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reenkawrote yet another version of the draco meme. everyone's was so interesting and story-like and slashy, and mine was all, 'well, this is draco without harry', 'cause i wanted to be all semi-objective. well, screw objectivity! what i wrote is almost a story, actually. i don't think it's "my" draco anymore, 'cause anytime i go into detail like this it becomes too specific to encompass all possible draco's in my head. but still, this spans a lot more time than i've ever imagined before and is a lot more slashy than the other one. the sad thing is, i can see how several elements (maybe even ALL) elements here are `stolen' from one source or another-- that is, my personal fanon!draco isn't just my own, and borrows this and that from whatever conscious or unconscious source. i pondered whether to delete the bits that i knew for sure may seem particularly similar, but in the end, just how unique could he be? these are the things that attract me about him at the moment, and i might make a completely different-- yet similar-- list were i to write it next week.
i suppose i'd prefer to think of any similarities as homage. whether you make him closer to fanon or canon, draco would never be -unique-, if he's still draco. in fact, if he -is- unique and unrelated to other draco's, i tend to think there's no point to it. i may still love him as a character, but the communal aspect of The One Draco Malfoy actually attracts me.
my slashy!draco...
- is also known as love's bitch!draco. has never been emotionally mature, is likely to never be. spoiled, vindictive, possessive, unrepentant, bitchy, pathetic, somewhat less than sane, gifted in some areas, but rather lazy. will never be seen in the same universe as icy-and-self-possessed!draco. may want to be, but may also want to be quidditch champion, but he just ain't, is he.
- tries his best for quidditch, his only real passion. is nominally good at potions and other subjects, but isn't intellectual enough to really love it.
- has well-known highs of self-opinion which actually correspond to horrid lows. prone to throwing things (mild violence) and bursts of compulsively addictive and self-destructive behavior when low (your typical slytherin betting games and dares, some sort of magical mind-altering hallucinogenic drugs, lying, fucking pansy, writing bad poetry).
- is, naturally, quite a compulsive liar. would lie at his deathbed. would lie if his life depended on his not lying. would lie even if it hurt him terribly. does not lie when harry asks if he loves him for the first time. either says he hates him (which is still perfectly true at the time) or doesn't say anything at all-- but would never say, "i don't love you", 'cause he basically knows he can't pull it off (poker face, ha).
- gets off on anger and hatred and competition and has a huge, though mostly hidden, masochistic streak
- couldn't even begin to begin to be a human being to harry for a long time
- looks like a completely different person when he's smiling
- obsessive about many things, often visual. obsesses hugely over his own appearance, and eventually potter's. doesn't -think- about it, just looks.
- communicates largely through facial expression and looking. uses words in a cavalier manner, usually saying things for effect rather than self-expression, unless it's to express disgust or anger or to complain in general. it nearly killed him to actually have to -ask- potter for anything, especially to ask him to stay, but it was a major turning point when he did. finds it hard to control his face, and thus tends to avoid certain situations which he knows he wouldn't be able to deal with.
- avoids a whole lot of things in general.
- blusters and is rather emotionally transparent. has no idea that he'd looked at potter with complete, naked longing during the moments he wasn't looking at him in bemusement or resentment or cold rage, and is lucky harry didn't have any more of a clue (for awhile), either. would've possibly admitted to it being rampant lust to a male slytherin he trusted. there really weren't any.
- even though he lusted after potter with all the adolescent sex-crazed zeal he could muster, he'd never make the first move, because after all hating and humiliating and defeating potter had to take precedence. eventually, they wound up jumping each other almost at the same time, and would never agree as to who initiated it, both of them being secretly glad of that. once had a huge argument, though.
and then, you know, they shagged :D
- wouldn't call potter "harry" for ages, even during sex
- thinks he would cheat on potter right and left, but would find he couldn't, and is very possessive
- only tells potter he loves him when he's drunk and alone and feeling particularly masochistic
- is capable of rape but would never actually do it
- is actually rather non-violent, but potter seems to bring it out in him
- is bisexual, but has never touched a boy before potter; is probably somewhat homophobic or at least repressed-- if he's gay, then he's a virgin unless he's had some sort of trauma where he's been rejected by a fellow slytherin. has had lots of graphic, semi-violent fantasies of forcing some of his yearmates, and rather disgusts himself with them. alternatively, he might have a couple of guilt-ridden encounters in broom-closets, but none of this encourages a healthy sexuality-- which in general, i really doubt draco would have.
