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reenkai finally found an h/d story that's remotely like something i'd have written. which is strange and unnerving, but i can take comfort in the fact that at least the actual writing style is dissimilar, though the thematic underpinnings could've been taken straight from my hindbrain. or something. anyway-- `the smallest stars' by lostgirl is making me want to write my equally strange and incongruous-yet-fitting dream carnival story. characterization authenticity doubtful, completely AU and utterly confusing for the die-hard slasher (why am i liking this?? NO PORN!) but still. only the faeries could drag me away from the porn. but then, i always knew that.
~~
actually... this reminds me. if i think about the actual -plot- of most slash fic (especially harry/draco) that i know of, it kind of sucks. i mean, if by some miracle i'd want a plot and to read for a plot, i -wouldn't-. love potions, mind bonds, evil lucius plots, inexplicable desires for conversation prompted by depression (oh wait, that's not a plot), sex sex and more sex (i actually like those), potions potions and more potions (oh wait i mentioned those), quidditch, azkaban (oooh, draco in azkaban, lucius in azkaban, draco out of azkaban and the hopeless angst of death eater draco, who would've been so good with harry if only it wasn't too late and he wasn't evil already). and oh yes, and then there's voldemort. naturally, of course, yes. voldemort who really has draco as a vital part of his plan. it's all about draco, really. actually, let's face it, voldemort cares more about draco than he does about harry. voldemort needs draco's mind or draco's body. draco, meanwhile, thus needs to be saved by harry as he also defeats voldemort at the same time.
and it's not that i don't like these elements by some inexplicable prejudice, it's just that when i think of -plot-, i think of something that captures my imagination. something unexpected, something startling and yet that fits like a lost piece of the puzzle. instead of potions-- there's fantasy creatures, weird artifacts, prophecies that don't have to do with draco's awful importance, enchantments that don't give harry or draco special powers or make them fall in love, political machinations (not that i find that interesting... still), and things that don't have much directly to do with harry or draco in general and yet affect them in unique ways-- as in, something large-scale, something societal or long-term.
i don't even know. all in all, i don't really care what "happens", as long as i can't see it from a mile away, i guess. i feel rather stupid even talking about it at all (rather apathetic right now), but i read that fic with a feeling of "ooh, shiny" even though it was ooc, just because there's a freshness to it. one of the main reasons i feel stupid is because it's true-- harry/draco may not be dead, but it -should- be, if only because there's so much crap written for it that i wish i could just give up. i read it and i don't know -why- i'm doing it. why do these people write it? what does it mean to them? i can't tell, because they're just regurgitating and recycling and retelling things that have been told a million times over already. plain brilliance in writing aside, what i've been looking for has always been a sort of Ultimate Story. something that finally actualizes the pairing's potential, something that finally tells the story of The Way Things Should Be. and that's way too idealistic and unrealistic and it's never going to happen, is it.
maybe that sort of thing only happens when you first find a pairing. when i found `drawing down the moon', i was certain (and still feel) that it read like the Ultimate sirius/remus. it set up its characters, it followed through, it built and built and if it ever gets finished, it'll be like The sirius/remus story because of its sheer depth and the level of emotional intensity poured into it. and with h/d... maybe i'm just too picky. i'm too unhappy either with the draco or the harry or the plot-device to feel like my search is over. plus i'm unhappy that it tends to descend into fluff as soon as the tension of "will they or won't they" goes away-- that or you end up with silly doubling back and re-doubling like a pointless soap-opera of errors or something.
what am i even talking about. gah. for an AU, `the smallest stars' is pretty well set up-- then again, they get to grow up together and their history gets to be retold, which leaves a lot more room for depth in a story, ala `drawing down the moon'. but it's not the -only- way to build depth. the other way is more difficult because you'd need to work with canon more, but. i think it's worry, partly. worry that if one was really rigorous, one would have to forego slash for maybe a whole book out of a trilogy, or at least 20 chapters or something. you'd have to keep going with the pre-slash and the tension and drive your readers insane and set it up until it seems -natural- for things to work. of course this only applies to happy-ending fics, but to me, that's the point.
