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reenka i don't know what use it is to say this, but i like thinking about the nature and shape of my own aesthetic biases.
i tend to admire the things i think i'm not, i think. or at least, admire especially much. thus i find myself in awe of precise wording, elegant structure, concise intensity in imagery. it's like with romantic love, kind of-- i love it because it completes me. my very favorite art is an art of condensation, smooth corners and density and brilliant color. and i mean visual as well as verbal. when the top of my head comes off and i'm screaming with delight, it is almost always because something is so brilliantly multifaceted and intense with meaning. this is why i am especially drawn to symbolic work-- directly visually symbolic and metaphorical as well as verbally symbolic. symbols and good metaphors can't help but embody the height of this density. you're imbuing something with meaning at both polarities-- both verbal and visual and an overlay of the ephemeral, bound together.
often enough i see metaphors being used sloppily and without true feeling. the density is important, but it requires extreme precision. you must know exactly how much strength and exposition to devote to any aspect of the metaphor-- you must precisely calibrate the space it will use and the shading of the color intensity. if you're using a metaphor, you're having so much more information "per pixel" of meaning, the room for error lessens. oh, but the immense satisfaction of coming across something that truly is able to encompass huge ideas within the boundaries of one image, one set of symbols, one poem or story.
in this case i'm thinking of how much benches mean to me. benches in the moonlight, next to some trees. old, elaborately carved benches. girls sitting on them, shadowed adrogynous figures standing next to them, illuminated by a thinning moon, with the shadows of the trees creeping slowly across the seat. am trying not to be addicted to deviantart, but found this and this beautifully evocative photo of a bench by moonlight, and then this painting of a girl perched on a bench next to some trees. and it just makes me sigh with contentment. as rambly as i am, i want to speak in the language of the ineffable. this is why![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ztrin's meme struck me like that. she can speak in the language of dreams and nightmares, the barely-voiceable things that stick in your mind in the moments between sleep and waking.
this is also probably at the root of why i hate over-explaining and cliches so much. voicing the obvious is the very opposite of voicing the ineffable, though in a weird way one defines the other for me-- by voicing the ineffable, you're redefining the obvious and showing how all these images are really the -truth- and more obvious than one can easily understand. they -feel- right, they are obvious on the level of a gut reaction, a shiver, a caught breath. that's what i want art to -do- to me. to make me -react- on that basic level. hit over the head with a silver hammer.
sigh.
~~
one of the best things, to me, about reading fanfic is that you have this huge investment in the characters. every story with them-- at least, with the same pairing-- is somehow united, and builds on top of all the ones that have gone before it. so that it's a given (if it's well-written at all) that even if there's only a small amount of heat, one's emotions easily come to a boil. all one needs is a small bit of tension, a fleeting kiss, something that gets the pov character's heart pumping-- and one can feel it through a vicarious link, so that one simultaneously feels breathless or angry or sad along with the character.
this is such a great shortcut-- you get your kicks and you don't need to discriminate as much. what you could usually get from only one source (ie, the original), you can now get from multiple sources just because they use certain cues (in this case, a pairing). i suppose it could be something -other- than a pairing, but that would be tricky-- for example, if one was attached to a certain character. people write them so very differently from fanfic to fanfic. there is no one dependable fanon of any character that's in a majority of fic. with pairings, you will always get these two people (hopefully their personalities retain some measure of decent constancy), always doing the same sorts of things, because they're together. kissing, fighting, groping, angstying, and so on. so you can depend on something-- a predictable rush of endorphins when one's favorite pairing gets their first kiss, for example.
naturally, good fiction can do this (affect the reader on a basic level), with any characters or pairings (or lack thereof). but this is really rare. i don't see how you would read fanfic as a hobby, if you didn't discriminate based on pairing, unless you were at least somewhat indiscriminate towards quality in general. i used to read (commercially published) fanfic in elfquest and star trek, but there was quality control there. so i read het and gen and so on indiscriminately, but i had assurance of solidly unified world-building (to some extent) and a certain minimum of talent and comfort with that world.