- can be funny and sweet and naive, in an awkward sort of way, once you get past all his defenses, of which there are very many.
- has to swallow a huge lump in his throat anytime potter tells him he loves him. it makes him feel faint and unreal every single time, even the thousandth time, even though he teases potter for being so soppy and saying it just to fluster draco, who tries to make a joke of it and usually fails to be anything but transparent.
- the first time potter smiled at him -that way- felt like the most perfect moment of his life, though he'd never think of it that way.
- would make a piss-poor death eater, really. is more suited to farming, and he'd be a god-awful farmer.
- has more in common with ron than he thinks. they're both kind of scared of hermione, really.
- hates his father and loves his father and is really very confused. the day his father died, he cried and hated the universe and refused to be comforted and yelled at potter and called him harry and came really close to messing things up beyond the point of no return between them. used to believe most things his father told him until his father found out about him and potter.
- kind of likes to sing when he's alone. harry likes to listen, but he kind of has to hide in order to do it, even though draco knows. has tried several instruments and painting and is semi-adequate, but the singing is a natural talent. wrote really really bad poetry in school, and would kill or maim harry if he let on he'd found the stash.
EDIT - maybe this could be related to some sort of singing curse in fifth year or something, when he had to go for two weeks singing everything after longbottom hexed him. you know, neville never gets it right, but when he does, beware!!
- threatens harry's life entirely more than necessary. but it's all out of love. harry thinks it's funny, because the truth is, draco's face would crumple and deflate and he'd have walked away, stiff-shouldered and defeated, if it had ever come to that. they both know how lucky they are, but they don't discuss what could've been.
- was a bad kisser for months, but made up for it with a surprising amount of enthusiasm. hated kissing everyone but potter. thought kissing was actually more disgusting than sex with mudbloods.
- still makes little choked, melty sounds at the back of his throat when harry kisses him, or even blows air against his neck. this really pisses draco off, especially when harry does it in public.
- still keeps a notebook of ways to "bring down potter". reads harry selections from said notebook, but keeps some private, because you never know. harry thinks this is kind of adorable.
- the day after they'd left hogwarts, wrote potter a letter where he confessed to everything he could think of, good thoughts and bad thoughts, and still didn't say he loved him in so many words. they had had a big fight right before, and both thought they'd never see each other again. they accidentally met several days or weeks or months later, both looking for each other but in denial about it. draco still carried the letter with him, and was speaking to harry with it in hand, but never moving to actually give it to harry. a lot of awkwardness and surface resentment, but neither could walk away. eventually they fell silent, just looking at each other, and harry took draco's fist with the letter in it in his hand, just clasping it. they still said nothing, glaring at each other and melting slightly. at the same moment, they pulled at each other, and hugged for so long it felt like they'd never be two separate people again. draco repeated iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou in his head a million times, sure he must've said it, but he didn't, although harry had heard, and said it for him. draco's embrace had turned crushing, and harry would never let on that he knew that draco was crying-- the only time besides the day his father died.
- every time they'd break up after that, they'd both remember that moment, when they were not two people but one, and whoever had left would return, having written yet another letter the other wouldn't read.
- draco actually serenaded harry under his window once, when he was really drunk out of his arse. harry never mentioned it. it was winter, and draco wasn't wearing a cloak, and harry put on his invisibility cloak and came outside to watch draco stand there, his cheeks blazing red and only wearing a thin-looking sweater, icicles beginning to form in his hair. harry once told draco he fell in love with him more than once, maybe even a countless number of times, but that was the first he remembered the date of, even though he kept it a secret, something they both knew but never spoke of.
- still laughs thinking about the time he'd told potter he was a good lay, all things considered, after their first time together, and potter had punched him in the face, and they'd both laughed.
- picks out his favorite bits out of soups and desserts and is quite shameless about stealing from people's plates. would never take anything from ron's plate though.
- gloats over the fact that harry is more of a nymphomaniac than he is. or so he says.