anyway. i exhaust even myself with going around in circles like that. it's not just h/d, anyway. most plots in most love-stories ever written basically suck. most things in general suck, so it only makes sense that most plots don't hold water. especially since i insist on it being elegant, on it feeling natural and like a logical progression of events. and it's not that there aren't fics that do a good job, because there are. so i'm just being greedy. and also tired. i should take a walk and clear my mind, really......
okay, i remember now. i remember why i read stupid over-the-top over-done stupid angst with no believability or plot to speak of and swooning angsty draco. yes. it's my drug. swoony angst draco and "WAH GODDAMN YOU YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS" harry. yep. plot? whu---? WHEN DO THEY SNOG AGAIN??!? ...i must face the facts. some things aren't about startlingly new events and strange twists of fate. some things are just... soap opera and sex and finger-biting. it's all about the finger-biting depressive fits that lead to anger and make-up sex. i understand now. nothing important, obviously, but still. still, ooc dumbledore now annoys me. actually, melodrama annoys me too. i have a love/hate relationship with love/hate relationships. gah.
~~
actually... this reminds me. if i think about the actual -plot- of most slash fic (especially harry/draco) that i know of, it kind of sucks. i mean, if by some miracle i'd want a plot and to read for a plot, i -wouldn't-. love potions, mind bonds, evil lucius plots, inexplicable desires for conversation prompted by depression (oh wait, that's not a plot), sex sex and more sex (i actually like those), potions potions and more potions (oh wait i mentioned those), quidditch, azkaban (oooh, draco in azkaban, lucius in azkaban, draco out of azkaban and the hopeless angst of death eater draco, who would've been so good with harry if only it wasn't too late and he wasn't evil already). and oh yes, and then there's voldemort. naturally, of course, yes. voldemort who really has draco as a vital part of his plan. it's all about draco, really. actually, let's face it, voldemort cares more about draco than he does about harry. voldemort needs draco's mind or draco's body. draco, meanwhile, thus needs to be saved by harry as he also defeats voldemort at the same time.
and it's not that i don't like these elements by some inexplicable prejudice, it's just that when i think of -plot-, i think of something that captures my imagination. something unexpected, something startling and yet that fits like a lost piece of the puzzle. instead of potions-- there's fantasy creatures, weird artifacts, prophecies that don't have to do with draco's awful importance, enchantments that don't give harry or draco special powers or make them fall in love, political machinations (not that i find that interesting... still), and things that don't have much directly to do with harry or draco in general and yet affect them in unique ways-- as in, something large-scale, something societal or long-term.
i don't even know. all in all, i don't really care what "happens", as long as i can't see it from a mile away, i guess. i feel rather stupid even talking about it at all (rather apathetic right now), but i read that fic with a feeling of "ooh, shiny" even though it was ooc, just because there's a freshness to it. one of the main reasons i feel stupid is because it's true-- harry/draco may not be dead, but it -should- be, if only because there's so much crap written for it that i wish i could just give up. i read it and i don't know -why- i'm doing it. why do these people write it? what does it mean to them? i can't tell, because they're just regurgitating and recycling and retelling things that have been told a million times over already. plain brilliance in writing aside, what i've been looking for has always been a sort of Ultimate Story. something that finally actualizes the pairing's potential, something that finally tells the story of The Way Things Should Be. and that's way too idealistic and unrealistic and it's never going to happen, is it.
