~~ just fandom wanking.
Oct. 11th, 2003 04:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaSomething a lot of people say when things get out of certain "boundaries" is that this is "just fandom". Meaning, this isn't important, right. The emotional investment some people have in the community and the friends they'd made in it and the energy they've contributed to it-- in the `larger' scheme of things, somehow it doesn't matter because it's not "real". I keep coming across it, and it's always bothered me, so I thought I'd try to articulate why.
I think it's partly that this is implying a forceful application of one's personal view of one's involvement in fandom (as a `hobby') onto another person. There's this "grown-up" separation of work and play, of "serious" and "frivolous", of something that -matters- because you get paid for it or publically recognized somehow, and something that doesn't matter, because you could erase this reality, because this is some sort of safe space, supposedly, where the everyday rules of engagement don't apply. Because online is -different-, though no one usually pins down this difference into anything concrete. It's just "obviously" different.
I realize, for instance, that I pay too much attention to reading and writing and feedbacking fanfic (which is really all I do as a "fan"). I've gotten to the point where it interferes with my "real life", simply because I'm obsessive and easily overtaken by whatever I'm currently passionate about. And this is what I'm passionate about. I never really -had- a "life" outside of my head-- not anything that was equally involving, equally intense. The world as other people presented it to me had always seemed grey and boring. Stupid classes, stupid work, stupid people I lived around that annoy me. I realize this is all unhealthy, but that's only because I can't use this -particular- passion "legitimately", as I hope to do in the future with whatever I end up doing in "real life". I hope to get away with playing for a living, with blurring the boundaries between "need" and "want", because otherwise the future seems rather bleak.
But that's just my personal experience, which I used to illustrate that this whole "fandom" is really a term that obscures what it's naming-- if you're a really in it, then to some extent you're a fanatic, which is the origin of the word. There's a significant dose of passion and obsession and drive involved, all of these being things not so lightly dismissed as unimportant. If someone truly feels passionately about an activity, whether or not it's "officially recognized" by others in their life as worthwhile, then you can't really say they are taking it "too seriously".
Because if you don't take the things you do out of passion (rather than responsibility) seriously, what is there left to care about? Or is it simply that some people would like to act as if this is nothing too serious simply because otherwise we'd all be forced to see fandom life and perhaps our own personal involvement in an entirely unflattering light? Which is to say, wouldn't that make "fans" pathetic, geeky, a bunch of losers with no life?
I realize that the HP fandom in particular is rather large and a number of people are quite casual in their involvement, but even so one must realize that the -roots- and basic nature of this sort of activity -have- been traditionally associated with geekdom. It's a function of the internet that it's so widespread and the communities within it so easily accessible that anyone can participate on any level of commitment, of course. But speaking as someone who's an obsessive geek whether or not there's easy access to an online community, having no life kind of comes with the territory. Simply because fantasy books and movies and writing and the friends I've made through sharing them have consistently been the only life -I've- known, myself. So... not to call anyone -else- a geek, but I know -I- am one, and it's not -that- shocking or unusual even here and now, is it.
Which has brought me to the last point.
Part of this being "just fandom" is that one supposedly doesn't have the "right" to get as worked up, as upset about things that happen between you and other fans-- or one's friends and peers, basically. It's not really "real" or important, supposedly, because while this is a community, it's an online community, so we're exempt from having to feel too "real". Because, after all, if things go wrong, nothing says you ever have to see or talk to that person again. So easy.
I won't even go into my problems with seeing online life as "unreal", because it's something a lot of people I've known have believed, and I've never really changed anyone's mind. Simply put, it's bollocks. One's mind may choose to disassociate itself from certain aspects of one's life, but that's what it would be-- a choice. There's nothing that I can see that's inherent in text-only interaction that precludes all the normal range of responses that someone may have in person, in "real life". And of course this begs the question of what is real (let alone such a questionable term as "real life").
Suffice it to say that from everything I've observed (not even going from personal experience), people react to each other just as they do in "reality", except that they get away with a greater level of deception, if they choose to deceive (which obviously not everyone does). But this choice to deceive isn't there by default by any means. As far as degrees of emotional engagement and capacity to connect, I've found it's as strong if not stronger in this medium, possibly because one has to try harder to connect with another person, with the usual unconscious sensory signals being gone. Misunderstandings abound, especially among people who don't have a natural linguistic rapport, but so do they in `real life'. It's a lot easier to avoid, as I said, but the capacity for involvement, emotional response and even understanding remains the same (and actually higher for some people who are shy and reticent in real life).