- really kind of hates the manor, for all his home-sickness. harry wants to turn it into a mudblood orphanage. draco is horrified, but eventually consents, though he would always grumble about it and try to lure the children down to the menagerie. it would be more frightening if the ministry hadn't confiscated all the dangerous beasts back during the war, of course.
- is proud to say he'd never fucked harry in the astronomy tower. it's so drafty there!
- they'd done it pretty much everywhere else, of course.
- is really horribly melodramatic and romantic and wishes it wasn't horribly poncy to demand roses. is thoroughly frustrated with potter's utter lack of romanticism. appreciates the daisies potter once picked for him, though would never say so. thinks the way potter looks at him when he thinks draco isn't looking back is the most romantic thing in the world, although he'd be shot before he'd admit to it.
- has many possible emotional disorders-- bipolar, obsessive-compulsive, depressive, even schizoid. somehow manages to stay semi-sane through some combination of a surprising amount of willpower and potter's steadying influence.
- unconsciously acquires a number of potter's mannerisms and quirks. hates being part of a "couple", wants to be "just draco malfoy, thank you very much", but can't help asserting his possession of potter in the most inconvenient of circumstances. this led him to be the one who outed them, quite loudly, in the middle of the great hall. harry was horribly embarrassed and draco just kept on kissing him in front of everyone, making quite a few hufflepuffs faint and ron coming close. hermione smirked, kind of. much later, pansy was quite smug about it and told draco she always knew he was a drama queen so that was to be expected.
- is, pretty much, quite a drama queen.
EDIT: he should be an actor, shouldn't he. ha! probably doesn't occur to him that he could be (a malfoy? act for plebes?! ahahaha) though maybe there's an actual history of thespianship in an `aristocratic' family like the malfoys, so you never know. he'd never -sing- in public, oh no (even though privately he thinks his voice is godlike) but he might just act, if encouraged.
- loves harry james potter more than anything in the world. except his hair. the relationship has other similarities too, 'cause draco still proclaims his hatred for it, often and loudly.
~~
hey, i think i just kind of wrote a fic, there -.-
i suppose i'd prefer to think of any similarities as homage. whether you make him closer to fanon or canon, draco would never be -unique-, if he's still draco. in fact, if he -is- unique and unrelated to other draco's, i tend to think there's no point to it. i may still love him as a character, but the communal aspect of The One Draco Malfoy actually attracts me.
my slashy!draco...
- is also known as love's bitch!draco. has never been emotionally mature, is likely to never be. spoiled, vindictive, possessive, unrepentant, bitchy, pathetic, somewhat less than sane, gifted in some areas, but rather lazy. will never be seen in the same universe as icy-and-self-possessed!draco. may want to be, but may also want to be quidditch champion, but he just ain't, is he.
- tries his best for quidditch, his only real passion. is nominally good at potions and other subjects, but isn't intellectual enough to really love it.
- has well-known highs of self-opinion which actually correspond to horrid lows. prone to throwing things (mild violence) and bursts of compulsively addictive and self-destructive behavior when low (your typical slytherin betting games and dares, some sort of magical mind-altering hallucinogenic drugs, lying, fucking pansy, writing bad poetry).
- is, naturally, quite a compulsive liar. would lie at his deathbed. would lie if his life depended on his not lying. would lie even if it hurt him terribly. does not lie when harry asks if he loves him for the first time. either says he hates him (which is still perfectly true at the time) or doesn't say anything at all-- but would never say, "i don't love you", 'cause he basically knows he can't pull it off (poker face, ha).
- gets off on anger and hatred and competition and has a huge, though mostly hidden, masochistic streak
- couldn't even begin to begin to be a human being to harry for a long time
- looks like a completely different person when he's smiling
- obsessive about many things, often visual. obsesses hugely over his own appearance, and eventually potter's. doesn't -think- about it, just looks.
- communicates largely through facial expression and looking. uses words in a cavalier manner, usually saying things for effect rather than self-expression, unless it's to express disgust or anger or to complain in general. it nearly killed him to actually have to -ask- potter for anything, especially to ask him to stay, but it was a major turning point when he did. finds it hard to control his face, and thus tends to avoid certain situations which he knows he wouldn't be able to deal with.