maybe that sort of thing only happens when you first find a pairing. when i found `drawing down the moon', i was certain (and still feel) that it read like the Ultimate sirius/remus. it set up its characters, it followed through, it built and built and if it ever gets finished, it'll be like The sirius/remus story because of its sheer depth and the level of emotional intensity poured into it. and with h/d... maybe i'm just too picky. i'm too unhappy either with the draco or the harry or the plot-device to feel like my search is over. plus i'm unhappy that it tends to descend into fluff as soon as the tension of "will they or won't they" goes away-- that or you end up with silly doubling back and re-doubling like a pointless soap-opera of errors or something.
what am i even talking about. gah. for an AU, `the smallest stars' is pretty well set up-- then again, they get to grow up together and their history gets to be retold, which leaves a lot more room for depth in a story, ala `drawing down the moon'. but it's not the -only- way to build depth. the other way is more difficult because you'd need to work with canon more, but. i think it's worry, partly. worry that if one was really rigorous, one would have to forego slash for maybe a whole book out of a trilogy, or at least 20 chapters or something. you'd have to keep going with the pre-slash and the tension and drive your readers insane and set it up until it seems -natural- for things to work. of course this only applies to happy-ending fics, but to me, that's the point.
anyway. i exhaust even myself with going around in circles like that. it's not just h/d, anyway. most plots in most love-stories ever written basically suck. most things in general suck, so it only makes sense that most plots don't hold water. especially since i insist on it being elegant, on it feeling natural and like a logical progression of events. and it's not that there aren't fics that do a good job, because there are. so i'm just being greedy. and also tired. i should take a walk and clear my mind, really......
okay, i remember now. i remember why i read stupid over-the-top over-done stupid angst with no believability or plot to speak of and swooning angsty draco. yes. it's my drug. swoony angst draco and "WAH GODDAMN YOU YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS" harry. yep. plot? whu---? WHEN DO THEY SNOG AGAIN??!? ...i must face the facts. some things aren't about startlingly new events and strange twists of fate. some things are just... soap opera and sex and finger-biting. it's all about the finger-biting depressive fits that lead to anger and make-up sex. i understand now. nothing important, obviously, but still. still, ooc dumbledore now annoys me. actually, melodrama annoys me too. i have a love/hate relationship with love/hate relationships. gah.
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no subject
Date: 2003-07-06 04:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-06 05:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-06 04:43 pm (UTC)and sometimes I feel as if I have my idea of the Ultimate H/D or the Ultimate sirius/remus story in my head but can't figure out how to pull it out. alas, I'm doomed to type up snippets of angst and tragic! love! forever while searching amongst other people's epic for my slice of fandom heaven. or something like that.
by the way, that sirius/remus story you mention--i've never read it. would happen to have a link handy?
no subject
Date: 2003-07-06 05:33 pm (UTC)it's not so easy being perfect >:D
especially when you -set out- to be perfect. that's kind of intimidating, you know.
also, `drawing down the moon (http://ailei.bacchae.org/hpfic.htm#ddtm)' is here. it may not be -everyone's- perfect sirius/remus, and maybe it's just mine 'cause it's my first (just like i'll always have way more affection for `irresistible poison' than i should)... but it does set them up so thoroughly and you know, i'm a sucker for the angst and the tension and ohgod the remus in it is the sexiest beast ever. not that i'm about the sexy. or the angst. except i am. ergh.
but yes.
actually, i think v's `true but not nice (http://www.rightthisway.net/proclivities/v/true.html)' might be the Ultimate marcus/oliver because of it's -style- as much as anything, but i dunno. it's not like you can -make- an epic out of marcus/oliver to start with, and i think the pairing would just get bogged down with death-eater!marcus and champion-of-light!oliver, so it's good that they're silly boys, 'cause that's the appeal of the pairing i think. not that it -holds- much appeal to me in the first place, so who knows.
am pissed at everyone who writes romantic-hero!draco. pissed, i tell you. why god, why. hee~:)
no subject
Date: 2003-07-06 08:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-07 05:42 am (UTC)alas, i'm not so much with the adults or the sirius/snape, mostly because i ship sirius/remus. hee~:) but i see the attraction ^^