Basically, I find this common practice of casual dismissal and mockery of people's emotions and sincere reactions in this medium as "unimportant" or "wankery" to be deeply offensive and what's more, uninformed. It speaks to me of someone who hasn't truly thought about what they've seen of others' behavior or perhaps even their own. More than that, this sort of dismissal is rather unsubstantiated high-mindedness, coming from a fellow member of the fandom in question.
I'm not pointing fingers or anything, I'm just (way too lengthily) hoping even one person with this attitude would reconsider. No one likes to have their emotions dismissed and what's more, the validity of their very existence questioned, even in a deeply insignificant environment like online fandom.
And yes, this was inspired by some people's responses to Aja's post, but it's bothered me for years.
I think it's partly that this is implying a forceful application of one's personal view of one's involvement in fandom (as a `hobby') onto another person. There's this "grown-up" separation of work and play, of "serious" and "frivolous", of something that -matters- because you get paid for it or publically recognized somehow, and something that doesn't matter, because you could erase this reality, because this is some sort of safe space, supposedly, where the everyday rules of engagement don't apply. Because online is -different-, though no one usually pins down this difference into anything concrete. It's just "obviously" different.
I realize, for instance, that I pay too much attention to reading and writing and feedbacking fanfic (which is really all I do as a "fan"). I've gotten to the point where it interferes with my "real life", simply because I'm obsessive and easily overtaken by whatever I'm currently passionate about. And this is what I'm passionate about. I never really -had- a "life" outside of my head-- not anything that was equally involving, equally intense. The world as other people presented it to me had always seemed grey and boring. Stupid classes, stupid work, stupid people I lived around that annoy me. I realize this is all unhealthy, but that's only because I can't use this -particular- passion "legitimately", as I hope to do in the future with whatever I end up doing in "real life". I hope to get away with playing for a living, with blurring the boundaries between "need" and "want", because otherwise the future seems rather bleak.
But that's just my personal experience, which I used to illustrate that this whole "fandom" is really a term that obscures what it's naming-- if you're a really in it, then to some extent you're a fanatic, which is the origin of the word. There's a significant dose of passion and obsession and drive involved, all of these being things not so lightly dismissed as unimportant. If someone truly feels passionately about an activity, whether or not it's "officially recognized" by others in their life as worthwhile, then you can't really say they are taking it "too seriously".
Because if you don't take the things you do out of passion (rather than responsibility) seriously, what is there left to care about? Or is it simply that some people would like to act as if this is nothing too serious simply because otherwise we'd all be forced to see fandom life and perhaps our own personal involvement in an entirely unflattering light? Which is to say, wouldn't that make "fans" pathetic, geeky, a bunch of losers with no life?
I realize that the HP fandom in particular is rather large and a number of people are quite casual in their involvement, but even so one must realize that the -roots- and basic nature of this sort of activity -have- been traditionally associated with geekdom. It's a function of the internet that it's so widespread and the communities within it so easily accessible that anyone can participate on any level of commitment, of course. But speaking as someone who's an obsessive geek whether or not there's easy access to an online community, having no life kind of comes with the territory. Simply because fantasy books and movies and writing and the friends I've made through sharing them have consistently been the only life -I've- known, myself. So... not to call anyone -else- a geek, but I know -I- am one, and it's not -that- shocking or unusual even here and now, is it.
Which has brought me to the last point.
Part of this being "just fandom" is that one supposedly doesn't have the "right" to get as worked up, as upset about things that happen between you and other fans-- or one's friends and peers, basically. It's not really "real" or important, supposedly, because while this is a community, it's an online community, so we're exempt from having to feel too "real". Because, after all, if things go wrong, nothing says you ever have to see or talk to that person again. So easy.
I won't even go into my problems with seeing online life as "unreal", because it's something a lot of people I've known have believed, and I've never really changed anyone's mind. Simply put, it's bollocks. One's mind may choose to disassociate itself from certain aspects of one's life, but that's what it would be-- a choice. There's nothing that I can see that's inherent in text-only interaction that precludes all the normal range of responses that someone may have in person, in "real life". And of course this begs the question of what is real (let alone such a questionable term as "real life").
