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reenkai think what prevents me from taking myself seriously (something that has been pointed to as an issue), is just-- my awareness that most of the time, i say things without thinking-- things i -know- aren't true. not to lie, but just because i'm babbling and it's easier not to think, and my default is naive and embarrassing often enough. i know some things aren't real, but refuse to admit to them.
"true love overcomes all obstacles."
in a way, it's embarrassing to say things like that-- to admit you take them seriously. i'm not eight years old. i see the way the world works. i see how often things fail-- people fail-- ideals fail. almost nothing lasts forever, and what -does- outlast us is often a product of circumstance and luck.
but my criteria for love-stories aren't really swamped in the need for realism. more like swamped in the hope for possibilities for passionate transcendence.
the most believable scenario (i'll admit) for harry & draco's relationship (once established) is to fade away in the unpretty glare of continued mundanity and monogamy and the everyday boredom of just existing together, knowing each other too well. almost no one writes them well (except ivy<333) in a happy, established relationship, and i'm sure there's a reason. if they -are-, usually there's betrayal and infidelity and even a lack of chemistry.
i'm thinking mostly of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tillytilly's and poetic_licence's and hackthis' fics at the moment. i wrote `what follows', trying to combat this idea that what will eventually destroy them is complacency, but it's hard to really fight it. it makes sense-- they're enemies, they most likely came together in a rush of adrenaline and feverish need, a frenzy of competition and viciousness. it was them against each other and them against the world and it was all suffused with fear and anger and a large helping of lust.
and then, when the dust settles-- when the adrenaline leaks away-- surely, they would blink at each other and wonder what they're doing together? surely they would lose the impetus to keep going. if what bound them was adrenaline and anger, if that went away, of course things would fall apart. mundane familiarity is the kiss of death for this pairing, after all.
except that's not why i ship them. and it's not that i'm the eternal optimist of h/d, it's just not how i see them.
i think it's not about true love overcoming all obstacles. it's about a different definition of love-- a different concept of what they feel for each other.
love doesn't overcome anything-- it renders things irrelevant, but not because of its strength and courage and fighting spirit. their love isn't a gryffindor. their love is a slytherin.
their love is obsessive, corrosive, abrasive. it needs, wants, devours. it is jealous and unkind and it -consumes- everything in its path. it's not that i think they'd ever choose to be together, because i don't think they ever would. i think it's not about choice-- neither their joining or separation. they -need-, crave, hate, belong to each other. see? just read ivy's fics :D
they cannot walk away-- because they cannot walk away from themselves. they could never leave one another, because they're part of one another, because they're in each other's blood. if they try, they'd just slam back together again. their attraction can't be based on something small like "ooh, he's my enemy, how kinky", because that's not enough force to jump-start it, not for harry. harry wouldn't fall in love lightly, he wouldn't just fuck draco 'cause he needed a kick. if he loved someone like draco malfoy, of all people, you can imagine it would be serious-- it would change so much for him-- for both of them. it couldn't be a fling, a passionate, anger-fed affair, because harry really doesn't -like- the people who he considers one of "them", and draco especially.
mundanity and familiarity would ruin it, yes, but i don't see it happening. the conflict between harry & draco isn't wholly based on "slytherin" and "gryffindor", or the war, or their already-established history of animosity. this doesn't exactly seem like something i should emphasize as a "good thing", but remember, harry didn't like draco at first sight. he just doesn't ilke him, that first time in madame malkin's. he's got bad vibes. he makes harry feel weird and uncomfortable. he doesn't even know-- neither of them know who the other is. draco is fine, blabbering on, but harry is on alert. he -wants- to find something to pin on draco, i think, because he just rubs him the wrong way.
they aren't theoretically opposed to each other-- they have a personal issue with each other. this isn't the way harry hates sirius black, or even severus snape (another example of hate that's startlingly personal). harry just can't stand malfoy.