- avoids a whole lot of things in general.
- blusters and is rather emotionally transparent. has no idea that he'd looked at potter with complete, naked longing during the moments he wasn't looking at him in bemusement or resentment or cold rage, and is lucky harry didn't have any more of a clue (for awhile), either. would've possibly admitted to it being rampant lust to a male slytherin he trusted. there really weren't any.
- even though he lusted after potter with all the adolescent sex-crazed zeal he could muster, he'd never make the first move, because after all hating and humiliating and defeating potter had to take precedence. eventually, they wound up jumping each other almost at the same time, and would never agree as to who initiated it, both of them being secretly glad of that. once had a huge argument, though.
"you kissed me first, you bastard!"
"no, you did!"
"no, you!!"
"are you mad?? YOU FUCKING SHOVED YOUR TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT OUT OF NOWHERE, POTTER!!"
"ARGH! MAYBE AFTER YOU PRACTICALLY BEGGED ME TO, -MALFOY-!!"
"i always knew it! you -are- out of your mind, potter! i was just minding my own business as usual, you sex-crazed FREAK!!"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SEX-CRAZED FREAK, YOU RAGING NYMPHOMANIAC??! AND SINCE WHEN IS YOUR BUSINESS DOWN MY TROUSERS??!"
"SINCE NOW!!"
"TOO BAD I'M NOT WEARING ANY, NOW ISN'T IT?!"
"THAT'S THE POINT, POTTER!"
and then, you know, they shagged :D
- wouldn't call potter "harry" for ages, even during sex
- thinks he would cheat on potter right and left, but would find he couldn't, and is very possessive
- only tells potter he loves him when he's drunk and alone and feeling particularly masochistic
- is capable of rape but would never actually do it
- is actually rather non-violent, but potter seems to bring it out in him
- is bisexual, but has never touched a boy before potter; is probably somewhat homophobic or at least repressed-- if he's gay, then he's a virgin unless he's had some sort of trauma where he's been rejected by a fellow slytherin. has had lots of graphic, semi-violent fantasies of forcing some of his yearmates, and rather disgusts himself with them. alternatively, he might have a couple of guilt-ridden encounters in broom-closets, but none of this encourages a healthy sexuality-- which in general, i really doubt draco would have.
- can be funny and sweet and naive, in an awkward sort of way, once you get past all his defenses, of which there are very many.
- has to swallow a huge lump in his throat anytime potter tells him he loves him. it makes him feel faint and unreal every single time, even the thousandth time, even though he teases potter for being so soppy and saying it just to fluster draco, who tries to make a joke of it and usually fails to be anything but transparent.
- the first time potter smiled at him -that way- felt like the most perfect moment of his life, though he'd never think of it that way.
- would make a piss-poor death eater, really. is more suited to farming, and he'd be a god-awful farmer.
- has more in common with ron than he thinks. they're both kind of scared of hermione, really.
- hates his father and loves his father and is really very confused. the day his father died, he cried and hated the universe and refused to be comforted and yelled at potter and called him harry and came really close to messing things up beyond the point of no return between them. used to believe most things his father told him until his father found out about him and potter.
- kind of likes to sing when he's alone. harry likes to listen, but he kind of has to hide in order to do it, even though draco knows. has tried several instruments and painting and is semi-adequate, but the singing is a natural talent. wrote really really bad poetry in school, and would kill or maim harry if he let on he'd found the stash.
EDIT - maybe this could be related to some sort of singing curse in fifth year or something, when he had to go for two weeks singing everything after longbottom hexed him. you know, neville never gets it right, but when he does, beware!!
- threatens harry's life entirely more than necessary. but it's all out of love. harry thinks it's funny, because the truth is, draco's face would crumple and deflate and he'd have walked away, stiff-shouldered and defeated, if it had ever come to that. they both know how lucky they are, but they don't discuss what could've been.
- was a bad kisser for months, but made up for it with a surprising amount of enthusiasm. hated kissing everyone but potter. thought kissing was actually more disgusting than sex with mudbloods.
- still makes little choked, melty sounds at the back of his throat when harry kisses him, or even blows air against his neck. this really pisses draco off, especially when harry does it in public.