anyway. i was just surprised (yet again) at the difference it makes, reading about the same thing (a kiss) in the same story, by the same author, with different pairings.
if it's harry/draco, i'm interested, even excited. if it's harry/ginny (or harry/oliver, or harry/justin or whatever)-- forgoing the squick factor for a second-- i'm just not moved at all. zero. nothing. couldn't care less. it's all flat and lifeless and i'm staring curiously and wondering how on earth the same sentence could make me shiver with delight if it was written with different names attached. i start noticing how it's not written well enough, how the sentence-structure is flat, how there isn't enough build-up, how it's not intense enough and i don't care about this incarnation of these characters, and how it feels like i'm really wasting time, because i'm noticing it go by.
you -could- interest me in non-h/d-- i've read sirius/remus and adored it beyond all earthly belief, so it's possible, obviously-- it's just really hard. you'd have to do it right. you'd have to hit my weak spots and have spot-on characterizations and your language has to sparkle and your plot has to excite me and tantalize me. there just isn't enough fic i'd consider good enough to be read without positive pairing bias to stay in fandom for any significant length of time. it's just hard to want to read gen or non-otp pairings when the same semi-mediocre writing does nothing for you in one case, and gives you a heady rush of emotion with the merest kiss in the other.
that "hitting my weak spots" comment is probably the key, though. if you focus on the dynamics described rather than the actual writing, that is. it seems that the reason i tend to like h/d so much more isn't entirely because there's just this lever in my head. for example, h/d kisses tend to be a certain way-- violently passionate and intense and sudden, full of repressed emotion and power. the whole dynamic just works for me. i've also noticed that if the dynamic shifts greatly and say, the kisses are gentle and loving, they do nothing for me. and if, on the other hand, harry/ginny suddenly turned brutal and intense (um, unlikely as that is), i'd probably be more riveted.
i wonder if the people who aren't really all that biased deal with this. do they not get as excited? would -anyone- kissing excite them roughly equally (not too bound up with the type of chemistry involved, or even the presence of intense chemistry)? is the excitement level not important? do they spread their excitement around and get just as affected by any number of scenarios? that last seems the most likely. i suppose they just find something to like-- a -lot-, because i'm talking about liking something to the point of breathlessness, which is how much i like h/d-- in a number of different combinations. maybe i'm just not lucky that way. i -like- different things, but they don't usually all get me woozy with love. and i miss that. if harry & ginny (or lionel & chloe, or starsky and hutch) kiss, okay, so maybe i'm not wanting to stab my eyes out, but i'm not swooning in my chair either, dammit. so i stop and think, "wait, why am i reading this? i can be reading something that would make me swoon."
clearly, this only applies to fics that aren't written brilliantly. which is most fics.
ah, the dilemmas of an otp addict. *laughs*
~~
EDIT - salima's `quiet intensity' reminds me of the first blush of my (h/d) love. awwwwww, the angst-ridden woobies. (she writes so well, too!)
i tend to admire the things i think i'm not, i think. or at least, admire especially much. thus i find myself in awe of precise wording, elegant structure, concise intensity in imagery. it's like with romantic love, kind of-- i love it because it completes me. my very favorite art is an art of condensation, smooth corners and density and brilliant color. and i mean visual as well as verbal. when the top of my head comes off and i'm screaming with delight, it is almost always because something is so brilliantly multifaceted and intense with meaning. this is why i am especially drawn to symbolic work-- directly visually symbolic and metaphorical as well as verbally symbolic. symbols and good metaphors can't help but embody the height of this density. you're imbuing something with meaning at both polarities-- both verbal and visual and an overlay of the ephemeral, bound together.
often enough i see metaphors being used sloppily and without true feeling. the density is important, but it requires extreme precision. you must know exactly how much strength and exposition to devote to any aspect of the metaphor-- you must precisely calibrate the space it will use and the shading of the color intensity. if you're using a metaphor, you're having so much more information "per pixel" of meaning, the room for error lessens. oh, but the immense satisfaction of coming across something that truly is able to encompass huge ideas within the boundaries of one image, one set of symbols, one poem or story.