if that's not important to you-- i dunno why you're pairing them in your head at all. draco obsesses over harry's unfair status as "the boy who lived" as the "golden boy gryffindor", what have you, but who really thinks that's the entire truth? who really thinks he'd hate -any- popular gryffindor? sure, he would mock and show disdain, but this isn't just that. this obsessive hatred is personally tailored to -harry-. not "a weasley", not "a mudblood"-- potter. -the- potter. there is no real precedent in draco's mind-- potter may represent this and that, but it would be sily to say that that's the direct cause of draco's problem. he insults harry's parentage because he knows it's important to harry, he says anything and everything that's calculated to grate on harry-- his guilt, his loneliness, his loyalties. he merely throws generic sorts of insults at ron-- ones that would fit any weasley. but wearing a badge that says "potter stinks"-- that's sort of personal, there.
what i'm saying is-- they resent each other, they rub each other the wrong way, they are personally at odds-- not their houses, not their families, not their sides in the war-- it's just harry potter & draco malfoy, and they cannot be in the same room without wanting the other to drop dead.
even if they fell in love/lust and their relationship had a few years under its belt and all the labels became irrelevant, that chemistry has to remain. we all know those people-- on-again/off-again relationships, always fighting like hormonal cats, never able to go a day without yelling at one another or calling the other names, almost affectionately.
okay, so. in general, if you want to know what i imagine their life together should/could be-- you can basically read ivy's fics andpsychobarfly's `simple love with a complex touch' (which i loveloveloveadorelove. a lot.... GOD I LOVE THEM AND I DON'T WANNA BE MATURE BECAUSE THIS FIC IS SO ADORABLE!!!!11!!11!1)
ahem.
rereading: he called him -fuckstick-. *weeeps* i'm in luuuuuuurve.
~~
the weird thing is realizing that it's not -concepts- one doesn't like in stories, not even necessarily even styles of execution of those concepts, all the time-- it's just what one thinks about the -why- of it all. why the writer has written what they did, the way they did. it's hard not to have a feeling about it. that seems to be the real culprit.
sometimes the concepts merge though, with a case like say, self-injury in fanfic. i don't like it because it's ooc for a great number of characters, because it's a melodramatic plot device that's rarely handled well, but also because i have to wonder just how much of the writer's agenda and life experience has colored their decision to write it-- and the writer's personal life is -not- something i want to consider while reading.
and sometimes it's more clear-cut. it's not that i can't stand a scenario where draco wants harry to save him (or harry wants to save draco), for instance. but i can't help but feel that a direct presentation of this idea-- where someone outright says they want this-- is a transparent short-cut trick to get to the popular result of redeemed!draco. after all, if draco -wants- to be redeemed (or even if harry consciously wants to redeem him), well-- half the battle is won, isn't it.
this is one of the things i would consider particular to fanfic. in an original story, you can have a character say, "god, i want to change, i'm tired of being myself, i want susan to change me" and it'd be fine. although, -telling- susan you want her to save you is a bit more iffy, since it's likely to scare off most people. not harry (probably), but he's a hero type, and so on. no way draco would be okay with it. that's just ridiculous-- it would require a huge supression of ego boundaries, a large-scale, intimate submission to his will.
anyway, my point is that i don't find myself unable to stomach the idea as much as suspicious of the writer using it. they are practically screaming out "i'm a redemptionista". which is great. but i don't want to know. i don't want to know if you want harry & draco to understand and make up in the end. i don't want to know if you think lucius is hot and snape's voice is the sexiest sound in existence unless you can convince me that there's a damn good reason why some character would think so. i ship h/d like no tomorrow, and i've yet to write a serious fic where they suddenly realize they're meant to be. that would just be me shooting myself in the foot.
and yet, how many people have written that? --"draco wakes up and realizes harry is his eternal beloved and his hatred is merely a form of love". or, "harry wakes up and realizes draco is the most shaggable boy in hogwarts". i want to bite whoever first came up with that phrase, anyway. because there is no way in hell -harry- thinks so. but yes, i'm sure you think so, who wrote it. sigh.
i mean, how often does this happen to you? you wake up and you realize-- you know... that guy who really gets on my nerves, and he's annoyed me since first grade? that guy whom i wish would die a painful horrible death, and get measles besides? the guy whom i can't be around without feeling sick? yah. he's the most shaggable guy in the school, isn't he. wow.
and if you -do- think that, obviously something is rather wrong with you, now isn't it.
