reenka

it's just one of those days when i want to -bite- someone. damn campus police. damn my stupid job. DAMN EVERYTHING!!!!!1!11! excuse me while i indulge in a bit of pointless screaming. *breathes*.
ok.

and here's where i admit it: my perception of draco is very much colored by fanon, fanon expectations, fanon reactiveness. i see a lot i don't like in fanon draco, and i can enunciate what all the myriad flaws in fanon!draco are, and i can easily pin down this and that preposterous aspect of him that'll never remotely resemble the original version-- but in the end, i somewhat resent canon draco for never fulfilling expectations honed on fanon. i want so many things from him, and he doesn't deliver. the stories in which he -does- deliver often tend to go either really -really- dark and pathetic or really -really- charming and attractive. it's easy to spot the draco's that are too much, because the original is so obviously spare, but it's really hard to extrapolate -better-, to see clearer, to actually define what he -is- and yet leave room for what i want him to be, to connect those things without hurting one or the other. and yet as an h/d writer, and secondarily as a panelist at nimbus in three weeks, i have to pay more attention to draco. and yes, ootp draco, little as there may seem to go on.

so. i suppose the question of `why draco' has become even more relevant after ootp-- since not much has happened to him, and the divide between him and harry has both become wider and more violent.

draco could be said to be stagnating or getting worse or maybe even becoming more serious, by the end-- or more oblivious-- depending on how one looks at it. draco has always been highly dependent on interpretation, and now that's coming to bite us on the ass more than ever, i guess.

yes, i admit it-- seeing as how harry is now so snarky and dark and badass, that kind of steals draco's thunder completely, doesn't it. in lasair's words, now there's nothing to like draco for. or so it seems.

so i have to let go of my desires of him, my disappointment in him, my desire for him to be as good as harry, equal to harry somehow, and just see him for himself just like i see harry for himself, outside of draco. because as long as i think-- well this is just one more way he's not harry, he's not good enough for harry-- i'm getting farther and farther away from actually having a chance to understand him and his individual potential. so yes. this is a quest to reimagine draco malfoy outside of harry potter in a post-ootp environment.

harry is subtle, an elusive character to many people, and yet he seems easier to identify with without pinning a false face on him. i feel like because he is harder to generalize, because he's a stronger character, he's safer from dilution, pollution, dissolution. draco, meanwhile, is always being messed with, everyone seeing their own desires reflected in him. not so much a mary sue as a mirror of The Other. if harry is The Self, the lover, then draco is the beloved, everything that is needed for completion, whatever it is harry needs and wants, whatever it is -we- want.

it seems rather heavily split-- either one sees draco as someone harry would -never- want, someone who really has nothing to do with harry, or he's -perfect-, some kind of ideal match for harry, because there's all this potential there and we as the collective creators of the draco myth make him to suit harry and ourselves, like the eve for our adam. there's very rarely a sort of sober accessment of draco, just the way he is, with the way -he- can evolve, not because of harry but just given who he is. not what we think his father will make of him (since we know even less of lucius than we do of draco), but just-- without assuming evil deeds he has not yet done, without assuming potential for "good" he has not yet shown. what if we pretend he's just a boy, not an gorgeous ice-prince with endless supplies of impenetrable vanity and arrogance, not the heir to the death eater empire, not the most horrible prat in all of existence who doesn't deserve to lick harry's shoes. what if draco malfoy were human? what would he become?

i guess the one thing i myself find hardest to apply to draco is a realistic, unbiased eye. in canon, he's rather one-dimensional, hardly sketched in. but i think the key to my re-evaluation of him was my friend giving me the idea that maybe draco malfoy's biggest problem is a -lack- of self-confidence, rather than an over-abundance of it.

bullies are like that, aren't they? they lash out because they feel threatened. they repeat over and over again how they -should- have the power, they -deserve- the attention, because they feel they're being told they -don't-, or they're not getting it in a more natural way. people who're secure in their reception don't tend to feel the need to -claim- it with any violence. so draco malfoy has always been told what he deserves-- one assumes from the earliest childhood, he's been told he's a Pureblood, he deserves the best, he deserves respect and he'll grow up to be the one wielding the power, just like his father does, his father, who follows the One True Way.