in this case i'm thinking of how much benches mean to me. benches in the moonlight, next to some trees. old, elaborately carved benches. girls sitting on them, shadowed adrogynous figures standing next to them, illuminated by a thinning moon, with the shadows of the trees creeping slowly across the seat. am trying not to be addicted to deviantart, but found this and this beautifully evocative photo of a bench by moonlight, and then this painting of a girl perched on a bench next to some trees. and it just makes me sigh with contentment. as rambly as i am, i want to speak in the language of the ineffable. this is why
ztrin's meme struck me like that. she can speak in the language of dreams and nightmares, the barely-voiceable things that stick in your mind in the moments between sleep and waking. this is also probably at the root of why i hate over-explaining and cliches so much. voicing the obvious is the very opposite of voicing the ineffable, though in a weird way one defines the other for me-- by voicing the ineffable, you're redefining the obvious and showing how all these images are really the -truth- and more obvious than one can easily understand. they -feel- right, they are obvious on the level of a gut reaction, a shiver, a caught breath. that's what i want art to -do- to me. to make me -react- on that basic level. hit over the head with a silver hammer.
sigh.
~~
one of the best things, to me, about reading fanfic is that you have this huge investment in the characters. every story with them-- at least, with the same pairing-- is somehow united, and builds on top of all the ones that have gone before it. so that it's a given (if it's well-written at all) that even if there's only a small amount of heat, one's emotions easily come to a boil. all one needs is a small bit of tension, a fleeting kiss, something that gets the pov character's heart pumping-- and one can feel it through a vicarious link, so that one simultaneously feels breathless or angry or sad along with the character.
this is such a great shortcut-- you get your kicks and you don't need to discriminate as much. what you could usually get from only one source (ie, the original), you can now get from multiple sources just because they use certain cues (in this case, a pairing). i suppose it could be something -other- than a pairing, but that would be tricky-- for example, if one was attached to a certain character. people write them so very differently from fanfic to fanfic. there is no one dependable fanon of any character that's in a majority of fic. with pairings, you will always get these two people (hopefully their personalities retain some measure of decent constancy), always doing the same sorts of things, because they're together. kissing, fighting, groping, angstying, and so on. so you can depend on something-- a predictable rush of endorphins when one's favorite pairing gets their first kiss, for example.
naturally, good fiction can do this (affect the reader on a basic level), with any characters or pairings (or lack thereof). but this is really rare. i don't see how you would read fanfic as a hobby, if you didn't discriminate based on pairing, unless you were at least somewhat indiscriminate towards quality in general. i used to read (commercially published) fanfic in elfquest and star trek, but there was quality control there. so i read het and gen and so on indiscriminately, but i had assurance of solidly unified world-building (to some extent) and a certain minimum of talent and comfort with that world.
anyway. i was just surprised (yet again) at the difference it makes, reading about the same thing (a kiss) in the same story, by the same author, with different pairings.
if it's harry/draco, i'm interested, even excited. if it's harry/ginny (or harry/oliver, or harry/justin or whatever)-- forgoing the squick factor for a second-- i'm just not moved at all. zero. nothing. couldn't care less. it's all flat and lifeless and i'm staring curiously and wondering how on earth the same sentence could make me shiver with delight if it was written with different names attached. i start noticing how it's not written well enough, how the sentence-structure is flat, how there isn't enough build-up, how it's not intense enough and i don't care about this incarnation of these characters, and how it feels like i'm really wasting time, because i'm noticing it go by.
you -could- interest me in non-h/d-- i've read sirius/remus and adored it beyond all earthly belief, so it's possible, obviously-- it's just really hard. you'd have to do it right. you'd have to hit my weak spots and have spot-on characterizations and your language has to sparkle and your plot has to excite me and tantalize me. there just isn't enough fic i'd consider good enough to be read without positive pairing bias to stay in fandom for any significant length of time. it's just hard to want to read gen or non-otp pairings when the same semi-mediocre writing does nothing for you in one case, and gives you a heady rush of emotion with the merest kiss in the other.