anyway. yah. people are silly~:)
~~
~~H/D music~~~~~
smashing pumpkins ("ava adore" & "bullet with butterfly wings" & others)
u2, "mysterious ways", "until the end of the world", "hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me", & a whole lot more.
rolling stones, "sympathy for the devil" (TEE HEE)
the scarlet pimpernel, "the riddle"
the smiths (particularly, "how soon is now")
queen, "princes of the universe" and others.
ac/dc "you shook me all night long" (AHAHAHAH)
billy idol, "dancing with myself" (heeee, fanon!draco)
stuff by boa (a japanese band, their "twilight" album, particularly "elephant" and "duvet", lyrics here).
ani difranco, "untouchable face" and "as is"(!!!!)
tori amos, a -lot- from "little earthquakes"-- "little earthquakes", "crucify", "precious things", "tear in my hand", "leather" and "china". also, "blood roses", "professional widow", "hey jupiter"-- and "putting the damage on"(!!), especially.
sara mclachlan, "possession", "fear" and "hold on", especially.
indigo girls, "ghost".
will always now think of space team electra, "luminary crush" and the tea party, "heaven coming down" & "walking wounded"(!! such a great title for them).
sophie b. hawkins, the "whaler" album-- especially "i need nothing else", "let me love you up", "don't tell me no" & especially "did we not choose each other".
david bowie, "heroes" (continuing the hero-in-love theme), and probably others too.
garbage, "#1 crush" (!!!!!)
october project, "deep as you go".
king crimson, "i talk to the wind" (this is probably just -my- h/d)
majandra, "oil and water" (from the roswell soundtrack).
rachael sage, "the spirit we" & john voorhees, "riddle me this" (am brainwashed by ivy, heh).
jeff buckley, "everyone here wants you".
eels, "novocaine for the soul" (!!!)
joy division, "love will tear us apart" (-THE- h/d song. gah. gah.)
cyndi lauper, "true colors" (WHEEEEEE!!!)
bryan adams, "everything i do (i do it for you)". (when i'm -really- sappy. i mean, -really-. a lot. heh.)
and awwww, rem, "nightswimming" (*grins*)
~~
my favorite quotable quote in days, from f_w of course:
If I wanted to be snooty, I'd say that the problem stems from the fact that HP attracts the wannabe elitists that can't hack elvish history.
hee! hee! as a proud wannabe hack, i am pleased >:D
"true love overcomes all obstacles."
in a way, it's embarrassing to say things like that-- to admit you take them seriously. i'm not eight years old. i see the way the world works. i see how often things fail-- people fail-- ideals fail. almost nothing lasts forever, and what -does- outlast us is often a product of circumstance and luck.
but my criteria for love-stories aren't really swamped in the need for realism. more like swamped in the hope for possibilities for passionate transcendence.
the most believable scenario (i'll admit) for harry & draco's relationship (once established) is to fade away in the unpretty glare of continued mundanity and monogamy and the everyday boredom of just existing together, knowing each other too well. almost no one writes them well (except ivy<333) in a happy, established relationship, and i'm sure there's a reason. if they -are-, usually there's betrayal and infidelity and even a lack of chemistry.
i'm thinking mostly of
tillytilly's and poetic_licence's and hackthis' fics at the moment. i wrote `what follows', trying to combat this idea that what will eventually destroy them is complacency, but it's hard to really fight it. it makes sense-- they're enemies, they most likely came together in a rush of adrenaline and feverish need, a frenzy of competition and viciousness. it was them against each other and them against the world and it was all suffused with fear and anger and a large helping of lust.and then, when the dust settles-- when the adrenaline leaks away-- surely, they would blink at each other and wonder what they're doing together? surely they would lose the impetus to keep going. if what bound them was adrenaline and anger, if that went away, of course things would fall apart. mundane familiarity is the kiss of death for this pairing, after all.
except that's not why i ship them. and it's not that i'm the eternal optimist of h/d, it's just not how i see them.
i think it's not about true love overcoming all obstacles. it's about a different definition of love-- a different concept of what they feel for each other.
love doesn't overcome anything-- it renders things irrelevant, but not because of its strength and courage and fighting spirit. their love isn't a gryffindor. their love is a slytherin.