- still keeps a notebook of ways to "bring down potter". reads harry selections from said notebook, but keeps some private, because you never know. harry thinks this is kind of adorable.
- the day after they'd left hogwarts, wrote potter a letter where he confessed to everything he could think of, good thoughts and bad thoughts, and still didn't say he loved him in so many words. they had had a big fight right before, and both thought they'd never see each other again. they accidentally met several days or weeks or months later, both looking for each other but in denial about it. draco still carried the letter with him, and was speaking to harry with it in hand, but never moving to actually give it to harry. a lot of awkwardness and surface resentment, but neither could walk away. eventually they fell silent, just looking at each other, and harry took draco's fist with the letter in it in his hand, just clasping it. they still said nothing, glaring at each other and melting slightly. at the same moment, they pulled at each other, and hugged for so long it felt like they'd never be two separate people again. draco repeated iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou in his head a million times, sure he must've said it, but he didn't, although harry had heard, and said it for him. draco's embrace had turned crushing, and harry would never let on that he knew that draco was crying-- the only time besides the day his father died.
- every time they'd break up after that, they'd both remember that moment, when they were not two people but one, and whoever had left would return, having written yet another letter the other wouldn't read.
- draco actually serenaded harry under his window once, when he was really drunk out of his arse. harry never mentioned it. it was winter, and draco wasn't wearing a cloak, and harry put on his invisibility cloak and came outside to watch draco stand there, his cheeks blazing red and only wearing a thin-looking sweater, icicles beginning to form in his hair. harry once told draco he fell in love with him more than once, maybe even a countless number of times, but that was the first he remembered the date of, even though he kept it a secret, something they both knew but never spoke of.
- still laughs thinking about the time he'd told potter he was a good lay, all things considered, after their first time together, and potter had punched him in the face, and they'd both laughed.
- picks out his favorite bits out of soups and desserts and is quite shameless about stealing from people's plates. would never take anything from ron's plate though.
- gloats over the fact that harry is more of a nymphomaniac than he is. or so he says.
- really kind of hates the manor, for all his home-sickness. harry wants to turn it into a mudblood orphanage. draco is horrified, but eventually consents, though he would always grumble about it and try to lure the children down to the menagerie. it would be more frightening if the ministry hadn't confiscated all the dangerous beasts back during the war, of course.
- is proud to say he'd never fucked harry in the astronomy tower. it's so drafty there!
- they'd done it pretty much everywhere else, of course.
- is really horribly melodramatic and romantic and wishes it wasn't horribly poncy to demand roses. is thoroughly frustrated with potter's utter lack of romanticism. appreciates the daisies potter once picked for him, though would never say so. thinks the way potter looks at him when he thinks draco isn't looking back is the most romantic thing in the world, although he'd be shot before he'd admit to it.
- has many possible emotional disorders-- bipolar, obsessive-compulsive, depressive, even schizoid. somehow manages to stay semi-sane through some combination of a surprising amount of willpower and potter's steadying influence.
- unconsciously acquires a number of potter's mannerisms and quirks. hates being part of a "couple", wants to be "just draco malfoy, thank you very much", but can't help asserting his possession of potter in the most inconvenient of circumstances. this led him to be the one who outed them, quite loudly, in the middle of the great hall. harry was horribly embarrassed and draco just kept on kissing him in front of everyone, making quite a few hufflepuffs faint and ron coming close. hermione smirked, kind of. much later, pansy was quite smug about it and told draco she always knew he was a drama queen so that was to be expected.
- is, pretty much, quite a drama queen.
EDIT: he should be an actor, shouldn't he. ha! probably doesn't occur to him that he could be (a malfoy? act for plebes?! ahahaha) though maybe there's an actual history of thespianship in an `aristocratic' family like the malfoys, so you never know. he'd never -sing- in public, oh no (even though privately he thinks his voice is godlike) but he might just act, if encouraged.
- loves harry james potter more than anything in the world. except his hair. the relationship has other similarities too, 'cause draco still proclaims his hatred for it, often and loudly.
~~
hey, i think i just kind of wrote a fic, there -.-
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Re:
Date: 2003-05-30 10:00 pm (UTC)