that "hitting my weak spots" comment is probably the key, though. if you focus on the dynamics described rather than the actual writing, that is. it seems that the reason i tend to like h/d so much more isn't entirely because there's just this lever in my head. for example, h/d kisses tend to be a certain way-- violently passionate and intense and sudden, full of repressed emotion and power. the whole dynamic just works for me. i've also noticed that if the dynamic shifts greatly and say, the kisses are gentle and loving, they do nothing for me. and if, on the other hand, harry/ginny suddenly turned brutal and intense (um, unlikely as that is), i'd probably be more riveted.
i wonder if the people who aren't really all that biased deal with this. do they not get as excited? would -anyone- kissing excite them roughly equally (not too bound up with the type of chemistry involved, or even the presence of intense chemistry)? is the excitement level not important? do they spread their excitement around and get just as affected by any number of scenarios? that last seems the most likely. i suppose they just find something to like-- a -lot-, because i'm talking about liking something to the point of breathlessness, which is how much i like h/d-- in a number of different combinations. maybe i'm just not lucky that way. i -like- different things, but they don't usually all get me woozy with love. and i miss that. if harry & ginny (or lionel & chloe, or starsky and hutch) kiss, okay, so maybe i'm not wanting to stab my eyes out, but i'm not swooning in my chair either, dammit. so i stop and think, "wait, why am i reading this? i can be reading something that would make me swoon."
clearly, this only applies to fics that aren't written brilliantly. which is most fics.
ah, the dilemmas of an otp addict. *laughs*
~~
EDIT - salima's `quiet intensity' reminds me of the first blush of my (h/d) love. awwwwww, the angst-ridden woobies. (she writes so well, too!)
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no subject
Date: 2003-04-30 02:42 pm (UTC)i feel so weird 'cause as much as a lot of people on my friends' list list themselves as h/d shippers, few besides aja (okay, no one besides aja-- and me) *SQUEE* at h/d (or -any- otp) stuff-- and just sometimes (like dahlia, today) say that something has rekindled their passion. my passion is undying, on the other hand. *laughs* maybe it's just that i have mostly old-timers and not newbie fangirls on my friends list, i dunno ~:)
but even so, a number of them have semi-switched fandoms (to smallville), and yet still there isn't much otp squeeing (besides you). hee.
and er, yah. there is definitely a problem with typing and masturbating that is alleviated if you're a guy. on the other hand, who wants to be one of "those freaky guys", who probably do nothing -but- masturbate to stuff on the internet 3 hours a day?
hee. being intellectually smutty means one can be snobby! :D
no subject
Date: 2003-04-30 02:53 pm (UTC)I don't masturbate. just one of those odd things about me.
I think a lot of people are a bit sick of H/D. Plus, there's a lot less of the lust factor when we're talking about fictional prepubescent boys. I get hot flashes when I see Methos or Duncan onscreen. Sure, people love Draco and Harry, but it's less visceral.
As for Smallville, I think a lot of the people who are into Smallville are multi-fandom people who have less of the OTP thing going on. I suppose I'm a multi-fandom person too now (am halfway through writing my first fic in my FOURTH fandom) but Duncan/Methos is the only pairing I'm in love with.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-30 03:10 pm (UTC)no, don't need two hands-- it's just the weird sitting position. a penis (i imagine) sticks up and is easy to get to :D
whereas you're kind of sitting -on- your sexual organs if you're a girl and you need your right hand to click with and it's just... the mechanics of it aren't comfortable >:D<
h/d is visceral for -me-. i'm just a freak, and grown men are too grown and too man-like and i can't identify and understand them as easily. boys are easier to understand, are prettier (always important), have less body hair, and are more adrogynous in mind as well as body. i don't feel like i like prepubescent boys-- i like pubescent boys. *laughs*
and hey, they're 14+, they're pubescent >:D<
probably why i'm not big on most "normal" slash pairings-- they're pairings of men. *laughs* whereas if i watch "dead poets society" or most yaoi-ish anime (where they always look 17 forever), i don't have that barrier. i mean, not everyone (even not everyone hetero) likes manly men. i mean, there's a huge fangirlish mass of japanese adrogynous j-pop singers-- as well as skinny pale almost-sexless goth and punk boys in general. so that's my thing, you know. i like 'em willowy and pale and adrogynous and young ^^
then again, i'm visceral about -all- my affections, otherwise it's just not that gripping for me. but then, i'm a visceral kinda gal >:D
no subject
Date: 2003-04-30 03:21 pm (UTC)hmm. I identify with Duncan to some degree, and that's why I'm in love with him and not Methos. (does that make me narcissistic? I don't think so - it's like he's uber-me, in the parts of me which most people don't seem to understand. Like the instinctive loyalty towards concepts which don't make sense in the cold harshness of the world, and the vigilante justice.)