their love is obsessive, corrosive, abrasive. it needs, wants, devours. it is jealous and unkind and it -consumes- everything in its path. it's not that i think they'd ever choose to be together, because i don't think they ever would. i think it's not about choice-- neither their joining or separation. they -need-, crave, hate, belong to each other. see? just read ivy's fics :D
they cannot walk away-- because they cannot walk away from themselves. they could never leave one another, because they're part of one another, because they're in each other's blood. if they try, they'd just slam back together again. their attraction can't be based on something small like "ooh, he's my enemy, how kinky", because that's not enough force to jump-start it, not for harry. harry wouldn't fall in love lightly, he wouldn't just fuck draco 'cause he needed a kick. if he loved someone like draco malfoy, of all people, you can imagine it would be serious-- it would change so much for him-- for both of them. it couldn't be a fling, a passionate, anger-fed affair, because harry really doesn't -like- the people who he considers one of "them", and draco especially.
mundanity and familiarity would ruin it, yes, but i don't see it happening. the conflict between harry & draco isn't wholly based on "slytherin" and "gryffindor", or the war, or their already-established history of animosity. this doesn't exactly seem like something i should emphasize as a "good thing", but remember, harry didn't like draco at first sight. he just doesn't ilke him, that first time in madame malkin's. he's got bad vibes. he makes harry feel weird and uncomfortable. he doesn't even know-- neither of them know who the other is. draco is fine, blabbering on, but harry is on alert. he -wants- to find something to pin on draco, i think, because he just rubs him the wrong way.
they aren't theoretically opposed to each other-- they have a personal issue with each other. this isn't the way harry hates sirius black, or even severus snape (another example of hate that's startlingly personal). harry just can't stand malfoy.
if that's not important to you-- i dunno why you're pairing them in your head at all. draco obsesses over harry's unfair status as "the boy who lived" as the "golden boy gryffindor", what have you, but who really thinks that's the entire truth? who really thinks he'd hate -any- popular gryffindor? sure, he would mock and show disdain, but this isn't just that. this obsessive hatred is personally tailored to -harry-. not "a weasley", not "a mudblood"-- potter. -the- potter. there is no real precedent in draco's mind-- potter may represent this and that, but it would be sily to say that that's the direct cause of draco's problem. he insults harry's parentage because he knows it's important to harry, he says anything and everything that's calculated to grate on harry-- his guilt, his loneliness, his loyalties. he merely throws generic sorts of insults at ron-- ones that would fit any weasley. but wearing a badge that says "potter stinks"-- that's sort of personal, there.
what i'm saying is-- they resent each other, they rub each other the wrong way, they are personally at odds-- not their houses, not their families, not their sides in the war-- it's just harry potter & draco malfoy, and they cannot be in the same room without wanting the other to drop dead.
even if they fell in love/lust and their relationship had a few years under its belt and all the labels became irrelevant, that chemistry has to remain. we all know those people-- on-again/off-again relationships, always fighting like hormonal cats, never able to go a day without yelling at one another or calling the other names, almost affectionately.
okay, so. in general, if you want to know what i imagine their life together should/could be-- you can basically read ivy's fics and
psychobarfly's `simple love with a complex touch' (which i loveloveloveadorelove. a lot.... GOD I LOVE THEM AND I DON'T WANNA BE MATURE BECAUSE THIS FIC IS SO ADORABLE!!!!11!!11!1)ahem.
rereading: he called him -fuckstick-. *weeeps* i'm in luuuuuuurve.
~~
the weird thing is realizing that it's not -concepts- one doesn't like in stories, not even necessarily even styles of execution of those concepts, all the time-- it's just what one thinks about the -why- of it all. why the writer has written what they did, the way they did. it's hard not to have a feeling about it. that seems to be the real culprit.
sometimes the concepts merge though, with a case like say, self-injury in fanfic. i don't like it because it's ooc for a great number of characters, because it's a melodramatic plot device that's rarely handled well, but also because i have to wonder just how much of the writer's agenda and life experience has colored their decision to write it-- and the writer's personal life is -not- something i want to consider while reading.
and sometimes it's more clear-cut. it's not that i can't stand a scenario where draco wants harry to save him (or harry wants to save draco), for instance. but i can't help but feel that a direct presentation of this idea-- where someone outright says they want this-- is a transparent short-cut trick to get to the popular result of redeemed!draco. after all, if draco -wants- to be redeemed (or even if harry consciously wants to redeem him), well-- half the battle is won, isn't it.
