~~ just fandom wanking.
Oct. 11th, 2003 04:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaSomething a lot of people say when things get out of certain "boundaries" is that this is "just fandom". Meaning, this isn't important, right. The emotional investment some people have in the community and the friends they'd made in it and the energy they've contributed to it-- in the `larger' scheme of things, somehow it doesn't matter because it's not "real". I keep coming across it, and it's always bothered me, so I thought I'd try to articulate why.
I think it's partly that this is implying a forceful application of one's personal view of one's involvement in fandom (as a `hobby') onto another person. There's this "grown-up" separation of work and play, of "serious" and "frivolous", of something that -matters- because you get paid for it or publically recognized somehow, and something that doesn't matter, because you could erase this reality, because this is some sort of safe space, supposedly, where the everyday rules of engagement don't apply. Because online is -different-, though no one usually pins down this difference into anything concrete. It's just "obviously" different.
I realize, for instance, that I pay too much attention to reading and writing and feedbacking fanfic (which is really all I do as a "fan"). I've gotten to the point where it interferes with my "real life", simply because I'm obsessive and easily overtaken by whatever I'm currently passionate about. And this is what I'm passionate about. I never really -had- a "life" outside of my head-- not anything that was equally involving, equally intense. The world as other people presented it to me had always seemed grey and boring. Stupid classes, stupid work, stupid people I lived around that annoy me. I realize this is all unhealthy, but that's only because I can't use this -particular- passion "legitimately", as I hope to do in the future with whatever I end up doing in "real life". I hope to get away with playing for a living, with blurring the boundaries between "need" and "want", because otherwise the future seems rather bleak.
But that's just my personal experience, which I used to illustrate that this whole "fandom" is really a term that obscures what it's naming-- if you're a really in it, then to some extent you're a fanatic, which is the origin of the word. There's a significant dose of passion and obsession and drive involved, all of these being things not so lightly dismissed as unimportant. If someone truly feels passionately about an activity, whether or not it's "officially recognized" by others in their life as worthwhile, then you can't really say they are taking it "too seriously".
Because if you don't take the things you do out of passion (rather than responsibility) seriously, what is there left to care about? Or is it simply that some people would like to act as if this is nothing too serious simply because otherwise we'd all be forced to see fandom life and perhaps our own personal involvement in an entirely unflattering light? Which is to say, wouldn't that make "fans" pathetic, geeky, a bunch of losers with no life?
I realize that the HP fandom in particular is rather large and a number of people are quite casual in their involvement, but even so one must realize that the -roots- and basic nature of this sort of activity -have- been traditionally associated with geekdom. It's a function of the internet that it's so widespread and the communities within it so easily accessible that anyone can participate on any level of commitment, of course. But speaking as someone who's an obsessive geek whether or not there's easy access to an online community, having no life kind of comes with the territory. Simply because fantasy books and movies and writing and the friends I've made through sharing them have consistently been the only life -I've- known, myself. So... not to call anyone -else- a geek, but I know -I- am one, and it's not -that- shocking or unusual even here and now, is it.
Which has brought me to the last point.
Part of this being "just fandom" is that one supposedly doesn't have the "right" to get as worked up, as upset about things that happen between you and other fans-- or one's friends and peers, basically. It's not really "real" or important, supposedly, because while this is a community, it's an online community, so we're exempt from having to feel too "real". Because, after all, if things go wrong, nothing says you ever have to see or talk to that person again. So easy.
I won't even go into my problems with seeing online life as "unreal", because it's something a lot of people I've known have believed, and I've never really changed anyone's mind. Simply put, it's bollocks. One's mind may choose to disassociate itself from certain aspects of one's life, but that's what it would be-- a choice. There's nothing that I can see that's inherent in text-only interaction that precludes all the normal range of responses that someone may have in person, in "real life". And of course this begs the question of what is real (let alone such a questionable term as "real life").
Suffice it to say that from everything I've observed (not even going from personal experience), people react to each other just as they do in "reality", except that they get away with a greater level of deception, if they choose to deceive (which obviously not everyone does). But this choice to deceive isn't there by default by any means. As far as degrees of emotional engagement and capacity to connect, I've found it's as strong if not stronger in this medium, possibly because one has to try harder to connect with another person, with the usual unconscious sensory signals being gone. Misunderstandings abound, especially among people who don't have a natural linguistic rapport, but so do they in `real life'. It's a lot easier to avoid, as I said, but the capacity for involvement, emotional response and even understanding remains the same (and actually higher for some people who are shy and reticent in real life).
