigor is just ridiculously low. That is to say, I'm horribly lazy.
Then again, I've never actually been very different. Always -wanted- to think better, but only did in little bursts. The frustrating thing is, I can see my own limitations, the way I -want- things that I never bother to pursue because of their imagined difficulty-- the sheer -bother- of it all. I don't like to be bothered. That is why I'm not a physicist, why I haven't written a novel, why I'm wasting time with anime rather than even writing fanfic. Whatever's easiest at any given time, generally, is what I do. It's really amazing my mind isn't pure -putty-, come to think of it. Resilience, that's all I can think of.
The idea that most people operate at a lower thinking intensity level than I is just laughable to me. Then again, I try not to think about "normal" people too much, just so I don't feel the strong desire to knock myself out with a jackhammer.
And this whole introspective jag is only part of the problem, probably, but they don't make "how not to navel-gaze and wear yourself out asking unanswerable questions" handbook either, do they?
~~
EDIT#3 - does this amuse me -way- too much? why yes, yes it does.
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no subject
Date: 2004-03-10 12:42 am (UTC)Am at episode 49.
*cries heart out*
Don't leaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave.
God, the nostalgia will KILL me every time.
Can make no other coherent comment. *criesmore*
no subject
Date: 2004-03-11 03:34 pm (UTC)Wanted to show you this (http://www.animemusicvideos.org/members/members_videoinfo.php?v=10231) if you haven't seen it. It's the one decent HYD music vid I've found. Gets me all "wah" every time I see it~:)
no subject
Date: 2004-03-14 12:30 am (UTC)Must wait two weeks.
Wah, indeed.
In the meanwhile: *longs, longs, pines*