this is one of the things i would consider particular to fanfic. in an original story, you can have a character say, "god, i want to change, i'm tired of being myself, i want susan to change me" and it'd be fine. although, -telling- susan you want her to save you is a bit more iffy, since it's likely to scare off most people. not harry (probably), but he's a hero type, and so on. no way draco would be okay with it. that's just ridiculous-- it would require a huge supression of ego boundaries, a large-scale, intimate submission to his will.
anyway, my point is that i don't find myself unable to stomach the idea as much as suspicious of the writer using it. they are practically screaming out "i'm a redemptionista". which is great. but i don't want to know. i don't want to know if you want harry & draco to understand and make up in the end. i don't want to know if you think lucius is hot and snape's voice is the sexiest sound in existence unless you can convince me that there's a damn good reason why some character would think so. i ship h/d like no tomorrow, and i've yet to write a serious fic where they suddenly realize they're meant to be. that would just be me shooting myself in the foot.
and yet, how many people have written that? --"draco wakes up and realizes harry is his eternal beloved and his hatred is merely a form of love". or, "harry wakes up and realizes draco is the most shaggable boy in hogwarts". i want to bite whoever first came up with that phrase, anyway. because there is no way in hell -harry- thinks so. but yes, i'm sure you think so, who wrote it. sigh.
i mean, how often does this happen to you? you wake up and you realize-- you know... that guy who really gets on my nerves, and he's annoyed me since first grade? that guy whom i wish would die a painful horrible death, and get measles besides? the guy whom i can't be around without feeling sick? yah. he's the most shaggable guy in the school, isn't he. wow.
and if you -do- think that, obviously something is rather wrong with you, now isn't it.
anyway. yah. people are silly~:)
~~
~~H/D music~~~~~
smashing pumpkins ("ava adore" & "bullet with butterfly wings" & others)
u2, "mysterious ways", "until the end of the world", "hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me", & a whole lot more.
rolling stones, "sympathy for the devil" (TEE HEE)
the scarlet pimpernel, "the riddle"
the smiths (particularly, "how soon is now")
queen, "princes of the universe" and others.
ac/dc "you shook me all night long" (AHAHAHAH)
billy idol, "dancing with myself" (heeee, fanon!draco)
stuff by boa (a japanese band, their "twilight" album, particularly "elephant" and "duvet", lyrics here).
ani difranco, "untouchable face" and "as is"(!!!!)
tori amos, a -lot- from "little earthquakes"-- "little earthquakes", "crucify", "precious things", "tear in my hand", "leather" and "china". also, "blood roses", "professional widow", "hey jupiter"-- and "putting the damage on"(!!), especially.
sara mclachlan, "possession", "fear" and "hold on", especially.
indigo girls, "ghost".
will always now think of space team electra, "luminary crush" and the tea party, "heaven coming down" & "walking wounded"(!! such a great title for them).
sophie b. hawkins, the "whaler" album-- especially "i need nothing else", "let me love you up", "don't tell me no" & especially "did we not choose each other".
david bowie, "heroes" (continuing the hero-in-love theme), and probably others too.
garbage, "#1 crush" (!!!!!)
october project, "deep as you go".
king crimson, "i talk to the wind" (this is probably just -my- h/d)
majandra, "oil and water" (from the roswell soundtrack).
rachael sage, "the spirit we" & john voorhees, "riddle me this" (am brainwashed by ivy, heh).
jeff buckley, "everyone here wants you".
eels, "novocaine for the soul" (!!!)
joy division, "love will tear us apart" (-THE- h/d song. gah. gah.)
cyndi lauper, "true colors" (WHEEEEEE!!!)
bryan adams, "everything i do (i do it for you)". (when i'm -really- sappy. i mean, -really-. a lot. heh.)
and awwww, rem, "nightswimming" (*grins*)
~~
my favorite quotable quote in days, from f_w of course:
If I wanted to be snooty, I'd say that the problem stems from the fact that HP attracts the wannabe elitists that can't hack elvish history.
hee! hee! as a proud wannabe hack, i am pleased >:D