Basically, I find this common practice of casual dismissal and mockery of people's emotions and sincere reactions in this medium as "unimportant" or "wankery" to be deeply offensive and what's more, uninformed. It speaks to me of someone who hasn't truly thought about what they've seen of others' behavior or perhaps even their own. More than that, this sort of dismissal is rather unsubstantiated high-mindedness, coming from a fellow member of the fandom in question.
I'm not pointing fingers or anything, I'm just (way too lengthily) hoping even one person with this attitude would reconsider. No one likes to have their emotions dismissed and what's more, the validity of their very existence questioned, even in a deeply insignificant environment like online fandom.
And yes, this was inspired by some people's responses to Aja's post, but it's bothered me for years.
I think it's partly that this is implying a forceful application of one's personal view of one's involvement in fandom (as a `hobby') onto another person. There's this "grown-up" separation of work and play, of "serious" and "frivolous", of something that -matters- because you get paid for it or publically recognized somehow, and something that doesn't matter, because you could erase this reality, because this is some sort of safe space, supposedly, where the everyday rules of engagement don't apply. Because online is -different-, though no one usually pins down this difference into anything concrete. It's just "obviously" different.
I realize, for instance, that I pay too much attention to reading and writing and feedbacking fanfic (which is really all I do as a "fan"). I've gotten to the point where it interferes with my "real life", simply because I'm obsessive and easily overtaken by whatever I'm currently passionate about. And this is what I'm passionate about. I never really -had- a "life" outside of my head-- not anything that was equally involving, equally intense. The world as other people presented it to me had always seemed grey and boring. Stupid classes, stupid work, stupid people I lived around that annoy me. I realize this is all unhealthy, but that's only because I can't use this -particular- passion "legitimately", as I hope to do in the future with whatever I end up doing in "real life". I hope to get away with playing for a living, with blurring the boundaries between "need" and "want", because otherwise the future seems rather bleak.
But that's just my personal experience, which I used to illustrate that this whole "fandom" is really a term that obscures what it's naming-- if you're a really in it, then to some extent you're a fanatic, which is the origin of the word. There's a significant dose of passion and obsession and drive involved, all of these being things not so lightly dismissed as unimportant. If someone truly feels passionately about an activity, whether or not it's "officially recognized" by others in their life as worthwhile, then you can't really say they are taking it "too seriously".
Because if you don't take the things you do out of passion (rather than responsibility) seriously, what is there left to care about? Or is it simply that some people would like to act as if this is nothing too serious simply because otherwise we'd all be forced to see fandom life and perhaps our own personal involvement in an entirely unflattering light? Which is to say, wouldn't that make "fans" pathetic, geeky, a bunch of losers with no life?
I realize that the HP fandom in particular is rather large and a number of people are quite casual in their involvement, but even so one must realize that the -roots- and basic nature of this sort of activity -have- been traditionally associated with geekdom. It's a function of the internet that it's so widespread and the communities within it so easily accessible that anyone can participate on any level of commitment, of course. But speaking as someone who's an obsessive geek whether or not there's easy access to an online community, having no life kind of comes with the territory. Simply because fantasy books and movies and writing and the friends I've made through sharing them have consistently been the only life -I've- known, myself. So... not to call anyone -else- a geek, but I know -I- am one, and it's not -that- shocking or unusual even here and now, is it.
Which has brought me to the last point.
Part of this being "just fandom" is that one supposedly doesn't have the "right" to get as worked up, as upset about things that happen between you and other fans-- or one's friends and peers, basically. It's not really "real" or important, supposedly, because while this is a community, it's an online community, so we're exempt from having to feel too "real". Because, after all, if things go wrong, nothing says you ever have to see or talk to that person again. So easy.
I won't even go into my problems with seeing online life as "unreal", because it's something a lot of people I've known have believed, and I've never really changed anyone's mind. Simply put, it's bollocks. One's mind may choose to disassociate itself from certain aspects of one's life, but that's what it would be-- a choice. There's nothing that I can see that's inherent in text-only interaction that precludes all the normal range of responses that someone may have in person, in "real life". And of course this begs the question of what is real (let alone such a questionable term as "real life").