I'm normally not so much about the manly men either, and in fact Methos has a much stronger physical effect on me than Duncan. He *is* sexier. Because he can be baby-faced and his bones are like water and nothing that sinuous cannot be androgynous.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-30 03:39 pm (UTC)thank gahd...
but yah, i can see how it'd be different, getting introduced to things through `the philosopher's stone' and not through the movie (or irresistible poison, heh heh). not that i liked them "that way" in the movie. i still don't, really, lust after the characters at all. isn't that weird? i mean, i think they're sexy, but they're just sexy in my head. it's an entirely mental-transferred-onto-physical kind of thing. like, with methos it's different 'cause he really -is- sexy. but draco, say, is more of an idea/emotional state/feeling to me (which is sexy). but even moreso, it's their dynamic together-- together, they're hotness personified (to me). you know? like, apart they're cute and wooby and i wanna cuddle them 'cause i love them both. but -together- they're dynamite.
it's gotta be weird to be really into a fandom where you -are- turned on by the character/actor regardless of the fic. that is, you're actually into the canon. *laughs* in star trek (my old major fandom, even though i was a one-person-fandom to myself), i was seriously in love with spock. and i really thought movie/tv!spock was wonderful and kissable and lickable-- but i wouldn't have thought that without the fic. it was just that he made a good spock, but wasn't the incarnation of spock. spock, to me, was in the commercial novels i read. i wouldn't have fallen in love with canon!spock, though i'd have probably liked him. and while i had all this affection for him physically (though not lustfully), it wasn't -based- on his physicality. if that makes any sense.
i suppose pretty much 100% of the methos or lex worshippers are into it because of the actors. whereas i really have no clue, but i think it's not that big of a number (of post-pubescent girls-- er-- or boys) who're into harry or draco 'cause of a) the books; b) the movies. that's just weird. so i see what you mean :D
so yah. i suppose it's all ip!draco and origins!draco and luw!draco and so on and so forth, melded into one sexy entity in my head. and even that-- even that, is at its height only when he's with harry. and yah, i know what you mean. since i see to find draco sexier (weird, since he has no exact visual represenation) but i love harry more, 'cause he's more like me. kind of~:) but that's nothing to how much i love remus (well, ailei and khirsah's remus) 'cause he's -really- like me >:D< it's a common theme of love, loving someone 'cause they remind you of secret parts of yourself~:)
no subject
Date: 2003-04-30 04:07 pm (UTC)I totally get the lusting after H/D. I kind of used to. Now it's just the intellectual thrill, and even that's sort of blunted (though I'm three-quarters of the way through VM9, already!)
no subject
Date: 2003-04-30 04:14 pm (UTC)and -wah-! i -really- hope it doesn't come out before i read it. which will obviously be like, today or tomorrow o_0
no subject
Date: 2003-04-30 04:22 pm (UTC)Oh, of course the SV fen fancy Lex like mad. But I'm sure most of them would still be in the fandom if he was played by a different actor - EXCEPT that MR's characterisation of Lex depends so much on the physical. But that's a mannerisms thing, not a sexiness thing.
Right. Off to sleep. Have nearly 4500 words of VM9 written.
Ooh! Check out my recs page for HL. Mmmmm, yeah.