Suffice it to say that from everything I've observed (not even going from personal experience), people react to each other just as they do in "reality", except that they get away with a greater level of deception, if they choose to deceive (which obviously not everyone does). But this choice to deceive isn't there by default by any means. As far as degrees of emotional engagement and capacity to connect, I've found it's as strong if not stronger in this medium, possibly because one has to try harder to connect with another person, with the usual unconscious sensory signals being gone. Misunderstandings abound, especially among people who don't have a natural linguistic rapport, but so do they in `real life'. It's a lot easier to avoid, as I said, but the capacity for involvement, emotional response and even understanding remains the same (and actually higher for some people who are shy and reticent in real life).
Basically, I find this common practice of casual dismissal and mockery of people's emotions and sincere reactions in this medium as "unimportant" or "wankery" to be deeply offensive and what's more, uninformed. It speaks to me of someone who hasn't truly thought about what they've seen of others' behavior or perhaps even their own. More than that, this sort of dismissal is rather unsubstantiated high-mindedness, coming from a fellow member of the fandom in question.
I'm not pointing fingers or anything, I'm just (way too lengthily) hoping even one person with this attitude would reconsider. No one likes to have their emotions dismissed and what's more, the validity of their very existence questioned, even in a deeply insignificant environment like online fandom.
And yes, this was inspired by some people's responses to Aja's post, but it's bothered me for years.
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no subject
Date: 2003-10-11 01:52 pm (UTC)Which sounds realy -really- bad now. When -I- turn off the computer, I'm still upset. Three days later, still not online, still upset. A month later, still upset. Of course, that was an online relationship, but. I remember thinking about why Aja defriended me a year ago and if I'd done something wrong for -hours- afterwards, even though I was on a fun trip to NYC going to meet my friends to see LOTR.
I mean, I can see how people you see every day are "realer", but it really does depend on whether you -want- to see them that way. Heh. And again, the less of a pathetic geek you are, the more you'd want to see them that way ;))
no subject
Date: 2003-10-11 02:02 pm (UTC)But I still maintain that just practically, it's easier to leave a fandom than to leave a rl group of friends or switch jobs or move or sth...
So, maybe that's a 'yes, I know what you're talking about but i feel way too much like a loser if i admit it' :-)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-11 02:37 pm (UTC)I never really thought being a geek was something I had to hide, especially since I tend to -assume- people who're into the same thing as me are geeks. I have to keep remembering that HP fen are so diverse that you have to mingle with everyone from highbrow librarian/lawyer/professor/etc-type people to the wackt-out squeeing 15-year-old teeny-boppers to the regular ole college-age geekoids like me. Ahaha it amuses me to think I'm in the minority, but I don't think I am, really :D :D
Also, leaving a fandom is a big step (I mean, here we are, only talking about one upset and now suddenly one is faced with leaving the fandom at large?), and how easy it is depends on how enmeshed you are. I mean..... sigh. If you're in it for the writing, I suppose you can not post anymore. You can always read and no one would know, but if you feedback naturally (like me), then you'd have to force yourself not to. You'd have to not talk to your fandom friends in public anymore, and it's just-- painful, man. Depending on how "in" you are, of course~:)
I like to think I can leave anytime, of course. That's what we -all- like to think, I'm sure :D :D
no subject
Date: 2003-10-11 02:47 pm (UTC)I've always thought of reading fanfic in terms of addictions...in fact, for me new fandoms are like a new drug...i never quite reach the original high for a while it'll do the job :-)
And I wasn't talking about embarrassment in terms of other fans but when talking to people i actually encounter face to face :-) It's not even that I don't embrace my geekness, but neither my husband nor my students wholly appreciate my preference for slash...
no subject
Date: 2003-10-11 02:56 pm (UTC)So yeah, in a way you're forced to be around certain people in fandom just as in real life, if you're addicted to the other things in fandom like the giving/getting feedback cycle and your friends and reading fic and stuff. It's not so simple as "oh, it's just that thing I do like watching Jeopardy"-- I'm sure some people are addicted to Jeopardy too, of course. Heh.
And yeah. I'm lucky that even my semi-homophobic mother is even semi-interested in slash. I know a bunch of weirdoes in real life, though. She watches QAF of her own free will, even before I started to! Hee. But yeah. People do look at me funny, usually, when I say I write fanfic lately, and I hadn't even -mentioned- the slash part -.-