Suffice it to say that from everything I've observed (not even going from personal experience), people react to each other just as they do in "reality", except that they get away with a greater level of deception, if they choose to deceive (which obviously not everyone does). But this choice to deceive isn't there by default by any means. As far as degrees of emotional engagement and capacity to connect, I've found it's as strong if not stronger in this medium, possibly because one has to try harder to connect with another person, with the usual unconscious sensory signals being gone. Misunderstandings abound, especially among people who don't have a natural linguistic rapport, but so do they in `real life'. It's a lot easier to avoid, as I said, but the capacity for involvement, emotional response and even understanding remains the same (and actually higher for some people who are shy and reticent in real life).
Basically, I find this common practice of casual dismissal and mockery of people's emotions and sincere reactions in this medium as "unimportant" or "wankery" to be deeply offensive and what's more, uninformed. It speaks to me of someone who hasn't truly thought about what they've seen of others' behavior or perhaps even their own. More than that, this sort of dismissal is rather unsubstantiated high-mindedness, coming from a fellow member of the fandom in question.
I'm not pointing fingers or anything, I'm just (way too lengthily) hoping even one person with this attitude would reconsider. No one likes to have their emotions dismissed and what's more, the validity of their very existence questioned, even in a deeply insignificant environment like online fandom.
And yes, this was inspired by some people's responses to Aja's post, but it's bothered me for years.
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no subject
Date: 2003-10-11 03:25 pm (UTC)See, I've always been a great big geek... as in, when I was ten I read Pride and Prejudice for the fiftieth time behind a bike shed and got caught by teachers who were all 'what about mixing with your peers?' and I was all 'what? why? Mr Darcy!' It never really occurred to me for like, twelve years, that friends were at all necessary things to have... I *did* have a few, but more or less because they turned up and happened not to go away and I poked them on occasion. (Eventually of course it occurred to me that people might be interesting, and then I smiled and talked and more people turned up, which was very obliging of them.)
so - yes, my point is that I have never had really Normal Priorities.
And I love that phrase 'playing for a living' because... yes! that's exactly what I always wanted to do. When I was five I was all 'People pay you? For writing? Which I already do? Man, that's a sweet gig. I want to be paid for eating sweet sweet chocolate too.' (Neither has happened yet, but it's good to KNOW - oh, this is what will basically make me happy. Few do.)
And so anyone invested in fandom has my complete respect. Although I think (and I could be wrong, perhaps I'm totally obsessed and I don't know it) that I could quit without too much of a pang. Since from the start it's been 'oh how fun, a place where people will read my writing and give me theirs and discuss characters we're all using.' More a subset of my obsession than my obsession. So I would tend to be much less upset by anything in fandom than I would in a 'real life' encounter.
But on the other hand, this fandom has given me several people I value and I want them to be happy, and if this is their thing, their favourite game, then I think 'wanking' is very much like peeing in their beautiful sandpit, and I am upset by that.
So... oh, I agree with you, reena, or something.
Each to their own priority, man! And I'm out.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-11 04:26 pm (UTC)on the other hand, the reason i'm upset by fandom -friend- related things is because i don't think of fandom-friends differently from "real life" friends, because it never occurred to me to. i wasn't upset by wanking (what -is- wanking, anyway?)-- i dunno, i was more upset that people were like, "you have no right to get worked up or passionate 'cause this all doesn't matter, get over it already". which is imposing values on someone's emotions, which pisses me off on principle.
i think... i mean, on some level the way you are is like i am if i was in my healthier stretches, definitely. still passionately interested, but not bound up by addiction, since addiction is necessarily er... unhealthy.
it's like... this is where my muse is currently (if i believed in muses), but i definitely don't think hp -itself- is my priority, merely following my inspiration where it leads me in general.
am i invested in "fandom"? i mean, i'm invested in h/d (still... it's ridiculous, i know), so i wanna read fic, and write fic. i could easily do that without fandom, if i didn't like the company. since i don't have a lot of company otherwise, too. so there's that.
but yesh. a subset of my obsession, since i'm semi-multi-fandom and not even really a "fan" (if that means i'm a great lover of the source material), anyway. i feel weird saying writing is my priority. (definitely not writing -fanfic-... it's just... i have all these -ideas- for fanfic.)
because like... i haven't the right. since it's like... i'm supposed to have "success" as my priority. because yes, my mother has brainwashed me ^^;
but it is, anyway~:)