reenka

i'm such a goose. or a moose. or something like that.
    look, see, if i insult myself, i get there first, so it's all good.

honestly, if i want to be a `rugged individualist', i should accept that will mean i'm singled out. i mean, i think i almost weep with joy when someone else is where i am, and that's just... wrong. heh. maybe i'm understanding the slytherin mindset (cowardice!) or something. on the other hand, isn't it a horrible feeling to be unable to "blend in" and be unable to shut up, and on the other hand, be unable to handle hurting anyone's feelings or being an annoyance or anything?

i think it's a long-told cliche that you cannot please everyone, and that if you have to choose, you should just please yourself. stand by and do what you think is right. don't let 'em get to you. you can do it, trooper. we're all behind ya. it's not so bad, there are plenty of silent supporters, and that cute girl next to you with the reeeeally cute midriff showing should make it all be in perspective, right?

be a man. be a woman. be all that you can be. [be your own bitch?]

has anyone noticed that all it takes to be "insensitive" is simply to speak your mind and have someone take it personally? it's that first step. someone says something bluntly, and you think they mean it as a subtle hidden message that always spells out "i don't like this about you". you can be as nice as you want, but as soon as you disagree with someone, it doesn't matter, because it's not the niceness, it's the wrongness. like a pig in a tutu, it's more the pig than the tutu. or is it both? i'm confusing myself with my metaphors -.-
    i -would- post spoilers, just to make some sort of stupid statement about... i dunno, how it's not worth getting angry about, but that wouldn't work, because people would just get angry and not care and i would suffer and they would suffer, and what good would it do? that's my problem with taking stands. in the end, the people who disagreed will still disagree, but now they'll just direct it at you and dislike you personally. there's no such thing as "not worth getting angry about", is there. because where do you draw the line? i mean, there's this whole range between "you killed my father" and "you posted spoilers", and it's all not as obvious as it would seem.

so i won't post spoilers. yeay? i won't even -read- spoilers-- i never do. i don't like, want to hurt people who post them, but i've never sought them out simply because i'm never that desperate, and also they're often wrong and they don't make sense out of context 7 times out of 10.

i hate myself, slightly, for saying that. on the one hand, it's nice to be reassuring, but on the other hand, peer pressure. i mean, i understand the people who go insane and start plotting to blow up their high school, because they felt marginalized and pressured to conform. there's this sort of frustrated pain of feeling like you're not likeable, when push comes to shove, if you get the major social contracts wrong. i also understand that most times, it's simply people trying to protect themselves, their group of friends, their interests. defense before the possibility of offense. i can't condemn anyone because if i do, i am continuing the cycle, but more importantly, because i can't stop empathizing unless you're directly hurting me. and even then.

i can't be wrathful. i may growl (*growl*!), but it's not like i would ever bite. the meek shall inherit the earth, they say in that one religion. i think it's because they will hide when all the other people kill each other.
~~

i can't decide if it's actually therapeutic to look at things i once wrote, that seem elegant. it seems, often, as if i can say nothing right, and obviously i obsess over it. of course, if you're both understood and not, is that not the fate of all? i always tell myself this-- but, you're just like them, i say.
    i think the concept of this being public-- of my writing having to make sense-- rather flusters me. the idea of being inarticulate is like nothing else. it leaves me naked in a weird way. most people would take their friends, their job, their "accomplishments" as a measure of them. and so often it seems like all that seems worthwhile in me is my tenuous grasp on some sort of magic, where i can bridge the gap between me and them, with words. sometimes with pictures, but not really. my art is all about me-- was always just about me. it is so underdeveloped. like, i think there comes a time in one's growth as an artist, where you make the choice to attempt to reflect something other than yourself.

it's a sort of readiness. you take the leap to where you are no longer in control, and people can spin anything out of you. somewhere in there, in the most over-hyped public figure, behind the most incomprehensible face, lies your own reflection, waiting for you. and yes, in fact, i know how cheesy and stupid that sounds. sigh.
~~

omg, alicey drew my favorite snape picture ever, everevereverever..!..! >:O

old-and-scary!snape~! *diesdiesdies*

HE IS SO CARDINAL RICHELIEU!! aaack!
FINALLY, A SNAPE I WANT TO SEE NAKED!! >:o!!
    i mean, obviously, this is a snape i wouldn't mind seeing naked either, but he seems too good to be true. i mean, yummy, but -too- yummy. like, okay, i dig pirate!snape (i mean. earring. grouchiness. wands & potions & SWORDS!!), but that doesn't mean i -believe- in pirate!snape. *sigh* sadly.

and omg, madam pince!!! they are so meant-to-be! aaaaack. *dies again*

and a ron i actually consider sexy and yet ron-like! gaaar. although. isn't he kind of... more dry-humored and confident in that pic than usual? i dunno, but i lurve him, in that pic anyway -.-;;

in other news, i am

hackthis' latest fic's bitch. awww yeah. *struts* that good.
but. silvia's ron/hermione rather scares me. and. i mean. it just takes a few words-- a couple of sentences-- and the whole world -clicks-. and that's just -massive-, man. -massive-.