draco idolizes his father unquestioningly, but then, that's a trait he shares with harry. he believes in the cause-- he believes he has a birthright. harry doesn't want some aspects of his birthright-- all the attention-- but he does want his wizarding birthright quite a lot, doesn't he. and draco wants his birthright too-- he wants to believe he deserves power and attention and all the good things in life because he's a malfoy, a pureblood, a slytherin. and yet, he doesn't get it, does he. he doesn't get attention or power, as soon as he gets to hogwarts. harry potter gets it-- and he stands for all the things draco knows are wrong, pathetic and weak.

draco is righteous-- he knows he's right. he's not a hypocrite like his father is, simply because he's too naive for it. he believes in this world where some are worthy and others aren't, he believes he -should- be able to rule even if he's denied the right at every turn. he's a prince without a kingdom, someone who's constantly being overcome and defeated by all the people who should be getting didley squat in his scheme of things-- a mudblood, a poor person whose family are traitors to their kind , and someone who's famous for defeating the dark lord (not exactly something to be proud of, is it).

and what does draco do, as he's constantly beaten back, bested by harry who's not even -trying- most of the time? he just tries again. there's a certain -certitude- at work here, a certain faith. draco -believes- in something, even if it's totally contrary to what harry does. he doesn't just bounce back because he's made of teflon-- he has his indignation, his rage at the unfairness of this to keep him going. harry -shouldn't- be allowed to win. harry has no -right- to win. -draco- should be the one who has what harry does. it should be draco, that's what draco believes in, in spite of considerable obstacles to this and plenty of practical evidence to the contrary.

the aristocracy in england was always given a sort of air of nobility. there's a tragic sort of air to a landless, powerless aristocrat, always knowing he -should- be running things, -should- be in a mansion with a dozen servants, and yet quite aware it's just beyond reach. draco can't bear to believe he's simply not good enough-- even worse, that something his father said or did wasn't good enough. of course, it has to be someone else's fault-- harry's fault or hermione's fault or the mudbloods' fault. so draco is constantly angry and yet impotent, which just makes him more angry, like uncle vernon, kind of. he seizes power at every opportunity because he -should- have it, because he's right and they're wrong, because he says so and they shoud listen. because his father isn't really a -person-, he's -part- of draco.

draco has ideals too-- just because they're not harry's, just because they're wrong, doesn't mean they mean less to him than they do to harry, especially when he's had to suffer so much for them. especially now that his -father- has had to suffer. all he can -do- is tease and threaten and make noise, and he does all he -can- do, and he must feel quite frustrated because that's not all that much, really. harry -wins- all the time, at everything. and of course, draco will take any chance to win he can get, and it doesn't matter how underhanded or unpopular that makes him (no one exactly loved him for joining umbridge, did they), what matters is that he's on the right side, the side with the authority, the side with the innate power.

harry's very existence is draco's bane, is a slap in the face of what he's been taught should matter-- because harry has power and he uses it against him. not only that, harry has a lot more power than draco. that makes harry simply unpalatable, doesn't it.

so five things happen, in ootp:

1) in their first quidditch game, harry snatches the snitch right out of draco's grasp. draco hasn't cheated, has stayed well away from harry, not breathing down harry's back. sure, he'd sung the silly song to distract and fluster and hopefully enrage the gryffindors and their keeper, but he doesn't do anything to distract harry in particular. as far as the snitch goes, their game is even. draco just loses, although in the air as nowhere else, they are shown as almost equals. in just this one way, he could almost beat harry potter-- seeker to seeker-- but he never does.

2) when draco lets off some steam in the only way he can-- by making stupid schoolboy taunts about his rivals' -mothers-, harry (and the weasley he was initially taunting) -completely- loses it. draco may be enraged, but he never actually goes much beyond threats, never confronts harry-- possibly because he's afraid, possibly because that's just not his style. but draco's rather low-grade insults make harry go into a wild rage, and he's beat up thoroughly, apparently not even trying to fight back. clearly, crabbe and goyle are there for a reason, because draco gets beaten pretty much to a pulp rather efficiently after losing to harry in the just-finished game.

3) after this, his next move is to join umbridge, the ascendant power in the school who claims to want strict scholastic and rather more importantly, hierarchal group order and a return to "conservative" values (something like durmstrang, except wimping out on the dark arts, but then, nobody's perfect). this doesn't exactly necessarily dovetail directly with his father's teachings, but it's an opportunity to assume his rightful place of power in the school, so of course he takes it. it's entirely safe to be against potter and his ilk now, and in fact it's rewarded handsomely (by draco getting to lord it over everybody), how could draco even imagine doing anything else? in fact, this is his perfect state, except perhaps potter isn't being humiliated quite enough (not that there -is- such a thing as enough, probably, as far as draco knows), and no one's teaching the dark arts (yet). this is where he -should- be-- comfortably on top, and if no one else has any freedoms whatsoever, well, that's their bloody fault for being born, isn't it? and of course, it's fun being on top. all in all, if potter suffers, it's got to be good.

4) draco is flustered when potter's name is called while taking the charms o.w.l. he loses concentration, drops his wineglass. potter, again, always potter, even here. potter's mere presence is enough to make him physically seize up. probably walking around in a constant state of low-grade irritation, ready to snap any moment. and yet he does nothing directly, not really going out of his way to taunt potter unless the opportunity presents itself. he doesn't really feel the need to go out of his way to tease just then. perhaps he's been studying and preparing for the o.w.l.s like everyone else (why not). whatever the case, potter's presence evokes an instinctive negative violent reaction-- not even externalized and directed at potter so much as internalized. perhaps draco's had too much and is almost feeling like he can't take it anymore. he's definitely on edge.

5) next time he sees harry, he's more enraged than harry has ever seen him. this time, it's personal-- or rather, more than ever before. and the thing to provoke draco wasn't anything harry did or said in support of mudbloods or against voldemort (in fact, voldemort's name makes draco flinch), or any prize harry's won or position of power he'd gotten-- maybe that's infuriating, but draco can probably see that as unfair but almost expected, because he sees the arrogance that has always been there in harry. he taunts harry about it, but it's only because it contradicts his that it must bother him. but this is outside the game, beyond insults and games and contests-- this is serious, because draco takes his father more seriously even than what his father tells him. his father is the key, and perhaps harry has turned it, or perhaps this is yet another door down a passage where harry's refusal to take draco seriously drives draco to desperate measures at last.

all in all, draco has perhaps made a bigger play for power than before, certainly he's been more successful than before, and has thus been let down more spectacularly than ever. i suppose it's possible his rage at the end is born of desperation, a sense of being overwhelmed, but i think regardless it's true that his righteousness and sense of entitlement had been replaced by pure fear-driven rage. possibly he'd fight for his father with more passion than he'd fight for his own status or a slytherin victory, even as harry's passion is simultaneously deadened and he flaunts the fact that he couldn't care less about either draco's father or draco's rage.

there's a certain mutual pitilessness now, and likely enough draco's little cruelties are still enough to enrage harry, at least if draco keeps to the tried-and-true. i can see where draco could be driven to actually make an -effort- to take down harry, rather than just the sort of run-of-the-mill semi-casual bullying he's indulged in so far. the interesting thing is still that draco feels he has a reason to -hate- harry, intensely and with a certain purity born of conviction, not any sort of virtues draco supposedly possesses (ie, i don't think you could easily prove that in canon, draco's smarter or faster or funnier or sexier or in any way better than harry, though in some ways-- potions vs. dada, quidditch-- he might come close to balancing out). the thing about draco is that he's the only one who hates harry with in a rather personal manner-- not because of what he read about him or thinks he knows about him or his abilities. there's not necessarily any mutual -contest- here-- nothing to say that draco is a worthy opponent or someone harry would have any trouble defeating whatsoever.

all there is is that i think draco won't give up, and that no matter -what- happens-- whether harry's popular or not, draco will always feel harry's stealing something from him that's rightfully his. i suppose as a slasher, i have to ask the question of what would harry -see- in draco, but i also think there's the question of what would draco see in harry (in a romantic, admiring way). but that doesn't matter-- if one has a grasp on their dynamic, based purely on character motivation and the pre-existing emotional direction, one can always work with it until something sparks. i don't think they're traditionally compatible now -or- before, and now, it has simply become more obvious that draco won't stop, and this is one game draco won't be able to live with losing, and based on that alone, you could say that harry has to take draco seriously sooner or later.
~~

and oh, yah this rules my ass, man. very hardcore-- i adore every single character so much it hurts. that is difficult when one of them is umbridge -.- aaaand... her luna even -dresses- like me. coincidence...? i think not! :D
same could be said for all of ivy's fics, too, but `dead by morning'...... wah. haaaaarrryyy. best ootp fic yet, and i've been quite, quite fond of a few.